A/N: So this is rated mature…if sexual situations offend you…stop reading. This is my first real smut scene…so if it sucks, sorry…I hope you enjoy!
The doorbell had dinged once…and by the time she made it down the stairs, her porch was occupied only by a small silver package with a dark blue bow. Lifting it up she looked around quizzically for the owner. Picking it up she assumed it was for one of the kids and after slamming the door she opened the flap to see which room to drop it off at. The scrawl made her heart stop…never would she thought her heart would race at the sight of her own name.
It was if the world had stopped in that moment, like time stood still and she clutched the small packaged against the steady thud of her heart. She held it close to her up the stairs, down the hall, through her room. She locked the door and slowly walked to her bed trying to remember to breathe.
Her hands trembled and she caught the tears in her throat. Her fingers slid under the wrapping, tearing it slowly, afraid to see what was inside. When the paper was off she was left with a small white gift box. For a moment she contemplated not opening it…so scared that once she did, she wouldn't be able to stop something her brain told her was wrong…especially as her heart screamed yes.
He shouldn't have done it…it wasn't right…but right seemed to be getting him on the fast track to nowhere. He no longer had a wife, his kids were refusing to see him….and he didn't have her. Sitting by the pond he thought of them saying goodbye…one last touch, her hand in his…he could still feel the electricity coursing through their skin. Being with her had been like having all his nerves exposed…so much pleasure in so much pain.
They couldn't be together…it was the only thing they could agree on…neither willing to hurt anyone else they loved…so instead they hurt themselves. He couldn't get her out of his head, his thoughts plagued by the shades of blue in her eyes, the way she moaned his name like it was gospel as he slipped inside of her. One more time…that was all he needed, one more night…their final goodbye.
A letter on cream stationary sat in the box. Her fingers shook as she pulled the letter out of the box. She ran her finger over the familiar handwriting, almost scared to read the words. She blinked back the tears, the wanting to hear his voice in her head stronger then the fear of what he might say.
Carly,
I know you told me to stay away, and I have…I've tried to believe that one day I will wake up not wishing you were in my arms. I know why we're doing this…I know it's the right thing but I just can't handle with the way we left things…I can't just let us say goodbye that way. I need to see you…and before you say no, please, I need just one last time, no one around to interfere…please Carly, let us say goodbye right.
Here is the key to the suite you stayed in Manhattan…if you don't come, no hard feelings…but I'll be waiting…Saturday, 5:00.
Holden
Tears wet the paper, and she quickly moved it before the ink smudged taking it slowly to her nose, wondering if it smelled like him…she knew it was wrong…to still want him so bad…but she couldn't stop…and so she pulled the key card out from the bottom of the box, she forgot to care about right or wrong.
His bag was packed, he didn't know if she would be there but he had to go…he had to hope that he would be able to hold her in his arms one last time…to feel the way her heart beat against his, so in synch…it would be the touch that would have to last a lifetime.
Sitting in the suite was like having someone take a knife and plunge it into his heart every second tick on the clock. The two hours after 5:00 were the worse, realizing she hadn't shown up made his world fall off the axis…he had known there was a chance, but living it had become mental hell.
When the clock struck seven, he gave up. Grabbing his wallet he decided to go drown in a bottle. Punching the elevator button he rested his head against the wall. He didn't look up until he heard the elevator ding and the doors start to open.
Wide blue eyes filled with so many conflicting emotions met stormy green ones.
"You came" he stated his voice husky causing a torrent of goose bumps to come alive on her skin.
Nodding, "I wasn't…I had decided not to…and I couldn't…I couldn't let you think that I didn't…that I didn't want you too"
A strong hand cupped her cheek; the hard of his hands meeting the satin of her skin was near ecstasy. How could she feel so much pleasure from so much pain?
Pulling back he just stared at her for a first couple moments. She didn't know what it was about this man that had her all jumbled up inside…half the time she didn't know if she was coming or going but for right now all she wanted to do was let him wrap her in his embrace and let him ease the hurt away.
"You're so beautiful" he whispered pushing a strand of hair out of her face before taking her hand on leading her to the suite.
She couldn't explain the nervousness of it all…she was far from a virgin but with Holden it almost seemed like the first time every time. Every touch, every kiss, every look…it was like it was the first time she had felt any of it.
He held the door opened and she quietly walked through. It was strange being in this room with him, this time she wasn't fighting her feelings, she was letting them wash over her like a baptism…cleaning her, freeing her.
After he closed the door he came to her slowly, his lips capturing hers hungrily. She got lost in the kiss her hand wound tightly in his down like hair. Her fingers slid down the broadness of his shoulders to the buttons of his shirt. His hands came and covered hers.
"Not yet"
"Okay"she said the hurt in her chest coming out in the tone of her voice.
Slowly he lifted her eyes to his, "Tonight, I want you to be mine Carly, all mine. I want to hold your hand walking down the street, to look into your eyes over the table. For all the men to look at me and be jealous because I have the most beautiful woman in the room"
The words came over her like a warm breeze over the mountains on a cold winter day…it shook through her whole body, healing cracks in herself that she had forgotten she had. How was she just supposed to let it go like it had meant nothing?
"So, will you let me do that, please" his asked his voice dropped to a low baritone.
Tears were pooled in her eyes, "For tonight Holden…I can be everything you want me to be… I'm yours"
"Good"
It was almost surreal, the fact that she became even more beautiful as the minutes ticked away…the candlelight dancing across her face, the moonlight bathing her perfect alabaster skin. It was a night he would hold in his heart forever…the night he would relive when life became too much of a burden.
