Theron knew who would be on the other side of his door before he opened it, but that didn't stop the first words out of his mouth from being a surprised, "what are you doing here?"
Leena Jiin, Jedi Council Member and Barsen'thor of the Order was standing in the hallway outside his apartment and looking decidedly unhappy with him. She had her arms folded across her chest and her eyes were not exactly glaring at him like one would a piece of trash stuck on their shoe, but it was a near thing.
"We need to talk," she said tersely, "and you have been avoiding me Theron."
"Have I?" He asked, trying to sound casual and not like her words felt like a knife to the gut. 'We need to talk' was probably the worst thing to hear someone you were kinda-sorta involved with romantically say. He didn't try to deny avoiding her, he had been, and he knew it. He had gone out of his way to be busy or offworld when she was around ever since Ziost.
"Yes, you have," she said firmly before gesturing toward him, "are you going to let me come in or would you like to have a deeply personal conversation in your hallway?"
Theron sighed heavily, he knew he couldn't avoid her forever but never imagined she would turn up at his apartment, unannounced, in the middle of the night. Part of his brain, the same part that drove him to avoid her for the last few weeks, told him to shut the door. That maybe she would go away, and he could put off this moment for a later date. Again. But another part noticed the stiffness of her shoulders, how her long hair was left loose instead of in the proper bun he had always seen it except once on Yavin IV, the frown pulling at her lips and the redness around her eyes and he couldn't bring himself to send her away. Not when she was so obviously upset and shaken, probably by his own stupid actions. He stepped back into his apartment and held the door open for her.
She didn't say anything, just nodded her head and stepped into his home for the first time. He shut the door and they stood there, in the entryway awkwardly for a moment before he realized what a jerk he was being.
"We can talk in here," he said as he led her into his small living room. It was more an office for him, with various tech and datapads covering most of the horizontal surfaces, and a few of the vertical ones as well, but there was a couch along the back wall that was comfortable enough to sleep on. He knew this from lots of experience.
She sat on one side of the couch, the small bag she had slung over her shoulder set on the floor at her feet, and looked up at him expectantly.
"Do… I mean would you like something to drink? I have Corelian brandy, or I could make tea?" He offered, hoping she would say yes and give him an excuse to escape from her sight for a moment to collect himself. As a spy he was usually better at thinking on his feet, but Leena threw a wrench into every part of his life it seemed.
"Theron would you please just sit with me, I've missed you." The way she said it, looking up at him with an expression that was equal parts sorrow and hope, he couldn't deny her.
He sat on the other side of the couch, leaving the middle open between them and leaned forward. He braced his elbows on his knees and fiddled with his fingers nervously. He knew she was here for an explanation, that was obvious, and if he was honest with himself he knew she deserved one.
"I've missed you too," he said, his voice was quiet but still sounded loud in his ears compared to the stillness of the room. "I'm sorry I'm so shit at all of this I just… on Ziost there was a time when I didn't know-" he paused struggling for the words for a moment. "I didn't know if you made it off the surface before, well before. I've never been so scared Leena, I couldn't…" His voice trailed off and he squeezed his eyes shut tight, as memories of that day came rushing back to him. The horror of the reports coming in from his contacts, the way he felt like he couldn't breathe when he realized Leena was still down there when he left, the panic when she didn't respond to his messages. For almost 6 hours he feared she was dead, and the pain was overwhelming. He wasn't a stranger to death, people in his line of work never were, but her death undid his calm in a way nothing else ever had. He gripped his hands tightly as the phantom pain of memory clouded his mind.
Theron would like to think he didn't jump when he felt her hand, smaller than his but warm and soft, on his own but he did. He opened his eyes and turned to her. She had moved from her side to the couch to sit right next to him. She was looking at his hands, using her own to gently separate his fingers and take the pressure off his whitened knuckles. When his hands separated she slid her hand into one of his, interlacing their fingers and giving a comforting squeeze.
When she looked up at him her eyes were bright, not quite teary but more wet than normal.
"And why did that bother you so much?"
Theron stared at her incredulously, "are you really asking me that? I thought you were dead Leena, why wouldn't that bother me?"
She licked her lips, and he had to force himself not to stare. It was hard not to, this was the closest she had been to him in a month. She was practically pressed up against his side she was sitting so close and her hand in his was warm and just felt right. He could even smell her hair, the fragrant shampoo she favored bringing up memories of the hour they snuck away from the others on Yavin IV to be alone. He desperately wanted to revisit that time, back when things were looking up and he wasn't terrified about what was between them.
"Theron, that was hardly the first time I have been in danger, and need I remind you of the various dangerous missions you yourself sent me on?"
He fell back against the couch, inadvertently pulling her with him, and stared at the ceiling. "Please don't, I remember them." And he did, each and every one of them. He had been practically haunted by them since Ziost, going over them in his mind and pinpointing every time he put her in unnecessary danger starting from the moment they had met. He had counted at least 27 times she could have been seriously hurt or died because he sent her into a situation without the proper information or backup.
"So why did this one time have such an affect? Why did this time make you pull away from me? I thought…well I thought you shared my feelings for you." Her voice had gotten progressively softer as she spoke, her last words little more than a mournful whisper.
