The drink in Joel's hand felt heavy and it didn't help that his back ache and mind stuffed with fatigue from the past few days of relentless bandit raids. But he has to be here.
Slowly he took a sip at his drink before grimacing at the taste. Mango juice - something he never liked even before the pademic. Still, he gulped it down wishing it was whiskey to cool his nerves.
"Joel! " Maria came up to him with the same drink and a friendly smile. "How do you feel? "
How does one feel? He thought. "Just like any other day. "
Maria looks at him with a raised eyebrow. "It's Ellie's special day. "
"I mean I'm happy. Two kids falling in love and stuff. "
"Sure. " Before Maria could question Joel's answer more a pair of couple arrives calling for her name. "Excuse me. "
When Joel was alone again he sigh as he look towards the Christmas lights hanging from one part of the wall to the other like the overgrown vines in the cities.
More people came up to him and congratulated him with shakes of the hand and pats on the back from some of his workmates. Each time a person approach him and say the same words he felt more empty than before.
"Joel! " Daisy approach him with one of her big smiles with her wife stalking behind her. "A happy day, wouldn't you say? "
Another one, Joel already felt tired and restless with all these mindless chatter. "Yeah, I can finally have the house to myself. "
"You look tired, " Lilia says and Joel had to stop himself from sighing. "Doesn't look like happy to me. "
"Bandit raids kept me up all night. Yer know how it is. " Joel knew Lilia wouldn't believe any word that comes out of his mouth.
"Of course his happy, babe, " Daisy said. "What father wouldn't be? "
It was a rhetorical question but Lilia stared at him all the same. "His not her father. "
"It's the Johnson's! " Daisy said too exaggeratedly to be true. "Excuse us, Joel. "
This time Joel sat at a vacant seat and stare towards the dance floor. What Lilia said was true. His never Ellie's father or even a relative of the girl. His not too blame if the townspeople saw him like a father to the girl. But he'll be damn if he doesn't see himself like that.
Joel stop his eyes at a familiar reddish brown haired girl. Ellie had her arms around her newly wed wife, Dina, who smiles back at the red haired girl.
A slow song started playing and Joel immediately recognize it. He use to dance to this song together with Sarah's mother - Joel's ex wife. The tips of his fingers steel themselves around the cup as he gulp down the disgusting drink.
Joel look back at Ellie, the smile on her face made him smile back even if his not the one to put it there. He stood back up and left the busy place opting to spend some time alone.
The road in Jackson was quiet and peaceful considering everyone's at the wedding. Each step leads Joel farther away from his babygirl and her special day. The moon and it's blank eyes seems to mock him with it's silent laughter.
"God dammit, " He muttered stopping at the porch of his house.
He lean back at the hard steps and immediately sigh at the silence that erupts around him. It wasn't like this before, his laughter and Ellie's would always fills the place, even if she did cuss a lot it made him happy and alive.
"Not for years though, " The rough callous palm of his hands held his head. "I messed up. "
The lie. Ever since that damn lie he said. He knew Ellie never believed his words nor shown any sense of disbelief - but it was there. The doubt hidden beneath layers of lies. Everything changed then. No more trust and truth. The once father and daughter trust, which is built on honesty and love, all dwindle away slowly day by day. What was once a bond forge from the hell of the cordycep virus slowly faded.
"Goddamn Fireflies, " He spat with venom.
Humanity's hope. The group who still search for a cure despite the chaos revolving around mankind. Their optimistic thinking and naivety always made Joel look away and scoff at their ridiculous ideals. To save the greater good was to sacrifice a child - his child. Only a stupid fuck would let that happen. Mankind is long past saving.
"Joel, want company? " He looks up and sees Tommy walking towards him with two bottles. "I have some whiskey. "
"Alright little brother, " He guess some alcohol could loosen some nerves. Especially his doubts.
Tommy sits beside him and pass on the cold bottle. The bottle's texture and it's smoothness made Joel snicker.
"What's so funny? " Tommy asks taking a drink of his own.
"Still in disbelief this place is standing is all. " One more moment pass before Joel takes two huge gulps of the burning whiskey. "I betted it to burn the first month. "
"Glad to have proven you wrong then. " Tommy grinned.
The cold November air surrounds them but their coats and layers of shirts underneath protected them. It was close to Winter and Joel felt his mind reminiscing the past and everything that lead them here.
"Five years, " He whispers in the silent night. He even forgot about his little brother beside him. "I found it. Somethin' to fight for. She was only suppose to be a damn cargo. Deliver her to the Capitol and leave. "
Those events seems to be a lifetime ago. Too long and should be forgotten. Never to be talk about. Only someone with a brain and common sense knows to leave the past in the past.
Tommy nodded and listen to his older brother's adventures. He knows he never shares and if he does it's something that should be listen to no matter what it is.
"You don't regret anything? Do you? " Tommy asks but he already knows the answer to that question.
"Not a single thing. " Joel chuckles for the first time and Tommy smiles back at that.
When it was late at night and Joel was alone at his room he rummage through his old backpack. It was tattered and beaten showing it's scars from the past. He could remember Ellie telling him he was like the bag, broken and bruise, but still standing strong. Then he also remembers her making a quipp about being old. Good times.
"Found ya, " The important object was safely tuck in his hand when his fingers brush something he kept hidden for a long time.
Joel stop, close his eyes for a second, then went to bed and sleep. The past stays in the past.
At least those blood filled ones.