Authors Note: If you haven't read my story "Not All Superheros Have Capes" then STOP HERE. AND GO READ IT. Because it will make more sense to read that first, and then this one.
PLEASE REVIEW & ENJOY :)
10 Years Ago
It was one of the hardest times that I've ever gone through. I didn't graduate with you, and that meant I was stuck in Lima for another year. I guess I really didn't think it through. At first, I was kind of excited because I could have a second term as senior class president. But, with you going off to Louisville I realized that I wouldn't be close to you. I wouldn't be able to walk down the halls with you, or have date nights on Fridays. Everywhere I went, I would look for you hoping to see you in the choir room, or standing in my driveway in the morning waiting to walk to school with me. But you were never there. This went on for a while, because I wanted to see you there. My heart longed for you.
"You know this isn't working.. You know I will always love you the most."
Those words replayed in my head over and over again. I would lie in my bed night after night crying. I wouldn't go out on the weekends, I didn't sing, I didn't even dance. I would stare at my phone, hoping that you were going to text me. For a phone call and you telling me, "I'm so stupid Britt, breaking up was dumb. I want you back." But that phone call never came, and I found myself lost. I didn't know what to do without you. My entire world revolved around you, and just like that. You were gone.
8 Years Ago
Sam and I stayed together after high school. We had a little apartment together in Cleveland and we both had steady paying jobs. One night, he mentioned how he wanted to "go all the way." I thought I was in love, I thought that it was what I wanted. But when we got into bed that night, it just didn't feel right at all. All I could think about was you. The memories of sleepovers and camping trips came flooding back to my mind. Our road trip to Brooklyn started replaying in my mind and how we had to stop on the side of the road because the urge had to be fulfilled. I stopped him. Confused, he asked me if was alright. "I can't do this…" I replied.
"It's because you still love Santana, isn't it."
I looked at him. I always had love for you left in my heart. I nodded my head and got out up off the bed. I walked out the door, and turned back to look at him one last time. "I'm sorry, Sam." And I left. He didn't come running after me, or try to stop me from leaving. I guess deep down inside he always knew. I got in my car and started driving. I didn't know exactly where I was going, but I knew I had to leave. I drove for three hours. I ended up somewhere in Pennsylvania. I stopped at a rest stop to take a break. I sat on a bench outside of my car, and looked up at the night sky. "I don't even know where I'm going." I thought to myself. Little did I know, I would end up exactly where I wanted to be.
When I got to New York, it started raining. I figured that I could go to WalMart so that I could get a jacket and some snacks to take with me in the car. I got lost, and my phones GPS wasn't working. I stopped at a little restaurant in a nice part of town to ask for some directions. I was never good with directions, you always told me where to go when we were driving somewhere. It was one of those things that I missed the most. It may not seem like much to most, but you of all people know that little things like are what meant the most to me. I walked into the diner and looked around for someone so they could help me. I saw someone behind the counter, so I walked up and said, "Excuse me, I got lost driving to WalMart. Do you know what way I need to go?" To my surprise, you turned around. Here I was, soaking wet from the rain, my make up running and shivering. This isn't how I pictured I would look like when I saw you again. You asked me to stay for some coffee, and I did. We talked and talked for hours, and it was like old times. The restaurant was closing, and that meant one thing. We had to leave. I didn't wanna leave you, in my head I was panicking. We said goodbye to each other, and you started walking to your car. But this time, I wasn't going to let you get away. I walked behind you, and grabbed you by your arm. You turned and looked at me. I looked into your eyes. They were just as beautiful as I remembered.
"I missed you so much." I gently grabbed your face and kissed you. It was like my world was right again. Like the soul within me was brought back to life. The kiss would be the start to our brand new lives together, to the new us.
