What Will Never Happen:
Dear Hermione,
It's winter now, and the frost feels like it had crawled its way to my heart. I see you and your friends hanging out now, and you seem really happy and unconcerned. Sometimes jealousy breaks through and I wish I were the one laughing with you. But then I glance at myself in the mirror and knew it could never happen.
It hurts when you walk past me and gives me just a smile before turning off. It hurts when I know you have gotten over me. It hurts every time I see you because I'm reminded of all the things I could have, but will never come true.
I see you and Ron together in the Great Hall yesterday. Ron seemed really into you. I can see it in his eyes; the way he looks at you, the way he laughs and the way he holds your hand. And the way he steals a glance at you whenever you are not looking. These are things you deserved but I had never, ever done.
I remember the night when you brushed back my hair and told me you love me. And all I can do is just remain silent. I was screaming inside - I want to tell you how much you meant to me, how much I cared; how much I love you. But the words remain frozen. Maybe it was from a lifetime of hiding my true self from others, always letting people think that Draco is the coolest dude around, never letting the insecure teenager show. Or maybe, simply, it was because I was too afraid.
Now what am I left with? Writing letters addressed to you but will never be sent. Dreaming of you when I have nothing. Part of me wants to get down on my knees and beg you to come back; just come back, but the other part of me knows you are better off this way.
Without me.
Dear Draco,
I saw you writing in the Great Hall today, but I didn't think you've seen me. After all, why should you? I'm just a previous girlfriend, forgotten and disregarded. You don't know how much that hurts, knowing that I'm probably nothing in your eyes.
I remember the night I told you I loved you. The words came out before I could stop them; and the instant I said it I knew something was wrong. Your eyes went sort of cold and you didn't say anything. Maybe you weren't aware I loved you so much, maybe you just didn't care. But I knew from that moment on I wasn't important in your eyes.
And when we broke up.that was the hardest moment of my life. Even as I said the words I was trying so hard not to cry. But what truly made me shatter was your reaction. "Whatever," you said without an ounce of emotion.
Do I really meant that little to you?
I told Ron things were over between the two of us just this morning. I know Ron loves me a lot.maybe more than a lot. But I can't lie to my friend, can't pretend I love him when my heart belonged to another. Every lie I spun to him traps me, because I know what's it like to be at the receiving end of a lie. I don't want him to become me, loving someone who doesn't deserve it.
You know what, Draco? I hate you because I [I]love[/I] you. Do you get what I mean? I hate myself for feeling this way when obviously you don't care one bit.
Dear Hermione,
It's winter now, and the frost feels like it had crawled its way to my heart. I see you and your friends hanging out now, and you seem really happy and unconcerned. Sometimes jealousy breaks through and I wish I were the one laughing with you. But then I glance at myself in the mirror and knew it could never happen.
It hurts when you walk past me and gives me just a smile before turning off. It hurts when I know you have gotten over me. It hurts every time I see you because I'm reminded of all the things I could have, but will never come true.
I see you and Ron together in the Great Hall yesterday. Ron seemed really into you. I can see it in his eyes; the way he looks at you, the way he laughs and the way he holds your hand. And the way he steals a glance at you whenever you are not looking. These are things you deserved but I had never, ever done.
I remember the night when you brushed back my hair and told me you love me. And all I can do is just remain silent. I was screaming inside - I want to tell you how much you meant to me, how much I cared; how much I love you. But the words remain frozen. Maybe it was from a lifetime of hiding my true self from others, always letting people think that Draco is the coolest dude around, never letting the insecure teenager show. Or maybe, simply, it was because I was too afraid.
Now what am I left with? Writing letters addressed to you but will never be sent. Dreaming of you when I have nothing. Part of me wants to get down on my knees and beg you to come back; just come back, but the other part of me knows you are better off this way.
Without me.
Dear Draco,
I saw you writing in the Great Hall today, but I didn't think you've seen me. After all, why should you? I'm just a previous girlfriend, forgotten and disregarded. You don't know how much that hurts, knowing that I'm probably nothing in your eyes.
I remember the night I told you I loved you. The words came out before I could stop them; and the instant I said it I knew something was wrong. Your eyes went sort of cold and you didn't say anything. Maybe you weren't aware I loved you so much, maybe you just didn't care. But I knew from that moment on I wasn't important in your eyes.
And when we broke up.that was the hardest moment of my life. Even as I said the words I was trying so hard not to cry. But what truly made me shatter was your reaction. "Whatever," you said without an ounce of emotion.
Do I really meant that little to you?
I told Ron things were over between the two of us just this morning. I know Ron loves me a lot.maybe more than a lot. But I can't lie to my friend, can't pretend I love him when my heart belonged to another. Every lie I spun to him traps me, because I know what's it like to be at the receiving end of a lie. I don't want him to become me, loving someone who doesn't deserve it.
You know what, Draco? I hate you because I [I]love[/I] you. Do you get what I mean? I hate myself for feeling this way when obviously you don't care one bit.