Forgiveness

Chapter 1: Truth

–Is that all?

–Yes, milord –you responded, mechanically. Before I could even dismiss you, you stood from your kneeling position and, not sparing me a glance, you started retreating. Bitterness filled my mouth. Not letting you go yet, I let it slip from my tongue.

–Will you keep hating me for the rest of your days? –I claimed, you stopped mid track and, not facing me, you answered.

–Is that your way of asking for forgiveness? –you said, venomously.

–Do you talk about forgiveness? –I saw you flinch very slightly. I could have imagined it–. There is no such a thing for me. Nor for you.

You kept walking, away from me, not looking back once. The chamber's gate closing with a bang was all the answer you gave me. Alone again, another voice echoed.

–You don't give up, do you? –her silhouette appeared out of the shadows.

–Leave me alone, Cee-Cee.

–You are so desperate, you are willing to crawl on your knees before him to make him look at you.

–Shut up! –I ordered. She simulated an offended look.

–He won't come if you keep begging him. Offer him something different.

–What? –I spit.

–The truth –she said. A heavy silences followed.

–The truth could end him. Is my burden to bear.

–His one sided vision of it will end him too –she said, matter-of-factly–. He may not realize it yet, but you don't have much time left. Use it.

Silently, she made the same path that you had taken moments ago, leaving me alone with my throne once more.

–Did you called, milord?

–Sit, I need to speak to you –against my words, you remained standing–. I'll go straight to the point –then I paused. This would be tough, but there was one and only way to say what I had to. Bluntly–. I want you to know, that I never planned the slaughter of the first Japanese Special Zone, in fact I had agreed with it –I said. Your face didn't change one bit–. Geass is treacherous. The more you use it, the more unstable it becomes –you were still unmoving, with eyes so dead I feared you weren't listening at all–. During a time, I was capable of activating it at will. But that time was over before I realised. When I gave Euphy that false order, my geass shouldn't have been activated. But it was. I couldn't stop her then. And I knew guilt would be too much for her, so I took it upon myself –I said. There was a silence then, a terrifying one.

–Are you telling me Euphy died over an accident? –you asked, your voice monotonous.

–Yes.

There was a second silence.

Then…

–You bastard! –you barked, as you stood from your chair and in one violent move you swept all the objects in my desk. Pure fury emanated from your eyes. A reaction at last–. You killed her by accident!? Do you want me to believe this!?

–Believe it or not, is the truth –I said, acting calm. Before I knew it, you stomped around the desk, and with the strength I knew you to possess, you grabbed me by the neck of my cloth and lifted me away from the floor.

–Are you not happy with what you have done already!? Why are you telling me this now!? WHY!? –you yelled at my face. Half choking with your tight grip, I managed to answer.

–Would you… have been capable… of listening before? –your eyes watered in anger and sorrow.

You dropped me, I fell. You stormed like a ferocious hurricane out of the room, as I laid on the floor fighting to regain my breath and failing miserably.

–Leluoch! Tell me the truth for once! –a harsh voice raised my eyes from the lecture. You irrupted the room with purposeful steps. You sat in the armchair in front of me and pierced me with your green, fulminating eyes–. All what you told me about Euphy, should I believe it?

–Yes –I answered.

–Why? –you asked right away.

–Because is what really happened and I wanted you to know at last.

–Why now?

–It wasn't possible before.

–Why did you lie to me before, when I first asked you?

–I wanted to protect you from the truth. But at this point not to know it may be just as harmful –I responded. You tightened you jaw, your fists, and looked elsewhere, towards the window. The moon was rising outside, casting you its silver light.

–What about Shirley? She wasn't supposed to die either? –you asked, almost sarcastically.

–No, she wasn't.

–Then why she did? –you said, finally meeting my gaze. I had no option. I had to tell you everything.

–Shirley was told I was Zero, the responsible for her father's death. But the truth was too painful for her. So I erase myself from her memory –you kept looking at me, as if unfazed–. Under circumstances that I knew later, my Geass in her was cancelled. She remembered everything, and still, she decided to forgive me. That day on Ikebukuro, I thought the best place for her was at your side. But then…

–Then?

–Rolo –I said. You tensed–. When I regained my memories, I lied to Rolo. I made him believe I loved him as a brother.

–You turned him into your ally –you said, darkly.

–No, he wasn't quite an ally. He despised all people I cared about, because he wanted me for himself.

–It cannot be… –you murmured.

–It doesn't matter if Rolo pulled the trigger. It was the same as killing her myself –I said, a tight knot in my throat. But no tear would fall from my eyes. Your eyes, on the contrary, were suspiciously bright–. Later, Rolo died saving me. He freed himself from my lies and decided to die for me willingly, as my brother –I finished. I felt strangely relieved at telling you this. Somehow, my atrocities could be told with just few words. It took you a moment before you could speak again.

–Tell me more. Tell me everything –you said, and I knew I couldn't refuse you.

–Are you going to keep confessing? –you asked, as you entered the throne room.

–No. I called you to tell you I've come to a decision. An important one –you stopped right in front of me, your eyes piercing me dead–. Suzaku, you must kill me as you promised –I declared. You froze. Not waiting for you to recover, I proceeded to explain–. According to the plan, the world's hate is concentrated in me. The only thing left, is to clear our path from Schneizel. Then, you must become Zero, the symbol of justice, the one to clean the world form its tyrant. Like that, you won't need the force of arms to reunite the nations into negotiation for peace. A lasting peace –I declared. A dense silence followed. You were taking in my words.

–So you will become a scapegoat? –you asked, not a feeling in your face.

–The one who kills should be the one prepared to be killed.

–And you want me to be you executioner?

–It will be our punishment.