Disclaimer - All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author (that would be ME). No copyright infringement is intended.

Summery - Nobody finds their soul mate at ten years old. Young love was never meant to last but can age and tragedy bring them back together or is there really no going home again?

Better To Have Loved and Lost…

Spring 2001

Bella double checked the map in her hands. She was looking for Canaday Hall, famous home of Harvard freshman. She was looking for one freshman in particular; her boyfriend, Edward Cullen, if you could still call him that. The grounds were beautiful. Flowers were starting to bloom and the trees were starting to bud. The campus reminded her of the sandstone buildings she had seen in Oxford the previous summer. She smiled at the memory. That had been a trip of firsts.. Edward's parents had taken her to the UK on a family trip with them. Carlisle, Edward's dad, had been invited to speak at a prestigious conference on gene therapy and had taken the family with him. Esme, Edward's mom, had always considered Bella family from the first time that Edward had insisted that Bella come for dinner as his best friend, aged five.

It had been an amazing trip. Esme had left them to their own devices while she explored British homes described in Jane Austen and castles hundreds of years old. Edward had dragged her around the gardens, catching kisses in hidden nooks and crannies. It wasn't history that held Edward's attention. It was the first time that she had seen a real castle and watched as her favorite novels came to life around her.

Bella tried to smile as the memory of her first night with Edward washed over her. His hands as they caressed her body. His mouth as he sucked and tasted her skin. They may have both been virgins that night, but it had been the most amazing night of her life...after the awkwardness and pain had passed. She swiped at the tear that slipped down her cheek. It had only been six months ago, yet it felt like years since they had shared that closeness.

The sign outside the red brick building proclaimed that she had reached her destination. She adjusted the small backpack hanging from her shoulder, squaring herself up before heading inside. The halls were filled with students running late to class. Class. Where Bella should be right now at UDub. Instead she was over on the other side of the country, looking for her boyfriend who she hadn't heard a thing from in three weeks. Her phone calls had gone unreturned, her emails unanswered. Three weeks since they last had spoke was unusual for them, but Bella chalked it up to the rigors of their first year at college. Esme and Carlisle had refused to take sides and ask Edward what was going on so she had used her meager savings and bought a return ticket to Boston. All she needed was to see his face and everything would be okay again.

635. Edward's room. Bella raised her hand and then hesitated. Was it going to be like those high school movies on TV? Would she open Edward's door to find him in bed with some hot, blonde, fashion major? Bella shook her head. This was Edward Cullen she was thinking of. Mr. Straight A, AP class Edward Cullen. Instead, she drew in a deep breath and lifted her fist again.

She could hear a shuffling behind the door as footsteps drew closer. The door opened, Edward stood there in his familiar, home-coming glory.

"Bella?" Edward breathed.

A sob choked in Bella's throat. Her gaze raked his body for signs of injury. For any sign as to why he hadn't been in contact.

"Bella!" Her gaze drifted back to his eyes. "What are you doing here?"

The sob finally escaped her throat in a whimper. Instead of the sparkling joy of happiness at seeing her Bella expected to see in his apple green eyes, surprised, sorrowful eyes gazed back at her through his tortoise-shell glasses.

"Bella!" Edward whispered loudly.

He grabbed her hand and pulled her into his room and moved her over to his bed.

The Cullen's were a well off family so Edward had a room all to himself. Unlike Bella, who shared her room with an emo girl who liked to play heavy metal at two AM.

"What are you doing here?" He asked again.

This time Bella remembered her faculties enough to talk. "I was worried, Edward. It has been almost a month and nothing. I was worried! You could have called or emailed. Even a text would be a something."

Edward had the good grace to look guilty. "I'm busy, Bella. You knew that college would be hard for both of us."

Bella was at UDub on full scholarship and had to work hard to keep her grades up. Edward was studying architecture, a hard degree, even for his advanced intellect. They were also suffering from the same stresses that most high school couples do when they keep their relationship going at college; distance, separate lives, mistrust.

"But this hard?" Bella sobbed.

Her collected visage collapsed and she crumbled a little more. She knew things had been strained at Thanksgiving and even more so at Christmas. They had sat down just before New Year's Eve and talked it through. The last night they had truly been together. That night had been magical, like their troubles had all drifted away. Now she could see it was just a band-aid when really the wound needed several surgical stitches.

"God, Bella. I love you so much. You're my best friend. I just can't do this anymore. It all hurts too much."

She managed a small smile. This was her Edward; concise and to the point. Some people called it blunt. Bella called it honesty and she loved him even more for it.

"I know." She muttered, burying her head in her hands.

Edward drew her closer to his side. Her tiny body fitted to him like a glove, her tears dampening the thin t-shirt he wore. It always seemed so right when they were like this.

"What do we do?" Her voice was timid but resigned.

"I think we know. I think we both know that it's over for now. I wanted to talk to you at Christmas but then…New Years. I thought we could make it work, that I just missed you so much. Then I came back here and my friends were here and… " His voice trailed off. Neither of them needed an explanation, the writing was on the wall.

Bella nodded against him as a fisher split through her chest. Honesty hurt but love hurt even more.

"How did you get here?"

"I used my savings to get a flight and then I caught a cab at Logan. My flight home is booked for tomorrow. I have mid-terms starting."

"Do you have somewhere to stay tonight?"

Bella shook her head. "I came to see you. I thought I could stay here with you, but now…" She mumbled against his chest. Realizing she was still in his embrace, she stepped away. "Well, I could, um, I could find a hotel."

Edward shook his head vigorously. "No way, absolutely not. You can stay here tonight. I don't even want to consider you roaming Boston's streets tonight, trying to find somewhere to stay." Edward stood and walked to his chest of drawers. He pulled out his old 'Forks High' track t-shirt and handed it to Bella.

There was finality to their awkward movements around each other. Bella hid her body from Edward as she clumsily changed into his offered t-shirt. She felt uncomfortable, him seeing her body, even though he had seen her naked lots of times. He had even helped her re-dress after their passionate night in the Cullen tree-house at New Years. Had it really been three months since that night? She knew it had been three months.

For the first time since they were five years old, Bella and Edward slept in the same room but not the same bed. That door had closed and neither knew if it would open again.

As morning broke, Bella stuffed the previous day's clothes into her backpack along with the t-shirt Edward had given her. A thin shaft of muted light came through the blinds, showing dawn was finally rising. He looked like the innocent young boy she first befriended on her first day at Forks Elementary school, not a care in the world and totally at peace. Even as she silently fled his dorm room, she kept that sleeping face in her mind. Her hand gently ran over her flat stomach as she waited for the cab. Edward Cullen would never know of the miracle that came from their cherished New Year's Eve night nor that her body had decided it was never to be three weeks ago. Only one other person would ever know and she knew they would take it to the grave.

I originally wrote this as a one shot for the I Hate Myself For Losing You contest but have decided to publish it in a more reader friendly, four chater short story. I will updat on Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday (AEST) or Saturday, Monday, Wednesday and Friday for the rest of the world.

Big thanks to my girl and beta Perry Maxwell. Please let me know what you think. This is kinda outside my usual field of comfort and i sat and wrote it in six days (the whole thing that is).