Chapter 1
On the western reaches of the outer rim, Jakku was a place of scavenging and murder. Ben had seen nothing but that place – for as long as he could remember. When his father had left him there, promising to return, Ben's life changed drastically. He remembers the rain of his home, where he was born. It would rain for hours, sometimes whole days, though he doesn't know whether or not that is really a memory or a wish. However, he keeps that memory safe within his mind. On the hardest days, he'd think of it – rain pelting his skin and the sound of his own laughter. He only wishes this part of his mind to be true, because it is all he has.
On Jakku, living never came easy. Every day, he scavenged, only to come up with enough to trade for food two or three times a week. He knew hunger – deeply and thoroughly. So, being here now, stuck in this cell he did not mind the hunger. He almost welcomed it, because it felt like normal. He could be home now, on his forsaken planet. If he just closed his eyes and pictured it – the dry sand and the warm walls of his AT-AT. It was hardly a life – but it was his.
This was not his life. Tangling with the First Order was never something he wanted to do. And though he'd known for a long time now that his father was never coming back for him, he wished for sad nights alone – imagining the rain.
Ben was scared. More than he had ever been in his whole life. He thought of BB-8, and how much he'd wanted to help the little droid. He thought of Faye, and her determination to get him away from Jakku.
If he had not been so generous as to help the little droid, maybe he wouldn't be stuck here right now. If he had never chased down the dark-skinned Stormtrooper at Niima Outpost on BB-8's word, maybe he wouldn't be staring at the cold walls of a cell aboard a star destroyed and going who knows where.
Unfortunately, that is just who Ben was. He doesn't even regret it, deep down. He just wishes he did.
Ben sat for days in the cell – waiting for the dark girl to come and kill him. He'd wounded her, pretty badly he knew. On Starkiller base, running through the white blanket that covered the ground and the cold air that bit at his cheeks. Truly, he didn't know how he'd managed to accomplish that and in the back of his mind he knew that if he were to face her again, he would not be so lucky.
Thinking of her wild black hair, and the sadness in her eyes, tinged with anger and malice – Ben knew that she was much more than she seemed. A dog of the First Order. No, she was more than that. She was darkness, and pain and confusion and Ben saw all those things in her. He'd watched from afar as she drove her unstable lightsaber into her father's chest, tears streaming from her black-lined eyes.
When he'd fought her, dark makeup was dried in streams on her cheeks. Kyla Ren was nothing if not terrifying – even in her sadness. She had used that sadness as a fuel to rid herself of weakness – in this case it was Han Solo.
Han Solo had been a fantastic human being – though Ben had not met many human beings to compare to. His heart felt heavy with the idea of him being gone.
"It's a shame," Han Solo had said, "Chewie kinda likes you."
Ben had smiled at the old man and stuffed the gun in his belt loop.
It hurt to think about.
He remembered how the light sword had slashed up her cheek, scarring her porcelain skin. He felt almost bad, seeing her on the ground in front of him panting in pain. He'd wanted to crouch down and lift her small frame from the snow, take her to some place where she could be healed. She was broken, not only from his weak attempts at using the "Force" or whatever she'd called it, but also from her own sad attempts to rid her life of temptation. Ben had seen that, in her encounter with Han. The war that brewed behind her eyes. She wanted power – to rule the galaxy in whatever way she pleased, but she also wanted her family back.
Her desire for power had won. She was terrifyingly beautiful, and it was Ben's hesitation of striking her down that had gotten him here.
He'd stared down at her on Starkiller, and went to move to help her when he'd been grabbed from behind. He felt a sharp pain in the back of his head and then nothing.
He had awoken here, to the walls.
After a week, it felt like (Ben had been vaguely counting the hours), Ben was weak with hunger and fear. He lay on his side on the floor of the cell, staring at the same wall he'd been staring at since he got here. He'd memorized every chip and scrape along its metal surface. The wall had sat unchanging, the same light hit it every day from the little window that sat on the top corner of the room. Behind that window was another room – brightly lit with plain white walls. Nothing was in it though – just white.
The white from the window cast a square of light onto the wall. The square never moved, only turned off once every 16 hours. The wall was the same, for a whole week now. Unchanging. Ben was okay with that. Counting the contours of it was better than thinking about not being on Jakku and helping BB-8. It was better than thinking about Han. And it was much better that thinking of the dark girl. The wall was okay.
