A/N: Hi again, xxCorruptedMindsxx here! This time I've gotten into the AoT fandom! Hope you enjoy! Btw, if you like No. 6 you should read my other fanfic, Feelings of Love! By xxCorruptedMindsxx of course! Yay! (also, I don't own Attack on Titan! Yay!)
The last titan had fallen to the ground, steaming. The reverberations reverberated all around the world. The very last titan. Everywhere, soldiers celebrated. People laughed and cried in remembrance of lost loved ones. The walls were reconstructed as a memorial. Time passed, and Domino's Pizza was created...
Members of a certain trainee squad were driving along the top of Wall Maria in their Forester Subaru as the sun set red-orange behind the towering structure. Jean was at the driver's seat, and because he was such a bad driver, he kept driving the car off the wall. Then everybody had to respawn at the Shigansina district all over again.
Because the car was wrecked, Armin finally told a frustrated jeen that they should probs just go get Pizza at Dominos because they were sposeda meet up with other peeps, and Jean was humanity's stongest driver, so if he couldn't pull it off no one could. Jean was upset that he couldn't drive, but he reluctantly agreed to go with everyone to Domino's Pizza to eat PIZZA! Boy, did Jean love pizza. Sometimes, when he was home alone, he would take some pizza and rub it in his scalp. It doesn't do much for his hair health, but he liked the way it felt running through his strands of hair. The flakey crust, smooth tomato sauce and cheesy warmth. Yum.
Well, there's one problem solved, thought the entire trainees. Eren texted Erwin and told him and Hange and a certain LANCE CORPORAL FRIGMN LEVI to meet them there. They ran over to Dominoes, after having Jean park the car, which took several attemps and deaths (and respawns). Hange and Erwin were waiting for them. "What took you so long?" asked Erwin irritably. "I drove so well their inertia was too great and they stayed in the same place whilke the car drove off without them" replied Jean. "Uh..,' mumble dErwin, baffled. Hange just ran around, wondering where Levi was and telling people the're Bean. Thoser like the only things they ever did.
Thewre was a huge line at Domino's The group was told that it could take a couple of hours because Domino'd=s was really popular at the moment. Erwin called a group huddle. Only Mikasa showed up. "Where is everyone?" asked Erwin irritably, again. "They're over there watching Eren makeout with himself" said Mikasa with a straight face. Erwin looked a little flustered. "Um,.. wpuld you mind asking him to get his butt over here?" "Ok" said mikasa with a blank expression and walked away, her scarf swirling in the wind. It was so hot. Erwin cried.
Finally, Erwin managed to get everyone into the group huddle, even though Krista was getting smashed between Reiner and Bertholt. Ymir bravely pulled her out of danger. "At this rate, we'll never make it to the front of the line, a nd we'LL NEVER GET OUR FRIKIGMN PIZZA!" Jean gasped in horror. Jean LOVED pizza. "WE need a plan of attack: Mikasa and Armin, you split andgo sneak up along the left and right flanks of the line. Your objective is to take ugly pictures of people and blackmail them into leaving." Erwin handed them million dollar cameras. "Don't even ASK how I got these," he said. Noone did. "Ymir, you lead the party consisting of Krista, Sasha, Connie, and Eren who will come up from behind and hit good citizens over the heads with Pixis's empty wine bottles." Erwin pulled a bag out of thin air. "don't even ASK why I have these," he said, flourishing the wine bottles. Noone did. "Ok good. Bertholt and Reiner! You will be responsible for getting to the front of the line and bullying the people behind the counter into giving us like 200 pizzas. Eren gets really hungry sometimes." Everyone nodded their heads in approval. Jean looked ecstatic. Sasha looked left out, but eren handed her a steamed potato and everything was good.
"GHO!" yelled Erwin, and everyone went on their maerry ways. Mikasa and armin whipped out their cameras and began snapping photos left and right amid mortified screams. While they were distracted, everyone else snuck up behind them and hit them over the head with Pixis' wine bottles, and the sound of shattering glass added to the din. Erwin stood with a calm, collected expression on his tranquil face, until he noticed Hange staring at him. "What am I supposed to do?" Hange asked. "Just….i dunno run around and tell people they're bean or something" said Erwin grouchily. "OK!1`!11!" hange screamed. "yoi'RE BEAN! YOURE BEAN! YAOI'RE BEAN! Bean! ABe N!n n BEAN! ,,! BEA n!" Erwin shook his head sadly.
Three minutes and fourty-seven seconds later, Bertoldt and Reiner came flyong up with the 200 pizzas. Soon after that, The rest of the team showed up. "I hope you don't mind, but we cleared out the whole restaurant," said Ymir. "ummm" Erwin was agahst at the destruction that enfolded before his eyes when he looked upon the Dominoes. Bodies were strewn everywhere, and bits of glass covered the ground. Part of the neon sign was flickering, and Hange was scream ing, "YOU're beAN! YOU R EBEAN! EBAN!YOURE ALL beAN!" at random corpses. "Hange! Get your butt over here!" yelled Mikasa shrilly.
The group entered the restaurant. Booths were uprooted, and chairs were tipped over. Food was smashed all over everything. None of the staff members were in sight. "Well… it looks like we got the whole restaurant to ourselves" said Jeen. "I hope some managed to escape," said Krista with a troubled expression on her face. "Yes. The blackmailing trick worked quite well" said Mikasa.
