Hogwarts, the exceptional elite school of witchcraft and wizardry may seem as such a divine and heroic academy, however, they've got something else up their sleeves.

Everyone knows Snape, Severus of course, but what they may not know, is his little hot sweats when he sees some 'delicious' students of his. Obviously there is only one way to keep track of such appetizing pupils, a diary.

On one hot summer day in the beginning of a new Hogwarts school year, Snape was filling out his diary of the highlight of his day.

The class bell rang and he began his lesson of potions.

Snape, however, was feeling a bit light headed from all the fumes of different potions so he decided to turn in early.

Once the bell rang, Snape hobbled his way out of the classroom to relax with a nice semi-warm cup of freshly brewed artificial instant-coffee.

On his way out of the classroom he caught a glimpse of a playboy magazine in witches addition. Looking both ways for precautions, Severus hurriedly bent down to seize the provocative magazine.

"Professor Snape?"

Severus slowly yet ever so guiltily raised his head with even more sickness in his mind.

"Ahem, uh...Mister HotMcMuffin, would you like something?"Snape questioned as he tucked his Playboy in his bag.

"What the...'HotMcMuffin?'"

uh oh, I called him by the nickname i gave him in my diary when i was drawing nudes of students...

"Mister HotMcMuffin, you have detention for snooping on me. My classroom at 5 o'clock sharp."

i called him HotMcMuffin again didn't i...damn whatever...

5:00

"I see you've shown up Mister HotMcMuffin."

I need to stop calling him that...

"HotMcMuffin...So what is my punishment for doing nothing wrong, Professor Snape?" said the boy who we have no idea what his name is besides HotMcMuffiin.

"I will not accept this kind of behavior, Mister HotMcMuffin!"

Oh screw it, his buns are as nice as a McMuffin...

"Hm I'll let you off easy. Come here now." Snape ordered as he held out his left fingers in a pinching form.

"Wha-what are you doing, Professor!?"

"JUST COME HERE." Severus scolded with a look of passionate craze. "JUST LET ME SQUEEZE IT!"

"PROFESSOR, YOU'VE GONE MAD"

"LET ME SQUEEZE THAT BEAUTIFUL CHOCOLATE CHIP YOU CALL A NIPPLE."

"PROFESSOR!"

HotMcMuffin made a run for it grabbing a broom.

"COME BACK HERE. I JUST WANT TO FEEL IT. CAN I AT LEAST LICK IT?"

Severus dove for HotMcMuffin with lightning speed but all he could grab was HotMcMuffin's

warm, toasty buns.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"OH MY GOODNESS. I WANT TO MAKE THESE BUNS INTO A SANDWICH!" Severus exclaimed.

"YOU'RE CRAZY!"

That's all to say for this tale. Just a regular Hogwarts day. As for Mister HotMcMuffin? Well he was brutally molested by Snape, but on the bright side, for a quarter of a second MisterMcMuffin felt...a pleasure, however don't get mistaken. That pleasure was simply the quarter of a second where Snape simply took a break. Oh Severus. He can only dream of course.