Chapter 1
He paced the floor, his ever-present smile painting his pale face. He was leaving soon. Not legally, of course, but if he did anything legal what would be the fun in that? Yes, soon, very soon. A guard walked up to his cell.
"Yo, Joker! Inspection time!" said the idiot. How dare he? Did he have any idea who he was speaking to? Yes, of course. Everyone knew. He made sure of that.
"Alright, alright, Jonesie-boy! Don't get your taser in a twist!" giggled the Joker. They went through the motions. Joker lifted his arms, spread his legs, and lifted his head as Jones patted him down. He was all clear, he usually was.
"'Kay, now get down to the mess hall." said the guard as he prodded the paler man's back. Joker grabbed it and got in his face.
"I'd watch where I point this thing if I were you. Its not wise to poke wild beasts with sticks, Jones." said the Joker with a menacing calm, his smile more malicious than humorous. Jones got instantly pale and apologized. That's right, you little swine, thought the Joker, pale before the Clown Prince of Crime! He laughed maniacally and strutted down to the cafeteria, then groaned when he realized who was on kitchen duty. The meat always tasted funny when the necrophilia treatment ward was on kitchen duty… he didn't want to know why. So he walked down the line, grabbed a less-than-appetizing-looking salad and sat down in his corner, away from the other inmates. He threw the salad to the side and sipped the soda and retreated into his own thoughts, chuckling softly every so often. He didn't even notice the small woman that decided to sit across from him until she spoke.
"So what's so funny?" she asked. He jumped a bit and swallowed his soda wrong. He coughed and glared at her.
"Where the hell did you come from?!" he choked out, his smile temporarily replaced by a deep scowl.
"Jersey. Now what's so funny?" she leaned over and smiled, her bright blue eyes shimmering with curiosity and mischief. His first thought was I'd love to rip those pretty blue crystals out and shove them in her smart little mouth… but he controlled himself.
"Just thinking of a funny poem I once read," his smile returned and he was suave as ever, "wanna hear it?" His voice dripped with condescending sarcasm.
"Sure!" She smiled sweetly. Stupid little girl… he thought. A look of surprise crossed his face but he recited it.
"I knew a girl
About the age of twenty-and-five
At least, she was,
When she was alive!
She was sweet
And ever so nice.
I have her here,
Would you like a slice?
Try her eyes
Blue as berries
With the taste of jam
And the shape of cherries.
Try her brain
She's smart as can be.
Try her chords
What a voice had she.
But oh, the best part,
Leave it be!
I want her heart.
All her love for me.
For she did so flirt,
And she did so try!
And she succeeded
In catching my eye.
Too bad my kiss
Bade her goodbye."
He finished the poem and, to his surprise, she laughed!
"She was flirting with disaster!" she said, still giggling. "That's funny, where did you find it?"
"Oh," he said, moving his hand in circles in the air, "somewhere in the internet, that is, before I got locked up here." Spat out the last part like it was venom.
"Well, mister Joker, if you're nice to me, we can get you out of here sooner!" she said cheerily.
"And just who are you?" he said, raising an eyebrow. He had forgotten to ask. He never forgot anything, apart from his life before the acid bath.
"I'm Dr. Harleen Quintzel, and I'll be your new psychologist!" she said, pushing her golden hair behind her ear. He was stunned. This was the first time he looked at her intently. Her flirtatious blue eyes, her perfectly plucked eyebrows, her plump, ruby-red lips, and her long blond hair… they all made something inside him come to life. Something he is ashamed of. This was not good. He pushed these thoughts out of his mind and laughed hysterically.
"So they threw the damsel to the rabid hyena and hoped for the best eh?" he said after many deep breaths. "Ah, that was a good laugh… no seriously, girl, who are you?" She just stared and smiled, mocking him. He wanted to rip that smile apart.
"So, let's go to my office, shall we?" she stood up, her red shirt now fully visible and it was tight. As she turned, her gilded hair fell in wavy locks down her back and her black pencil skirt fit her perfectly. Joker looked anywhere but at her. Why am I acting this way?! What am I… fourteen?! But his heart just jumped and so did something else and he hated it. He calmed himself and followed her. She stopped at the door.
"Ladies first." he said, condescendingly sweet with a sarcastic grin spread across his face. She walked in, sat down at her desk, and gestured to the seat across. Joker sat, laid back, put his hands behind his head, and crossed his legs, completely casual.
"So, care to tell me your real name?" she smirked, "I know you won't tell me, but I gotta go through the motions, ya know?"
"John Doe." said the Joker, smiling. Harleen rolled her eyes and moved onto the next question.
"Date of birth?"
"April first, 1977"
"Ha ha." she said sarcastically. She looked at the sheet of paper with question after question of personal information. "Ah, fuck it!" she said loudly as she crumpled it and threw it into the trash bin.
The Joker faked shock. "A lady should never say such things!" he tsked.
"What? They were boring. What I wanna know is your favorite color. That would be more interesting than the drabble on that page." she said, sitting back, relaxed.
"Hmm? You care?" he thought for a moment, "Purple. But green in a close second!" He grinned. "What about you?"
"Hmm… Red, Black, and Pink!" she said cheerfully. They chatted for about an hour, becoming friendly. Then a guard came to collect the inmate.
"Today was fun, Mista J!" she said. He raised an eyebrow. 'Mista J', eh? I kinda like it…
"Same time tomorrow, Harley?" He said, grinning playfully.
"Of course!" Then the guard took him away. Maybe he wouldn't break out so soon. She was interesting… hmm…
Author's Note:
Hi Everyone! If you're reading this, congratulations! You just read through the first chapter of my first posted fan fiction! I've written them before, but I always thought they sucked, so I never posted them. Comments are much appreciated! ^^;
P.S. I'm not sure when I'll update this. Probably when i get another wild hair up my ass lol, anyway, I won't wait TOO long XD
~Ita-chan