CHAPTER ONE: INVASION!! GAY SALAMANDER! AMAZINGLY PRETTY MAN!
It was a bright shiny day in the land of DragonBall Z. The birds where chirping and the deer's were frolicking, much to the disgust of the Prince of the Sayajins, who was sitting sprawled out on his porch with a nice, big, ice cold glass of lemonade.
He yawned, looked towards the camera, and discretely poured the remaining bit of liquid to a puddle at his feet.
Why?
That, remains a mystery. Or, you could just say Princes don't like to be accused of doing anything that would fall under the category of being; Un- Prince-like. Which would range from drinking lemonade, watching teletubbies, or organising Tiddly-Wink re-matches.
Anyhoo, it was just like any normal day for the Briefs family, or should I say the family with no last name...and the Son family.
Nothing could have gone wrong. It was to damned sunny. There were to many birds chirping, to many children watching Disney films inside the capsule house....
"WOMAN!!" Vegeta shattered the tranquillity.
A few moments later Bulma stepped out in a huff. "You bellowed?"
"Damn straight. Get me a beer."
She screwed up her face. "Give me one reason why I should..."
Vegeta rolled his eyes skywards. "Listen Woman. We're on national television. Be a good girl and get me a on now, it won't be that hard. Chop chop!"
Bulma debated hitting her husband with a blunt object and returning to her household chores, but thought of the outcome and quickly decided to succumb to his needs.
"Don't grind your teeth like that, woman. It's not becoming for you."
"AUGH!!"
Vegeta sat back into his patented 'Comfy Chair' and gave a long, leisurely sigh.
It was then that the horror began. It's almost too horrible for me to repeat....
Thunder rumbled, lightning crashed, and the sun promptly left the sky to be replaced by a dark rain cloud...or was it a huge international space ship?
"..." Was Vegeta's instantaneous reply.
And slowly, it began it's descent on the planet Earth. And even more slowly, perhaps to draw out dramatic emphasis, the hatchway slid open, and there stood something no sane person would ever hope to see.
Lord Freiza in french undies.
He took a gander around, folded his arms, and spotted the Capsule House. And then he spotted Vegeta, who was repeatedly pinching his left arm in a desperate manner while at the same time averting his eyes.
Just as slowly as he had stepped into the light, he was joined by his right hand, The amazingly pretty man. Who was, as I described, amazingly pretty. He was also refereed to as; He who wears the Acorn bindi of almost certain death™.
And he was standing on one leg, like he so often liked to do. Looking much like a flamingo.
Vegeta stared. He stared some more. And then, although it was quite uncalled for, he leaned over his rocking chair and took the moment to politely vomit off to the side.
Vegeta: Wouldn't you do the same thing?
Sore wa himitsu desu!
Vegeta: I don't know why I try....
"All hail Lord Freiza." Zarbon, the amazingly pretty man, called out to all who cared to hear in a monotone voice after being elbowed in the side.
Vegeta regained some senses and stood up, now joined on each side by Chibi Trunks and Goten.
"Tousan! Who is that?" Trunks asked, not sure if he wanted to know entirely. Goten was standing and rubbing his eyes. We begin to wonder if he is doing so because of the sunlight or for other reasons...
"Don't look brat!" Vegeta hissed, then stepped closer to the ship.
"You're dead." He called up.
Zarbon looked bored. He flipped his braid over one shoulder and flashed a cocky grin. "I am also amazingly pretty."
"I fail to see your point. Why and how the hell are you here?"
(A tall, gawky looking blonde with horn-rimmed glasses and freckles who was at this point, hunched over a keyboard, looked up and giggled. As if that explained everything. His nametag read; Brian. Funimation© VP)
"Funimation© sent us." The amazingly pretty man said. "They want revenge on all who dislike their company. To quote; There shall be Hell to pay, and what a mighty hell it shall be' end quote."
Vegeta looked thoroughly disgusted. "And this is their almighty hell? Beautiful men and a giant salamander in French underwear?"
A silence reigned.
"That is correct, my fuzzy petunia." Spoke Freiza, who hadn't said much since he'd arrived. "It's been a while since I've had the glory to gaze upon your sweet, spandex clad body. What a horrible few years they were..."
Vegeta's left eyebrow began twitching.
Freiza was stepping into his Harley Davidson Wheelchair of almost certain annihilation ©. "You don't know how long I've waited to see you."
Vegeta resented being called; A fuzzy Petunia. He also resented the fact that a giant male Salamander in French Underwear was attracted to him...