7 Years Ago
I had been thinking about proposing for about three months now. I wanted it to be perfect. We went down to the park, and sat on the bench we always sat on. The one near the water, where we could easily see all of the ducks and fishes swimming about. I got super nervous, the unicorns in my stomach were running all about. I tied calming them down, but they weren't listening. I watched you feed the ducks, smiling and having a great time. So beautiful, eyes glimmering in the sunlight. You looked at me and motioned for me to come over next to you. After you threw your last piece of bread into the water, I grabbed your hands and looked into your eyes. The words sort of stumbled out, but when I was finished, I looked at you and you were crying. I went into the pocket to get the ring but it wasn't there. I forgot I had put it in the other pocket and sighed in relief. You shook your head yes, and I placed the ring on your finger. Your eyes glistened with joy. I don't think I ever seen you happier than you were at that moment. I was excited. I could finally make my bestfriend, my wife.
Wedding
The wedding was so beautiful. We got married in the summertime on a beach in Hawaii. We had enough money to do it, so we went all out. Majority of the Glee Club was there, except Blaine and Kurt who were backpacking through Europe. I never saw Kurt as the hiking type but it's whatever makes him happy I guess. Even Mr. Shue and Ms. Pillsbury were there. Who was now, Mrs. Shuester. Coach Sylvester was the minister, since she was legally ordained. We walked down the aisle together, hand in hand. We got up to the front of the crowd, and turned towards each other. I looked at you from head to toe. You were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life. Standing there in your white gown, holding a bouquet of flowers. We said our vows, looking deeply into each other's eyes as if we were talking to each other's souls. You cried, I cried. Damn everyone cried actually. The ceremony ended right as the sun was setting. It was so much more beautiful than I could have ever imagined it. But there was one thing I was sure of; I was deeply and madly in love with you. And now we were going to be together forever.
6 Years Ago
My parents came to visit me in New York one weekend. You were in Hawaii doing performances of "The Lion King" with your Broadway cast. They loved our house, and love how happy I was.
"Oh Brittany, look at you. You're glowing." I blushed. "You and Santana are really meant for each other."
"Thanks Mom. Yes, we are. I love her with everything I have in me." We sat and talk and that's when my dad brought up the subject of a child. We talked about it before, but never really did anything to pursue it.
"You should really think about it, sweetie. You two are old enough, responsible; look you have your own house together. And I think you would make great parents." My dads words really put it in perspective for me from that point on. The day you came home from Hawaii, I was at rehearsals for a show coming up. I came home, and grabbed you from behind. And I said it. "I want us to have a child." The look you had in your eyes, it was like I knew you wanted the same. We talked it over for weeks before we made our final decision. If we wanted a girl or boy; twins, or just one. And finally, after a year and a half of anxiously waiting, we adopted Landon Michael. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, other than you of course. When I held him in my hands, it was like it was meant to be. I looked down at him and I just, cried. You took a picture, and we have one framed and put up in the hallway at home. Nothing could've ruined what we had. Our own little family.
5 Years Ago
I came home late one night from rehearsals and I was dead tired. Exhausted would be the word for it. You had put Landon down to sleep already, and when I walked in the door you had fallen asleep on the couch while watching TV. I knelt down near you and just watched you sleep. So peaceful and serene. I guess you felt me watching you and you woke up. You smile and pulled me in for a kiss.
"How was rehearsals babe?" You asked. I sat next to you on the couch and was telling you all about it when the doorbell rang. Who would be coming over this late at night? I walked over to the door, and opened it. It was Quinn. She looked like she hadn't slept in three weeks, and her mascara was running down her cheeks from the tears that were falling. I grabbed her and just held her and hugged her. I invited her inside and you had made some tea. She told us all about how Puck cheated on her and she was fed up with the bullshit already. Without any hesitation, we invited her to stay with us. She told us she wouldn't stay long, she didn't want to be a burden. We assured her she wasn't; I mean the three of us were pretty excited. The Unholy Trinity was together once again.
About two months later, Quinn had finally gotten the divorce with Puck finalized and she was ecstatic. Her mom had come into town, and she went to see her. You had to go to rehearsals, and I told you I was going to take Landon to the doctor since he was sick. We got to the doctors safely and I texted you to let you know. The doctor told me that Landon had a simple head cold; and that he would be fine. We were on our way home when we were sideswiped. I was so scared. Not for myself, but for Landon. The car hit the drivers side, and my leg was stuck under a mix of metal and plastic. Landon was crying in the backseat, I turned my head told him it was going to be okay. I felt a warm liquid on my side and looked down and saw blood. That's when I passed out. Next thing I knew, I woke up to the beeping sound of the EKG machine and all types of chords coming from me. I panicked. "NURSE!" I cried.
