AN I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters! Wolfstar fluff. Implied child abuse, brief. Enjoy!
They faced the boggart and all of the Marauders were ready for Remus' biggest fear to be the moon and they all silently supported him. They sat through the spiders, and the heights, and the drowning until it was Sirius' turn. Confident, show-off Sirius who swaggered up to the cabinet because he was used to this-his parents kept boggarts they'd used for punishments-and he was already prepared to face his mother and her crucio curse or his father and his belt but when the cupboard door opened, there was nothing.
The whole room held their breath and then, suddenly, out came Remus with his wand at Sirius' throat screaming about how much of a disgrace he was and how much of a fuck up and how someone like Sirius could never expect to be loved let alone deserve love and that Remus could never love a pathetic blood traitor like him because everyone knew Sirius black only ever looked out for himself and no one was stupid enough to love him despite the scars on his arms and Sirius just collapsed.
He shattered into a million pieces on the floor and someone stepped up and dealt with the boggart while everyone just stood there, stunned. Remus ran to pick up Sirius but he was shaking on the ground and thrashing like someone had cast the crucio curse on him and he finally lifted his long sleeves and clawed at his forearms, tearing into scar after scar. The fresh ones bled and the older ones turned bright red in protest but Sirius just screamed that he wanted it to be over. He wished he was dead because he knew it was true and nothing would calm him down-not James or Peter or the professor. The professor quickly dismissed the class and even shooed them away. Everyone but Remus who was holding Sirius back against him and pinning his wrists against his chest so he couldn't hurt himself. And, even when the room was practically empty. nothing would calm him down until a whisper managed to reach him.
"Padfoot, I love you." He hesitated. "None of that is true and you know it because I love you so fucking much Sirius!" And he could not believe his ears and his chest was light suddenly because this was heaven on earth even if it felt too good to be true. He felt Remus press his face into Sirius' neck and rub his nose along his pulse point, scenting him, and something about that was so damn visceral in its effect that he just melted. He was a puddle in Remus' lap. And the professor whisked them both off to Madame Pomfrey but Remus would not stop touching him even if it was just in little ways.
Pomfrey tried to shoo him away but, for the first time in four years of knowing him, Sirius watched the gangly teen stand up to a teacher and flat out refuse to let go. Pomfrey was so shocked that she let him. And it was after she left, when the empty hospital wing grew darker, that Sirius began to flush with shame. It prickled under his skin until tears started silently down his face and in an instant Remus was back beside him, asking what was wrong. But Sirius just shook his head over and over again.
'I'm so sorry I'm so..." But he didn't know what to say. Remus repositioned them like they were before so Sirius could lean back into him and Remus could cement his arms around Sirius' waist and nuzzle the hollow of his throat. Sirius couldn't stop crying. But Remus just continued to nuzzle and hold him and rocked them gently every now and then until Sirius stopped hyperventilating.
"I love you, Padfoot." Sirius felt his eyes expand to the size of dinner plates. "Don't look so shocked I told you before-" But Sirius was shocked.
"Yeah but that was just because I was freaking out and you wanted-"
"I wanted you to know the truth. I love you, Sirius, I have since our second year and it kills me inside to think that your biggest fear is me saying all that shit because I love you so goddamn much."
"Language, Moony." He couldn't help it-it just slipped out but then Remus was laughing and the motion shook into his body until it felt like he was laughing too. Remus pressed again against his throat but his cheeks were wet with tears. Sirius nuzzled back because he wasn't sure what to do but it made Remus smile against his skin. He realized they'd been silent for a long time.
"I love you, Moony." The smile grew and then it was a kiss pressed against his temple and he shivered. Instantly, Remus was frowning and pulling away to inspect him, demanding to know what was wrong. Sirius just shook his head and tried to snuggle back into him. But Remus was concerned now and Sirius, of all people, knew he wasn't going to let it go. Sirius opened his mouth to say he was cold, even though Remus felt like cuddling an electric blanket but he was stopped.
"Please don't lie to me." And Remus' voice was so vulnerable and so pleading that he couldn't do it. He couldn't lie. But how was he supposed to explain that he shivered because instinct said Remus was going to hurt him? How was he supposed to explain that gut fear and impulse not to trust any affection or truce because it was just a ploy to get his guard down and hurt him more? How was he...
"Sirius?" He sighed. He couldn't lie to Remus.
"I'm sorry, I'm just... not used to gentle." He didn't think he'd said anything bad but Remus let out a gasp and clutched him so tightly and so suddenly it was like he'd said he was going to jump off the west tower. And then Remus was pressing kisses all over his skin to every part he could reach and massaging gentle patterns into his chest and tracing lightly over his forearms and just being so fucking gentle that Sirius didn't know what to do.
He started to cry again, as if his body was overloading with so much affection so suddenly. Remus just held him and continued to kiss and trace over and over again. And. slowly. they lay down together and they were still tangled together in every possible way and Remus still held him tightly but for the first time in maybe his whole life Sirius fell asleep immediately. No anxiety, no half dreams where he jerked awake, no insomnia. Just peace. And Moony.
Thanks for reading! This is my first Harry Potter fic so please be nice to me! Review?