The same wall creaked loudly, and he jumped. Sitting up quickly, he stared intently at it, terrified at where the creak may have sounded from. His heart was pounding, against his will. When it creaked again, he stood up completely. After a few moments, the creak turned into a scrape. The middle panel of the wall slid upwards to form a doorway.
For a whole week, he'd never realized it was a doorway.
Several Stormtroopers filed into the room, and Ben pushed himself into the farthest corner he possibly could, glowering with anger and fear.
"I'm sure you're very hungry." A mechanical voice said. She moved like a wraith into the room. Ben closed his eyes, breathing deeply and trying to calm himself.
"Yes."
"Have you thought at all on my offer?" Her voice was cunning, almost taunting. For a second, he was caught off guard, confused by her question. After a moment, Ben's eyes opened to stare at Kyla Ren's black mask incredulously.
"Are you serious?" He retorted, "I'm sure Luke Skywalker's light sword hitting your face was enough of an answer." He knew he should keep his mouth shut, but he didn't care. Ben was sure he would die either way.
"You need a teacher." She had yelled to him, "I can show you the ways of the force."
"What do you know of the force?" Her voice inquired, and Ben remembered the way her mouth moved when she spoke.
"Only what it took to overtake you." He said quietly. "I don't even really know what it is."
"Good." Was her response, and it puzzled Ben. "I will see to it that you are fed – tomorrow we start your training."
Ben's head shot up. "Training?" He asked weakly, "For what?"
"Supreme Leader Snoke requests that your talents in the force be used for our purposes. You will agree, or starve." Ren had been pacing back and forth, her arms behind her back. She came to a stop, and leaned in close to his face. Ben was much taller than her, and her small stature should not have intimidated him so. She smelt like rosemary, and blood, "You will be moved into your own quarters, you will be fed and bathed and you will listen to everything I say," She paused, leaning back on her heels. She gauged his reaction, which was filled with more anger and fear and disbelief than it had been a few moments ago.
Ben laughed, the sound starting low in his throat before he looked down towards her metal mask. "Rey Solo," He taunted her, watching her shoulders tense - his anger got the best of him, "You don't get to tell me what to do. Kill me. I have starved a thousand times in my life and I am not scared to do so now."
Kyla Ren stood silent for a long moment, her small gloved hands clenched at her sides.
"You're so small," He continued angrily, "How can so much hatred live in someone so tiny? How can someone your size hold so much strength?" He was near shouting now, "How can someone with so much pain behind that mask stab their own father through the chest?" He was rambling now, his mind a haze of mixed emotions. Pain, anger, more fear, more anger, realization, more pain. His stomach growled.
Her response was not as he expected, "You seem to have gone partially insane since your stay here," She said coolly, "These rhetoric's mean nothing and they do not make sense. If it is your choice to starve in this room, then so be it. But know this, scavenger, that anger your directing at me can make you powerful. More powerful than you ever imagined." She turned to leave, the wind that came off of her robe blew air through his dark locks, "If you change your mind, knock on the door." With that, she left the room. The Stormtroopers followed after and the wall was once more just a wall.
Ben felt his fist hit the metal behind him, not knowing he had thrown a punch at it. Pain reverberated up his arm and into his shoulder, and he punched it again. Over and over, until his knuckles began to bleed.
He hated her. For keeping him here and for taunting him, for whatever she wanted from him.
Ben wanted to go home.
It didn't take long for the situation to become dire.
Ben used the last of his strength to pound on the door.
In his defense, he was able to last another 4 days before his body gave out on him. He legs had stopped working and he couldn't see past the haze of white that clouded his vision. He was starving. He had tried very hard, though. His defiance of the dark girl stood strong. He had not wanted to give her the pleasure of knowing she'd won – however, there was not much of a choice. With a lot of thinking, and sleeping and wishing for the sands of Jakku, Ben realized he was not ready for death.
Ben had known hunger. He still knows hunger – even more so now. But he does not want to die. He will eat, and then spend another near two weeks in here. Whatever Ren wanted from him, she would never get.
The wall became a door once more, sliding open and causing Ben collapse forward as he had been leaning his body against it. He could hear the two Stormtroopers hover above him. "Alert Madam Ren, and call a feeding droid." One of them had said.