"What's wrong, Mrs. Lopez?" A nurse walked into the room. I sat up straight. "I'm glad to see you woke up. How are you feeling?"
"What happened?"
"You got into a car accident. You broke your left leg and fractured some ribs on your left side as well. Landon is fine, he went for a walk with one of the other nurses."
"Where's Santana?"
"She's on her way. We contacted her thirty minutes ago" I laid back down, relieved. About ten minutes later you walked into the room. You looked so frantic and scared. Sot of out of breath, I knew you were running through the hallways. You sat next to me and we talked, then Quinn walked in with Landon. He was so cute, he wanted ice cream. I got discharged the next day, and when I got home I saw a big "Welcome Home" sign that Landon colored. It was so adorable. It took me a while to adjust to the crutches I had to use. I had six months with them. When the bills came in, we knew that we were just sliding by. You told me the idea that you been thinking about for about a week now. You wanted to join the Army. Although I had my hesitations, you told me that it was the best thing for us right now. So I supported you. It ended up being the best idea any of us could've ever come up with.
4 Years Ago
You reached two and a half years in the Army around this time. I was so proud to be able to come to all of your graduations and all the ceremonies you were in. You graduated at the top of you class for everything but what impressed me the most was that you didn't stop there. You went off to Airborn and Air Assault School and passed those with flying colors as well. I was always scared when you had to jump but I knew you could handle whatever you were up against. Once you got housing on base; Quinn, Landon and myself made our way to Fort Bragg, North Carolina. I was hoping that you were going to get stationed in Hawaii or maybe Colorado but it was okay. It was something. We put our house up for rent while we were gone, so we'd be making a little more money that way. About two or three months after we moved in, you told me that you were deploying. The thought of you being gone for nine months was just, excruciatingly painful. I cried so much just at the sound of the word. You always gave me little pep talks when I would start crying, but one time stuck with me the most.
"Baby you have to stop crying." You grabbed me and pulled me closer. "I promise you that I'm going to be fine. You know me, I can handle anything. And so can you. You're my princess, and I'm your knight in shining armor. I will always come in and save the day. I'll come home to you, without a scratch. I promise you I'm coming home."
Career Day
Landon came home from school today, and he looked kind of down. I was running on the treadmill and I watched Quinn talk to him while sitting on the couch. He shook his head, and ran up stairs.
"What was that about Quinn?"
"Landon has career day next week Wednesday, and he's sad because all of the other kids have both their parents, but he only has one." I stopped running. I wiped my face with my towel and sat down at the table. Quinn sat with me.
"It's so hard to.. try and tell him why San isn't here.."
"I know it is Britt, but keep your head up. You're doing a great job with him."
Career day came, and it was almost my turn. I was thinking about what I was going to say, when I started thinking about you. The memories of us were replaying in my mind, and I got caught up in thoughts that I didn't hear them call my name. I went on stage and started talking about what I did as my job. I explained how you were deployed and fighting for our country overseas. A whole bunch of oohs and aahs came from the crowd. I showed them pictures on the projector of you in all of your combat gear and in uniform with the two of us. That's when a little boy raised his hand.
"Mrs. Lopez, do you miss her?" He pointed to the picture behind me.
"Yes I do, everyday." I started tearing. "She would've loved to be here today."
That's when I got the surprise of my life. He pointed to my left and all this adrenaline shot through my veins. There you were. Standing in your uniform with open arms. I couldn't believe it! It was one of the happiest day I had for a long time. You were home, and safe. And that was all I wanted.
1 Year Ago
Life couldn't have gotten any better. You started getting more time off, and was spending all of your spare time with me and Landon. We were transferred to Fort Lewis, Washington. I got to pin you when you were promoted to Sergeant First Class. I was so proud. You achieved so much in less than 5 years. Landon turned eight this year; he's growing up so fast. He always went to Aunty Quinn for everything. But before I knew it, you were called to go on a second deployment. I wasn't as nervous this time, or as scared. But a deployment is a deployment and anything could happen. I always wondered what I'd do if I lost you. But I always shook those thoughts out of my head. You were strong, and I knew it.
