Starcatcher: Okay, I normally don't do Harry Potter fics, but I've noticed a rather large amount of Mary Sue fics in this area, so I figured why not?
Disclaimer: I own nothing...what? Were you expecting some witty remark?
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In the great hall, Dumbledore stands and calls everyone's attention. "Everyone, I have an announcement to make. We have a new transfer student from the US joining us. Please welcome Miss Mary Sue--" He stopped because the instant he said those two words, everyone screamed and started heading for the hills. He blinked twice and shrugged. "Wonder what their problem is..."
At that moment, a teenage girl entered the great hall. She had long, blonde hair and bright sunny blue eyes. She looked around, confused by the lack of people in the hall. "Am I in the right place? Where is everyone?"
Dumbledore smiled and nodded. "This is the great hall, but everyone left dinner a bit early."
She shrugged. "Okay then..." After Dumbledore left and she was the only one remaining, she shrugged and decided to get some dinner from the kitchen considering she somehow already knew all the passages of Hogwarts in and out.
Later, she was sorted into Gryfindor and happened to be the same year as Harry and the others. She went to the Gryfindor common room. "Hi! I'm Mary Sue--" She stared in confusion as everyone screamed and ran away. Some ran past her and out the portrait hole, some ran up to the dorms, and several jumped out the windows, figuring the easiest way out of this nightmare was suicide. She blinked a few times, then shrugged and went up to the dormitories. She ended up having an entire dorm to herself because none of the girls wanted to sleep in the same room as her.
Meanwhile, back in the common room, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and a few others were trying to figure out what to do about the Mary Sue. "We've gotta think of something! I don't want to end up falling helplessly in love with another Mary Sue!" Harry nearly shouted.
Hermione nodded. "I know. I can't stand this! Every time a Mary Sue comes, she makes all the guys fall for her and makes us girls look like jealous sluts!"
"I can't believe that Dumbledore even allowed her here! Doesn't he remember what happened last time? We must DESTROY HER!!!" Ron.
A fourth year girl with black hair and red eyes stepped forward. "But none of you can kill a Mary Sue! The best thing we can do is avoid her and ignore her no matter what she says. We can just blatantly show off that we're paying more attention to someone else and she'll eventually get the message that we don't want her."
"That's a great idea!" Harry exclaimed, smiling at her. She blushed in response.
And so, all the students blatantly ignored her. The teachers didn't seem to notice the danger they were in, because they all treated her just like any of the students, except for Snape...
In Potions class, everyone is brewing a dispelling potion in their cauldrons. It's useful for breaking someone out of any sort of brainwashing, illusions, mind control, and whatnot. Snape, as usual, favors the Slytherins and insults each of the Gryfindors. "Potter, you added the frogsweat too soon! Weasly, you put in too much mandrake root! Longbottom, it's supposed to be blue, not red! Granger, do refrain from telling them how to do it!" When he reaches Mary Sue, he looks at her cauldron and blinks a few times. "Hum...I give so few high grades to Gryfindors that I have no witty retort. Class dismissed."
Everyone glares at Mary Sue. "It's only expected. She's a Mary Sue after all." Hermione stated, though she was actually furious that the Mary Sue did better than herself.
Smiling, Mary Sue starts walking towards their group. "Oh geez! It's almost time for our DA meeting." Harry stated.
Mary Sue's eyes widened in excitement. "Wow! A DA meeting? Can I join?"
"No." They told her before turning to see the same fourth year girl from before. "Do you want to come?" Harry asked her.
The girl smiled and nodded. "Yeah! I'd love to!" Then they all walked away, ignoring Mary Sue.
The fourth year girl turned out to be very good in their class. For several days after this, Mary Sue would try to approach the group, but they would ignore her and talk amongst themselves or to the fourth year girl who complained she was having problems keeping up. Finally, after about a week, they couldn't take it anymore and Harry, Hermione, and Ron confronted Mary Sue while she was petting a unicorn near the Dark Forest outside of school during one of their free days.
Smiling, she greeted them. "Hi! What's going on?"
"Your time has come Mary Sue!" They shouted, pointing their wands at her.
She blinked. "What are you talking about?"
"Look, we don't want you here! Nobody likes you! And we're not going to just stand by and let a Mary Sue destroy our beloved school!"
"But I'm not Mary Sue." She told them. They stopped and stared at her.
"Of course you are! When we first met you said your name was Mary Sue!" Hermione.
"No, you guys screamed and ran off before I could finish. My name's not just Mary Sue. It's Mary Sue Must Die." She noticed the way they were gaping at her. "Yeah, I know. Weird name huh? It's all that my creator would say before some guys in white coats came and dragged her off. She created me to destroy Mary Sues."
The three stared at her, shocked. "So...you're not a Mary Sue?"
She shook her head. "Nope. That's why Dumbledore didn't mind letting me come here. Apparently a Mary Sue snuck in and has been trying to take over. I'm here to kill her."
"Well...who could it be?" Ron asked.
Mary Sue Must Die rolled her eyes. "Isn't it obvious? It's that fourth year girl you've all been paying so much attention to. I mean, really, weren't the red eyes a clue?"
Just then, the school blows up. Harry, Ron, and Hermione could only stare at the wreckage.
Mary Sue Must Die blinks twice. "Darn it...that's the fifth time too...oh well! Tra la la..." With that, she skips off into the sunset.
