Author's note: One-shot. As a result of a post I saw about OTPs on Tumblr and my fondness for the Shamy. Feel free to leave reviews and favorite this story.
I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS NOR THE PLOT OR ANY OTHER ELEMENT. I AS WELL DO NOT GAIN PROFIT OF THIS. ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO CHUCK LORRE AND BILL PRADY, AND THE BIG BANG THEORY, WARNER BROS AND CBS.
Amy had never been an enthusiast when it came to diary keeping. She believed it was preposterous to keep any written record of personal affairs without the mere possibility to be later exposed as investigation journal or something similar.
However, after meeting Sheldon, Penny, and the rest of the guys, many things in her life had changed. She now had not only a boyfriend, but friends, and even a best friend. As a result of influence, mainly by Penny, her way of thinking about this matter in particular had changed. She had decided, for the very first time in her life, to keep a record of every single event of her life. Why? She simply had chosen to have written this new stage of her life she was liking so much.
Every day, right after her daily skype calls with Sheldon, after mutually agreeing they would do this in order to be updated of either parties lives during the present day, Amy gave her diary, Paige, after naming it because of the resemblance of "page" and in an attempt to make it look not so ridiculous and "hippie", thirty minutes to write about her day, her friends, her bestie and specially, about Sheldon. He is the best boyfriend ever, indeed, was usually present in every entry.
That day was quite different than the rest. She had gone to girls night after working late, therefore, for the time she arrived home, it was past Sheldon's bedtime. She decided it was better to write her entry and then go to sleep.
Dear Paige:
I must insist. He is the best boyfriend I could ever wish for. Yes, I am very conscious I never imagined myself with a boyfriend at all. Not in my "wildest dreams", *sighs* he might not be the typical romantic hippie every woman wishes for, but I am quite fond of that mind of his and those quirks that make him so cocky and peculiar. Yes, I know he is not that of "physical contact enthusiast" but I still find myself quite fond of him. Maybe even more of what I should, which brings me to my next order of business.
Today I went with the girls shopping, but I must confess, it was "window shopping" rather than anything else. As usual, Penny decided to enter Victoria's Secret store to buy some items of clothing for Leonard's amusement. If I must say, I found the items very pricy for being barely able to be even called "clothing". Bernadette decided to do the same for Howard, as a treat for their upcoming eleventh month wedding anniversary. I actually never imagined they celebrated that anniversary. As they were paying, they asked me if I wasn't buying anything. I, of course, replied honestly that I found this particular type of clothing very pricy for someone like me that was never going to give the proper use since we knew how my boyfriend was. I can't lie, I would love to be able to buy this and have Sheldon interested, but I know he isn't ready for that, yet.
I thought everything died there, until Penny replied: "Oh, come on, you should buy something. Even Sheldon has admitted he is trying and that it is a possibility that you two someday will get 'physical'." If anyone could describe my reaction, surely was beyond paleness and surprise. I was shocked. Okay, not even in my wildest dreams I imagined Sheldon saying that. I only replied, as what it was possible because of my amusement: "I beg you pardon? Okay, bestie, come again..." and that was all I could say before Penny turned herself pale and and looked into Bernadette, when she could only reply: "Umm...well...Should we go and buy some shoes? I feel this new purchase is screaming for matching heels... hehe..." Oh, that giggle from the blond goddess. No, I couldn't just ignore what she just revealed. I asked her again, after several attempts, until she finally confessed she had had a conversation with Sheldon one night with Leonard, and she thought I was already aware of that. I had to say I wasn't, and try to reduce the awkwardness of the situation by simply trying to "play it cool" and casually suggesting shoe shopping.
The ride back home was quite unsettling. I had to do a lot of thinking about the subject. Task that became quite difficult after receiving Sheldon's goodnight text. What was I supposed to do? Tell Sheldon I knew? No, that would certainly freak him out, provoke a panic attack and probably encounter a Sheldon-shape hole figure in the door of his apartment. No, I casually wished him goodnight.
