The Simpsons Movie: Thank You, Heavenly Edition

by frostyfreezyfreeze54

In the 45-minute season finale, the kids leave Seattle after being framed for a crime, but when the city becomes nothing but chaos, they are forced to return home and save it from being destroyed.

1. The Simpsons Movie: TYH Edition Script

Thank You, Heavenly

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 6

EPISODE 24

Airdate: June 24, 2018

"The Simpsons Movie: Thank You, Heavenly Edition" (45-minute special; cover of The Simpsons Movie; Season Finale)

Special Guest Stars: Sabrina Carpenter as Sarah Bennett

Original screenplay written by Matt Groening, James L. Brooks, Al Jean, Mike Reiss, George Meyer, Jon Vitti, John Swartzwelder, David Mirkin, Mike Scully, Ian Maxtone-Graham, and Matt Selman

#TYH624

SCENE 1

Regal Meridian 16

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

The kids are leaving the movie theater one night.

WADE: You know, I've seen worse movies. I mean, you can't give up more than Meet the Spartans.

RK: You're comparing two pieces of shit to each other. I don't think there's much of a difference.

SPARKY: Look, I already knew the Cowboy Kyle movie wasn't going to be that good, but I'm glad I saw it. It's like closure for my childhood.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, but if that was the best they could do, they should have just kept the movie on TV.

BUSTER: That's what I don't get. Why does a TV show have to have a movie that they put in theaters? A lot of shows don't deserve it.

WADE: Well, Buster, Hollywood is a business. Movies based on TV shows print money.

BUSTER: I still think it's stupid though. If I ever had a TV show, I would never make a movie. Ever.

RK: Not even if they gave you a budget of three million dollars?

BUSTER: Nope. I'll probably just move to Canada or Panama or Puerto Rico. You know, one of those places that's hard to find? Then they'll never see me again.

At that point, Sparky begins to clutch his head.

SPARKY: Ah, what the hell?

JAYLYNN: Sparky, what's wrong?

SPARKY: I don't know, but it's like...I can see into the future.

RK: Okay, how many times do I have to tell you guys? When some weirdo offers you crystal meth outside of the movie theater bathroom, don't take it!

Cut to a close-up of Sparky's face. At that point, the scene transitions to him witnessing Ike's Ice Cream Emporium in flames, and then quick cuts show the following objects: 100 nightsticks, riot gear, and a rock being thrown through a glass window. Sparky's eyes widen after the sequence is over and he starts screaming.

SPARKY: IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN! THE APOCALYPSE IS COMING! THE POLICE, THE CITY, IKE'S! IT'S ALL GOING DOWN! *points to Buster* YOU'RE GONNA GET IT! *points to Jaylynn* YOU'RE GONNA GET IT! *points to RK* YOU! *points to Wade* AND YOU! WE'RE ALL FINISHED!

Sparky loses consciousness from his rant and falls to the ground. Fade to black. Fade in. Sparky's eyes slightly open, but he still looks disoriented as the guys stare at him on the ground.

JAYLYNN: Shouldn't we do something? He's been like this for five minutes.

BUSTER: I think we should just let nature take its course.

RK: Okay, step aside, guys. I'm trained in mouth-to-mouth.

Sparky suddenly wakes up as if his vision and rant never happened.

SPARKY: Okay, I'm never putting myself in a situation where I need you to put your lips on me.

SCENE 2

Ike's Ice Cream Emporium

Interior Booth

Seattle, Washington

That same night, the kids are having ice cream sundaes. Half the store has no lights on.

JAYLYNN: So you had a vision of Seattle burning down?

SPARKY: It was all sorts of things. Riots, rocks being thrown through windows, the police beating people up. It was a nightmare. I can't believe this.

WADE: You know, Sparky, just because you saw all that stuff happening, doesn't mean it's going to lead to anything.

SPARKY: So what do you think this all means? It was like the world's most vivid horror movie.

WADE: You ate some really bad cereal this morning?

Beat.

WADE: Look, I just like science. I don't have all the answers to everything.

RK: Maybe you should just write down all the stuff that happened in your vision and try to figure out what it means. It's probably just God talking to you or something.

SPARKY: By scaring the hell out of me?

RK: It's called the "fear of God" for a reason.

JAYLYNN: Hey, how come half this place is dark?

BUSTER: Maybe Woody just didn't pay his light bill this month. Hey Woody, be careful! City Light will only let you get away with it for a couple months!

WOODY: Guys, you've always been some of my best customers so I need to tell you the truth. I'm thinking about closing down.

KIDS: What?!

WOODY: Yeah, this ice cream business just isn't working out anymore. I already had to file for bankruptcy. Now I don't know what I can do to keep this place.

RK: Woody, you're out of your mind if you think we're going to let this happen. This is Ike's. Our livelihood, our heart and soul, our second home.

SPARKY: I thought my house was your second home.

RK: Sparky, you know how sometimes, saying certain things doesn't help? This is one of those times.

WOODY: Look, if I could keep up with the payments, I would, but there's nothing I can do. I think it's time for me to consider a new career. Like...telemarketing or...stamp collecting.

WADE: Woody, if we let everyone in Seattle know what's going on, I'm sure they would be willing to help you keep this place open. Just give us a day, we'll think of something.

WOODY: Thanks, guys, but I don't want to leave my business in the hands of a couple of kids. Plus, with the way they're locking brothers up these days, I can't be held responsible for anything that happens.

BUSTER: Don't worry, Woody. RK doesn't care if KG goes to prison.

RK: Dude, that's not what he...*sighs*...yeah, I'll take one for the team.

SCENE 3

The Hernandez Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

A few days later, Jaylynn is doing homework at her place with Anja and Ashley. However, all she seems to be doing is copying off Ashley's paper. Ashley notices this.

ASHLEY: Jaylynn, what are you doing?

JAYLYNN: Admiring the beauty of your handwriting?

ASHLEY: Yeah, right. I don't know why you invite me over if all you're going to do is just take my answers.

JAYLYNN: I don't like to call it taking. It's more like sharing our ideas in a creative way.

ANJA: You know, you could be a writer with that ability to turn a phrase.

JAYLYNN: I am a writer.

ANJA: Well, it wouldn't kill you to crack open your poetry book again.

At that point, Ashley gets a text. She looks at her phone and then replies.

JAYLYNN: Who was that?

ASHLEY: Just Buster.

JAYLYNN/ANJA: Awww.

JAYLYNN: Buster is such a sweet guy. You have the best boyfriend you could get.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I do. I'm thinking about breaking up with him.

JAYLYNN: You're the worst person in the world. I have half a mind to slap you.

ANJA: I thought you were happy with Buster.

ASHLEY: Well, yeah, I was, but now I'm starting to wonder if it's worth it. I can't like a boy for too long. I just get bored.

JAYLYNN: You get bored? Yeah, who gives a shit if I'm hurting the person I'm with? I'm bored, that's what I say.

ASHLEY: What? Do you want to date him?

JAYLYNN: No, but I think that someone should if not you.

ANJA: I don't get it, Ashley. Buster's not a toy you can just throw away once you're done with him. He's a human being with feelings. I mean, does he not get hurt? Does he not cry? Is he incapable of...

ASHLEY: Yeah, okay, okay, I get it. I'll talk to him about it.

JAYLYNN: You better. And if you don't, I'll make sure you will.

ASHLEY: What are you, his guardian or something?

JAYLYNN: You're damn right I am, and if you don't play your cards right, you'll be in for a mystical beatdown.

ASHLEY: I don't understand you sometimes.

SCENE 4

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

That same day, Sparky is writing down everything that he saw in his vision on his notepad. Bitch Clock walks in through the front door wearing tennis clothes and holding a racket.

BITCH CLOCK: Damn, I really wore myself out today. I feel like a young Roger Federer.

SPARKY: The old Roger Federer heard what you just said and is thinking about spitting on you.

BITCH CLOCK: Man, he won't do shit.

SPARKY: What made you start playing tennis anyway? You've never been an athlete.

BITCH CLOCK: Well, I just had my physical and my doctor said I need to be more active. The way I see it, this will help me sweat out all the Jack Daniels I need to start my day.

SPARKY: You said the same thing about boxing.

BITCH CLOCK: Hey, I was one of the most gifted boxers in Seattle. I could have taken down Mayweather for the belt, but I realized that my party lifestyle was more important.