Freiza slowly floated to the ground, adjusting his Viking helmet. "And who would these little boys be?" He licked his lips, eyes growing wide.
Trunks cringed and Goten took cover behind Vegita's leg.
Vegeta didn't say anything. He only reached his hand out, which was slowly starting to glow.
"Now now. Let's not fight, Vegeta. We do come in peace, you know." He held up his hands to show he was unarmed. A Latex® condom slipped from a presumed secret compartment under his armpit and plopped to the ground.
Freiza giggled nervously and stole a glance to Vegeta, who had his 'I'm- going-to-brutally-disembowel- you-now' face on in all its glory. You know the one, bloodshot eyes, bulging veins on forehead, snarling quivering lips, dilated pupils.
"You're so cute when you're angry."
"And you're so cute when your limbs are scattered halfway across the globe!!" Vegeta screamed, sending a ki blast straight for Freizas head.
There was an unearthly scream as Freiza was propelled backwards. Vegeta pulled his trademark smirk and folded his arms, watching the dust settle.
"Damned lizard."
"Papa?" Trunks called cautiously. "Is it gone?"
Vegeta looked down to his son, nodded once and gave a snort. "Of course he's gone. I blew his head clear off."
"Umm...."
Vegeta shot an annoyed glare at Goten. "What, boy?"
"L-Look!"
He did. There was Freiza, getting up from the ground with a sigh. He brushed himself off, straightened, and grinned to Vegeta.
"I love it when you get coy!"
As was expected, Vegeta looked both horrified and insanely angered. Both Goten and Trunks noticed this and took it as a sign to make a quick and hasty exit.
"BAKAYARO!!" Vegeta screamed. "How dare you mock me!!"
Freiza walked over to him and slung an arm around his shoulders. "Listen, My fuzzy Petunia. You cannot escape my wrath...err, my attentions. You see, I exist now only to fulfil your greatest sexual fantasies...I'm a gift from Heaven."
Vegeta was quivering as he began to fully understand the urgency of the situation. "W-what do you mean? I have Bulma for my sexual fantasies, you freak!"
Freiza made a pouting expression. "Why do you resist me? I live only but to serve you, petunia. Shouldn't this make you happy?"
Vegeta threw him off and fired another Ki blast at his head. When the debris settled, and he was done panting, he gasped only to feel Freiza right by his side again.
"That was point blank! You couldn't have escaped that!!"
Another sigh. "Your futile attempts are useless against my charms." Freiza replied simply, running a finger down Vegetas chest. He looked up and grinned. "What say you invite me in for a while...we could...talk..."
Vegeta stalked into the house and ran into Bulma, who was carrying his Budwieser.
"Talk my ass."
This seemed to excite Freiza. "Yes! We could indulge in a conversation about your ass! How fascinating that would be!"
Upon seeing Freiza, Bulma dropped the beer and screamed. "WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE!!??"
Freiza gave her a grin. "Pleased to meet your acquaintance. Where did you get that dress?"
Bulma recovered somewhat at the mention of a compliment. "Err, you're not here to kill anybody, are you?"
Freiza put a hand to his forehead in mock-distress. "Gasp! Me, harm anybody from your wonderful family? What kind of a heartless creature do you think I am?"
A heavy silence followed. Vegeta tugged on Bulmas arm, dragging her into the kitchen. "He'll be here for a while...better get used to it..."
Freiza followed, motioning to the amazingly pretty man, who flipped his braid once more and gave pursuit.
Upon entering the kitchen, Freiza gasped once more. "Those curtains!! They match so well with the cupboards, don't you agree Zarbon!?"
A grunt.
"And this china set! How adorable!! You must tell me where you shop, Bulma!"
Bulma stood in awe, watching as the giant pink lizard wandered around her kitchen, poking and gasping at everything within breathing distance, and yet tried hard to ignore what he seemed to be wearing.
"Well..." she started, loosening up a bit, "You don't seem that bad of a person."
Freiza looked up and blinked. "Why, who told you I was?"
She nervously began twiddling her thumbs. "Oh, in case you don't remember, you tried to kill us all years ago."
Freiza looked appalled. "My goodness!! How thoughtless of me!"
"Yeah. Fifty lashes with the wet noodle." Vegeta mumbled sarcastically from his corner of depravity.
"Ooh!! You promise?" Freiza giggled.
Vegeta paled.
"So, um, why are you here, exactly?" Bulma asked when the awkward moment had passed.
