Why?
A/N: I've been working on this for quite some time, and I really got into it.
There will be more chapters to come, and I hope you enjoy this.
xxx
Sara didn't know why she was back. She had sworn to herself that she wouldn't come back, convinced herself that really, she was happy on the cruise ship. She had made all others believe it were true also.
She had been on the ship for a month, four long weeks where she didn't have to think about the ghosts the haunted her in Vegas, the victims of the many crimes she had witnessed during her time as a CSI. She was at peace, surrounded by people who understood how her mind worked, her love in science and interest in knowing as much as was possible about absolutely everything.
She had engrossed herself in these people, learning as much as she could. What she realised, was that the subject she was learning most about, was herself.
She never really gave many thoughts to herself. Generally, she was too afraid as to what she might find if she dug deep enough. She was able to bury those demons that had haunted her, been her longest friend, and she could truly say she was at the happiest she had ever been.
But she was still missing something.
Grissom.
She would admit, since embarking on this adventure below the equator, she had been out of touch, but she apologised to him for that on that video she sent him. It was the first form of contact between them in four weeks. He never wrote or called first, it was always her.
She had been thinking a lot about them, the 'us' that seemed no more.
She thought about all the moments, from the first time they met, to when she asked him out for dinner, when she came to Vegas, when he rejected her on so many occasions, all the way through to their first kiss, the first time they made love. Everything that made them a couple, on so many levels.
She used to think they could survive anything, but was it just wishful thinking on her behalf?
Had society created a myth, that there would always be your 'knight in shining armour' who could whisk you away and would create your 'happily ever after'. Had she felt compelled to conform to that expectation from her society, and convinced herself that Grissom was this man, that they would get through everything and anything.
Right now, she wasn't too sure.
The trip had given her so much clarity, where as last year in Vegas, her biggest struggle was trying to breathe. She was oppressed by her demons, her worries and fears.
Now, she could see things clearly.
She played his words over and over in her head, "If a relationship can't move forward, it withers."
She had been waiting on him to make his decision, waiting very patiently, knowing that he would make it eventually, but then she realised something. Grissom not making a decision, was his decision. It was enough for her to know and to understand that he wasn't coming after her, that there was obviously something else holding him to Vegas, to keep him from coming to her when he had claimed on so many occasions that he loved her.
She had thought this was what she wanted, and that she was happy with his decision, or his not making a decision.
This time, she didn't come to Vegas because he asked her.
She came because he didn't.
No matter how hard she tried to think of the reason, she couldn't get the why out of her head.
Why didn't he come after her? Why didn't he contact her? Why didn't he ask her to come back?
Why?
She needed answers.
The rush of the busy Vegas streets never surprises her. It had taken over an hour to get from the airport to the crime lab, and she had completed the last ten minutes on foot.
Dressed in her favourite pair of comfy jeans, a white tank top, with a jacket over it, she entered the building which held so many memories for her.
Already, she noticed how her breathing became a little restricted, but she couldn't deny the tingling feeling deep inside of her; she was home.
Even if she didn't have Grissom here, the people who were more of a family to her than her own flesh and blood, and that could not be found anywhere.
She walked through the lab, her head down, not really wanting to run into anyone too quickly, she still felt like she needed to get a hold of her footing. It felt as if she were a little out of balance.
She knew the route to Grissom's office like the back of her hand, and she was sure that if she were blindfolded, after spinning around ten times, she would still find it. Like a magnetic force, pulling her in, drawing her attention to the room; to him.
She was a little surprised to find an empty office when she opened the door. It was usually where he situated himself; unless of course he was out on the field.
She took the opportunity to have a little look around, just submerging herself in something that was familiar.
Nothing had changed. In every available space there were forensic textbooks, general books, containers with insects and other specimen in for her to marvel at, like she had done on many occasions.
He hadn't earned the name 'Bugman' for nothing, she thought to herself.
She was only back just over an hour, and already she was restless and impatient. She made her way out of Grissom's office, and just met Greg coming out of the DNA lab. He stopped on front of her, eyes wide, in shock.
Ah, Greggo never failed to bring a smile to her lips.
He grinned and wrapped his arms tight around her in a bone crunching hug. "Sara Sidle! I can't believe you're back! Who do you think you are to leave Vegas without even saying goodbye to me, eh?"
"Hello to you too, Greg." She rasped, unable to breathe with the force he was holding her with.
Suddenly, as if she had burnt him, he let go, stepping back away from her. He held his hands up defensively. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't touch Grissom's woman." He said, looking a little embarrassed.
Sara narrowed her eyes ever so slightly, but couldn't help but laugh. "Some things just don't change." She said with a smile.
"What brings you back here? Are you back for long? Where did you go? Does Grissom know you're back?" He was like an excited school child.
"Woah there, Mr. One Hundred Questions. I don't know how long I'm back for, I was everywhere, and Grissom is what brings me back, is he around?" She asked, folding her arms across her chest.
