Okay, so this basically was a dream I had, and really it was just Sam, Dean and the Cullens arguing about which universe had the better vampires. Naturally there's a bit of bashing but I couldn't resist; especially when Dean gets angry. xD I don't own anything, don't pretend that I do, except my imagination and what I make these characters do in it. xD Enjoy. By the way, this is mostly a dialogue fic, so you're going to have to make up your own mind about who's speaking when.

"Seriously, sparkling? You guys sparkle."

"You're just jealous because our vampires are more aesthetically pleasing than yours. I mean come on, yours are all so boring. I've never met an ugly vampire in our world."

"Whatever the hell that meant, we are not jealous. Who in their right mind would be jealous of a vampire? But seriously, what the hell? None of you guys are ugly, and that's freaking insane, not to mention unrealistic. You guys, what, bite someone and they go through three days – at least – of hell and then they're immortal creatures with sparkly, bullet-proof skin and they never age and they suddenly have all the restraint of a freaking Buddha? I mean come on even the 'weak' one of you isn't that weak and the freaking newborn mother over here doesn't want to eat anybody? That's freaking retarded."

"Whatever. At least it's better than having to drink a vampire's blood to become one, and then you get these huge fangs descending over your normal teeth and rip apart your victim. We have finesse; we can leave a tiny little scar and at least keep our victims alive."

"If we drank from humans."

"Which we don't."

"Yeah, but at least our vampires are realistic; animal blood is freaking disgusting and you guys say it's like tofu. Tofu is not that bad-"

"Despite the fact, Dean, that the only time you had tofu it was actually a bacon cheeseburger."

"Moving on...so basically you're saying you guys don't struggle as much. What are you, freaking blessed from above? No one has that much restraint, even my freaking non-vampire brother over here got addicted to blood. It made him feel strong."

"Thanks for reminding everyone. Unsympathetic my ass..."

"Look, I've met angels and you're assholes enough to be some of them. Besides, you've got vampires who mate for life in ours but still at least get themselves some action; you guys seem to be either entirely promiscuous or complete prudes; monogamists. Makes me sick. You are completely made in pairs to describe the aspects of a different relationship from a point of view that's all about propaganda. We get disapproval for the ones who actually show lust, idolatry for those who keep themselves quiet and then the ones who don't get any are the freaking stars of the show! What the hell?"

"Whatever, Dean. What are you going to do; scream and stomp like a little boy because you can't get rid of us as easily as tearing our heads off?"

"You call that shit easy?"

"Shut up, Sam. Listen, at least we're plausible, alright? They have weaknesses, and not just that emotional crap you guys spew all the time. 'I'll do anything it takes to keep you safe' who says that shit? No one – our vampires keep up with the times and don't linger on freaking eighteenth century babble that no one says or understands anymore. And they don't get it right first time; they're animals like they should be. You guys are too sophisticated, with all your finesse and trying to blend into society. You're blurring the lines."

"Is that why you hate us so much? We're blurring the lines and that upsets you? Eesh, must you make every conversation some deep trip into the emotions? 'Oh, I tortured people and I liked it', 'Oh I'm a freaking vessel', 'Oh woe is me my Daddy's dead'. All of our fathers are dead, you idiot."

"Vampire or not I will stab you in your face."

"It's, like, a must-have of every series and book ever. A missing parent and the child tries desperately to fill that void. And you chose Hunting. Well done. You guys don't even get paid for it."

"We get the satisfaction of killing creatures like you and your dog-friend, here."

"Hey, don't get me involved."

"That's another thing; shifters? Really? All you guys lose is your clothing, and when you're angry only? You have no freaking control over it? That's completely stupid; what if you're terrified and you need a quick getaway but oh well, you're not angry enough so basically you're screwed and attacked by Doctor-sparkly over here."

"Dude, we can control it."

"But only into Wolves? What is the point of that? It's not exactly inconspicuous, is it? I'm sure you could have evolved into something a little better…like I don't know different humans? Go all Siren on the vampires' asses and seduce them into complacency, and then have them kill themselves or something. Simple as."

"You're way over-simplifying this."

"Whatever. Alls I'm saying is, basically, you guys are lame."

"Whatever. We're a lot harder to kill."

"Oh yeah? How do you guys die then?"

"Basically you have to rip us apart, and burn the pieces."

A few hours later Sam and Dean stood in front of a burning pyre, piled high with rotting and burning corpses of vampires and shape shifters alike. The older Winchester sighed lightly, rolling his eyes when his brother threw him a questioning glance.

"It's almost getting too easy, you know?"

"Yeah," Sam agreed, looking back at the flames. "That big one wasn't very smart, was he?"

"But fast. How's your arm?"

"It'll heal."

And of course it would; because it's always the same. No matter how big a monster is…how many there are or how unstoppable they seem to be...Add the Winchesters in and everybody dies.

The End. (: So yeah, that was generally the extent of my dream. I thought it was funny.

There was pretty much no beta on this. Sorry for mistakes. x