SPARKY: You got knocked out on three occasions, flipped off the guy who ran the boxing club and then smashed his head in with a champagne bottle.

BITCH CLOCK: See, if you don't let me revise history, I'll never have anything to talk about. What are you doing?

SPARKY: Last night after the movies, I had this vision of a big catastrophe in town.

BITCH CLOCK: A catastrophe?

SPARKY: Yeah. Burning buildings, police with riot gear, bombs, Erin Burnett.

BITCH CLOCK: You know, I used to stalk Erin Burnett. Then she filed a restraining order against me. I think it expired a few months ago.

SPARKY: You realize I'm talking, right? Someone is trying to have a conversation with you. Do you think what you just said helps things move forward?

BITCH CLOCK: Alright, you spaz, so you had a vision. It doesn't mean anything.

SPARKY: How do you know?

BITCH CLOCK: Because I'm the king of weird visions. Sparky, I've had so many drinks and done so many drugs, there are things I'll never remember doing. I remember the time I smoked my first bag of crack. It was on a Tuesday, rainy, about 66 degrees at my man Frank's house. I was scared because it was like corner store cocaine, but when you do drugs, it doesn't matter. You want that hit. So I smoked the bag and I had this vision that I was being burned alive. Next thing I know, I was on the roof dancing with my pants off.

Beat.

BITCH CLOCK: What? I know you're shocked, but I used to wear clothes. I got tired of it though.

SPARKY: The fact that you think you wearing clothes was the weird part of that story is a testament to how many brain cells you've lost.

SCENE 5

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

RK and Wade are watching TV later that night.

WADE: Okay, we need a really good hook to get people to come to Ike's.

RK: Why would we need that?

WADE: Because we told Woody that we would come up with ways to bring in customers?

RK: Oh yeah, right. I forgot all about that shit. Right now, I'm just focused on these reruns.

WADE: RK, there's more to life than TV.

RK: Yeah, breathing. Food, water, Anna. If there's anything else, I'm pretty sure it doesn't exist and you're just making it up to manipulate me.

WADE: Dude, this is crunch time. If we don't do anything, Woody will lose the restaurant. Then he'll have no money and no career choices and he'll have to start committing petty crimes. By the time he's 50, he'll get accused of a robbery he didn't pull off, get shot outside the local Wal-Mart, and then be a headline on CNN. Now can we please help him avoid that fate by making sure Ike's stays open?

RK: I thought Woody was already 50.

Beat.

RK: Alright, alright. I guess Earl needs a break. Now, what we need to do is think sexy.

WADE: Why would we think sexy?

RK: Because sexiness is what draws people in. We have to get people excited, turn them on, make them think about Ike's at night. If we can get the whole city to focus on ice cream, they won't want to shut down Ike's.

WADE: Okay, well, how can we turn people on?

RK: With an advertising campaign for the century. We're going to take over Seattle. We're going to let these people know that they need Ike's in their lives. The whole city has to feel it in their soul.

WADE: So, posters?

RK: Yes, posters. Posters as far as the eye can see. We're going to make sure every person in Seattle gets the word that Ike's Ice Cream Emporium is the place to be. And we're going to need a slogan too. Something simple and easy to remember.

RK snaps his fingers.

RK: I got it. "Have you eaten at Ike's today?"

WADE: I mean, it's simple, but I don't think it's going to strike a chord with people.

RK: Wade, some of the most iconic slogans of all-time are basic. Nike? "Just do it." Gatorade? "Is it in you?" Victoria's Secret? Beat. "Better call up Victoria, bitches."

Beat.

RK: Look, bottom line, this is going to work. By asking this question, we're putting the customer on trial. They see that question so many times, they start to feel bad and they'll have no choice but to pick up some ice cream.

WADE: Oh, so we're psychologically manipulating them and they don't even know it?

RK: Dude, please. It's ice cream, not a love potion.

SCENE 6

The Bennett (Lisa) Household

Interior Lisa's Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

Lisa is staring at the bedroom wall, doing nothing else but looking at the wall intently. At that point, one of her friends walks in. During the conversation, the instrumental to "Visionz" by Wu-Tang Clan is heard in the background.

VERONICA: Hey Lisa, you...oh. You're still doing this. I forgot.

LISA: He beat me, Veronica. He humiliated me in front of everyone. Why would he do that?

VERONICA: Because he knew Manny was innocent and didn't deserve to get kicked out of school? Look, Lisa, you lost. You tried to get one over on everybody, but Sparky was just too curious. Get over it and have some fun for once in your life.

LISA: Get over it? Get over it?! That dumb kid took away student council from me. I was the person everybody respected in that hall. I was the queen, the boss, the big cheese, the head honcho, the honorable and most righteous...

VERONICA: Yeah, I get it. Wait, you're not even part of the Nation of Islam.

LISA: I can still compare myself to them.

VERONICA: No, you really can't. Lisa, I don't like seeing you like this. There's nothing you can do. Just take your suspension, then come back to school like none of this ever happened.

LISA: Yeah, right. What I need to do is get revenge. And this time, it's the kind of revenge that no one will be able to figure out. Sparky's gonna get it. Him and all his little friends. This isn't over until I say it's over.

At that point, the "Visionz" instrumental becomes louder as the camera zooms in on Lisa's look of rage. Thunder can be heard in the background.

SCENE 7

The Newman Condominium

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Buster is watching TV when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door to reveal Ashley.

ASHLEY: Hey Buster.

BUSTER: It's my sweetheart. How are you doing today, angel?

Buster leans in for a kiss, but Ashley doesn't reciprocate.

BUSTER: What's going on, Ashley? I was ready this time.

ASHLEY: Could we talk about something?

BUSTER: Sure. About what?

BUSTER'S BRAIN (V.O.): Dude, it's game over for you. She's getting tired of seeing your face every day. My advice is to jump out the window before she can even say anything. She'll feel sorry for you and forget why she came here.

BUSTER: Well, I don't live on the first floor. I don't even see how that would work.

ASHLEY: What?

BUSTER: No, it's not you. I was just giving myself bad advice again. So what's up?

ASHLEY: Well, we've been going out for a few weeks and it's been fun, but...

BUSTER: Let me just stop you there. I know where this is going.

ASHLEY: You do?

BUSTER: Yeah. Look, Ashley, I really like you. I didn't even realize how much I liked you until we started dating. But we already talked about this. You're just not the kind of person to be with someone for a long time. And as much as I don't want this to end, it has to.

ASHLEY: Wow. So you're okay with this?

BUSTER: I'll have to be. I don't like being sad for a long time. Plus, you've made me so happy lately. It's not fair if I just start hating you because you don't want to be with me anymore.

ASHLEY: That's...really mature, Buster. Thank you, I wasn't expecting that at all.

Ashley hugs Buster, which causes him to get a dreamy smile on his face.

BUSTER: But I hope we can still be friends.

ASHLEY: Of course, no problem. You're an amazing guy, Buster. If I had known that before Jaylynn talked to me, I would have asked you out a long time ago.

Beat.

BUSTER: Wait, what do you mean before Jaylynn talked to you?

ASHLEY'S BRAIN (V.O.): Way to go, genius. You got what you wanted and you blew the whole damn thing. I would curse you out in Spanish, but I don't have the energy right now.

ASHLEY: Hey, have you ever tried putting a chicken wing in honey? It's like, the most amazing thing that's ever been a thing.

BUSTER: I've done that nine times, it's fantastic. Now what did Jaylynn tell you?

Beat.

ASHLEY: Whatever do you mean, friend?

SCENE 8

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

The next day, Sparky and Buster are talking by their lockers.

SPARKY: So what did you do after Ashley told you everything?

BUSTER: I don't know, I just...snapped. I yelled at her and told her I didn't want to see her again.

SPARKY: Really? I don't think I've ever heard you yell about anything. Well, except when Marvin Marvin got cancelled.

BUSTER: They just got rid of it after one season! That's why they never have any shows. But it was embarrassing. I thought Ashley liked me because of who I am. But it was only because Jaylynn made her.

SPARKY: Come on, man, you know that's not true. If Ashley didn't have any feelings for you, you would have never went past the first date. But she's just not the kind of person that can handle being in a relationship.

BUSTER: Yeah. It's not her I should be upset with. It's Jaylynn. She was supposed to be there for me and she treated me like some charity case. When I see her, I'm going to give her a rerun of what I said to Ashley.