He turned slightly to face her, using his free hand to lift her chin to meet his eyes. "I do Leena. I care about you more than, well more than I've cared about anyone before."
She smiled at him, leaning into his hand as he cupped her cheek.
"Then why are you avoiding me like I have the rakghoul plague?" She asked, her tone light in the wake of his confession.
That made him laugh softly and he felt the fear that had been twisting in his gut for so long loosen a little just by her presence. Her smile always had a way of making him feel better, regardless of the situation.
He considered giving her a half explanation, glossing over his insecurities and fears, but his mouth was faster than the paranoid voice in his head this one time.
"I'm scared Leena." He said honestly, "I don't know how to do this relationship stuff, not without messing it up spectacularly, and I don't want to put you through that. I don't want to hurt you like that. I feel like I would rather relive Revan's hospitality than see you cry."
"So, what, the instant you start to feel something, you turn tail and run?"
"Well it sounds bad when you put it that way."
"Is there a way to word it that doesn't sound bad?" She asked with a smile before she relaxed against his side. "So, you have been avoiding me because you care, and you don't want to ruin things between us?"
"Pretty much yeah," he sighed. "So now that you know what an emotionally deficient excuse of a man I am do you want to turn and run?"
She shook her head, "there is nowhere I would rather be. You know I'm scared too Theron. I don't know how any of this works, it goes against the code I've lived my life by, but I cannot deny how I feel about you. So, I've decided to be brave and see where this takes us."
Theron stared at her openly, surprised by her confession. He had seen Leena face hordes of pirates and Revanites, watched her sack the Sith Academy and retake the Jedi Temple – with no rest in-between – and even challenging Revan himself without so much as a hint of fear, but this scared her? As much as it scared him?
She let her words sink in for a long quiet moment before she reached for him, her hand on the back of his neck and pulled him closer to her. Face to face, barely two inches between them she asked him a question that made his breath catch in his throat.
"Will you be brave too?"
He answered by closing the distance between them, his lips on hers, and pulling her partly into his lap. He buried his hand in her hair at the back of her head and groaned when she nipped his lip. She took advantage of his reaction and deepened the kiss. He grabbed her leg and moved it, so she was straddling his lap, hand splayed on her back to press her close. He needed that, to feel her, here, alive and know that his fears were all unfounded. He hadn't lost her, he hadn't sent her on a suicide mission as his nightmares often showed him.
She was here, pulling his shirt up to run her fingers across his chest and moaning into his mouth when he slipped his hand into her robes to tease her nipple. He was painfully hard, memories of Yavin IV once again swirling in his mind and he ground his pelvis up against hers for some much-needed friction. There was far too much clothing between them for his comfort.
Leena gasped at the contact, pulling back to take several deep breaths before laughing and smiling down at him.
"Can I take that as an enthusiastic yes?"
He nodded, "yes. I am sorry I was such an idiot. There is nothing I want more than to be with you as often as possible."
She leaned down, cupping his face in her hands and kissed him, a deep, slow kiss that made him shiver below her. She pulled back just far enough to lean her forehead against his.
"I think that can be arranged."
Theron was thinking about standing, taking her with him – and damn if the idea of holding her with her legs around his hips didn't make his head spin with pleasure – and taking her to his bed to make up for the last month when his thoughts were interrupted.
She groaned, burying her face into his neck as though that would change the fact her comm was incessantly chiming.
"Just ignore it," he said, running his hands up her back and through her hair.
She shook her head and leaned away from him, "I can't. I told Nadia that I was only to be disturbed tonight if it was truly important." She moved to get up and reach her bag, but he held her hips to keep her in place on top of him.
"What could be so important it can't wait until tomorrow?" He asked with a cheeky smile.
His brazen words made her laugh, but she lightly smacked her hands away and stood up anyway. He watched her dig through her bag and pull out her comm device. It must have been a text communication because she didn't activate the holo but whatever it said made her gasp.
He was on his feet in a second, standing next to her and placing a hand on her shoulder. "What is it?"
She turned and looked up at him with wide eyes, "Darth Marr. He called my ship, Nadia says he thinks he found the Emperor. He's requested I meet up with him as soon as possible."
Theron frowned at the thought of a Dark Council member with her direct contact information, former ally of convenience or not he didn't like it, but that was not the pressing matter of the moment. "Where is he?"
She looked back down at the comm, "on the edge of wild space, out past Ilum. It will take some time to get there, I need to leave."
He nodded, "yeah of course." He didn't want her to, honestly, he had never wanted anything more than for her to stay here, in his arms, both to continue what they were doing earlier and to know she was safe.
But of all the "important" things to draw her away from his bed, this was a doozy. He didn't know Marr well of course, but he was confident the man wouldn't exaggerate. If he thought he had found signs of the Emperor's location he meant it.
Theron pulled her into his arms, burying his nose into her hair and breathing in her scent deeply. "Promise me," he said, his voice slightly muffled to cover the shakiness of it, "promise me you will be careful."
She took a half step back and pulled him down by his shirt to press a kiss against his lips. "I promise. I will be home soon," she said, and he felt stupidly happy that she was referring to here, with him, as home.
Leena picked up her bag, and he walked her to the door. They kissed again, a soft, loving kiss that was a promise of things to come when she returned.
And then she left, walking out of his apartment and his life.