THE MORAL OF THE STORY: Never judge a person by looks or name alone. A Mary Sue by any other name is still just as evil.
Disclaimer: I own nothing...what? Were you expecting some witty remark?
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In the great hall, Dumbledore stands and calls everyone's attention. "Everyone, I have an announcement to make. We have a new transfer student from the US joining us. Please welcome Miss Mary Sue--" He stopped because the instant he said those two words, everyone screamed and started heading for the hills. He blinked twice and shrugged. "Wonder what their problem is..."
At that moment, a teenage girl entered the great hall. She had long, blonde hair and bright sunny blue eyes. She looked around, confused by the lack of people in the hall. "Am I in the right place? Where is everyone?"
Dumbledore smiled and nodded. "This is the great hall, but everyone left dinner a bit early."
She shrugged. "Okay then..." After Dumbledore left and she was the only one remaining, she shrugged and decided to get some dinner from the kitchen considering she somehow already knew all the passages of Hogwarts in and out.
Later, she was sorted into Gryfindor and happened to be the same year as Harry and the others. She went to the Gryfindor common room. "Hi! I'm Mary Sue--" She stared in confusion as everyone screamed and ran away. Some ran past her and out the portrait hole, some ran up to the dorms, and several jumped out the windows, figuring the easiest way out of this nightmare was suicide. She blinked a few times, then shrugged and went up to the dormitories. She ended up having an entire dorm to herself because none of the girls wanted to sleep in the same room as her.
Meanwhile, back in the common room, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and a few others were trying to figure out what to do about the Mary Sue. "We've gotta think of something! I don't want to end up falling helplessly in love with another Mary Sue!" Harry nearly shouted.
Hermione nodded. "I know. I can't stand this! Every time a Mary Sue comes, she makes all the guys fall for her and makes us girls look like jealous sluts!"
"I can't believe that Dumbledore even allowed her here! Doesn't he remember what happened last time? We must DESTROY HER!!!" Ron.
A fourth year girl with black hair and red eyes stepped forward. "But none of you can kill a Mary Sue! The best thing we can do is avoid her and ignore her no matter what she says. We can just blatantly show off that we're paying more attention to someone else and she'll eventually get the message that we don't want her."
"That's a great idea!" Harry exclaimed, smiling at her. She blushed in response.
And so, all the students blatantly ignored her. The teachers didn't seem to notice the danger they were in, because they all treated her just like any of the students, except for Snape...
In Potions class, everyone is brewing a dispelling potion in their cauldrons. It's useful for breaking someone out of any sort of brainwashing, illusions, mind control, and whatnot. Snape, as usual, favors the Slytherins and insults each of the Gryfindors. "Potter, you added the frogsweat too soon! Weasly, you put in too much mandrake root! Longbottom, it's supposed to be blue, not red! Granger, do refrain from telling them how to do it!" When he reaches Mary Sue, he looks at her cauldron and blinks a few times. "Hum...I give so few high grades to Gryfindors that I have no witty retort. Class dismissed."
Everyone glares at Mary Sue. "It's only expected. She's a Mary Sue after all." Hermione stated, though she was actually furious that the Mary Sue did better than herself.
Smiling, Mary Sue starts walking towards their group. "Oh geez! It's almost time for our DA meeting." Harry stated.
Mary Sue's eyes widened in excitement. "Wow! A DA meeting? Can I join?"
"No." They told her before turning to see the same fourth year girl from before. "Do you want to come?" Harry asked her.
The girl smiled and nodded. "Yeah! I'd love to!" Then they all walked away, ignoring Mary Sue.
The fourth year girl turned out to be very good in their class. For several days after this, Mary Sue would try to approach the group, but they would ignore her and talk amongst themselves or to the fourth year girl who complained she was having problems keeping up. Finally, after about a week, they couldn't take it anymore and Harry, Hermione, and Ron confronted Mary Sue while she was petting a unicorn near the Dark Forest outside of school during one of their free days.
Smiling, she greeted them. "Hi! What's going on?"
"Your time has come Mary Sue!" They shouted, pointing their wands at her.
She blinked. "What are you talking about?"
"Look, we don't want you here! Nobody likes you! And we're not going to just stand by and let a Mary Sue destroy our beloved school!"
"But I'm not Mary Sue." She told them. They stopped and stared at her.
"Of course you are! When we first met you said your name was Mary Sue!" Hermione.
"No, you guys screamed and ran off before I could finish. My name's not just Mary Sue. It's Mary Sue Must Die." She noticed the way they were gaping at her. "Yeah, I know. Weird name huh? It's all that my creator would say before some guys in white coats came and dragged her off. She created me to destroy Mary Sues."
The three stared at her, shocked. "So...you're not a Mary Sue?"
She shook her head. "Nope. That's why Dumbledore didn't mind letting me come here. Apparently a Mary Sue snuck in and has been trying to take over. I'm here to kill her."
"Well...who could it be?" Ron asked.
Mary Sue Must Die rolled her eyes. "Isn't it obvious? It's that fourth year girl you've all been paying so much attention to. I mean, really, weren't the red eyes a clue?"
Just then, the school blows up. Harry, Ron, and Hermione could only stare at the wreckage.
Mary Sue Must Die blinks twice. "Darn it...that's the fifth time too...oh well! Tra la la..." With that, she skips off into the sunset.
THE MORAL OF THE STORY: Never judge a person by looks or name alone. A Mary Sue by any other name is still just as evil.