SPARKY: I don't think that's a good idea.

BUSTER: Why not?

SPARKY: It's one thing to yell at Ashley, but if you do it to Jaylynn, she'll most likely have you picking up your teeth in the boys bathroom.

BUSTER: True.

SPARKY: Come to think of it, Ashley's not soft either. How were you able to get away with screaming at her?

BUSTER: She probably felt sorry for me. On any normal day, she would have put me on a T-shirt.

At that point, Jaylynn walks over to the guys.

JAYLYNN: Bonjour, homies.

BUSTER: Shut up. How dare you disrespect the French by speaking their language?!

JAYLYNN: Whoa, where's this coming from?

BUSTER: You should know. After all, you love to force girls to go out with me.

JAYLYNN: Oh shit, this isn't good.

SPARKY: You know what? I don't want to get involved in this so I'll just let you guys talk.

Sparky opens his locker and walks inside.

SPARKY: Pretend I'm not even here.

Sparky closes his locker.

JAYLYNN: Look, Buster, I was just trying to set you up with someone like you wanted.

BUSTER: So you told Sanna and Ashley to ask me out because you felt sorry for me?

JAYLYNN: No, because I wanted you to be happy. And why does it matter? Ashley likes you for who you really are.

BUSTER: No, she doesn't. Because she broke up with me.

JAYLYNN: Oh, she did now.

BUSTER: Yeah.

JAYLYNN: Buster, you know I would never do anything to hurt you. Ashley wanted to go out with you, I just gave her a reason to.

BUSTER: It doesn't matter anymore. Ashley got bored with the whole thing and was trying to escape. Thank you for treating me like some dirty animal, Jaylynn. From now on, I only have three friends.

Buster begins walking away, but then stops.

BUSTER: By the way, before this, you were only behind Sparky.

Buster continues walking away. Jaylynn sighs and opens Sparky's locker. Sparky then comes out.

SPARKY: Thanks. That was intense.

JAYLYNN: You're telling me. I can't believe this. I love Buster, I wasn't trying to pity him.

SPARKY: You know that and I know that. He's just upset because Ashley broke up with him the same day she told him what happened. He'll come around soon.

JAYLYNN: I hope he does. I feel like a loser.

SPARKY: Oh no. Unless this is just the start of something much, much worse.

JAYLYNN: Kid, don't start scaring me now.

SPARKY: No, it makes sense. Ashley broke up with Buster. You and Buster aren't friends anymore. Pretty soon, there's going to be the bombings and the riot gear. My vision's going to come and kill all of us!

JAYLYNN: See, this is why you should stop using chicken sauce on your popcorn.

SPARKY: Jaylynn, I know what I saw. Just because it sounds weird, doesn't mean it will never happen. What I need to do is break down my vision and figure out exactly what each part of it means. Then I can try to stop it before it comes true.

JAYLYNN: It didn't work for Raven and it won't work for you.

SPARKY: How does it feel knowing you used to be ahead of RK?

JAYLYNN: Leave me alone.

SCENE 9

Ike's Ice Cream Emporium

Interior Booth

Seattle, Washington

After school, RK and Wade are meeting with Woody to discuss ways to reinvent Ike's.

RK: Okay, Woody, here are some ways that we can help rebuild your establishment. With just one catchphrase, we're going to have Seattle buzzing.

Wade holds up a sign that says "Have you eaten at Ike's today?"

WOODY: Have you eaten at Ike's today? Man, what does that even mean?

RK: Well, you're supposed to put emphasis on the "you." You know, like you're pointing at someone. Have you eaten at Ike's today? You want to make the person feel bad for not coming here.

WADE: And we already have a mascot.

Wade pulls out a large cardboard vanilla ice cream cone with a happy expression.

WOODY: Do you guys really think this is a good idea?

WADE: Of course. It's a mascot. Kids love mascots.

WOODY: I guess. But I'm just not convinced all this extra advertising will be enough to draw people in.

RK: Don't worry about that, man. Leave it up to Jennings & Saltalamacchia Creative Services.

WOODY: Who the hell is that?

Beat.

WADE: It's us.

RK: Yeah, you don't know our last names?

WOODY: Why would I? You guys never told me until now.

RK: Oh, you're right.

WOODY: And anyway, do you know my last name?

Beat.

WADE: We should probably start advertising.

SCENE 10

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

That same day, Halley is over at Sparky's house helping him figure out the meaning behind his vision.

SPARKY: Okay, so I definitely remember a bomb being thrown through the window of one of our houses. I just can't remember which house.

HALLEY: Does it matter which house?

SPARKY: Well, if it didn't, I wouldn't be trying to remember it.

HALLEY: Maybe it wasn't one of your houses. It was just a random house that looks familiar.

SPARKY: I don't think so. Ugh, this is killing me. Why can't I put everything together?

HALLEY: Because it's not important. Look, Sparky, these things happen. Not a lot, and not to anyone that I know, but they still happen. Doesn't mean it's real.

SPARKY: Well, I've been reading some psychology articles lately, and they say that the more clear the visions, the higher probability of them happening.

HALLEY: See? You have nothing to worry about.

SPARKY: I guess. But I'm not giving this up. This might be something that ends up destroying the entire city.

HALLEY: I mean, Seattle's not that great anyway. Maybe things will get better if your vision comes true.

Sparky gives Halley a confused look.

HALLEY: Hey, I'm trying to look on the bright side here.

SCENE 11

Lisa is driving around the city with Veronica in the passenger's seat.

LISA: It's like there's nothing good to eat today.

VERONICA: What about the Chinese place we passed by five minutes ago?

LISA: No, I heard they spit in your food if you complain about the way they cook it. I don't need to deal with anybody trying to kill me through what I eat. Hey, look, over there.

VERONICA: Girl, you're not pointing to anything. We talked about this already.

LISA: No, over there at the telephone pole next to the hardware store.

VERONICA: See, you get it. What about the pole?

LISA: It's talking about some ice cream place.

Lisa stops the car and parks near the hardware store. Her and Veronica walk out of the car and look at the poster for Ike's Ice Cream Emporium on the pole.

LISA: "Have you eaten at Ike's today?" I like it.

VERONICA: And that ice cream cone is cute too.

LISA: Wait a minute. Ike's, I know that place. Isn't that where all the lame-ass fourth graders hang out?

VERONICA: We used to go to that place.

LISA: Yeah, when it was cool. Then it got infested by losers. I guess it wouldn't hurt to go now.

SCENE 12

Ike's Ice Cream Emporium

Interior Booth

Seattle, Washington

Lisa and Veronica are having sundaes later on.

VERONICA: Damn, Woody's really gone through hard times.

LISA: Yeah. Dude needs to pay his bills or he won't have to deal with this. Hey Woody, what happened to this place? Is City Light not keeping tabs on you?

WOODY: I'm close to going bankrupt. This place will shut down soon if I don't start getting customers. RK and Wade are doing some advertising, but I don't know if it's going to help.

VERONICA: RK and Wade?

LISA: Wait, Sparky's friends? The ones that served in the trial that finished me off?

VERONICA: Lisa, please, I'm trying to eat.

WOODY: Yeah, Sparky's friends. I don't know about the rest of what you just said. You guys handle that amongst yourselves.

Woody leaves the booth.

LISA: So this is just fantastic. Sparky's friends help him take me out of school, and now, they're about to get fame and glory for bringing customers to this place? This is bullshit.

VERONICA: Yeah, it's a really sad day. Where do you want to go after this?

LISA: I have to find a way to destroy Sparky's good name. But in order to do that, I have to take some steps. Ruin his friends first, and he looks like a joke by association. But how can I do it?

Lisa's eyes widen and she gets a sinister smile on her face.

VERONICA: Lisa, whatever you're thinking, it's evil. It's dark, it's twisted, and it won't work. Forget about it or else I'll put you over my knee and spank you.

LISA: Ewwww, you're gross. But don't worry about what I'm thinking. After I'm done, nobody's going to want Sparky MacDougal or his little friends in Seattle ever again.

SCENE 13

The Newman Condominium

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Buster is watching TV when Jaylynn walks in and stands by the door.

JAYLYNN: Hello Buster.

BUSTER: I need to go to the bathroom.

Buster tries to run away when Jaylynn grabs him by the back of his shirt.

JAYLYNN: Buster, no. You and I have to talk about this.

