THE FINAL BLOW

Sakura dashed off out of the house. She brushed away her tears and increased her pace. Her head throbs in pain that she wants to just go back to bed. But the pain she feels in her heart is much more unbearable, so she has to go away as fast as possible.

Although the dawn is still breaking, she passed many people in town – acquaintances and friends. She just forced a smile and as much as possible avoided a conversation. Somehow, they didn't notice that something's wrong.

The day before…

Sakura was given the day off from the hospital by Tsunade. So she planned to surprise Kakashi by cleaning the house and in the process, even doing the laundry which is her most detested chore. She was inside the laundry room, found Kakashi's dirty clothes and grabbed one of his pants to wash, when something fell out of its pocket. She examined it and found the engraved letter "R" so familiar. Then it dawned on her. There could be no mistake; it is the key to the "off-limits" room in their apartment! She knew it since she saw it once in Kakashi's hands when he was once about to enter that room. The inner Sakura yelled, "Cha! This must be my lucky day!"

Ever since Sakura moved in with Kakashi in his apartment, she found that room intriguing. It was always locked, and whenever he is at home, he would hang out there for hours. So curiosity burns inside her. She needs to get inside, and see for herself the "mystery of the secret room".

However, she realized that once Kakashi finds out that she sneaked inside, he would probably throw her out of their apartment. In fact, she almost always planned to break in, but her conscience would always keep her from materializing the plan. But this time, she's really determined to enter the room, no matter what. And nothing can stop her from doing it. The key even practically landed on her fingers!

She advanced towards the door of the forbidden room, put the key inside the keyhole and gently turned the knob. This is it… Her mind is racing and her hands and her knees are shaking.

Then the door finally opened and it revealed to her…

Nothing special.

She sighed, clearly disappointed. What is Kakashi doing here all the time?

There's just a bed and a plain curtain. And millions of boxes.

She decided to inspect those. Surely Kakashi won't stay there just to sleep or meditate, right? There could be something inside the boxes…

She opened the one closest to her. It contained some papers. At one glance, you would suppose that those papers were dated about 20 years ago. Could they be letters?

She picked one and opened it. Her heart is beating wildly.

After about two hours, Sakura got out of the room, heartbroken and devastated.

Sakura got out of the room and mindlessly wandered across the apartment. She then decided to go to their room and sleep it all off. She felt like her mind was so exhausted and her brain will explode any minute.

She threw herself on their shared bed and closed her eyes. Tears finally started falling down. Her heart hurts so much and she wants to shout. Or even better, punch the life out of Kakashi.

He's not over her yet… Why am I so stupid? Why didn't I even notice it? Why didn't I know before that he was and is still in love with Rin?

She didn't know that Rin had a special place in his heart. He never talked of Rin aside from her being a former teammate and that she passed away many years before. She thought that Rin was just a dear friend like Obito that he grieved for his teammates' loss.

But when she read those letters from Rin, she knew that Rin had a thing for him when they were just 13. In those letters, she professed her love for Kakashi. However, she just laughed it off. Rin is dead. She's not a threat anymore. She's just a memory. And perhaps, she's just like me once, when I was still crazy over Sasuke and he didn't even look at me. And based on her letters to him, she could tell that Rin knew and accepted the fact that Kakashi could never even love her.

She looked at the other boxes, and she saw some pictures of them – pictures of Rin… staring up at the sky, smiling, making faces, doing random things. She then looked at the other boxes. All those boxes have Rin's memories in them. For her, it was never the "secret room" anymore. It now dawned on her that it was the room where Kakashi relieves the memories of Rin.

The stuffs in that room have "Rin" written all over them. But then, she rationalized and thought that maybe Kakashi felt guilty that he did not return her feelings even before she died. She will be guilty too if she was in his position. So, probably to ease his guilt, he visits Rin's things in that room from time to time.