Freiza took a breath. "I am here to only serve my master."
"Your master?"
The amazingly pretty man, who hadn't said anything much either, decided to give his input.
"Vegetable head."
Freiza gave him a silencing glare. "Quiet, you."
Bulma looked remotely uncomfortable. "You...you...have a thing for my husband...?"
Freiza nodded, walking past her towards the living room. "I was brought back to life in order to fulfil a sexual fantasy in Vegeta's life that he's been missing lately."
Bulma got defensive. "I serve well enough in that compartment!"
Freiza ignored her. "I'm like those...those...oh, hell. What do you call them, Zarbon?"
The amazingly pretty man looked oblivious. "Uhh....??"
"You know! The little bugs!"
"Aphids?"
"Right!" Freiza exclaimed. "See, I'm like an aphid. You hate me because I'm here for a reason that you don't approve of, and I'm an pain in the ass to get rid of."
Vegeta perked up at this. "You won't be here forever!?"
"Goodness no." Freiza looked sad. "I'm also like an Angel. I come to complete my job and then I must return."
"Pffth." Vegeta scoffed. "Angel. That's a friggin' god one."
"You don't approve of my being here?"
Vegeta gave him 'a look' and Freiza took it the wrong way.
"Don't. Touch. Me."
"Ooh! I like 'em feisty!"
Bulma, for lack of anything better to do, dove between the offending Salamander and her husband. "That's enough!! If you have to be gay, don't be doing it in my house, thank you!"
Vegeta snarled. "He won't be doing anything gay that involves me any ways, woman!!"
Freiza gave another one of his sad puppy face looks at Bulma as she yanked him off Vegeta. "If you're going to act like that than leave!"
"Sorry. Can't."
"ARGH!!"
The brief fight was interrupted as Trunks walked into the room, followed by Goten, Goku, Chi-Chi, Piccolo, and Krillin.
Everyone stared. There was a huge silence.
"See!" Goten tugged on his father's arm. "There he is."
Freiza clapped his hands and turned to face the group. "Well! If it isn't Goku! And...you guys..." he motioned to Krillin and Piccolo, who stood open mouthed.
"..."
"Cat got your tongue?" Freiza implored.
(And here is a nifty plot device that lets Freiza explain the whole ugly mess to the others so I don't have to! Ta daaa!!)
Krillin sat down, uncomfortable, on one of the couches in the living room. "Let me get this straight...you're here to...pleasure...Vegeta?"
Freiza nodded. "It's what I live for."
Krillin nodded. "Um."
"No hard feelings that I killed you, right?"
He looked up, with an utterly savage expression. And when Krillin looks savage, people laugh. "Sure."
Vegeta tried in vain to sink even lower into his recliner that anybody could have thought possible. "I have nothing to do with this...nothing, nothing...bakas."
Goku took the moment to insert one of his infamous stupid remarks about the situation. "Sure you are, Vegeta! You're the main love interest!"
Vegeta scowled. The man was insufferable. "Shut up, Kakarott. I didn't speak to you. Therefore there was no reason for you to say anything at all."
Goku smiled any ways. "Okay!"
Bulma clapped her hands together in a manner that suggested the end of the conversation. "Alright, it's getting late. Why don't we all retire for the night?"
Everyone started to get up. Freiza giggled again. "Night time activities! Oh, joy of joys!"
Vegeta visibly whimpered and inched closer to his wife.
"No, Freiza. You have to sleep outside."
He calmly placed his hand over Bulmas and pushed her away. "No, that isn't acceptable."
Bulma put her hands on her hips and shot him the ice-melting glare that could rival Vegetas. Even the toughest of men were known to cower in its presence, and giant male Salamanders were no exception. "Does that not compute!!??" she screamed into his face.
Freiza paused. "O-okay. Outside it is." He slowly inched away backwards, taking the amazingly pretty man from the corner by the arm, and towards the back door. "But..." he paused to reach for the doorknob, "Just wait!! Just wait till you've left him unguarded!!" he finished with a scream and a burst of maniacal laughter. The door slammed. Silence followed. Then, the door quietly opened, and a pink hand reached in ever so carefully and plucked the rose coloured 'Thanks for being you' doormat from it's place and sucked it outside. The door closed once more. "Ooh...pretty."
Bulma gave her husband a sympathetic look. "You know, I'm hoping this is all just some horrible dream, Vegeta."
"YOU are?" he snorted, pulling her upstairs and into their bedroom. "Have you the slightest idea what this means to my sex life?"