BUSTER: There's nothing to talk about. You made me look like a loser which made Ashley feel sorry for me, which means that our whole relationship was just a waste of time. I knew something was wrong. Why would someone like her ever be interested in me?

JAYLYNN: Alright, man, that's bullshit and you know it. You know what your problem is? You don't want to give yourself any credit. You're one of the best people I know. You're funny, you're sweet, you treat your friends like they're family. You're about something. That's what Ashley was into.

BUSTER: Well, if that's the case, then why was it so easy for her to dump me?

JAYLYNN: Because it's Ashley. I mean, God bless her soul, but there are just some people that are better off alone.

BUSTER: Yeah, you're right. I'm just upset that it's over. I knew we weren't going to be together forever, but it still hurts.

JAYLYNN: And that's okay. But just know that even though it wasn't her idea to ask you out, she still wanted to give you a chance because she saw something special about you. It's the same special thing I see about you all the time.

BUSTER: Thanks, Jaylynn. You're a good friend. I'm sorry I told you I only had three friends now. That was kinda mean.

JAYLYNN: Hey, I get it, man. Breakups are hard. I know.

BUSTER: You used to be in a relationship? When?

JAYLYNN: In an alternate universe where girls actually liked me.

BUSTER: Is the weather in alternate universes different? Or is that just something people say to get you to go?

Beat.

JAYLYNN: One day, I just want to eat you up.

SCENE 14

Ike's Ice Cream Emporium

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

(The instrumental to "Threat" by Jay-Z plays in the background)

Late at night, Lisa walks up to the restaurant wearing a black sweater, black gloves, and black pants, along with a black skull cap. She takes out a bottle from her pocket and a folded up note. She looks around for any cars driving past or people walking by, then pours gasoline and motor oil into the bottle. Lisa then wraps a piece of paper towel and forces some of it inside the bottle, followed by her taping up the paper towel to keep it inside. Lisa then lights the end of the paper towel sticking out on fire, and while grabbing the bottle, tosses it through the window of Ike's, causing it to burn instantly. Lisa smiles at her handiwork, quickly packs up her stuff, and leaves the note near the dumpster of the restaurant. She then pulls the mask over her face and runs as fast as she can to avoid being seen.

SCENE 15

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

The next day, the kids are in complete shock at Ike's burning down as they eat.

SPARKY: I can't believe Ike's burned down. This is horrible.

JAYLYNN: Wait a minute. Didn't you see that in your vision?

SPARKY: Oh my God, you're right. I did see it! We're dead. Every single one of us needs to start picking out tombstones.

WADE: Sparky, we're not dead. This was all some freak accident.

SPARKY: Oh, so the restaurant just magically burned down by itself? Was it listening to Seth Rollins' theme song while it did it and left a note?

WADE: I was just going to say faulty wiring, but we can go with confused ramblings too.

RK: Guys, this is a nightmare. Everything's crashing down all at once. First, we find out that Ike's is about to close down. Then Ashley breaks up with Buster. Then Buster breaks up with Jaylynn. Then they get back together, and someone ends up burning Ike's to the ground. I'm telling you, it's just going to get worse.

JAYLYNN: Buster and I aren't a couple.

RK: You're a couple of freaks, whether you want to admit it or not.

BUSTER: So you're saying that Sparky's 100% right and we really might die?

RK: Could be. I already made peace with myself. It's been a great ten years, I couldn't ask for better.

WADE: Dude, nobody's dying. Everything will go back to normal. Woody's insurance will cut him a check for the damages, he'll rebuild Ike's, and it will be like this never happened.

SCENE 16

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Later that day, the kids are watching TV together.

RK: So Jaylynn, do you have any plans for the summer?

JAYLYNN: No. I wish I did. I actually want to travel.

BUSTER: Maybe we could go to Disney World!

RK: Wait, can we? Sparky, can we go? Pretty please, with chocolate ice cream and a caramel ribbon on top?

Beat.

SPARKY: Dude, why are you asking me for permission? I'm not your dad.

Sparky's phone starts ringing at that point.

WADE: You know, I hear that Adriana is going back to Poland this summer to be with some relatives.

RK: She wants you to go?

WADE: Probably. I would love to be with here every day in a foreign country.

RK: We might be away from each other all summer? That sucks. I love you, man.

WADE: I know you do.

Sparky hangs up his phone.

BUSTER: Sparky, what's going on? You almost look sick.

SPARKY: Halley just accused me of burning down Ike's.

RK: What the hell is her problem? Is she smoking crack?!

SPARKY: Maybe, because I don't see why else she would believe that.

JAYLYNN: Oh, shit.

SPARKY: What?

JAYLYNN: Ashley just texted me to watch channel seven. They're talking about us!

SPARKY: No way.

Sparky changes the channel to channel seven.

REPORTER: Just 15 minutes ago, local authorities found a handwritten letter amidst the debris of Ike's Ice Cream Emporium. It was signed by Sparky MacDougal, Buster Newman, RK Jennings, Wade Saltalamacchia, and Jaylynn Skylar Hernandez.

JAYLYNN: Wait, why is my name always last with these things?

The boys look at Jaylynn with confusion.

JAYLYNN: I know, I know, priorities. I just had to get that off my chest.

REPORTER: The letter reads: "Dear fire department, we are the ones responsible for this. We are five fourth graders at iCarly Elementary School. We just wanted Woody to keep his restaurant so we burned down Ike's so he could collect the insurance money. But just so you know, we didn't mean to do anything wrong, so don't arrest us. Have a great summer. Glory to God."

Beat.

SPARKY: ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME?!

At that point, a loud banging is heard at the door.

POLICEMAN: Open up, we have a warrant for your arrest, Mr. MacDougal.

BUSTER: RK, I have to say, this is an amazing practical joke. But I think you went too far with the whole news report.

RK: Buster, I'm sitting right here. What makes you think I would do any of this as a prank? Including snitching on myself?

BUSTER: I just wanted to believe for one second that this wasn't real.

Wade looks through the curtains and sees a huge mob that has congregated in Sparky's lawn.

WADE: Guys, you might want to take a look at this.

The other kids look out the window and see the mob. At that point, Sparky's memory begins to come back and he is able to visualize his house being bombed and burned to the ground. The scene cuts back to the present day.

SPARKY: Guys, if you want to live, then we need to get the hell out of here. Now.

JAYLYNN: But we didn't do anything. We at least need to defend ourselves.

SPARKY: We know we're innocent, but they don't. That's how the world works. If there's a way to pin something on somebody, then everyone will believe it forever.

WADE: Sparky's right. We're sitting ducks in here. Our only option is to resist arrest and leave Seattle.

RK: Forget that. We're not going out like a bunch of suckers. If they want war, let's give them war.

SPARKY: RK, this isn't a Michael Bay movie. WE'RE GOING TO DIE AND NEVER COME BACK!

RK: Sparky, don't you think that they're just going to find us anyway? Besides, this is the day I've been training for my whole life. We're going to blow their brains out.

The loud banging continues.

POLICEMAN: Mr. MacDougal, come out with your hands up. You're only making it worse.

RK: Don't worry. If they want some, they can come get some.

Cut to a close-up of two quarters being dropped onto the kitchen table. The camera widens to reveal RK loading up his gun.

WADE: Dude, what was that about?

RK: Didn't you say you needed fifty cents for a drink this morning? Now you can't say I never give you money again.

RK slowly walks up to the front door carrying his gun.

JAYLYNN: This is actually happening. We're going to have a shootout with the police even though we only have one gun.

RK: Look, the goal here is to take some of them out on our way to freedom. If we get killed before that, it just means we fought for a worthy cause.

SPARKY: RK? Could I suggest something?

RK: Sure, buddy, what is it?

SPARKY: Instead of trying to get ourselves killed before our 13th birthday, how about we talk to the police first about what happened? And if that doesn't work, then we go Grand Theft Auto on them?

RK: It's a crazy idea, Sparks, but you're the one they chose to come after first.

Sparky opens the front door and sees several citizens of Seattle staring at him, with the cops standing on the front porch.

SPARKY: Okay, guys, you need to know the truth. The cops, the people, everyone. We're completely innocent. We didn't burn down Woody's store, or have any intention to. We were set up, okay? This is nothing more than some idiot trying to get us locked up for something we didn't do. So can everyone just go home? There's nothing to see here.

COP: Where were you last night at 12:45 AM?

SPARKY: Sleeping.

COP: What about your other friends?