"Are you serious?" she asked smiling.
He stood next to the carriage, "What is New York without a carriage ride through Central Park?"
That garnered a grin as she made a move to climb up.
"Need some help" he whispered his hot breath on her ear bringing back memories she had fought so hard to repress.
His hands came to her tiny waste and gently lifted her to the seat, her skin tingly where he touched her. The wind made her shiver and he pulled her close to him her head lying on his chest. It was silent most of the ride, each content with just a stolen moment of peace. She was sad when it ended, but when he lifted her out and twirled her around she smiled wide at this man who made her wish for a different time, a different place.
"I've missed that" he said putting her down the mischief dancing in those evergreen eyes.
"What"
A finger came to trace the plumpness of her lips, "That smile" he said.
Walking back to the hotel she felt like a teenager again, their hands intertwined; hearts full and jumpy. Happiness was something that seemed to elude her many times in her life but every moment with Holden…even one shrouded in pain filled her soul with joy.
In the elevator he took her into his arms and kissed her with wild abandon, holding her close to him, trying to burn in his brain the way she smelled, laughed, smiled, tasted.
When they finally came to the room both realized the enormity of it all, and as he let her in, he smiled sadly pulling her close to him, kissing atop her head.
"I have to freshen up" she said pulling away.
He nodded and watched her go.
Her hands trembled as she stripped from her clothes and pulled on the small black lingerie. Looking in the mirror she wished she could see herself through his eyes…the way he looked at her like she was the most gorgeous thing he had ever seen…many men had told her she was beautiful…but with him, she could almost believe it.
When the door opened he stood there in a pair of pajama bottoms, candles lit the room, rose petals on the bed.
His eyes drank her in, lust and love mixing together until he felt like a dying man in the desert and she was his last drink of water.
"Carly" he said his words laced with hunger.
She walked slowly to him, those blue eyes reflected back with the same hunger.
"I'm yours Holden Snyder, all yours"
Reaching out he grasped her lithe body to his, skin feeling like fire.
"And I'm yours Carly Tenney, all yours"
The words weren't vows, they didn't change the fact that the morning light would tear them apart….but they were promises of the heart…promises of a love that would live inside of them forever.
If
I had no more time
No more time left to be here
would you
cherish what we had?
Was it everything that you were looking
for?
If I couldn't feel your touch
And no longer were you with
me
I'd be wishing you were here
To be everything that I'd be
looking for
I don't wanna forget the present is a gift
And I
don't wanna take for granted the time you may have here with
me
'Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed
Cupping her face lovingly he brought their lips together, mouths full of unspoken words that only their bodies could speak. He kissed her cheeks, her eyelids, her nose, and her lips again, down suckling on her jaw line, his tongue leading a trail up to the hard part of her ear. She moaned from the intensity of it all…there was something about this man that made her quiver and pray he never stopped touching her.
Kissing across her neck he came to her pulse point and took into his mouth pulling it between his teeth, softly enough to not mark her porcelain skin. He kissed down her collar bone, soft feather like kisses that made her arch her back to get closer to him. Lips came to the tops of her pert breasts, his hand sliding down the corset. Her dusty rose colored nipples were hardened already. He took one into his mouth, manipulating it with his mouth while his hand caressed her other breast. He made love to her with his mouth, taking turns bathing her breasts with his tongue until she was moaning his name her hands pulling at his hair.
So
every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every
time you kiss me
Kiss me like you'll never see me again
Every
time you touch me
Touch me like this is the last time
Promise
that you'll love me
Love me like you'll never see me again
Slowly he pulled away, sliding the rest of the lingerie down her body. He peppered kisses on the way down, her rib cage, the curve of her stomach, her hips, down her leg, up her thighs. He picked her up in one swoosh and gently laid her on the bed. He kissed her again before sliding down her body to her sex. His fingers teased at her, until she was arching to him, practically begging him for more. He opened her to him, before his tongue dipped into her. He could feel her start to shake as his tongue attacked her core while his finger simultaneously manipulated her clit.
"Holden" she cried out before he could feel her shudder, the orgasm flooding her body. Letting her ride it out he kissed at her thighs, he couldn't get enough of her.
She watched him rise slowly and she pulled him close to her sliding down the cotton of his flannel pajama pants. Licking her lips she saw him harden before her. She ran her hand down the length of him and could feel his whole body stiffen. She began to pump him achingly slow loving the way his eyes rolled back into his head. Bringing her mouth to him she let her tongue dart out slowly to catch his taste. That elicited a moan that caused her to engulf the length of him in her warm wet mouth. His tasted was addictive, the most powerful drug. He moaned her name; wound his hand into her blonde hair as she pleasured him. Her eyes looked up at him her eyes shining at him that alone was almost enough to make him explode so he gently pulled her away from him.
"I need to be inside of you" he told her.
Nodding, she laid back on the bed as he opened her legs gently bringing him to her.
Gently he whispered to her, "When we make love tonight, Lets take it slow and cherish each other one last time"
His words brought tears to her eyes, "I love you" she admitted.
A sad smile came upon his face, "And I love you" he said before pushing inside of her.
I
don't wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don't wanna take
for granted the time you may have here with me
'Cause Lord only
knows another day is not really guaranteed
(Like You'll Never See Me Again – Alicia Keys)
In the morning, she would leave him there sleeping…the morning light leaving her heart full and broken…one last kiss upon his perfect face.
"Goodbye Holden" she whispered.
The door closed and he sighed, "Goodbye Carly"