Disclaimer: I wished i owned MI, but I don't =(
A/N: So this idea popped into my head, what if Magnus got killed by his magic? So I wrote this, and I don't even know if it's possible, but it's worth a shot, right? This is my first fic, like EVER! So I'm pretty nervous! reviews would be lovely and would make me life, but please no flames, not yet anyway. Oh! and sorry about any grammar errors, I really suck at proof-reading my own stories.
He never thought he'd be in this position. Ever. It was always the other way around. He always believed he would be the one to die, of either old age (though the possibility was slim) or from a demon attack
When, and if, he ever imagined looking at a grave, it would have belonged to one of his parents, Izzy (God forbid), Jace (from one of his numerous idiotic stunts), or even Clary (from her inexperience).
But never did he imagine this.
It had been an accident; it was never supposed to happen. A stupid stupid accident, start by yours truly. And that fact made the pain even worse.
The day had begun as any other ever had, Alec had woken up as early as usual – seven am sharp – and after pecking Magnus' nose, got dress and went to make them some breakfast – luckily Alec hadn't inherited his mother inability to cook. Alec knew Magnus had early clients and would have to get up eventually. Once the meal was eaten and sweet kisses were exchanged, the couple went their separate ways, Alec to the Institute where the Clave was coming for a meeting and Magnus to his closet to ready himself for his ever needy clients.
The fact that the Clave rarely ever made house calls put Alec on edge. Jace and Izzy figured it was the Clave being its usual authoritive self, coming to reinforce rules that were already followed by the book. But Alec had a feeling that wasn't the real reason. If it was, the Clave would have requested that the Lightwoods come to Idris – and they hadn't.
At one fifteen sharp, the Clave arrived by portal to the Institute. After overly warm greetings to the Lightwoods, Alec became even more uncomfortable. Especially since the Clave members eyes would harden whenever they met Alec's, which wasn't often.
The meeting started off as Izzy and Jace predicted. Long, boring, and predictable, the simple debriefing of the demon activity in the city. Alec visibly relaxed, but not completely. Why had the Clave come here? Why had they come now? When they already debriefed the New York Institute right before the war, at the beginning of the summer. And the war had been over for nearly six months. So why now, six months early? Alec could sense that his parents had the same questions, but were wisely keeping quiet.
After a long pause, Maryse and Robert to share confused glances to each other.
"Well? Some of us here have lives we'd like to get back to."
"Jace!" Clary hissed at her boyfriend, appalled.
"Well it's true!" Jace argued.
"Well," a clave member finally said, "we have finally made our decision about Alec and his…er…relationship with the downworlder." The clave member looked as if he just sucked a lemon dry.
"Magnus. His name is Magnus," Alec defended his boyfriend. Now he was really confused. He remembered how before they had left Idris that the Clave told him and Magnus that they were very much less than pleased at the couples choice of "coming out" and were going to make a decision if the relationship could continue or not.
Alec had figured that the Clave had either forgotten his relationship with the warlock – they had a lot more pressing issues than a teenage fling – or they had approved and hadn't bothered to tell Alec and Magnus.
"And what about Alec and the war—ah, Magnus?" Maryse asked hesitantly.
"Alec has two choices," an elderly woman with bluish white hair said with authority, "Either he be stripped of his marks and become an outcast and disgrace to his kind while continuing his relationship with the downworlder-"
"Magnus," Alec hissed, his blood going cold. He knew where this was headed.
"Or," the shadowhunter continued, as if Alec hadn't interrupted, "he ends said relationship," the word full of unhidden disgust, "and the Clave will forget this ever happened,"
Alec walked back to the Magnus' apartment a little more than upset. After the Clave dropped their big announcement to Alec and his family, Alec felt the floor drop right under his feet. And his heart, whatever was keeping it afloat and happy since he met Magnus disappeared the instance those words left the shadowhunter's mouth. Everything Alec ever doubted and hated about himself came running back, hitting him like a seraph blade to the chest. He couldn't breathe!
This was why he was so afraid to come out about his sexuality, the crush on Jace, and the relationship with Magnus. He knew – just knew – that there was no way the Clave and the shadowhunting world could agree with his sexuality, and the fact that he was falling for a downworlder no less, made it even harder to face his fear.
Once he had kissed Magnus though, in front of everybody he knew, loved, and who's opinion mattered, Alec felt like he was on air. No one came out and yelled at him, hit hom, spit on him, or look at him with disappointment. Nothing. It made the night even better when the Clave hadn't even mentioned it! Alec knew he couldn't be that lucky. Apparently he wasn't.
Shadowhunting was Alec's life. What would he do if he picked Magnus over his life? Though admittedly, Magnus was quickly becoming Alec's source of oxygen. But that still didn't make it any easier. All he knew how to do was fight demons. If his marks were stripped away, he would become a mundane, a normal human with no power to see the other universe he grew up seeing everyday, but his memories would stay. Haunting him day and night of the reality and the unseen world. Aec knew he would go insane. He didn't even know how to live like a mundane.
All he knew was that all the doubts, the self-hating of himself, and the fears were coming back, and fast.
And fear had a way with messing with people.
