Ok after The Limey, as most of you know I had a few things to say on Twitter. That whole night I was so upset because I thought, well…to be perfectly blunt. I thought that Castle was a total asshole. I was toying with so many emotions because I am invested in this show, this relationship and all that comes with it. I seriously don't watch TV much because as some of you know I work for Disney, long hours and super early hours, so therefore I have no time. I just recently started watching Bones in my free time because I've always wanted to watch it. I had heard of the comparisons and I was intrigued. Castle is the only show I watch and it is always on the brain. I personally think it will be a super sad day for me when this show goes off the air. I am not ashamed of this at all. When people ask me about this show that do not watch it, well I know that a glow comes over my face and I get all giddy as if I were talking about a significant other. Yes, I know. Quite ridiculous, but then I've met some amazing people on Twitter who are just like me and that makes my OCD ok. Anyway, my point is that I was so upset at the end of the show. Yes, I am almost sure that the title for the finale means everything and they will get there, but gosh the harshness wasn't expected at all. I thought when Castle was talking to his mother at the bombing memorial he wouldn't go back. I actually hoped he didn't after the way he acted in The Limey. I felt betrayed and I wasn't even dating him. Then after all of those feelings I attempted to go to sleep that evening. In my head was a running line…how the hell can this man think that she doesn't feel the same way? Then my hatred started running through again saying well he's typical man with his head in the clouds. So I went to sleep and I tried so badly to put myself in his position. I'm not a huge fan of Nathan Fillion, but his character Richard Castle really restored my feelings about the male gender. Yes, I am gay and nothing will change that, but it is so fresh and vibrant to look at this man week in and week out with the dedication to one woman, his family and his craft. I mean, the guy is a freaking gem. A keeper and like Stana said he's true blue. Then I see him act like a complete jerk, so my heart was completely broken and not just for Beckett. I believed in him as a human being ya know. I think that Stana Katic is the main reason I was drawn to the show and I think the first episode I watched was the one where he brought her the first cup of coffee and a bear claw to a crime scene. I've been in love with her ever since because of all the reasons we love Beckett for. A strong, audacious, determined and sassy role model that is trying to save the world day by day; A true hero that can be a real hero in our every day life.
So my dream consisted of me trying to understand why Castle was being so mean and really because us the audience knows so much more than our beloved characters, I wanted to why he, in his right mind, would think that she doesn't feel the same way. I focused on this year for one and in my dream began the maze of thoughts. I went back the swings and yes we all know that Beckett beats around the bush. Actually they both do now and communication is all subtext which is so left open for interpretation. One delivers the subtext with the hopes that they are on the same page, but never really clarifying what number page they are supposed to actually be on. Then a lot of time passes and like we all know the signals don't cross at the same coordinates, the tin can at the other end is only receiving Charlie Brown's teacher sounds on the other end (Does anyone know what the hell that lady was even talking about?) and page 105 isn't the same page they are on like their alter egos, Rook and Nikki.
Rise
Castle gets major bonus points in my dreams and on the show because after a summer of no contact and not so much as even a phone call, he talks with her and lets her back in. He's hurt and like he said He's still mad, but working with her every day is exactly where he wants to be. It broke my heart for him when he said Do you know what that feels like to watch the life drain out of someone you…care about?Does she? Well no she doesn't. It happened right before his eyes and he was trying to save her. So he was like a knight in shining armor trying to do his best to save her while putting his own life on the line. So true blue once again. Then he asked about Josh because he's whole three month summer, he thought about the fact that he declared his love for her of course, but he thought mostly about the woman he made this declaration to and if she was with Josh. He probably thought of several scenarios in his head from Josh taking care of her and nursing her back to health, holding her when she had a nightmare about the whole incident and sadly with a little pity he thought about the fact they were both sitting their laughing about the fact that she was dying on the ground and he told her that he loved her. I sometimes forget that it isn't just men that get a wounded pride when things don't go our way. We've all probably loved someone that didn't know we existed or they didn't feel the same way about us. So the first episode and these couple of scenes helped me look at things in his perspective better. The swing set scene was great and I thought he really got what Kate was saying, but I thought about it more and watch it again. There was so much subtext, but something I never realized before is that while those words came out of Kate's mouth. I know I'm not going to be able to be the kind of person I want to be, I'm not gonna…gonna be able to have the kind of relationship that I want until that wall comes down. And it's not gonna happen until I put this thing to rest. This is where I got upset again with him because this was a conversation laying the ground work to the whole season. She was basically saying that she isn't ready. She isn't ready to love or be loved because she isn't whole (the kind of person she wants to be) and the kind of relationship she wants is the fairytale, but is the fairytale really possible at that time. No. Then I think about 47 Seconds and where he said I really thought we could have a future together, I was willing to wait. So I felt for the guy. I mean, why didn't she just come clean, but what would she have said. Wait for me and I might be ready. How can she honestly ask him to do that? Well in my mind if she loves him she should have told him that she heard him and not discard his feelings, but I can see how it would be hard to bring up. I was just on Team Castle at the time and well Team Caskett, so I felt coming clean about that day, her PTSD and her therapy that guy would have waited forever for her.But instead comes along 47 Seconds to "blow" up in her face. He says Come to find out it's all just a big joke. She knew, this whole she remembered and she didn't say anything…she was embarrassed because she didn't feel the same way. This was what I told all of you was on my mind as I was going to sleep. How could this man throughout this whole season think this woman, Katherine Beckett…yes, I said it with conviction in my dream as well. But think this lady doesn't feel the same way.