Bulma said nothing, and turned off the lights.
It was a bright shiny day in the land of DragonBall Z. The birds where chirping and the deer's were frolicking, much to the disgust of the Prince of the Sayajins, who was sitting sprawled out on his porch with a nice, big, ice cold glass of lemonade.
He yawned, looked towards the camera, and discretely poured the remaining bit of liquid to a puddle at his feet.
Why?
That, remains a mystery. Or, you could just say Princes don't like to be accused of doing anything that would fall under the category of being; Un- Prince-like. Which would range from drinking lemonade, watching teletubbies, or organising Tiddly-Wink re-matches.
Anyhoo, it was just like any normal day for the Briefs family, or should I say the family with no last name...and the Son family.
Nothing could have gone wrong. It was to damned sunny. There were to many birds chirping, to many children watching Disney films inside the capsule house....
"WOMAN!!" Vegeta shattered the tranquillity.
A few moments later Bulma stepped out in a huff. "You bellowed?"
"Damn straight. Get me a beer."
She screwed up her face. "Give me one reason why I should..."
Vegeta rolled his eyes skywards. "Listen Woman. We're on national television. Be a good girl and get me a on now, it won't be that hard. Chop chop!"
Bulma debated hitting her husband with a blunt object and returning to her household chores, but thought of the outcome and quickly decided to succumb to his needs.
"Don't grind your teeth like that, woman. It's not becoming for you."
"AUGH!!"
Vegeta sat back into his patented 'Comfy Chair' and gave a long, leisurely sigh.
It was then that the horror began. It's almost too horrible for me to repeat....
Thunder rumbled, lightning crashed, and the sun promptly left the sky to be replaced by a dark rain cloud...or was it a huge international space ship?
"..." Was Vegeta's instantaneous reply.
And slowly, it began it's descent on the planet Earth. And even more slowly, perhaps to draw out dramatic emphasis, the hatchway slid open, and there stood something no sane person would ever hope to see.
Lord Freiza in french undies.
He took a gander around, folded his arms, and spotted the Capsule House. And then he spotted Vegeta, who was repeatedly pinching his left arm in a desperate manner while at the same time averting his eyes.
Just as slowly as he had stepped into the light, he was joined by his right hand, The amazingly pretty man. Who was, as I described, amazingly pretty. He was also refereed to as; He who wears the Acorn bindi of almost certain death™.
And he was standing on one leg, like he so often liked to do. Looking much like a flamingo.
Vegeta stared. He stared some more. And then, although it was quite uncalled for, he leaned over his rocking chair and took the moment to politely vomit off to the side.
Vegeta: Wouldn't you do the same thing?
Sore wa himitsu desu!
Vegeta: I don't know why I try....
"All hail Lord Freiza." Zarbon, the amazingly pretty man, called out to all who cared to hear in a monotone voice after being elbowed in the side.
Vegeta regained some senses and stood up, now joined on each side by Chibi Trunks and Goten.
"Tousan! Who is that?" Trunks asked, not sure if he wanted to know entirely. Goten was standing and rubbing his eyes. We begin to wonder if he is doing so because of the sunlight or for other reasons...
"Don't look brat!" Vegeta hissed, then stepped closer to the ship.
"You're dead." He called up.
Zarbon looked bored. He flipped his braid over one shoulder and flashed a cocky grin. "I am also amazingly pretty."
"I fail to see your point. Why and how the hell are you here?"
(A tall, gawky looking blonde with horn-rimmed glasses and freckles who was at this point, hunched over a keyboard, looked up and giggled. As if that explained everything. His nametag read; Brian. Funimation© VP)
"Funimation© sent us." The amazingly pretty man said. "They want revenge on all who dislike their company. To quote; There shall be Hell to pay, and what a mighty hell it shall be' end quote."
Vegeta looked thoroughly disgusted. "And this is their almighty hell? Beautiful men and a giant salamander in French underwear?"
A silence reigned.
"That is correct, my fuzzy petunia." Spoke Freiza, who hadn't said much since he'd arrived. "It's been a while since I've had the glory to gaze upon your sweet, spandex clad body. What a horrible few years they were..."
Vegeta's left eyebrow began twitching.
Freiza was stepping into his Harley Davidson Wheelchair of almost certain annihilation ©. "You don't know how long I've waited to see you."
Vegeta resented being called; A fuzzy Petunia. He also resented the fact that a giant male Salamander in French Underwear was attracted to him...