The pizza was set out on the tables and everyone tucked their silk napkoins into their shirts. "Don ot even ASK where I got these" said Erwin. Noone did. Suddenlu, Jean realized the PIZZ A STILL HADNT BEAN FRICKIGMN CUT. So that is whast he said."THE PIZZA HASN'T BEAN FRICKIGMN CUT!" screamed jean. The others realized this shocking fact. Armin screamed and Eren started crying angrily. "GOD you guys why can't ANYONE cut this PIZZA?" he yelled.
Suddenly, lightning flashed and the doors banged open. Mikasa dubiously put her cellphone away under the table. Everyone jumped, startled at the noise. " WHAT THE FRICKIGMN BUTT FACE?!/" shrieked cONNIE. They all looked to the door, and there, silhouetted against the evening sky, was none other than Lance Corporal Levi, in that one pose that one time he was in when he first appeared and saved everybody. " Yay! Its Levi!" they all yelled, except Hnge yelled Bean instead. "I heard there were some pizzas….in need of cutting," said Levi, raising his eyebrows seductively. It was so hot. Erwin cried.
Levi whipped around, his Survey Corps cloak whipping in the wind. His eyes glowed red, and he launched himself into the air. Levi started to spin ... faster and faster ... then everything was still. Absolutely still. (A/N: see episode 22 for this upcoming referenece!) He turned into a spinning blade of doom and launched himself headfirst into the pizza. Everyone gasped. Did he mean to cut it with his head?! Levi landed with his face in th e pizza. No one ventured to say anything, because everyone was aftraid of the wrath of Corporal Levi. They just let him alone in his time of need. Absolutely nothing was cut, except for Jean's faith in humanity, if course. Levi stood up slowly ,tomato sauce dripping down his beautyphil face. His eyes filled with horror and anguish. He ran into the bathroom to wash his face. Everyone looked around at each other, not daring to speak, and then burst into laughter. Suddenly, a high-pitched scream emanated from the bathroom, and Levi sprinted out, looking positively petrafied, but with a clean face. "THERE ARE BODIESS IN THERE!" he yelled. Everyone stopped laughing and looked at him. Ymir and ERen looked sort of embarrassed. "yeah we killed some people…." They said in usnion.
"But lets' eat!" shouted Jean and Sasha. "PIZZZAAAAA!11!1!111!11! Erwin grabbed Levi's arm and pulled Levi down next to him. The height difference was so funny Bertholdt laughed. While sweating. "Have some pizza, Levi" said Erwin. Levi stood up with a disgusted look on his face. "I don't eat pizza" he said coldly, then gasped and looked down at his butt, which was covered in pizza sauce. "YOU RUINED MY FRICKIGMN BUTT. NOT TO MENTION MY PRISTINE WHITE PANTS!" Bellowed Corporal Rivaille-heichou. He was flustered for a minute, then yelled," THIS IS AN ABOMINATION" and stormed out, face flushed.
Later that night, at home, Erwin remembered the incidents of the day and laughed. HE picked up his new iPhone 6,000 TitanSmasherXX and proceeded to call Levi.
Levi Was in the middle of washing his not-so-pirstine white pants when he heard his new iPhone 7,000 TitanBuster play his ringtone: Die Flügel der Freiheit**. but he couln't speak german so he didn't actually know what it meant. He assumed it meant something like Levi is the bad*ss warrior soldier titan slayer dude, though. What it actually meant was 'Levi rivaille 3 the desu desu animu swagalicious baber kins'. His phone variation wasn't out to the public yet, but he was Lance Corploral Levi, and he was super-duper special.
Erwin heard Levi answer his phone. "I KNOW ITS YOU COMMANDER EYEBROWS BUIT RIGHT NOW IM CLEANING THE TOMATO OUT OF MY PANTS. CALL ME BACK LATEER!" Levi's voice was so lound that Werwin the werewolf almost dropped the phone out of shock and terror. "Wait Levi, i just wanted to ask you a quick question,,," Werwin's voice trailed off at the sound of Levi's annoyed sigh. "Aliright, split it out!" he spluttered. "Well," said Erwin cautiously, " so y'know how you were gonna cut the pizza... How exaclty were you gonna go about that?"
"SO YOU WANT TO KNOW THE SECRET, DO YOU?" Came levi's voice, dripping with venom. He was quite partial to speaking in Caps Lock and had a bad habit of misusing that. "Oh Kay. Well i'll tell you. But you won't be able to do it. Only i can cut pizzas with my face." "With,,, your face?" Erwin was quite puzzled. "Yes. with my face. With a Jawline as sharp as mine, I can cut anything. Ever wonder e=why I was the bast Titan slayer?" asked Levi. "You killed titans ... with your jawline?" inquired Erwin. His mind was getting increasingly muddled because he was drinking with Dot Pixis... who had a habit of inviting himself into Erwin's house. "yes. It was my secret technique. What made ME humanitie's stongest soldire. But now i guess... those days are over" Levi sighed. "..,Whant me to send you a picture?" He hung up on Erwin and sent him a picture of his sharp, chisled jawline. He kept a stash, just in case, you know... he ever needed one. Erwin got the picture. he gasped in shock. it was Levi's jawline. it was so hot. Erwin cried. "Why r u cryin?" slurred Pixis from the other room. Erwin sweatdropped. [laugh track]
**Jiyuu no Tsubasa, ending theme 2, means Wings of Freedom and is actually Levi's themesong.
A/N The end! Thanks for readi ng ! Yay!
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