But she cannot deceive herself anymore when she chanced upon some papers which were no doubt written by Kakashi himself. She recognized the handwriting. And she will never forget what he said in one of the entries:

I still can't forget you. Why is it that every time I look at Sakura, I see your face? When I first met her 12 years ago, I saw you in her. There is this strong resemblance that I really can't ignore. You have the same personality… And it hurts because whenever I look at her, I see you… your smiles, your laughs. The way she gets angry at Naruto for being so clumsy, just like how you always get annoyed at Obito. And whenever I see her cry because of Sasuke, my heart aches because the memory of you crying because of me came back. I desperately wanted to protect her all the time. If I lay down my life saving her, it would be like saving you, which I regrettably failed to do many years ago. So that is why I held her close in my heart. She was like a replica of you…

She was like a replica of you… The words echoed in her head. She didn't finish reading it. Her heart hurts so much. It's like being punched by 10,000 angry Sakuras. And that really hurts.

His words sting and she remembered his every word. So, that was why he was so nice to me before… That's why whenever he talks to me, he would smile and his eyes would always crinkle, and he would always speak so kindly to me. When he professed his love for me and said that "I'll never let you go again…" he was thinking of Rin and not me… He always saved me whenever I got into trouble, even risking his life. How many missions did I see him protect me and he would always end up in the hospital? So he was doing it not for me… not because he loves me, but because he sees Rin in me… And since he can't save her, he wants to save and keep me instead… For him, I'm not Sakura, but instead Rin's replica…

Everything came back to her. All the signs that she didn't notice before. She remembered that it was not only once that his tongue accidentally slipped and he called her "Rin". But she just brushed it off because she understood how much he grieved because of both his teammates' loss. She would also mourn if ever her teammates get killed. So she didn't really dwell on the issue. It was not even an issue.

It hurts more whenever she thinks of it. Why didn't she see the signs before? Now, it's too late. She's madly in love with him. But she can't have him. His heart belongs to Rin. He is just within her reach, but no matter how far she stretched, she just can't hold him.

Sakura wanted to curse herself for feeling so stupid. She's even angrier with him for not respecting her feelings. I have feelings too! We are not in a play and I am not an actor who takes the role of Rin. Why does he have to see me like that? I'm so stupid for thinking that he loves me as myself, as Sakura…

"Sakura, I'm home…. What's wrong with you? Are you sick?" The voice she used to love hearing now tears her heart to pieces. And she dreads hearing it again, because she knows his voice stirs up mixed emotions within her.

Sakura wanted to punch him and run away… run out of his life forever. But she is still too tired to stand, too exhausted to move. She also can't force her lips to part and her vocal chords to cooperate. She's too tired to do anything.

Kakashi sat beside her and felt her forehead and neck. She still didn't move. Perhaps he thought that she was already sleeping and would leave her alone.

"Alright. Sleep tight." He kissed her forehead and gently wrapped her with a blanket.

After about an hour, although Sakura's mind is still fogged from the cruel discovery, she was still able to concoct a plan.

She stood up and looked for Kakashi. She found him in the living room, lying on the sofa.

"Kakashi…"

She gently whispered in his ear.

Before Kakashi fully opened his eyes, her lips claimed his lips. Kakashi responded and after a few minutes, they were making out on the floor, with Kakashi on top of her.

They did it on the floor, and before Kakashi collapsed on top of her, she heard him whisper something which served as the final blow. "Thank you… Rin…"

She feels like her heart has been torn and was broken into pieces, and while she was still trying to entertain a glimpse of hope and started to glue them together, Kakashi stepped on it to make sure that it wouldn't be fixed anymore.

That's what it is. Their relationship wouldn't be fixed anymore…

After contemplating on writing a KakaSaku fanfic for some time, it's finally here! shriek!

Forgive me if the story is full of angst, I just can't help writing angsty stories. It's like a vice... hehe...

Please, those who read this, please review. Although you didn't like it, please say anything... Just anything for the betterment/improvement of this story... Your feedback really matters, guys! And I promise I won't ignore you!

I dedicate this story to cutecrazyice and everyone who likes KakaSaku, InoShika and NejiTen (although the two other couples don't appear in this story)...

Please enjoy reading... and please review! Thanks!