AN: My first Casualty fanfic, probably my last. Might continue this, I have a second chapter written, so, let me know if you want more.
Any questions and queries, PM me. please review, even to tell me that this is the worst thing you have ever read. and I'm sorry it's so short.

Fool in the Rain

Chapter 1

You swore that you'd never leave me, baby: what ever happened to you?

Slowly he opened his eyes, blinking in the near darkness of the office. There was a brief twenty seconds when he awoke there, lying on the small cramped couch in the corner. A brief twenty seconds in which he, Nick Jordan awoke a different man. For just twenty seconds, the last 10,000 seconds hadn't happened. He was still a man with a beautiful wife to be, they were happy enjoying life with their 8 month old son. She was not dead, their child not motherless and his heart was not broken. It was a short lived fantasy, and when Nick Jordan, the fearless surgeon, surfaced back to reality, he struggled to breath.

With great gasping breaths he fought as his lungs burned.
It wasn't a medical condition, no, this wasn't something that could be solved by medicine, only time could heal it, the great wound in his heart. He lost that part when his car collided with another nearly 3 hours ago.

The numbing warmth of sleep still clung to his body, taunting him back to sleep. Sat up on the sofa with a blanket over him, he was about to close his eyes again when the door to the office swung open. It was Zoe Hanna, an old friend. She stood silhouette in the doorway.

"I didn't wake you, did I?" she said as she turned to close the door. Nick shook his head.
"Just nodding really" said Nick "Are you checking up on me?"
Zoe chewed at her lip before sitting on the desk facing Nick.

"Charlie told me not to come in here" shrugged Zoe "I snuck in anyway"
The slightest hint of a smile tugged at his lips, he'd really missed Zoe, more than he dared to admit.

"You haven't changed much Dr. Hanna" said Nick, as he swung his legs over the side of the sofa. "Neither have you, Mr. Jordan" she said, Dr. Hanna had missed him too, Nick could sense it her voice. Nick yawned, and rubbed at his bloodshot eyes, he looked exhausted. "Go back to sleep Nick" she said after a few minutes of watching him stare at the fake plastic plant in the corner, his eyes unmoving.

"Time is it?" asked Nick, snapping from his trance. He pulled at the blue blanket that Charlie had put over him, folding it neatly.
"Just after 5"
Nick stood, knees creaking slightly as he did so, he moved to the corner of the room, where his bag was.
"I should go and feed Kai" he said, his back turned to Zoe as he rummaged through the bag looking for his son's food "bet he's hungry"
"Oh, Charlie already fed him" Said Zoe as she watched the man in front of her "little fella's snoring in the staff room" she watched as his actions stilled, his arms falling limp at his sides. She stood from the desk "Nick?"

"Hmmm?" he turned slowly, meeting her eyes. His defensives slowly weakening as he tried to keep the tears from falling.
"Come here" whispered Zoe, holding out her hand. He took it. She held him tight to her chest as he sobbed, tears sliding down his face. As he cried for a woman she didn't know, a woman she couldn't save.
"I should never have come back Holby" said Nick in between sobs "Stupid Idea" he cried, with his head rested in her neck.
"Nick you can't blame yourself" she soothed, rubbing small circles on his back. She fought back tears of her as the Déjà-Vu crept over her; she remembered Yvonne. Her heart was breaking at the sounds of his sobs, it was a sound she never wanted to hear again, but here they were.
Again.

"I was the one who insisted she drove" said nick, through another watery sob. Zoe pulled back, looking at Nick's face.
"Then you would be the one in the morgue" she said, swiping a tear from his cheek, Trying to make her feel better. His eyes fell to the floor, taking a deep shaky breath.
"Maybe that would have been better" they cried some more because they both knew it was true.

"Mamma!" shrieked the child, his little brown eyes watery with tears. He'd just woken up, disorientated and alone in the Staffroom. Charlie Fairhead heard him almost immediately, quickly scrambling in to the little boy he'd left sleeping on the couch.
"Now, now, little man" hushed Charlie Fairhead, picking up the 8 month old. He was light in his arms, lighter than he expected. Kai Jordan cried some more, kicking his tiny legs and flailing his chubby arms, desperately wailing for his mother.

"I know, I know" soothed Charlie as he started rocking the boy on his hip. The senior nurse was an old hand at this, an expert at baby wrangling. Reaching over to the sink for the Childs bottle he filled it with milk and he gave the bottle to the baby. Kai's cries calmed to little whimpers, before they stopped altogether and he went heavy in his arms. Charlie smiled as he looked down at the child in his arms. He was a good image of his father with brown eyes and brown hair, hair that was just a fluffy mess on top of his head. The rest he must have gotten from his mother.
Charlie ventured out into the E.D, carefully closing the door behind him. Kai jerked quickly, and Charlie feared for a second that he'd woke him up, but he relaxed again, snoring softly.

"Connie?" he asked the woman who stood in front of him, Connie Beauchamp wore a strange expression on her face, a flustered expression.
"Do you know where Mr Jordan is?" she asked him, fiddling with papers in her hands.
"He's in the office" said Charlie, nudging an elbow in the direction of Connie and Zoe's office "I'm taking Jordan Jr here with me"
Connie looked down at the sleeping child, brushing a hand through his fluffy hair.
"Do you want me to take him?" she offered. Charlie saw no harm in it and carefully passed Kaj over.
With Kai settled on her shoulder she walked the short distance to her shared office, but stopped when Zoe appeared in front of her. She took in her colleagues red eyes and streaked mascara, standing there a little shocked.

"Zoe?" she asked, concerned at her appearance. Zoe ran her hand over her face before she spoke
"he's just in a bit of a state" Zoe looked at the sleeping boy "Little man might cheer him up" she said before walking off.
Connie knocked on the door before entering the office.

Nick wiped the tears off his face with, his eye still red from the crying. The door opened, he expected it to be Zoe, but there in the door way stood Connie.
"Someone wants to see you" said Connie walking up to nick. Nick took him from her shoulder quickly snuggling the lump into his chest.

"Hey little man" he whispered, kissing him on the head. Kai's little hands clung onto the shirt that Nick was wearing. Something sticky touched his hand
"look at the state of you" said nick, as he looked down to see Kai's t-shirt covered in chocolate. Connie looked around for some wipes passing them to Nick.
"I think Charlie bribed him with chocolate"
He wiped the offending mess off best he could, softly cursing under his breath. Connie smiled, she hadn't seen Nick Jordan in so long, and seeing him here, as a father was rather amusing.
"His mamma is going to go..." he slowly realised what he was about to say, how much it hurt to say it, he stumbled on the words. He looked at Connie with a strange look in his eyes. Connie turned to leave, feeling she'd overstayed her welcome.
"No, no, Connie" he said, reaching out with his free hand "Stay please"

A desperate plea from the man with the broken heart.