Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, The New Jedi Order, or any of it's characters. Credit goes to Dave Wolverton for the creation of the Hapes Cluster, Ta'a Chume (Faala), to Elaine Cunningham for expanding into the history of Gallinore and writing many of the events that preceed this fic, to Kevin J. Anderson for the creation of Tenel Ka D'jo, and finally, one of my favourite NJO authors, Matthew W. Stover for his phenomenal work in Traitor. The title is inspired by the song by British alternative band, Bush. Go download it or buy the CD, it's awesome.

AN: Well, people have been bothering me to write a sequel to my other Jacen/Tenel Ka fic, "Between Pirates and Princesses," but since the New Jedi Order happens directly after it, I can't make a sequel. Instead, I'm writing another Jacen/Tenel Ka fic that will take place after Traitor, the book by M.W. Stover. I should update this fairly regularly, because is has priority over all my other fanfics (yes, even the Harry Potter one Jess J ) Anyway, this takes place from Jacen's POV.

Prologue: Glycerine

Must be your skin that I'm sinking in

Must be for real cos now I can feel.

And I didn't mind

It's not my kind

Not my time to wonder why

Everything's gone white

And everything's grey

Now you're here, now you're away

I don't want this

Remember that,

I'll never forget where you're at

Don't let the days go by

Glycerine

I'm never alone

I'm alone all the time

Are you at one

Or do you lie

We live in a wheel

Where everyone steals

But when we rise it's like strawberry fields

I treated you bad

You bruise my face

Couldn't love you more

You got a beautiful taste

Don't let the days go by

Could've been easier on you

I couldn't change though I wanted to

Could have been easier by three

Our old friend fear and you and me

Glycerine

Don't let the days go by

Glycerine

I needed you more

When we wanted us less

I could not kiss just regress

I might just be

Clear simple and plain

That's just fine

That just one of my names

Don't let the days go by

Could've been easier on you

Glycerine.

Maybe everyone in the galaxy is crazy, or maybe it's just me. I'm not sure. I'm a lot less sure of everything that I used to be sure about and I'm more clear on what was formerly unconsidered.

I thought about you when they were torturing me. When they were teaching me. When they were worshipping me. I thought about you all the time, though for different reasons and in different ways. At first, it was because I remembered that when I was with you, I was happy. I remembered that at one time in my life I had known laughter and joyfulness, and that during those times, I was with you. The memory kept me going for awhile.

That was until I changed. When I started thinking like they wanted me to think. When I embraced the pain. I wondered what everyone would think, and what you would think. I wondered if you would still love me, or if you really loved me anyway and it wasn't just a teenager thing that had passed over time.

I wish I knew.

But the question is more important than the answer. So when I asked myself whether or not you had loved me, I realized that I was admitting to myself that I loved you.

So here I am, coming back to you. I'm coming back to a lot of people who love me and I'm wondering if you're one of them. All I know is that I loved you, and I'll still love you, if you want me too. I'm guessing there's probably a lot that has changed while I've been gone, and maybe you've found someone more deserving of your affection. People develop new interests, Jaina's feelings for Zekk have changed, and maybe yours have for me.

I really hope not.

I won't say I need you. I know I could move on. Eventually. Maybe.

But the point is, there are so many ways in which I've become different, that I can't expect you to treat me like the old Jacen. I've grown up... or maybe I just think I have.

Either way, you might not like him.

Yet if I was to be really honest with myself, and not trying just to keep my expectations down to prevent being disappointed, I would say that you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, ever, and I know you don't care. That's the way you are, you're just there for someone, completely loyal, no matter what.

So keep holding on for me, and when I get back, I finally admit to something. We won't have to pretend anything anymore. I'll be honest, honestly. I know I don't deserve it, but you were always a forgiving person. I mean, I cut off your arm, what the problem with a delay in confessing my feelings for you?

Hang in there Tenel Ka. I'm coming back...