It was a night before this long convoy you had. It was supposed to be a routine convoy, just moving from one FOB to another. But it would take over six hours. You were never on a convoy for that long, and it scared me. You sang to me that night, Songbird by Fleetwood Mac. I recorded you; I recorded all of our skype dates while you were deployed. I showed you the new dance we were working on for the show I was going to be on in a couple weeks. We talked for about an hour and a half and then you told me you had to go. I was sad, of course. But there wasn't anything I could do. You told me how much you loved me, and I held myself together as you said, "See you later."
The next day I woke up, and everything seemed normal. I took Landon to the bus stop and told him bye. He smiled and waved as he got on the bus. I got home, and started to clean up a bit. Quinn was taking a shower, so I decided to be nice and make us breakfast. I was looking out of the window when I saw a black BMW pull up in front of our house. You know, I thought nothing of it; maybe that person was just trying to find directions on his phone or is lost. So I continued doing what I was doing, until I heard the doorbell ring. Quinn answered it, and it was a man in Army ASUs.
"Can I speak to Mrs. Lopez, please." He said. I walked over to the door, and looked at the man. He was tall, about 6'2'' and very slim.
"Are you Mrs. Lopez?" He asked me. I got really nervous. Most people who knew you from the Army called me by my first name.
"Yes, I am. What's this about?" I guess Quinn already knew what he was going to say, because she grabbed onto my hand and squeezed tightly.
"Ma'am, there's.. No easy way to pass on this kind of news. I want you to know that, your wife was one of the greatest soldiers I have ever met in my 24 years of being an officer." Tears started filling my eyes. I knew what this was, but I didn't want to believe it. "Santana was.. Killed in combat yesterday. Her convoy was hit with an IED and took on heavy enemy fire. She was shot, and the medics couldn't get to her in time. I'm so sorry." I started crying uncontrollably. Quinn held on to me as the tears started falling from my eyes like waterfalls. I couldn't believe this was happening. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. Quinn talked to the officer and he walked away. It must've been about three hours before I calmed down. Quinn stayed by me the entire time.
"What am I going to do now, Quinn? I can't live without her. She was everything to me."
"You have to live the way she would want you to. For her memory. And especially for Landon." Landon. How was I going to tell him this? Quinn offered to tell him for me, but I knew I had to do it. She sat with me when he came home from school that day.
He came up to me and hugged me like he always did and then he hugged Quinn. I asked him to sit down, and that's when I started explaining to him.
"Landon, I have to tell you something. I don't know how to tell you, it's okay to cry if you want. Mommy, isn't coming home…" He looked at me, confused at first. He looked at Quinn, who started to cry. By the time he looked back at me, he had a sad expression on his face.
"She isn't coming home at all?" This was so hard for me.
"No hunny, she isn't…" He got up off of his chair and came over to me and hugged me.
"Mommy it's okay. She's going to be in heaven watching us right?" His innocence made me smile through the tears.
"Yes. Yes she is. You are absolutely correct. I love you Landon." At that point in time, Landon was my source of strength. He's the one that got me through the tough days. He hugged me when he knew that I needed a hug. I cried myself to sleep at night, knowing that you were never coming home to sleep with me in our bed. I hug your pillow at night, smelling the last reminisce of your scent that was left on it. All I wanted, was for you to come back. All I wanted, was for you to be in my arms. Where you belonged.
Funeral
Nearly everyone showed up for your funeral. We had a open casket. I was against it, but it's what you asked for. Everyone you knew showed up that day. People ranging from the Cheerios squad, to the entire Glee Club. Even people you tormented when we were younger showed up to pay their respects. I introduced everyone to Landon, who was eager to meet his mom's friends from high school. He was very respectful and polite; I know you would've been proud of him. The ceremony started, and your parents went up first to say a few words to everyone who came. Then it was my turn. I was giving your eulogy. Something that I didn't think I would be giving so soon.