SPARKY: Also sleeping.

COP: So you were nowhere near the crime scene?

SPARKY: No.

COP: And as far as you know, your friends weren't either?

SPARKY: No, and we didn't write that note.

COP: That's all we needed to hear. Arrest him and all his friends.

SPARKY: WHAT?!

RK: Yeah, that's not happening.

("Come Get Me" by Nas plays in the background)

RK shoots two cops with his gun and grabs Wade by the arm. Meanwhile, Buster grabs Wade's arm, Jaylynn grabs Buster's, and Sparky grabs Jaylynn's to form a chain. At that point, other cops arrive and a brawl forms between them, the kids, and the mob. RK fires more random shots, which ends up causing some to flee and others to pull out their own guns and start shooting. Amidst the chaos, Sparky and the gang are able to make it to his car.

JAYLYNN: Sparky, step on it and don't stop for a damn thing!

SPARKY: Wait a minute. I forgot something!

RK: Dude, you have to be kidding me. I'm not going back out there. Some idiot was this close to putting one in my brain.

SPARKY: I don't need you guys to come. Just stay here.

BUSTER: Sparky, if you don't come back, I love you and I'll always remember how great our friendship was.

SPARKY: Me too, buddy.

Sparky leaves the car and runs past the mob on his way back to the living room. He grabs Santa's Little Helper, and at the same time, watches a member of the riot squad throw a bomb through his window. Sparky screams and exits through the backyard as the explosion ends up destroying the living room. The kids look stunned as they see the destruction and the mob going crazy fighting with the police.

BUSTER: No. God, please, no.

JAYLYNN: He's not dead, he can't be.

At that point, Sparky rushes to the car holding Santa's Little Helper. The kids cheer.

SPARKY: Buster, hold my little pride and joy. We're getting out of here.

Sparky puts the car in drive and speeds away from his house. At that point, more bombs are being thrown at the house which causes it to be destroyed piece by piece. At that point, Bitch Clock returns with groceries and is shocked at what he sees.

BITCH CLOCK: What's going on here? Is Sparky in there?!

Two people brawling end up hitting Bitch Clock in the face.

BITCH CLOCK: THAT WAS IN MY MOUTH!

SCENE 17

Later on, Sparky is driving the car on a quiet highway. The kids look visibly traumatized by the night's events.

RK: You know, with all the shit going on in town, they're probably going to cancel school.

Buster, Wade, and Jaylynn give RK annoyed expressions.

RK: I'm sorry, I just...thought we needed some comedy in these...in these dark times.

WADE: This is unbelievable. You and I break our back trying to bring in customers to Ike's, and now everyone thinks we're arsonists. It doesn't make any sense.

RK: You're telling me. This has to be a plot.

JAYLYNN: You think everything is a plot.

RK: So what do you think, Jaylynn? Someone just accidentally framed us for burning Ike's down? Like they didn't want to write that phony letter, but they couldn't help themselves?

JAYLYNN: You know what, you're right. I just wish we could figure out who.

BUSTER: Sparky, where are we going?

SPARKY: Honestly, I have no idea. I'm just trying to get as far away from Seattle as possible. I bet they have ten thousand dogs looking for us right now.

RK: This is insane, guys. We're fugitives, outlaws. We're going to have to start all over. Create new lives and regret every choice we've ever made until we die.

JAYLYNN: But we have to go back home at some point. Don't we?

Beat.

JAYLYNN: Well, I'm not about to just sit around and wonder what we're gonna do next. I'm making sure we have a roof over our heads tonight.

Jaylynn takes out her phone and makes a call. Over in Portland, Sarah is watching TV when she gets a call and picks up.

SARAH: Hey Jaylynn, what's up?

Cut back to Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: Nothing much. Listen, I have a big favor to ask you and I don't know what you're going to say, but it might be the biggest favor you ever do for me.

Cut back to Sarah.

SARAH: Okay, what is it?

Cut back to Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: Well, me and the guys were framed for burning down our favorite ice cream place, so now the local cops are after us. I just want to know if we can stay at your place until the heat dies down.

Cut back to Sarah.

SARAH: Man, are you drunk?

Cut back to Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: Are you?

SARAH: Dude, I could have you guys over here, but not if you're criminals.

JAYLYNN: Sarah, we're not criminals. The police just thinks we are. God, what are they teaching in the schools down there?

Sarah sighs.

SARAH: I don't know, man.

JAYLYNN: Look, we're only going to be there for a few days. If we have to, we'll get a hotel or something, but we just need to be somewhere we know is safe.

SARAH: Alright, come over whenever you can.

JAYLYNN: Thanks, Sarah. You're the best. Did I ever tell you that you have an amazing smile?

SARAH: I already know I do. You don't need to patronize me by saying so.

Sarah hangs up abruptly.

RK: Why did she just hang up like that?

JAYLYNN: Oh, that's normal for people in Portland. When the conversation's done, you just know it. You don't need words to let you know.

SCENE 18

The Bennett (Sarah) Household

Interior Living Room

Portland, Oregon

The kids are in the living room along with Sarah.

SARAH: Okay, so you guys are on the run because the police think you burned down Ike's? Which is the place you guys go to hang out every day after school?

SPARKY: Yeah, and we didn't. We were framed. But I just can't figure out who or why.

SARAH: Maybe it was someone out to get you. You've probably made a lot of enemies.

BUSTER: No, most of them are dead or were only around for a short time.

SARAH: Well, like I said last time you were here, make yourselves at home. HA! As if you had a choice.

JAYLYNN: Do you feel good? Do you feel proud of yourself after what you just said?

SARAH: Actually, I do. It made perfect sense to say that.

JAYLYNN: And you have the nerve to call me corny every time you see me.

SARAH: Because you are. But it's okay. I had to accept the fact that I'm kinda corny too. Not Seattle-level corny, but still.

JAYLYNN: You trying to make yourself seem not as corny doesn't change anything. Embrace who you are and shut up.

SCENE 19

The Bennett (Lisa) Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

That same night, Lisa is watching TV.

REPORTER: And the riots continue in downtown Seattle as the search for five missing fourth graders has officially begun. The children are accused of burning down the local ice cream parlor known as Ike's Ice Cream Emporium, and also resisted arrest earlier this evening. We had a chance to speak to the owner of Ike's, Woody Farber, for his side of the story.

Cut to Woody being interviewed near his destroyed store.

WOODY: I honestly don't believe they burned down my store. I believe someone was trying to destroy their image. I feel like they're very good kids and I hope they come back soon because justice needs to be served. Woody then turns to the camera. But for the person who really caused this, you're gonna get yours sooner or later. God doesn't like negative energy, and whatever you put into the universe will get put right back, so don't think you're untouchable.

LISA: Ha. Stupid Negro.

Veronica walks in at that point.

VERONICA: So when did you plan on telling me you did this?

LISA: I don't know what you're talking about.

VERONICA: Don't play dumb, you jackass. You burned down Ike's and framed the fourth grade kids for it.

LISA: Well, I guess you were smart enough to figure it out. I was almost hoping your brain wasn't that big.

VERONICA: Why would you do this? Do you not understand that everyone's losing their mind because the guys left town? And Woody's store, the same store he's owned for almost 25 years, is gone? What the f*** was going through your mind when you did this?

LISA: Payback! Sweet, sweet payback. Sparky ruined my life. He took everything away from me. I used to have it all. Student council, respect, a great boyfriend.

VERONICA: You don't have a boyfriend.

LISA: Well, let's say I did. I got kicked out of my student council and suspended for the rest of the year because Sparky had to investigate and ruin my plans like a white knight riding around with his bitch-made morals. I hate him, I hate his friends, and I did what I had to do to make sure this whole city hates them.

VERONICA: I can't believe this. You're just an evil bitch.

LISA: HEY! How are you going to talk to your best friend like that?

VERONICA: Because you're not my best friend! This Lisa? I don't know who she is. I always thought you were a little weird, but this is something a monster would do. You're going to go to the cops and tell them everything, and if you don't, I will.

LISA: Okay, you're right. I might be a little screwed up in the head, but the one fact about Lisa Bennett is that she always gets what she wants. It's too bad I couldn't get away with this. Let's go. Take me to the precinct, come on.

VERONICA: Alright.

LISA: Yeah, lead the way.

Veronica is about to open the door when Lisa hits her in the back of the head with a gun, knocking her unconscious.

