As both an apology for the ending of my fic, The Same Path, and an attempt to show how everything is mostly OK, I wrote this while I could not sleep one night.
Down a long, windy path that led to a bustling marketplace was a low stone wall. Though the path was well traveled, and the market always busy, a man sat with his back to the wall, his eyes shut as he enjoyed the warmth of the stone and the sun on his face.
He had started the morning off sitting on the wall, examining the sword that now rested across his lap. He had noticed a couple of new, small cracks along the blade, but Ragnell still held. He knew it would hold for a while.
Ike sighed as a light breeze brushed across his face. Never could he have imagined that he would have ended up here, in a county a long way from Tellius, just one of many in a long chain he and Soren had traveled to. Nor did he expect to find himself waiting for Soren, the one person left from his 'old' life, and his own son to return from the market. And while part of him was content, another part wondered what could have been.
Though his son had been an unexpected surprise, Sel had become the high point of his life. And Soren was simply indispensable. He had held Ike together during the lowest point of his life. He had been completely numb for nearly a week after having Sel placed in his arms and being told his mother had died giving birth to him. Soren took charge and found the three passage on a ship. For nearly a week after being aboard the ship and holding Sel, who he only let go of to allow a young mother with her own infant to nurse him, did it really hit him.
Selyne was gone, and it was his fault.
He had sat, his back against the wall of the cabin, sobbing quietly as the baby slept. He thought Soren had been sleeping as well, until he felt Soren slide down the wall next to him. He had clearly been waiting for it to hit Ike, and just having him nearby as he wept and vented his feelings had given Ike more comfort than anything else could have at the time.
That had been nearly five years ago.
Sel had gone from sleeping on his chest at night until the boy was two, to running off after Soren as he left that morning with just a hurried "'Bye!" shouted over his shoulder. He bounced from his father to Soren, favoring one over the other one day, and returning back to the other's side the next. A small smile played at Ike's lips for just a second. It was amusing to him how Soren handled Sel, he was timid around the child, but also patient and comforting when he needed to be. As long as he stayed out of his bed.
The one time Sel had crawled into Soren's bed seeking comfort, it had caused chaos.
Ike's own bed had been empty since Sel started to sleep by himself, except for the rare occasions, usually during storms, when Sel would slip into bed and curl up next to him. Or when the ratty stray kitten Sel had rescued from the streets decided Ike's chest was a warm spot to sleep. When that happened, he usually returned the kitten to Sel's bed. It stayed by his side, and even trotted after them that morning.
But Ike was glad not to share his bed. He had women come to him, especially seeing his single father status, and he always gently turned them down. His own guilt and grief kept him from seeking another relationship. He wanted to wake up next to no one other than Selyne. It was something he never admitted, nor would he ever voice aloud, but there were times in the morning as he woke that he expected her next to him, either curled up with her head on his chest or propped up on her elbow and asking if he was up for another go, her black hair tickling as it brushed against his skin.
Those mornings usually led to a lack of focus, as she stayed on his mind for the rest of the day. He wondered what sort of mother she would have been. Where they would have been as a family. In his mind, it was always this somewhat dysfunctional unit, the four of them travelling together. He knew Soren would never have liked it, but he would have tolerated it for Ike's sake.
Sometimes he would wonder if they would have another child at that point, perhaps a daughter.
And though he had never expressed any desire to return to Tellius, sometimes he found himself pondering just how Selyne and Mist would have taken to each other. He assumed the two would be wary at first, perhaps Mist more welcoming than Selyne, though he also felt they would grow to get along, if not love each other.
But Ike knew, deep down, if he went home, he would never leave again. His opened his eyes suddenly as a tickling sensation spread on his fingers. A large, fat beetle had crawled onto his hand. He reached above him and placed it on the wall. It was a welcome intrusion. He often found himself worried about getting too caught up in his thoughts and fantasies and not living in the present.
Though the day was hot and sunlight warmed the rock wall behind him, storm clouds had started to appear on the horizon. He looked down the road as a young couple and their cranky donkey topped the hill. Perhaps he should find Soren and Sel. Though the thought came, he could not bring himself to get to his feet.
Perhaps it had been a good thing he could not bring himself to go home. It was not out of shame, but more out of fear of getting himself roped into another leadership position. But that was not the reason it was not a good thing he had not returned home with his son.
Between Mist and Titania, Sel would be spoiled rotten.
"Speaking of..."
Ike finally rose to his feet as he spotted Sel and Soren, and the stray kitten that bounded between their legs.
"Dad!" Sel hurried as fast as his little legs could carry him as Soren walked behind, shaking his head and looking for all the world like he was trying not to smile. Ike had to take a step backwards as the boy tackled him and wrapped his arms around his father's leg.
"Did you miss me that much?" Ike asked with a laugh. Sel looked up at him and smiled. His thick, black hair had been his mother's, but otherwise his features were all Ike. Ike picked him up and noticed the small bag in his hand.
"The nice lady at the market gave me cookies." Sel opened the bag and showed Ike the contents.
"You thanked her, didn't you?"
"Yes." Sel looked behind them as Soren arrived. "Soren says we can have them for dessert tonight."
"Did he?" Ike asked with a smile. So it was a Soren day. That was fine.
"I need to take him with me more often," Soren said. He shifted the bags over his shoulder. "I didn't have to pay for half of this. We need to use his cute status while we can."
Ike laughed again. Perhaps Soren liked the deals he got, but he knew he also enjoyed the company. They slowly walked from the market path towards the inn where the three shared a room. As Sel walked beside him, his hand firmly gripping his, Ike felt happy. He would never be completely happy, but he would not trade Sel for anything. Not even what could have been.