I know this entry is resulting quite extensive, but as much as when it comes to the progress of our relationship, I tend to extend. Despite the fact I have been much thought to this, I never imagined Sheldon was willing to try. The paradox: I am a little hurt he chose not to inform me, but as long as he is aware of that, I am quite okay he doesn't say it. He has never been a master when it came to express feelings. However, due to recent events I am thinking right now, could be considered some kind of attempt to reveal me what he feels. Maybe the Valentine's gift as listing me as his emergency contact was one clue he finds in me confidence and security. Oh, I don't intend to sound hippie, but he sure has to consider me important in his life in order to give me such a huge honor and privilege and responsibility. Yes, awfully unromantic, but one of the best gifts someone has ever given to me. I still believe he is indeed the best gift life could ever give me. Oh, more reasons why to consider that my fondness for him is beyond description.
Most recently, he used me as a human shield. I must confess I was quite angered by the action, but I believe it had another meaning of how he feels about me. He was okay with the touching and all that physical contact. Oh, I see. He truly is trying. Oh, and now I find myself smiling, but I cannot have that for granted. Second, he did find himself somehow protected by me by hiding behind me, evidence that would support the event mentioned before. Maybe, he is trying. Maybe he is trying to inform me he is willing to try. Maybe, just maybe, his fondness for me is quite beyond as mine.
I wonder, if he has any idea how I feel about him. Yes, I am quite aware of many things now. But, is he truly in knowledge about how I feel for him? Maybe. I wish there could be a way of informing him without scaring him away. He is indeed the best boyfriend ever. He is indeed the one that somehow, has managed to complete me, somehow. Oh, what does this mean? Then, a question pops into my mind. Am I in love? Could we ever be in love? If so, what is love? I certainly cannot know. I have never been in love. But what I can assure is that Sheldon completes me, and has come to fill the emptiness that I had for many years. Now, I don't know what love truly is, but, maybe, it is that feeling you get when you find yourself attached to somebody in a way you'd never imagine. Yes, how hippie. However, recent studies in neuroscience have indicated that as "people fall in love", the brain consistently releases a certain set of chemicals, including pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, which act in a manner similar to amphetamines, stimulating the brain's pleasure center and leading to side effects such as increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement. Research has indicated that this stage generally lasts from one and a half to three years.
Three years. That's how much I have been with Sheldon. There have been nights I cannot sleep because he simply decides to wander in my mind, and well, you know me better than anyone, I cannot refute the fact he increases my heart rate every time he looks into my eyes and I look back into his. He is the reason why every morning I smile because I am the only one who can say "My boyfriend is Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper" and that does bring those side effects that make me say Sheldon does fill that emptiness I had. I cannot assure what love is beyond biological reasons, but if finding a person that completes you and brings you happiness by just being who that person is, then certainly I can assure what love is. Love is... Love is what I feel for Sheldon. I love Sheldon, beyond the explicable. I am so grateful to have him in my life, and well, loving him just as who he is: the best boyfriend ever.
I love you, Sheldon. But what baffles me, is the uncertain fact that if you reciprocate the feeling; if you will ever do. All I know is that I am too scared to try to find out. It is not like if I wish to start to get completely physical all of a sudden, but I am quite alright with knowing you will someday achieve that wish as well. I have no rush. I have been patient with you, and I will always be. I might be scared right now, but I am sure I can find comfort in you as you find in me. Please, I hope I am not wrong. Even so, realizing I love you, Sheldon, makes me happy. I wish you could know that now, but, I know you, and I know you have sometimes trouble with this kind of things. I will still love you. Just as I always have.
Regards, Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler
P.S: I promise myself someday I will tell Sheldon how I feel. Not expecting he feels the same right away, but only because my love for him is beyond, and, because I trust him enough to let him know he is the most precious thing I have in life, so far. So far... who knows what might encounter us in the future.
Sheldon dropped Amy's diary to his lap as he finished reading. When he knew Amy kept a diary about her personal affairs, he was curious to discover if there was something it was precise he knew. However, he doubted since he trusted Amy had share everything with him. Just in case, he decided to check in order Amy had forgotten to mention something. And boy, she did forget to mention something.