LISA: RK just had to drop this on his way out. But an idiot's loss is my gain.

Lisa drags Veronica across the floor and then opens the door to her basement. She then tosses her down the stairs and locks the door. Lisa then whistles "Baby Be Mine" by Michael Jackson as she waves RK's gun around and goes back to watching TV. Cut to black.

SCENE 20

The Bennett (Sarah) Household

Interior Kitchen

Portland, Oregon

The next morning, Sparky is on the phone while the others are watching TV in the living room.

SPARKY: Look, Halley, we were framed. Nothing happened. I would never burn down Ike's. What do I have to gain from that?

HALLEY: Okay, I believe you. I'm sorry I accused you, I just couldn't deal with it when I saw you on the news. It's like, all of a sudden, I didn't know you anymore.

SPARKY: It's okay.

HALLEY: Please come back. I need you here. It's not the same without you. And I'm scared to even be on the streets.

SPARKY: Why? It's Seattle. What's the worst that can happen? People go nuts because the Wi-Fi at Starbucks doesn't work?

HALLEY: I wish it was that simple. People are going crazy with these riots because apparently, there's a reward of $10,000 for the first person who finds or kills you guys.

SPARKY: Really? There's a bounty on us?!

HALLEY: Yeah. And everyone loved going to Ike's. It's like someone famous died up here. There are people talking about their favorite memories of the place, memorials being made. There's even a petition on Facebook to rebuild it.

SPARKY: Are you kidding me? I can't believe this. We really are being treated like criminals.

HALLEY: I know it sucks, but you need to come home and prove that you're innocent. They'll understand.

SPARKY: I don't think so. But we still have to think about what we're gonna do next. I'll talk to you later, Halley.

HALLEY: Okay. I love you, Sparky. Please be careful.

SPARKY: I love you too.

Sparky hangs up the phone and goes to the living room.

SPARKY: Guys, I can't even begin to describe how pissed I am. If anybody here has a problem with that, I'll kick your ass so bad, you won't even be able to recognize what I did to you.

SARAH: I might have a problem with that.

SPARKY: I don't have enough energy to hurt you.

BUSTER: What's wrong, Sparky?

SPARKY: Halley just told me that there's a $10,000 bounty on our heads. And the whole city has gone to hell. People are losing their minds all because they think we burned down Ike's.

JAYLYNN: Well, that place meant a lot to Seattle. It's like if someone burned down the old Yankee Stadium or the Colosseum or...SeaWorld.

SPARKY: Well, they should have done something to help keep the lights on if they felt that way. Now I don't know what to do. If we go back to Seattle, we'll either end up dead or in jail.

WADE: It's crazy how a few days ago, we were just lounging on your couch aimlessly watching TV. Now we're candidates for America's Most Wanted.

RK: That show's not even on anymore.

WADE: After what you just found out, this is what you're focusing on?

RK: Yes, because I knew this was going to happen. Those idiots in Seattle don't want us around, so we won't give them a single trace of us. Let's move to Cuba and look for Tupac's ghost if we have to.

SARAH: Isn't your girlfriend in Seattle?

RK: I'm perfectly fine with a long-distance relationship if that's what I have to do.

SCENE 21

The Bennett (Lisa) Household

Interior Basement

Seattle, Washington

Veronica is sitting inside the basement waiting for Lisa. Lisa unlocks the door and walks downstairs whistling "Superstition" by Stevie Wonder.

LISA: What a beautiful morning. Isn't it exciting to be here? All it took to wake this city up was a Molotov cocktail. Who would have thought?

VERONICA: I just want you to know that I don't even have the words to let you know how much I hate you.

LISA: That's okay. Hate me if you want. Because I hate you way more.

VERONICA: What happened to you? You've been pissed off before and you never went this far. Did being in student council really mean that much to you?

LISA: What do you think, moron? I was in control when I was part of the council. I was able to tell everyone what to do and how to do it. Then I had the chance to finally get rid of Manny and it was taken away from me. I don't lose, Veronica. I never lose. This time, Sparky and those other ones messed with the wrong person. Nobody's going to stop me from getting what I want, especially you.

VERONICA: Uh huh. So did you think about what would happen if I got free, and then I told everyone that you caused this? And you're the reason the whole city has lost its mind?

LISA: Well, there are still some bullets loaded up here. If I need to, I can always shoot.

VERONICA: So you would really shoot and kill your best friend?

LISA: Hey, this is just about protection.

VERONICA: If this is about protection, then why did you leave the door open?

Lisa sees that the basement door is wide open and looks back at Veronica. Veronica runs up to Lisa before she can pull out the gun and tackles her. She then lands a few punches on Lisa and bodyslams her, then runs up the stairs and leaves the house. Lisa is far too late to catch up to her.

LISA: No, I'm screwed! Wait a minute. I'm not screwed. Veronica has nothing on me. She has no proof, no evidence. Who would she tell? They're just going to dismiss anything she says. So whatever happens, I'm in the clear.

Lisa sits down on the living room couch.

LISA: She doesn't have shit.

SCENE 22

The Bennett (Sarah) Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Several hours later, Jaylynn and Sarah are watching TV.

JIMMY FALLON: Thank you, thank you. You know, I would first like to give a shout out to those currently struggling in Seattle. I mean, people getting killed, riots, looting. I mean, we are in the middle of a modern-day holocaust in this northwest city.

At that point, the show cuts to nothing but static.

JAYLYNN: That was weird. I can't remember that ever happening on his show.

SARAH: I think I know the reason, but I won't say anything.

Jaylynn changes the channel and lands on CNN.

REPORTER: Tonight on CNN, we look into the war zone that Seattle has become. In the past 24 hours, the city has become a hotbed for robberies, murders, police brutality, riots, and protests. The arson attack against a local mom and pop ice cream restaurant is what initially set off the civil unrest.

JAYLYNN: Oh my God. This is terrible! I have to tell the guys!

Jaylynn jumps over the couch and ends up falling on the floor.

SARAH: Are you going to be okay?

JAYLYNN: Yeah, I just have to rearrange my spine to where it's supposed to be.

Cut to Jaylynn running into the boys' guest room and jumping on the bed of Sparky and Buster.

JAYLYNN: GUYS! GUYS! WAKE UP! SEATTLE IS A NIGHTMARE! WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!

SPARKY: You think you could make your point without trying to kill us first?

JAYLYNN: I'm sorry. You know how excited I get about things.

WADE: Jaylynn, what are you talking about?

JAYLYNN: We're all over the news. People are getting killed up there. There's riots, people are stealing things, everyone's going nuts. We have to stop it!

SPARKY: How are we supposed to stop everyone from going crazy?

JAYLYNN: I don't know, but we have to try. Everyone started acting like this when they thought we burned down Ike's. If we go back there, we can prove we're innocent and get people to calm down. I know it's scary to think about going back home, but if we're not ready to fight, we won't have a home to go back to.

BUSTER: You're right, Jaylynn. Seattle's still ours. We need to go home and save the day.

SPARKY: You know what? I'm in. Let's do this.

WADE: I'm in.

Beat.

RK: Why is everyone looking at me? I've been trying to shed a couple pounds.

JAYLYNN: RK, you don't want to go back home?

RK: You mean, the same home where everyone tried to kill us for something we didn't do? That doesn't sound like home to me.

WADE: But dude, it's still the place where we live. We can't let the people burn the city to the ground.

RK: And after you save everybody from acting like idiots, they'll remember why they're acting like that and kill all of you. That's what these people do. They're savages. They're waiting for us to come back. They're licking their chops praying that we give up and surrender so we either get shot or get life in prison.

SPARKY: RK, you know Seattle's not supposed to be like this. If we come back, we at least have a chance to change things. Maybe we can even find out who framed us.

RK: So they can put you on a T-shirt?

JAYLYNN: Can you stop being so selfish? What about your brother, man? Or Anna? Did you think about what they're going through?

RK: I actually talked to KG. He's staying at Rodney's until everything blows over. He also told me to watch out for Blazers fans but they don't win anything so they have nothing to be proud of.

BUSTER: So you don't care at all about going back home?

RK: No. Those bastards broke my heart. I thought we were one with Seattle, and they turned their back on us. If you want to endanger yourselves by going back there, then fine. But I don't owe those losers anything. They're all dead to me.

RK goes back to sleep while the other kids look at each other with concern.