By the time the Stormtroopers had managed to sit him upright against the wall, Kyla Ren was already coming down the hallway. His half-lidded eyes looked towards her, and she was all he saw. A wraith of black moving down a pure white and brightly lit hallway. "How many times have you starved now, scavenger?" She asked as she neared, referring to his earlier jab at her. Her voice was still filtered by the mask, though he was haunted by the tone. It reminded him of the forest.
Ben huffed, "A thousand and one." He said weakly.
"Do you want to start your training?"
"I am ready to eat," He jabbed quickly, "Whatever I have to do after is completely out of survival. Not out of want."
Ren paused for a long moment, staring down at him from where she towered. His weak body had curled into an almost ball. His long legs were brought up to his chest, his head bowed in between his knees. He felt weak and frail. He was sure he looked the same.
"Very well." She crouched in front of him, an arm's length away. "I am optimistic that our methods will suit you."
Ben attempted to scoff, though it came out weak. His eyes turned from the ground to her mask, and he could feel the defiance clear in his face. Her methods? Murder, dictatorship over the galaxy? Ben was near insulted. "You know, the mask isn't very fitting for you." He muttered, taunting her as if her presence didn't strike fear in him. He wanted to see her scowl, though he knew he would get no satisfaction.
"Not many people have seen my face, and I am slightly ashamed that you have." Her voice did not sound angry, but rather amused, "I did feel that you might be more lenient to give me the map if you did. I was wrong." She ticked slowly. Ren was not fazed by him, and that was all the more irritating. "Does it bother you?" Ben's face masked one of confusion, "That I am only human? Do you wish I were something more terrifying – a monster? Does it bother you that you and I are much alike?"
"I am nothing like you." His growl was weak.
"So you say," Her head cocked to the side, studying him through her mask, "Though the anger I sense in you says differently. In the forest, I felt that anger as well." She brought her hand up, leather glove hovering over his forehead, "I have seen into your mind, scavenger, and I feel it even now. You think me weak. On Starkiller, that was your downfall. My stature is off-putting to you, so you feel the need to not hurt me-"
"That needs is completely gone now, Ren." Ben quipped angrily, the white haze that shrouded his vision glowed red.
"You used the force to track my movements, my fighting style. Whether or not you knew you did." He felt her brush at his thoughts, and jerked away from her hand. The movement gave him a wave of vertigo. Her hand dropped. "You struck me, out of hatred. Hatred that I killed Han Solo, hatred that I captured you so easily on Takodana. Hatred that you find me beautiful and interesting, but also frightening and strong."
Ben shook, "Hatred and fear are normal feelings, murder is not. I had the chance to kill you, and I didn't."
"That hatred can be used for something much larger than striking down a warrior half your size. However, you are filled with compassion as well. And that will be your downfall, if killing someone trying to kill you is avoided in the future." She quipped back harshly, "Lesson number one – never hesitate."
Ben let out a breath, wishing he had the strength to punch a wall again. His head swam, and his stomach throbbed. "Can I eat yet, or is this incredibly interesting conversation going to last forever?"
"There is a droid on the way." She replied. Right on que, a silver robot came waddling down the hallway. A protocol droid, carrying a tray. It moved so slowly that Ben almost groaned. Atop the tray sat a large bowl, with an equally large cup. The smell of some sort of stew hit him, and if his stomach could scream it would have. His head swam and his body felt weak. He was not used to this level of hunger. He had never gone so long without eating – he was surprised that he wasn't dead.
"After you are finished eating, I will escort you to your quarters to rest. You can eat again after you've regained some strength."
"How long have I been there?" His eyes never strayed from the droid, rattling slowly down the long hallway.
"11 days." Her reply was flat.
He had been right. 11 days and not dead. His body was stronger than he'd thought. That amount seemed almost impossible.
As the protocol droid neared them, Kyla reached up, grabbing the bowl from the tray and handing it to him. Ben took the bowl instantly, not even worrying about the spoon and pouring the liquid down his throat. He ate almost viciously. It only took a few minutes for him to finish, and his stomach was left unsatisfied. The pain however, had lessened.
Kyla Ren had stayed in the same position, crouched in front of him, watching him. It made him slightly dizzier. After a few moments, she reached up and grabbed the cup. Water. Ben's dry throat burned as he drank it. They had given him small amounts of water every day he'd been in the cell – he'd wake up to one full glass a day. However, his lips were still cracked from dehydration.