As Sheldon, with his black expression in his face, finished reading the last entry, Amy entered her apartment. "Amy!" Sheldon exclaimed. "Oh, Gosh! Sheldon! May I know why I find you in my apartment without me being-" She didn't even finish speaking as she saw Sheldon trying to hide her diary in his lap with his hands. "Sheldon... is that.. my... um.. diary you're reading?" as she spoke, frightened and nervous he read the last entry. He looked at her, without speaking. Amy sat and covered her face as she realized he read the part where she had accepted and confessed her love for him. After some minutes of silence, Amy spoke:
"Sheldon, please, do not freak out and-"
"I am not 'freaking out'. No. Um..."
"Oh, well. I completely understand if you wish to leave and never return and trash me out of your life and-"
"Amy, stop it."
She looked at him. His beautiful blue eyes looked right into her green eyes. She stood up, open the door and said: "I know I have turned into a hippie. I shouldn't have written all those things. I will feel no anger if you leave right now. In fact, the quicker, the better. Less pain I will feel." She finished as she frowned and looked down, with watery eyes.
Sheldon stood up. Closed the diary and walked to the door. Amy's eyes were now the deepest pool of tears one could ever imagine. Sheldon walked towards the door, and closed it. He seeked for her hand and finally said:
"Amy. You know I have been quite fond of you for a long time. Yes, I have to constantly struggle with my aversion to physical contact. However, the only reason I chose to do so, it is because, indeed, my fondness for you is beyond." Amy wiped the tears in her face as she looked at Sheldon as he continued: "If you must know, before meeting you, I never pictured myself with someone else as I do today with you. I found the notion of love and the idea of having someone so similar to me, quite ludicrous. However, my life changed extensively after meeting you. I realized I was very wrong. Amy, no one is as similar to me as you are. I always denied myself the fact I could even have any sort of feelings for you. But, after reading what you wrote, I came to a conclusion: you do complete me. Beyond the explicable, you fill the emptiness I had in me and that I could never explain why. With you, I feel comfortable, secure, safe, happy, mentally challenged, and, that is when I realise you are indeed the best girlfriend I could have, it was just until now I understood what my feelings for you were; and are."
He moved his hand to her face and then, he took a deep breathe, and for the very first time, Sheldon initiated a hug. Amy returned the embrace and locked her arms around him. "Amy, I can't picture my life without you. And the reason I can do that today is because you have become part of it, and I cannot understand why not having you as part of it, produces in me sadness, fear, threat, and most of all, pain. Therefore, I come to the conclusion it is because my feelings for you are beyond fondness; you complete me, somehow, and become a vital part of my life."
Without letting Amy go, he looked into her eyes as she looked into his. And for the very first time, and beyond the imagination of any of them, Sheldon pressed his lips against hers. He had initiated a kiss. Sweet, tender and emotional. Despite all the physical contact that night had brought, Sheldon felt it was alright. He slowly removed his lips from her and said: "Amy Farrah Fowler, you are a little vixen that beyond my knowledge to explain how, has done something I never imagined myself capable of; more of even having someone provoke this. Amy, I...I...I love you."
A tear fell down his cheek. "Oh, do not think I am a hippie now. I cannot understand why I find myself crying. This not sad, by far, it is indeed one of the best moments of my life. Amy, why am I crying. My apologies, it seems I have made you cry as well."
Amy, after struggling with so many beautiful emotions, finally was able to speak: "Sheldon, they are happy tears. You are happy because you finally found an answer to something that was troubling you for a while. Sheldon, my most precious treasure in this world, I cannot place into words what this feeling is. Clearly something I had never experienced, and that you didn't either. I believe it is the feeling of mutual love. Beyond the explicable, to have someone feel what you feel, it had always puzzled me. Now, I stand here, facing what I feared the most, and realizing that loving you isn't scary at all because I know you love me as well, and you cannot imagine how happy that makes me." She said as she shyly pressed her lips against his, giving him a sweet peck.
Sheldon smiled and finally said: "No. You're wrong. I do know." Amy looked at him, still embracing, and said: "How so?"
"Because nothing in this life has ever made me so happy as loving you."