SCENE 23

The Bennett (Sarah) Household

Interior Boys Bedroom

Portland, Oregon

The next morning, RK wakes up and yawns. He then scratches his back, looks around, and realizes that there is no one else in the room.

RK: Wait, I'm all alone? I guess they decided to get breakfast early.

RK walks downstairs and sees Sarah on the couch using her phone.

RK: What's up, Sarah? Did everyone else leave for their morning constitutional?

SARAH: Yeah, they left, but not for whatever the hell you just said.

RK: What do you mean?

SARAH: Wade left this video on my phone. When you woke up, he wanted me to show it to you.

RK: Okay.

Sarah gives RK her phone and he plays the video. Wade is shown near the bathroom holding up Sarah's phone.

WADE: Alright, here it goes. RK, for as long as I can remember, you've been my best friend. Whenever someone thought you were weird or dumb or crazy or addicted to hard drugs, I always set them straight. I always tell people that you're independent. You say whatever you want to say, you believe in whatever you want to believe in. That's what makes you special.

Cut to RK nodding his head and smiling. Cut back to Wade's video.

WADE: The thing is, even though you and I have always been different people, we always stood together for something that mattered. Whether it was traveling through time or fighting out-of-control monsters, it was always RK and Wade. But last night, I just couldn't stand with you after what you said.

RK: No. You can, Wade, you can!

SARAH: I don't think he can hear you.

RK gives Sarah an annoyed expression. Cut back to Wade's video.

WADE: After what Jaylynn told us, I knew I had to put my feelings aside and do what was best for the group. So I left with the rest of them to go back to Seattle and see what we could do to get everything back to normal. I know you don't want to come back, and I know the way you look at things has always influenced your decisions, but you have to do what's best for the group. You have to stand with us and fight this with the rest of us. It's not going to be the same without you.

RK looks visibly disappointed in himself. Cut back to Wade's video.

WADE: RK, this is going to be one of the hardest things we ever have to do. But what really scares me is the possibility that you'll never come back. And we need you to come back. I need you to come back. Because you're my best friend, you're my brother, and...I love you. Please do the right thing and reconsider. I just hope you were able to watch this.

At that point, the video ends. RK looks like he is fighting back tears as he hands Sarah back her phone.

SARAH: RK, are you going to be okay?

RK: No, I'm not. Wade's right. It doesn't matter how I feel. This whole thing is bigger than me. I can't just sit here while my friends go somewhere else to die. I'm not turning my back on them.

SARAH: So you're ready to go back home?

RK: You're damn right. I'm going to need your car since I'm pretty sure they took Sparky's back there.

SARAH: But what if my car gets shot up?

RK: Sarah, please, this is about sacrifice. If it means anything, I'll be in just as much danger of being shot as you.

*deadpan* SARAH: Happy happy joy joy.

SCENE 24

Around that same time, Sparky is driving Buster, Wade, and Jaylynn back home.

JAYLYNN: Wade, you know he's going to find us, right?

WADE: He has to. I know I don't talk about this a lot, but I don't know how I would feel if I never saw RK again.

BUSTER: I feel the same way about Sparky. That's why I can't trust a lot of people.

JAYLYNN: What about that nice lady that always offered you a piece of candy every time you walked past her?

BUSTER: She just disappeared. And that was around the same time we were starting to get to know each other.

SPARKY: I'm sorry, buddy.

BUSTER: It's okay. Old people don't have much time left to live anyway.

Beat.

WADE: So do we know exactly what we're doing when we get to Seattle?

SPARKY: Well, we have to find city hall and get in touch with the mayor. That's where we're going to plead our innocence and get everybody to calm down. I know there's a chance that we might fail, but that hasn't stopped us before.

At that point, the sound of a bullet hitting the car is heard.

SPARKY: Okay, we're going slower now. What was that, a pothole?

JAYLYNN: No, but you're getting warmer.

Two more bullets are shot at the car, which causes the kids to scream. The car stops completely.

SPARKY: Okay, what the hell? Are we being shot at?

A federal agent arrives at the driver's side and starts banging on the window. Sparky lowers the window.

SPARKY: Who are you?

KEVIN: I'm Kevin Nielsen, Federal Bureau of Investigation. We were instructed by the Seattle government to find you and take you back so you could be dealt with by the law.

JAYLYNN: Forget it. We're not going anywhere with you.

BUSTER: Yeah, we were already on our way to Seattle. You ruined it.

KEVIN: Tim, they're not getting it. Time for force.

The two FBI agents grab the kids and handcuff them, then put them in their van and drive off immediately. The van stops, then one of the agents gets out and smashes all of Sparky's windows along with his two windshields with a sledgehammer. The agent then walks back into the van and drives off.

SCENE 25

RK is driving Sarah's car on his way to Seattle.

SARAH: I just don't get why you can't let the guys know you're coming.

RK: Sarah, you've seen movies. If I let them know I'm coming back, they're going to be expecting me. Then something will happen to me and they'll be devastated. I don't want them to worry. My return has to be by surprise. It has to be big and theatrical.

SARAH: Damn, you've really spent time thinking about this.

RK: Of course. That's just how my mind works. I can almost imagine what it's going to be like.

Dissolve into a fantasy sequence where RK arrives in Seattle in Sarah's car. RK quickly takes a look at the destruction and locates the guys standing near the remains of Ike's. He runs towards them.

BUSTER: I think RK's coming!

WADE: RK, is that really you?

RK: No need to imagine me, buddy. I'm real.

RK hugs Wade at that point.

JAYLYNN: Gross.

SPARKY: So, RK, you ready to kick some ass and take this city back?

RK: You're damn right. Nothing but you guys, my boys Mr. Bean and Tiny Tim here, and a whole lotta luck.

CIVILIAN: HEY!

The attention of the kids is directed to the angry townspeople.

CIVILIAN: We don't need you in this town!

RK: I'm pretty sure you do.

("Victory" by Puff Daddy & The Family featuring The Notorious B.I.G. and Busta Rhymes plays in the background)

The kids rush to the townspeople and start brawling with them. RK takes down five people with a variety of kicks and punches. Sparky pulls a sword out from hammerspace and kills several people with it. Jaylynn is able to lift up a man twenty feet in the air before taking him down with a dropkick. Buster is choking out someone with a rope, while Wade is able to finish off a man with a series of kicks to the chest. RK then leaps in the air and comes back down, which makes the street crack and one part of the street to roll the townspeople up in the style of a burrito. The townspeople scream as they land in the surrounding ocean, presumably being killed by drowning. Dissolve into the present day, where Sarah looks disinterested while RK is smiling.

SARAH: Who are you, really?

SCENE 26

Inside the FBI van, the rest of the guys are facing interrogation.

SPARKY: How many times do we have to tell you? We didn't burn down Ike's.

KEVIN: So why exactly were you driving back to Seattle?

JAYLYNN: To let everyone know we didn't do it. And try to help everyone there who's suffering.

TIMOTHY: Well, aren't you guys such angels? Look, kids, arson is a serious offense. And you're not doing yourself any favors by lying about your crime. There's a very easy solution to this. You guys admit your guilt, and you receive a lighter sentence.

WADE: Lighter sentence? How can you convict us with no trial?

KEVIN: See, you're asking questions that we aren't going to waste our time answering. Now you kids need to start talking. What did you use to burn down Ike's?

BUSTER: How would we know? We didn't do anything.

KEVIN: You're starting to piss me off, all of you.

BUSTER: Well, we want to just go home and watch TV, so you're pissing us off too.

Kevin slaps Buster at that point. Sparky becomes enraged and tries to attack Kevin, but Timothy holds him back.

KEVIN: Hey, be careful. You don't want to do anything you'll regret. You know what? I have better ways to make you idiots talk.

Kevin begins playing "Remind Me" by Eminem on his phone. He turns up the volume to annoy the kids into making a confession.

SPARKY: Okay, could you turn that off? It's awful.

WADE: Yeah, please.

Kevin continues to raise the volume. Pretty soon, Buster's left eye begins to twitch.

WADE: Could someone please turn that off? Please?!

SPARKY: Yeah, it's not funny anymore!

The song continues to play, but through the perspective of the boys, it gets louder. As soon as the song's hook comes in, the boys start screaming and they fall to the floor covering their ears.

JAYLYNN: Honestly, this isn't even his worst album.

SCENE 27

RK finally arrives in Seattle. However, when he exits the car, he is immediately shocked by all the destruction in the city.

