Breath. Breath is consistent. One of the things we are always doing in life is breathing, and things are no different for her. Yet, someone who is dead does not breathe. And not seeing the breath come out of his lungs was the scariest thing Emma Swan has seen. Not seeing the slow beat of his chest moving up and down, not seeing the condensation swirl up and around in the air was quite frankly terrifying.
As his breath stopped, that first time, she has panicked. She had realised she has feelings for him, that he means something to her, that she does care. But none of that mattered. She had given up her magic, her only means of defeating the witch just to see him breathe again.
As the months went on, she grew accustomed to his breath, the beat of his heart, the feel of his lips upon hers. She didn't worry any more. He was a survivor, and he wouldn't leave her like the others did. Surely?
Yet, in that horrible world the author has created, she saw the impossible. His breathing stop. His heart beat being lost, and the blood pouring out of his wounded stomach. And this time it was real, not him passed out, but rather completely dead. He was gone, and she never got a chance to tell him she loved him. She had to be strong, for her son, as the boy had grown to look to the man as a father. It wasn't just her who was suffering.
But as promised, he remained a survivor, and that horrible world was gone. Her Killian was back, and she was not going to let him go again. For truly, she would crack. And she had finally been able to admit her love, so how could she let him go? It seemed impossible.
Yet here she was, mere weeks later, in the bed of roses in Camelot, her love's life fading. His breath thinning. It was so obvious he was in pain, and she'd do anything in this world to take that away. She would do anything in this world to have him stay, to hear his heart beat against her ear. She took a drastic step, and one that she knew he would not be happy about. But her Killian being safe was enough, just to see him laugh, to see him teaching Henry things, to see him and her father laughing and having a good time. It was all for him. Always for him.
Her breath was stopping. She knew she couldn't die, but something about being held in the air and strangled until you pass out whilst trying to protect your family feels a bit daunting. Thats when she saw it. For a second, she didn't see the Lost Boy, the happy lieutenant, the pirate captain nor the Dark One. She saw Killian Jones. She saw the man she loved. Something clicked within him and he banished them, the Dark ones. Knowing this wasn't enough, Emma walked over. "Killian you can't do this." she whispered, tears rolling down her face and her tone low. He explained there was no other way, that she had to let him go, that he deserved to go to the Underworld. He did't. And oh how she wished she could of convinced him otherwise. But it was too late. She doubtfully took the sword into her shaking hands. They whispered one last 'I love you' and felt his lips on hers once more.
She thought, that perhaps, it wouldn't hurt him. She knows she was rather naive for believing such a thing, that of course being stabbed with Excalibur would hurt, that of course he'd been in rather a lot of pain. As his blood poured over his hands, his breathing became inconsistent, croaky and gasping with every breath. He was holding on for her. She does not know if it would hurt less if he had died instantly, but sometimes she wished she didn't have to feel his weight against her, as he fell to the ground, completely lifeless. He was truly gone. No more loopholes, no more 2 hour deaths. Killian Jones was gone.
She stayed in the house, their house, for a couple of days. Never moving. People visited her often, tried to comfort her, yet nothing could distract her. He was gone. And after she found out Rumple was the Dark One again, she truly lost it. His sacrifice was for nothing, and all because of Mr Gold.
That is when the idea came. Her parents shared a heart, and so shall she and Killian. She doesn't need some kiss to tell her they are true love. She knows, and all she wants to see is his breathing. His lungs filling with oxygen, and to empty once again. To feel his heart beat- well hers - against her hand.
As the portal to the Underworld opened she whispered those words. "I will find you. I will always find you." And all the mantra in her said was 'I will find him. He is safe. His breathing? Well, it shall be the same as mine'