Walking into the apartment not just physically exhausted (there had been a number of demon attacks after the meeting) but emotionally exhausted, Alec knew he wasn't going to get past Magnus' questions.
"Alec, are you alright, darling?"
Alec couldn't help it. He flinched at the word darling, reminding him of why he was even in this situation.
And of course the flinch didn't go unseen by Magnus.
"Alec? Baby, are you hurt?" Magnus asked worriedly, going over to sit down next to Alec who had all but passed out on the leather couch.
"The Clave came by today," Alec whispered.
"So you told me," Magnus whispered back, confused on how that caused Alec to blatantly flinch at Magnus' question.
"And they told me that I have to make a choice between –" Alec choked, unable to say it.
"A choice between what, darling?" Magnus asked again, getting concerned. Alec was acting strangely familiar, but Magnus couldn't quite place it.
"Between you or shadowhunting." Alec was barely audible, in fact, only due to Magnus' cat-like hearing, was he able to catch the words.
Magnus' blood ran cold, his heart freezing to a halt. He had been expecting this. The Clave never forgot, and even a simple relationship like his and Alec's wouldn't go un-dealt with. Though honestly he hadn't expected them to make Alec choose.
"What are you going to do?" Magnus asked softly, afraid of the answer. He knew how important shadowhunting was to his lover. It was his life. It had been a hassle just to convince him to move into his apartment with him and away from the Institute, the headquarters for information on any demon attacks. It had taken numerous promises from his parent, Izzy and Jace that he would always be on call if a demon was/had attacked and/or someone was hurt.
The Clave was asking too much from Alec. As much as Magnus wanted Alec to choose him, he knew it was best to let Alec decide on his own. And from the way he tensely sat on the sofa, Magnus knew Alec's decision before Alec probably even did.
And oddly enough, that realization made Magnus more angry than heartbroken, though he could feel his heart slowly, painfully breaking.
"Go then, just go," Magnus nearly growled, upset that the man he loved more than anything was going to leave him.
"Magnus?" Alec was surprise; he had figured that Magnus would put up more of a fight. "Magnus, you know I don't want to do this," he whispered, looking sadly at Magnus. "It's…it's just that," Alec swallowed loudly, "you knew this wasn't going to last."
"Excuse me?" Magnus was shocked. 'This was going to last'? Wtf! Had Alec really believed that? "You thought this wasn't going to last?" Magnus asked loudly, his anger escalating.
"Well," Alec was nearly trembling; Magnus never raised his voice at Alec. His eyes started to water. "Think about, you're immortal Magnus, I'm going to die and you'll move on. Our relationship wasn't going to go anywhere anyway. Just think of this as an earlier break up than you expected."
Magnus let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. "You think I'm going to move on?" Magnus all but yelled, getting off the couch to pace in front of it. After telling Alec for weeks, for months that he loved him more than life itself, Alec seriously believed he would one day move on? Even looking through all his spell books for a spell that could keep the two lovers together? Magnus was furious now! Alec always was insecure, but Magnus hadn't known that he was this insecure!
"You're so insecure!" Magnus yelled angrily.
And before either young man knew it, they were arguing quite loudly, and not just about Alec's decision, but about every little thing that had bothered the men. Alec's timidity, Magnus' flamboyancy, Magnus' glitter, Alec's clothes, their schedules, and thing that hadn't bothered them like being a shadowhunteror being a warlock, just everything. The insults were both harsh and not meant. Both were crying too hard and were too angry to realize how blue and electrifying Magnus's hands had become. Magnus' emotions were far from under control.
Objects were flying all over the apartment, and if the yelling wasn't scaring poor Chairman Meow, the random dishes, CDs, clothes, books, etc. that were blowing up most definitely were.
Suddenly the blue light seemed to grow larger and larger, blinding both men with a gasp, as the heat intensified and finally burst!
Alec knew he was lucky. More than lucky actually. If it hadn't been for the random table that had landed in front of him, he would have been dead. But he didn't want to be lucky, he wanted to be dead. To be in the afterworld with Magnus, something he hadn't ever imagined before.
Due to his stupid fears, Magnus was gone. Forever. Because of his selfish decision. There was nothing Alec could do as he watched Magnus' coffin be lowered into his grave. And Alec would do anything if he could bring his boyfriend back to life. But he couldn't, and that made the knife in his heart twist that much harder. If he had only chosen Magnus over the Clave, nobody would be here to lay the warlock to rest, and Alec resented himself because of it.
Magnus was dead, and it was all his fault. At least when he would die, it would be because of a demon or age, not the man he loved.
Looking back, Alec had no idea why he had gotten so upset over being called insecure. He knew it was true, but at the moment it was not want he wanted to hear. He wanted to hear Magnus tell Alec that he loved him and would always love him. But Alec feared that in the last moments of Magnus' eight hundred years of life, the only thought going through his head was how much he hated Alec as they fought.
And that thought made Alec break down once again as he stared at his lovers gravestone.
Here lies Magnus Bane
High Warlock of Brooklyn
c. 1200 - 2011
Beloved friend and Boyfriend
He will always be remembered
Knowing he deserved Magnus' hatred.
A/N 2: Reviews are like chocolate! =D