RK: My God. I didn't know Seattle had such a backbone.

SARAH: You know, the last time something like this happened in Portland, it ended up making us #2 on the list of worst U.S. cities to live.

RK: Really? What was #1?

SARAH: I'm pretty sure it was Cleveland.

RK: Makes sense. Now, the quicker I find the guys, the quicker we can go to the media and let them know we didn't burn down Ike's.

RK and Sarah walk through the streets and see more people around, but RK tries to conceal his face by looking to the other side.

SARAH: What are you doing?

RK: Trying to make sure no one sees me so I don't get killed, man. It's a war zone in these parts. If we don't get a benefit concert on NBC at the end of this, I'm going to beat someone down.

At that point, Veronica runs up to RK and Sarah.

VERONICA: Hey! Hey, are you RK?

RK: That depends. Whatever they're saying I did, I never did it.

VERONICA: I know you didn't do anything. I'm Veronica Watson, Lisa Bennett's best friend.

SARAH: I'm Sarah Bennett. I'm from Portland, Oregon, and I love a really good peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

VERONICA: What's she doing?

RK: She's weird like that. Don't worry about it.

SARAH: You don't know me enough to say that. How dare you?!

RK: Look, why are we using full names here?

VERONICA: Because it was Lisa that burned down Ike's and framed you guys for the crime.

RK: Wait, Lisa. Lisa? Why does that name sound so familiar?

VERONICA: I just told you what her name is. She was part of student council?

RK: Oh yeah. Yeah, I remember her. Wait a minute, that bitch is running around this place without a care in the world while we're in hell? Why would she ruin Woody's business?

VERONICA: She was trying to get to Sparky because he's the reason she got suspended.

RK: Well, that's her fault. And now, the whole city's a mess because she's a psycho.

SARAH: I think this calls for a street beating.

RK: You bet it does. How should we do it?

SARAH: Okay, you get in your shots first because she took you guys down. Then I'll get in some shots, and Veronica can finish her off by spitting in her eye.

RK: Alright, it's settled. Let's go kick her ass and drag her carcass to the precinct.

VERONICA: No! You can't do that without any proof. Especially when the whole city wants you in jail. You need to get a clear-cut confession from her and then take it to the police.

SARAH: Well, in order to do that, he would need a tape recorder. And who's going to sell him anything?

RK: Don't worry. I have one at home. All I need to do is glide my way towards there and get all the equipment. Then we'll take down Lisa.

RK's phone starts to vibrate. He checks it to see what happened.

RK: Why did I get a notification that Jimmy Fallon's show is cancelled?

SCENE 28

The Bennett (Lisa) Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Lisa is watching TV when RK kicks her door in.

RK: Miss me?

LISA: Well, it looks like you're back.

RK: Yeah, I'm back, and I know about everything you did so don't even try and play mind games with me.

LISA: Okay, great. You know I burned down Ike's and I wrote a phony letter with phony signatures to get you in trouble. So what?

RK: So what? I think what you should know is I'm perfectly within my rights to give you the worst beating that this town has ever seen.

LISA: No, you're not.

RK: I may not, but just know you're five seconds away from getting stuffed in a shoebox.

LISA: RK, you shouldn't be the one trying to attack me. It should be Sparky. He's the one I really wanted to get out of here. You and all your disgusting little friends were just in the way.

RK: You take back all the shit you're saying about my friends.

LISA: I don't have to. You know what the sad part is? You somehow managed to figure out everything. But there's no one you can go to, no one you can tell about this. It's just your word against mine.

RK: You know what? You're right. You're way too smart to lose to a dumbass like me.

LISA: Exactly. I mean, look at you. A fat, pathetic piece of shit.

RK: Okay, don't go too far now. I've always been a chubby kid.

LISA: Whatever. Now get out of my sight. Just know that I won, you lost. And when you guys all go to jail for arson, I'll be praying you get out soon.

RK: I hope you do pray, Lisa. That's all you need to do. Pray.

RK leaves the house, and high-fives Veronica.

RK: She just had to run her mouth.

VERONICA: Nice job, man.

RK: Thanks. Now let's go to the news and make sure they know what a lying scumbag bitch Lisa is. No offense.

VERONICA: Don't even worry about it.

SCENE 29

The FBI van arrives in Seattle and the kids are forcefully taken out, still in handcuffs.

SPARKY: You know you didn't have to slap all of us in the back of our heads before we left the van.

TIMOTHY: Shut the f*** up.

BUSTER: Wait a minute, there's RK!

RK waves to the guys as he is arranging an interview with the local news reporters.

WADE: He came back. He really came back.

JAYLYNN: See, now this is what I call an RK Jennings signature moment.

RK: Now I need everyone watching right now to listen to me. All federal agents, you listen too. The fact of the matter is, we were not the ones that burned down Ike's Ice Cream Emporium. That's what everyone thinks because of a letter. But anyone can write a letter. Especially someone like...Lisa Bennett!

Beat.

RK: Okay, none of you know who that is, but she was the one that burned down Woody's place. And then she framed me and all my friends. So here's the confession from a girl who didn't realize I recorded the whole thing!

RK plays the tape.

*singing the theme song to Malcolm in the Middle* RK: Yes, no, maybe, I don't know...can you repeat the question?

RK switches the tape.

RK: Yeah, sorry, wrong recording.

The recorded conversation between RK and Lisa starts playing through the microphone.

RK: So, I ask you, do you still believe we were the ones that ruined this city?

SPARKY: Lisa did this? LISA?!

JAYLYNN: That bitch. You hear that, FBI? Kill her instead.

SCENE 30

The Bennett (Lisa) Household

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

There is a huge crowd of people that have congregated on Lisa's lawn, similar to what happened to Sparky two days earlier. The police have her in handcuffs and the people of Seattle celebrate by clapping and cheering.

SPARKY: Bye bye. Hope you rot in jail.

LISA: Sparky, just know that when I get out, I'm coming for you. And you're going to regret the day you ever tried to get Lisa Bennett out of student council.

SPARKY: Aren't there centers for people like you?

BUSTER/RK/WADE/JAYLYNN: OOOOOOH!

POLICEMAN: Keep it moving, Bennett. You have a lot of hell to pay for what you did to this town.

RK: Wade, I'm really sorry I abandoned you. Actually, I'm sorry I abandoned all of you. I just didn't want to help people who weren't going to help me.

WADE: It's okay, man. If you didn't record that confession, we would be going to jail right now.

RK: Well, I definitely got some help from Veronica. Lord knows she came through.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, that girl really hooked you up. Where is she anyway?

Beat.

JAYLYNN: It doesn't really matter where she is, does it?

RK: No, not really.

JAYLYNN: I didn't think so.

SARAH: Well, guys, I'm glad justice was served today. I'm going back home.

JAYLYNN: Sarah, thank you for everything. I know it was a lot to deal with.

SARAH: Hey, it's whatever. I got to see the whole city go to hell. It was so raw, I loved it. Just call me the first chance you get. Let's just hope NBC gives you that benefit concert.

JAYLYNN: I know, right?

RK: How are you going to steal my idea in front of me?

SARAH: The same way you say things about me when you don't even know me.

RK: Screw you.

SARAH: Screw you.

Beat.

RK: Take care of yourself.

SARAH: You too, man.

Sarah leaves the crowd of people on her way back to her car.

WADE: Wait, are you guys friends now?

RK: Meh.

POLICEMAN: Sparky, other kids, we are so sorry for the way we treated you over the past number of days. The events that have transpired were awful and never should have taken place. If there's anything we can do to make it up to each of you, just say the word.

SPARKY: Well, there are a couple things.

("What a Wonderful World" by The Clarks plays in the background)

A montage of scenes in the form of pictures show the city of Seattle being rebuilt after all the chaos. Ike's Ice Cream Emporium is restored with a grand opening and funding from the mayor's office, along with Sparky's house. RK is shown trying to find his gun, but then realizes he lost it and it is now the property of the police. Buster returns to his condo, but gets an icy reception from some of the tenants. Veronica visits Lisa in prison, but then gives her the middle finger before the conversation can end. The last picture is of the kids standing together near Sparky's house, smiling with their thumbs up. Fade to black.

("What a Wonderful World" continues playing through the end credits; Green Day's version of The Simpsons theme song plays over the rest of the credits)

©2018 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS

NEW EPISODES RETURN ON SEPTEMBER 30