Greg pouted a little, batting his eyelashes. "Couldn't you have just let me think for one moment that it was actually your undying love for me that brought you back to Vegas?" he said playfully, raising his eyebrows suggestively.
When he got no reply from Sara, just 'the Sidle look', he cleared his throat, blushing slightly before he continued. "Aah, Grissom's off this shift." He said, shifting awkwardly. "Try his house."
Sara sighed slightly, feeling a little lost. "I've already been by, there's nobody home." She thought hard, where could he be? Was there any rollercoaster's in town that he could be visiting?
With a quick glance at the clock, she knew that wouldn't be it. It was just approaching eight a.m. nowhere opened that early, not even in Vegas.
"Alright, I'll keep trying. It's great to see you again, Greg." Sara said as she turned and walked away from him.
"Hey, Sara!" Greg called, and Sara turned on her heel to face him. "Yes, Greg?"
"Don't disappear again without saying goodbye. And... You look good." He winked as he turned and walked away, leaving Sara with a smile on her face.
Trust Greg to make her feel better.
As she made her way back to the entrance, the sound of her name being called brought her out of her thoughts.
It was Judi, the secretary. A nice woman, but Sara didn't know much about her.
"Sara, glad to see you're back. I hope you had a nice time." She said brightly, a smile on her lips.
Sara smiled softly, making her way over to the counter which Judi was situated behind, leaning her elbows on the countertop. "Thanks, Judi, I had a great time."
"Does Mr. Grissom know you're back? He didn't seem to know when he was leaving here earlier." Judi said, trailing off.
Sara raised an eyebrow in suspense, waiting for her to continue, but she didn't. "Did he say where he was going to?"
Judi shifted a little uneasily, sensing how tense Sara seemed to be. Sara could tell something was wrong. Grissom never took nights off. Not even when they were a couple.
"Em.. He had me pull up the new address for a... Lady heather..." She said quietly, looking away from Sara.
In that moment, Sara was glad she looked away from her. She could feel her heart sink into the pit of her stomach, her insides clench up as if a nest of snakes were coiling tight around her insides. She felt sick, dizzy.
This was her why.
He didn't come after her, he didn't contact her, he didn't ask her to come home, because he didn't want her. He had heather now.
She should have known. That case they worked, she knew there was much more between them than he ever let on. He would never talk about her when she tried to bring her up, which only fuelled her curiosity.
Despite the rising lump in her throat, and the familiar sensation of tears burning in her eyes, Sara forced a small smile to her lips. "Can I get the address too, Judi? I need to speak to him."
Judi was a little hesitant, but she nodded handing Sara a piece of card which she had scrawled the same directions she had given to Grissom only hours earlier.
Without another word, Sara had turned and left, walking without thinking, without breathing. Once she got outside, she was hit with a rush of air. She had to kneel down, clutching her side as she tried to regain her breath.
This had always been her worst fear. That Grissom would leave her for someone else that she would risk her heart with him, and he would take it all away from her. Her sense of security, of safety, being loved. It was all gone.
After a few moments passed, and she no longer felt the intense urge to throw up, she pushed herself to her feet, and stumbled towards the taxi rank, swaying slightly. It never took much to get a taxi in Vegas. She slipped into the backseat, and handed the card to the driver without a word.
Minutes later, she was outside the Dominatrix's house, and the urge to cry was becoming harder and harder to fight. "Can you wait here, for just a few moments?" Sara asked, If the driver had spoken, she didn't hear anything as she climbed out of the taxi.
She leant against the car, watching the house closely. The sun was rising; it was going to be a scorcher of a day. She pulled out her cell phone, flipping it open as she hit number one. Speed dial was a great invention.
It seemed to ring continuously, but her head snapped up as she heard the creak of the front door, and Grissom appeared, his cell phone in hand, flipping it open. "Sara? Is everything okay?" She could hear worry in his voice. He knew she didn't call much. He obviously didn't see her.
But she saw him.
In his boxers, his shirt on, the top few buttons opened. "You tell me, Gil?" She croaked into the phone, snapping it shut.
Confused, Grissom looked at the phone, was it a connection problem? He knew the signal was bad, that was why he had to take the call outside.
He looked up, and just then, he froze, the phone slipping from his grasp, falling to the ground with a thud.
Sara nodded at him, her brown eyes locked with his blue. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she turned away from him, slipping back into the cab.
"Sara, wait!" Grissom called after her, rushing barefoot down the driveway, but it was too late.
Sara didn't look back at him, she simply muttered to the driver to take her to the airport, and she let the tears fall as he drove away, leaving Grissom standing in the middle of the road, watching the taxi until it disappeared.
xxx
A/N: To be continueeeed!
What's Grissom going to do now? Can he explain?
Like it, love it, hate it?
Please, let me know :D
Revieeews!
Chapter two coming soon xD
-xx