Freiza slowly floated to the ground, adjusting his Viking helmet. "And who would these little boys be?" He licked his lips, eyes growing wide.
Trunks cringed and Goten took cover behind Vegita's leg.
Vegeta didn't say anything. He only reached his hand out, which was slowly starting to glow.
"Now now. Let's not fight, Vegeta. We do come in peace, you know." He held up his hands to show he was unarmed. A Latex® condom slipped from a presumed secret compartment under his armpit and plopped to the ground.
Freiza giggled nervously and stole a glance to Vegeta, who had his 'I'm- going-to-brutally-disembowel- you-now' face on in all its glory. You know the one, bloodshot eyes, bulging veins on forehead, snarling quivering lips, dilated pupils.
"You're so cute when you're angry."
"And you're so cute when your limbs are scattered halfway across the globe!!" Vegeta screamed, sending a ki blast straight for Freizas head.
There was an unearthly scream as Freiza was propelled backwards. Vegeta pulled his trademark smirk and folded his arms, watching the dust settle.
"Damned lizard."
"Papa?" Trunks called cautiously. "Is it gone?"
Vegeta looked down to his son, nodded once and gave a snort. "Of course he's gone. I blew his head clear off."
"Umm...."
Vegeta shot an annoyed glare at Goten. "What, boy?"
"L-Look!"
He did. There was Freiza, getting up from the ground with a sigh. He brushed himself off, straightened, and grinned to Vegeta.
"I love it when you get coy!"
As was expected, Vegeta looked both horrified and insanely angered. Both Goten and Trunks noticed this and took it as a sign to make a quick and hasty exit.
"BAKAYARO!!" Vegeta screamed. "How dare you mock me!!"
Freiza walked over to him and slung an arm around his shoulders. "Listen, My fuzzy Petunia. You cannot escape my wrath...err, my attentions. You see, I exist now only to fulfil your greatest sexual fantasies...I'm a gift from Heaven."
Vegeta was quivering as he began to fully understand the urgency of the situation. "W-what do you mean? I have Bulma for my sexual fantasies, you freak!"
Freiza made a pouting expression. "Why do you resist me? I live only but to serve you, petunia. Shouldn't this make you happy?"
Vegeta threw him off and fired another Ki blast at his head. When the debris settled, and he was done panting, he gasped only to feel Freiza right by his side again.
"That was point blank! You couldn't have escaped that!!"
Another sigh. "Your futile attempts are useless against my charms." Freiza replied simply, running a finger down Vegetas chest. He looked up and grinned. "What say you invite me in for a while...we could...talk..."
Vegeta stalked into the house and ran into Bulma, who was carrying his Budwieser.
"Talk my ass."
This seemed to excite Freiza. "Yes! We could indulge in a conversation about your ass! How fascinating that would be!"
Upon seeing Freiza, Bulma dropped the beer and screamed. "WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE!!??"
Freiza gave her a grin. "Pleased to meet your acquaintance. Where did you get that dress?"
Bulma recovered somewhat at the mention of a compliment. "Err, you're not here to kill anybody, are you?"
Freiza put a hand to his forehead in mock-distress. "Gasp! Me, harm anybody from your wonderful family? What kind of a heartless creature do you think I am?"
A heavy silence followed. Vegeta tugged on Bulmas arm, dragging her into the kitchen. "He'll be here for a while...better get used to it..."
Freiza followed, motioning to the amazingly pretty man, who flipped his braid once more and gave pursuit.
Upon entering the kitchen, Freiza gasped once more. "Those curtains!! They match so well with the cupboards, don't you agree Zarbon!?"
A grunt.
"And this china set! How adorable!! You must tell me where you shop, Bulma!"
Bulma stood in awe, watching as the giant pink lizard wandered around her kitchen, poking and gasping at everything within breathing distance, and yet tried hard to ignore what he seemed to be wearing.
"Well..." she started, loosening up a bit, "You don't seem that bad of a person."
Freiza looked up and blinked. "Why, who told you I was?"
She nervously began twiddling her thumbs. "Oh, in case you don't remember, you tried to kill us all years ago."
Freiza looked appalled. "My goodness!! How thoughtless of me!"
"Yeah. Fifty lashes with the wet noodle." Vegeta mumbled sarcastically from his corner of depravity.
"Ooh!! You promise?" Freiza giggled.
Vegeta paled.
"So, um, why are you here, exactly?" Bulma asked when the awkward moment had passed.
Freiza took a breath. "I am here to only serve my master."
"Your master?"
