A/N: Yay for another story! Sorry I haven't posted. I have lots of started stories, but none of them finished. Ducks away from rotten fruit thrown by readers. Okay, on with the chapter!
Dear Dad…about this war…
"Captain Pierce!" A shrill voice shattered the peace in the Swamp as a certain ruffled major came bursting into the tent the doctors shared. The man in question sighed and turned from his dad's latest letter to deal with the irate major. "Frank, unless you want your Bible glued together, I'd suggest that you turn down the shrillness of your voice. One would think that a woman would accompany your shriek." He smirked at Frank as he opened and closed his mouth. "And I'd stay away from water, Ferret face. Cuz right now, you resemble 'fish face.'"
"Oh, go fish!" With that, Frank stormed out of the tent, whining to Margaret.
Hawkeye rolled his eyes and continued reading his letter. As usual, his dad updated him on all the latest happenings in Crabapple Cove. With a smile, he folded the letter and placed it on the chest beside his bed. Grabbing his notebook, he leaned back, contemplating what to write.
"Dear Dad." Not a bad start, he thought with a chuckle. He shook his head and continued. "How goes life in Maine? Life here just goes, or in some cases, flies by without a glance. Or just has flies. At any rate, right now we are in a lull. No patients coming in or out. The last patient we had was the farmer down the road's sick cow, and that was three days ago." He was interrupted by another noise outside the Swamp. With a frown, he went to investigate. He was greeted by who he thought was a mummy, but knew in fact that it was Klinger.
"Oooohh!" Mummy Klinger moaned, while stumbling around like a zombie. "Oooooohh! Where am I? Where is King Tut? I must serve his dinner!" The corporal was covered with toilet paper. Hawkeye put on a serious face. "Excuse me, Mr. Mummy. King Tut is dead, and has been dead for a number of centuries now. Might I help you find a new King to serve, perhaps a certain Colonel Potter? I hear that he is a really great ruler." Mummy Klinger seemed to ponder this then moaned to the amused Captain. "Take me to your leader!" He proclaimed, following Hawk to the Colonel's office.
Just as the pair entered Radar's office, Radar came bursting in. "Klinger! You used up 10 rolls of our toilet paper! Now I'm gonna hafta requisition more!" The ruffled company clerk glared at Hawkeye as a burst of laughter exploded from him, and sat heavily in his seat to make the call. "Go figure! The time Klinger decides that using toilet paper for his Section 8 attempts is the time the Army decides that we don't need enough toilet paper!"
Hawkeye was leaning against the wall for support as he gasped for breath. "C'mon, Klinger. Let's go find Pharaoh Potter!" The pair walked into Potter's office. The colonel was sitting at his desk, bent over a stack of papers. Hawkeye knocked on the desk. "Excuse me, your royal Pharaohness, but it appears that you are missing a mummy." Klinger pushed ahead of Hawkeye. "Oh great Pharaoh!" He knelt and bowed low to the ground. "My tomb is a wreck. Grave robbers, sire! My family, I must go to them, make sure that they are alright." Potter rolled his eyes and gave Hawkeye the stare that said 'and you brought him in here why?' Hawkeye just grinned and mouthed. He's yours! Take him away from me! With another grin, he walked out of the office, hearing Potter's response to Klinger. "Horse Hockey! Get back to work, corporal!" With a chuckle, Hawkeye walked back to the Swamp.
"That was Klinger, Dad. You should see some of his attempts to get out of the army. Why, just today he…" With a laugh, the son began to write about Klinger's exploits. He was just starting page two when a shriek sounded. Jumping up and running out of the tent, he looked out just in time to see Frank fleeing from a fuming Margaret who was yelling and throwing his boots at the fleeing major. "Get away from me, you creep! You lipless wonder!"
Hawkeye was joined by BJ who was laughing hysterically. "Can you believe those two?" BJ asked, laughing again when he heard Frank whine "But honey bear…!" before shrieking again and diving into the swamp. "Never a boring day, is there Beej?" The man in question shook his head. "Nope, never Hawk." The two swamp rats walked back into the swamp and sat down on their respective bunks. "So, what did you do this time, Frank?" Hawkeye grinned at the angry major. "None of your beeswax!" Frank stormed out of the tent, this time in the direction of the mess tent.
Hawk picked up his letter to his dad again. "Have I told you about Frank yet, Dad? Boy oh boy, does he provide some entertainment for us!"
To be continued…eventually…when I have time…but it will be updated!