"I want to thank everyone for comi… today." I started choking up on the first sentence, and tears started to fall. I didn't think I was going to get through it. Quinn got up from her seat and stood next to me, holding my hand. "Santana was the love of my life. Everyone knew it. It was obvious from an early age. She may have been a bitch at times but, deep down inside she did care about everyone. We did everything together. Joining the Cheerios, singing in Glee Club, and agreeing to spend our lives together. I hope you can hear me, San. You mean everything to me. When I say everything, I mean everything. Losing you, is like losing a part of me. You were taken from me too soon.. It shouldn't be like this. You shouldn't be laying there in that coff.." I started crying and couldn't continue. Quinn took my paper and continued reading.
"You shouldn't be laying there in that coffin. I feel cheated. Not being able to kiss you, or feel your gentle touch on my skin. I won't be able to see your beautiful smile as you walk towards me. I will miss you everyday that I continue to live, San. The memories we made together will live in my heart forever." Quinn folded up the paper and put it in my jacket pocket. She grabbed me to take me back to my seat but I didn't move. I couldn't move. I walked over to your coffin and just stared. I couldn't believe this was actually happening. Like what the fuck? I looked at your face, and it was just lifeless. I leaned into the coffin and kissed you on the forehead. Then I went to go and sit down. At the end of the ceremony, the honors team that brought your coffin into the church was getting ready to lay you to rest in the cemetery. Before they could pick up your coffin, I ran over and draped myself over it. It was the last time I was going to be able to be that close to you. I didn't want to let go. I didn't want to let you go. Rachel told Finn to took Landon outside; she didn't want him seeing me like that. She walked over to me and told me it was time to let go. "No! I don't want to!" Quinn came over and told me it was time, and that it was going to be okay. I moved back and they carried you away. I dropped to my knees. The tears didn't stop. We got to the cemetery where they were lowering you into your final resting place. They folded up the flag that covered your coffin and handed it to me. I cried. I dropped a rose into the grave before they started covering you up. Once they were done, everyone started telling me their goodbyes and leaving. That's when a young man in ASUs came up to me holding a bag.
"Hello ma'am. I know you don't know me so allow me to introduce myself. My name is PFC Jake Follet. I was under your wife's command while we were deployed. She was the best female soldier I have seen in my entire life. When she was shot, I tried everything I possibly could to help her. She told me to tell you that she loved you. And that if I didn't, she'd come back to haunt me" I chuckled. You would say something like that. "And she told me to give you these." He handed me the bag and in it was your dog tags, and a what looked like to be a bloody picture. He hugged me, and walked away. I opened the picture and it was the first picture you took of Landon and I. I cried. Quinn took me to the car, and we went home. I looked out the passenger side window at where you had been laid to rest. "I'll be back babe, I promise."
Present Day
It's been about a year since I've lost you. Things have gotten a little better; Landon has taken that "Man of the House" role, and does a pretty well job. Quinn still lives with us, she doesn't want to leave. Not that I would ask her to. Quinn and I were starting to clean out our house in Washington, the Army allowed us to stay in our place until we were ready to leave. As I was cleaning our dresser, I found a letter hidden in your favorite t-shirt. On the front, it said "To Brittany: With love" I sat on my bed, and turned the envelope over and there was a listick kiss where the envelope opened. Cherry red, I thought. Your favorite. I pulled the paper out from the envelope and started to read.
"My darling Brittany.
If you are reading this letter, then I must not be with you anymore. You must be wondering why I wrote this. I guess I felt that, if I were not able to come home, I would want to say my goodbyes to you myself. Britt, I love you with everything in my entire body and soul. The thought of not coming back home to you kills me inside, but I know it's a possibility. I want you to know that the first thing I think of in the morning is you, and the last thing before I go to sleep is you. You're my rock. My shining star in the dark night sky leading me home. Just know that I did everything I possibly could to come home to you. And I'm sorry that I wasn't able to. Just know that, I have never stopped loving you. From the first day I saw you in the locker room. Since then, my love for you only grew stronger and stronger. I know that you'll be okay. You have Landon and Quinn by your side. Even though I'm not there physically, know I'm always gonna be wth you. Just remember, I'll always be watching over you. I'm always going to be, your knight in shining armor.
Yours for now and forever,
Santana"