Heroes and Villians
The foggy haze continued into episode numbero dos. I climbed aboard the Team Castle train once again, but there wasn't much information I could use to help Kate in this episode. In fact, she lost some points for me. First, when talking to Anne. You're a good cop and you've got somebody who cares about you. Don't be so driven by the past that you throw away your future. Now now Detective, perhaps should you have a tape recorder to hear yourself. That was my first thought and then I grew a heart for her. She is listening to herself. She's going to therapy…I want to be more than who I am. Yes more subtext for us fans, but we all took the subtext to mean that she wants to be more than who she is for Castle, but this is from Kill Shot. Kate hasn't grown to that point yet, but she is flawed and getting there. Then that very last part of this episode, I leaned more on Castle's train because her cute little smile to his line while the couple kiss on the elevator wasn't seen by him. It was seen by us, showing us how much she truly adores him. But he doesn't know that. So no points for Beckett getting her feelings out there in a direct, non-direct or meta-communicative (what I said, isn't what I meant or what I meant, isn't what I said) way. Better luck next time.
Head Case
Finally there theorizing line over line is back in the morgue in front of Lanie. But the part that stood out for me vividly in my dreams was this, Wouldn't it be something if they reunited a hundred, even a thousand years from now? Kate responds Well, anything is possible. You really believe that, valid question Castle. I think about her not believing in fate, soulmates, unicorns, fairies, double rainbows and Santa Claus. So can we believe or have a reason to hope that she is starting to believe. Yes, my flailing fangirls we can with this It's what the great love stories are about, right? Beating the odds. And then he responds, I hope they make it. And yes, finally Mr. Castle there is your hope to wrap your head around. Her smile and reponse, Me too.
Kick the Ballistics
Dear Kate, here was opportunity number two for you to come clean. And you still don't remember anything about that day? I think it might have been better if you just ignored it or say that some things come back in dreams, but it's all a blur, but nope you say this No, it's a blank. A blank? Really? A blank sounds so blah to me and now to Castle if he has done any research on his own at this point. A blank – an emptiness of feelings, a blank piece of paper, fill in the blanks (subtext isn't working for them anymore), a blank look, but it was just a blank rejection for Castle at this time. I could tell he was on to you then, but he decided to give your blank rejection a little space, hell a lot of space.
Eye of the Beholder
Can someone say jealous much? Now, here Mr. Castle is when you should have been taking some cues that Beckett feels the same way. All the jealous rages with Beckett this season are clear, very clear indications that she is indeed jealous for one and why have you not once, I might add, asked her, why do you care? Mr. Call-Her-Out dipped out after season 2 episode The Late Shaft with the dame Ellie Monroe, did it Castle? She hasn't snapped at you at this point because that comes later. You've invaded in her personal life, so it is no longer personal. You've pealed back the layers of the Beckett onion; It's ready to be dipper in batter and served at the Outback, so why haven't you pushed her like you did in the past to get her to talk? I thought she was extraordinary, I thought she was a mystery that you may never solve and I thought you were still doing research? What happened that you didn't want to push her to her limits anymore? So points for Kate in this episode. Even more so because of this statement from a bystander that doesn't even know your history, I don't steal things that don't belong to me. Duh? Incoming 2x4 to smack you in the head. Duck!
So my peeps, my tweeps, my doodazoids and my doods, this is what happens when I close my eyes at night after an explosive episode like The Limey. 47 Seconds didn't affect me as much as The Limey and I can clearly see Castle is in pain. He feels humiliated, betrayed and his pride is wounded and the only reason I was so upset and ranting in Beckett's honor is that she doesn't know that he heard that statement. It doesn't mean that she is right in what she did and by no means does it make me lean more to her. I just feel that his actions on this new found information is a little over the top when he started to have a conversation with her and one of the king cockblockers interrupted their conversation. She was on the same page by the clear look on her face and then he finds out while watching the interrogation through the observation room and the tides get a little rough and choppy. So her being the highly trained detective is more than likely going to figure this out on her own or with a little help of a loved one on her side or his side. Who knows how the lovely writers will paint the picture for us. Kate is brilliant and she is already off screen thinking about sinning in silence and if that wasn't clearly directed at her then this was She's fun and uncomplicated. I think that's what my life needs right now. And with a spin on his feet he's headed to the elevator without a second thought. It broke my heart, but the Castle that I know has won round 1 on the Season 4 dream sequences for me and my guess is that it's all an act. He's breaking on the inside and lashing out because that's his way of coping. I will continue with this because I know when my head hits the pillow, my eyelids become heavy, Mr. Sandman or woman comes, I will begin dreaming right where I left off. Stay tuned.