The amazingly pretty man, who hadn't said anything much either, decided to give his input.
"Vegetable head."
Freiza gave him a silencing glare. "Quiet, you."
Bulma looked remotely uncomfortable. "You...you...have a thing for my husband...?"
Freiza nodded, walking past her towards the living room. "I was brought back to life in order to fulfil a sexual fantasy in Vegeta's life that he's been missing lately."
Bulma got defensive. "I serve well enough in that compartment!"
Freiza ignored her. "I'm like those...those...oh, hell. What do you call them, Zarbon?"
The amazingly pretty man looked oblivious. "Uhh....??"
"You know! The little bugs!"
"Aphids?"
"Right!" Freiza exclaimed. "See, I'm like an aphid. You hate me because I'm here for a reason that you don't approve of, and I'm an pain in the ass to get rid of."
Vegeta perked up at this. "You won't be here forever!?"
"Goodness no." Freiza looked sad. "I'm also like an Angel. I come to complete my job and then I must return."
"Pffth." Vegeta scoffed. "Angel. That's a friggin' god one."
"You don't approve of my being here?"
Vegeta gave him 'a look' and Freiza took it the wrong way.
"Don't. Touch. Me."
"Ooh! I like 'em feisty!"
Bulma, for lack of anything better to do, dove between the offending Salamander and her husband. "That's enough!! If you have to be gay, don't be doing it in my house, thank you!"
Vegeta snarled. "He won't be doing anything gay that involves me any ways, woman!!"
Freiza gave another one of his sad puppy face looks at Bulma as she yanked him off Vegeta. "If you're going to act like that than leave!"
"Sorry. Can't."
"ARGH!!"
The brief fight was interrupted as Trunks walked into the room, followed by Goten, Goku, Chi-Chi, Piccolo, and Krillin.
Everyone stared. There was a huge silence.
"See!" Goten tugged on his father's arm. "There he is."
Freiza clapped his hands and turned to face the group. "Well! If it isn't Goku! And...you guys..." he motioned to Krillin and Piccolo, who stood open mouthed.
"..."
"Cat got your tongue?" Freiza implored.
(And here is a nifty plot device that lets Freiza explain the whole ugly mess to the others so I don't have to! Ta daaa!!)
Krillin sat down, uncomfortable, on one of the couches in the living room. "Let me get this straight...you're here to...pleasure...Vegeta?"
Freiza nodded. "It's what I live for."
Krillin nodded. "Um."
"No hard feelings that I killed you, right?"
He looked up, with an utterly savage expression. And when Krillin looks savage, people laugh. "Sure."
Vegeta tried in vain to sink even lower into his recliner that anybody could have thought possible. "I have nothing to do with this...nothing, nothing...bakas."
Goku took the moment to insert one of his infamous stupid remarks about the situation. "Sure you are, Vegeta! You're the main love interest!"
Vegeta scowled. The man was insufferable. "Shut up, Kakarott. I didn't speak to you. Therefore there was no reason for you to say anything at all."
Goku smiled any ways. "Okay!"
Bulma clapped her hands together in a manner that suggested the end of the conversation. "Alright, it's getting late. Why don't we all retire for the night?"
Everyone started to get up. Freiza giggled again. "Night time activities! Oh, joy of joys!"
Vegeta visibly whimpered and inched closer to his wife.
"No, Freiza. You have to sleep outside."
He calmly placed his hand over Bulmas and pushed her away. "No, that isn't acceptable."
Bulma put her hands on her hips and shot him the ice-melting glare that could rival Vegetas. Even the toughest of men were known to cower in its presence, and giant male Salamanders were no exception. "Does that not compute!!??" she screamed into his face.
Freiza paused. "O-okay. Outside it is." He slowly inched away backwards, taking the amazingly pretty man from the corner by the arm, and towards the back door. "But..." he paused to reach for the doorknob, "Just wait!! Just wait till you've left him unguarded!!" he finished with a scream and a burst of maniacal laughter. The door slammed. Silence followed. Then, the door quietly opened, and a pink hand reached in ever so carefully and plucked the rose coloured 'Thanks for being you' doormat from it's place and sucked it outside. The door closed once more. "Ooh...pretty."
Bulma gave her husband a sympathetic look. "You know, I'm hoping this is all just some horrible dream, Vegeta."
"YOU are?" he snorted, pulling her upstairs and into their bedroom. "Have you the slightest idea what this means to my sex life?"
Bulma said nothing, and turned off the lights.