"Would you like to use a 'fresher before you sleep?" She didn't sound like she cared. He'd imagined her in a different setting, her nonchalant voice taunting him as her blue eyes looked at her fingernails.
She was snobby, he realized. And her tone held a sense of superiority.
He looked away from her, "Please." He stated quietly, upset with himself for not holding out until death. He could see clearer now, and the woman in front of him made him want to do nothing but crawl back into that cell.
Kyla Ren moved closer to him, and he flinched. Cowering away, he glowered at her, his mouth forming a question, "What-"
"Relax, you'll fall if you walk on your own." The mechanical voice filtered through the mask was dangerously close to his ear, and he cringed. Much to his dismay, Ren slid an arm behind Ben's back. Slowly, she pulled one of his arms over her shoulder and lifted him. Vertigo swept through him once more, and his body weight landed on her.
So small, but so strong.
"Don't worry about it," Ren quipped, almost as if she could hear his thoughts. The idea made him scowl.
"Ma'am, would you like us to escort you?" The Stormtrooper's voice seemed urgent. He didn't trust Ben to not try something.
"No, that's fine," Ren replied. Ben's scowl deepened. She knew that he was too weak to do anything, that was obvious. However, with one arm around her shoulders he'd wished he'd had the strength to pull her to the ground and strangle her. That thought was lost quickly.
"Why do you care where I sleep?" He snapped at her, lashing out with the only thing he could, "Aren't you just going to kill me anyway when I don't agree to go along with whatever training you're forcing me into?"
"That a tempting idea." She said flatly, "I could care less about you, scavenger. You are after all, the only man that has ever managed to escape containment all on his own, the only man to ever best me in a fight and leave me with a scar on my face." Her voice had turned dark, and Ben was reminded of the snowy forest once more, "Supreme Leader, however, sees you as strong. He does not like being disappointed. You will meet him tomorrow. Prepare yourself for that, it will not be an easy meeting."
With that, she began walking him down the hallway with little to no effort.
So, so irritating.
The feeling of water on his skin was relieving, however short lived. Ben could not hold himself up for very long. Waves of vertigo rolled over him, over and over again. Days of starvation had not done him well. He'd resulted to leaning against the wall, washing his long hair out at an angle, as well as his body. He wished he could stay in here, under hot water, but the desire to lie down was stronger than his desire to annoy Kyla Ren with long showers. She was waiting outside the door for him to finish, he knew.
He dressed slowly, finding it hard to put on his clothes. After a few long minutes, he'd managed to pull his cut off pants up to his hips, pull his baggy beige shirt over his head and wrapped his arms in their normal bandages. His clothes were dirty, but he did not mind. They smelt like home. He stepped out of the 'fresher, still leaning against the wall. Ren turned her head at the sound of the door.
"I will have clean clothes delivered to you in a few hour-"
"I do not want them. These are fine." He hissed back at her as she once again shrugged his arm over her shoulder, "And I'd like to try walking on my own."
He heard an intake of breath, a small laugh. "If you say so, scavenger." She released him then, and he took a moment to balance himself before taking a wobbly step forward. He pushed himself away from the wall, determined to not let vertigo and the dull ache that still sat in his stomach best him.
Ben walked, as quickly as he could behind Kyla Ren. She led him down more long, white hallways. Finally, they came to a stop in front of a similarly white door, and his head was already pounding. Ren pulled her glove off of her hand, and he flinched at the sight of her skin.
Human hands, soft and delicate like any woman's would be. She had long, porcelain fingers. With a cock of her head, she stared at him, her mask showing no emotion or response to his flinch before pressing her hand into the wall beside the door. A few beeps sounded and the door slid open.
Hand print encoded. Great.
His "quarters" consisted of a large cot, covered with a comfortable looking blanket and a flat pillow. There was a window on the far side of the room, and through it he saw nothing but stars. A light sat on a small end table on the left side of the cot. The room had no other doors.
He stepped inside, still working on balancing himself correctly and made his way towards the bed.
"A droid will be sent to wake you in three hours." With that, the white door slid shut. Ben collapsed onto the bed, thinking distantly about what his plan would be now.
The bed was so comfortable compared to the hard floor of the cell, or the warmth of his AT-AT. He fell asleep quickly.