As I sit in my hospital bed and think to myself what to say to him when I open my eyes and see him again. How can I look at him without thinking about what he has happened over the last year and not cry? I think back at the time I saw him at Verna's funeral. Finally I was ready to ignore the possible consequences we would face by being together. After so many years I was finally letting my guard down when it came to us. I was ready to let my defenses down and be with him. I think back to Verna's funeral, and the time that I told him that I would wait for him. What I thought would end in joy, ended in heartbreak and tears.

Flashback to Verna's Funeral

"Hi" I said in a somewhat whispered tone

"Hello" He said in his tone of voice as though something was bothering him

"I'm sure your eulogy will be wonderful. You always find the perfect words."

"Did you need something?"

"I just wanted to say I gave the ring back told Edison I wouldn't marry him. I'll wait for you Fitz for as long as you need." I said trying to contain my happiness and maintain my facial expressions.

"Oh that ya. I changed my mind about that." He said still not looking at me and as though he were a different man that I had never met before.

"What?" I said with astonishment, wondering and hoping that I didn't hear him correctly.

"Don't. Wait for me." He looked at me with his somewhat cold eyes, and trying to maintain his anger and hurt.

"Fitz?" I said as though as I were about to cry and trying not to.

"I don't know what I was thinking. I. Screwing your mistress is one thing but marrying her. That's political suicide really. I mean you believe that my presidency is more important than anything else right. You must. You worked so hard to get me here." He said to me as though someone had stabbed him in the chest. But the way he looked at me and spoke to me. I knew that he saw me as the person holding the knife. At that moment I knew that he knew about defiance.

Back to present day

I take two breaths preparing to open my eyes, and somewhat hopping that he wasn't there. But at the same time hoping that he was. Even after all we had been through and all the pain we have inflicted on each other I still cared about him.

As I open my eyes I see him sitting on the end of my hospital bed watching me rest.

I look at him, and try to think about what I am going to say to him.

"Hi"

"Hi" I manage to say as though things were somewhat normal. Like the way that things use to be.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

"I glad that you're ok. I've missed you." He said and leaned in to kiss me.

I leaned away from him trying to evade his kiss and all I could think about was the hate, anger, and betrayal that I felt toward him.

"Just stop. Please stop."

Fitz stopped and pulled back, resuming his original position.

"Olivia I understand that you are mad at me. And I know that I hurt you. But I am so sorry. You're the love of my life and I know I lost sight of that but I still love you and….." He said somewhat angry with himself and trying to hold back his tears.

"Please don't ok. Just don't." I looked at him with somewhat cold and hurt eyes. All that mattered to me know was getting what I had to say off of my chest before I lost the courage.

"I hate you Fitz. You did more than hurt me Fitz. What you did? What you said to me at Verna's funeral did more than hurt me. You basically ripped my heart out." I closed my eyes and took a breath. Preparing myself for what I wanted to say next.

"When I saw you at Verna's funeral I was ready to wait for you. I was ready to forget about all of the consequences and fears of us being together. I decided to ignore my fears and everything and listen to my heart. Do you know how long it has taken me to get to that point? But I guess that this is what I get for waiting and taking so long right? You hurt me in more ways than one that day Fitz. And you were right, what you said to me the first time you came to my apartment. I should never call myself a mistress. Only you can do that right?" I looked at him with my cold look, and trying to fight back the tears in my eyes from falling.

As I looked at him face he could feel that hurt that I was inflicting on him. He recalled the time that I had referred to myself as a mistress and the time that he had called me the most hurtful word. The word that he knew would hurt me the most.

"I am so sorry. I was angry. Before Verna died she told me she was responsible for me getting shot, and how you, Cyrus, Mellie, and her were responsible for me winning the election. Then it seemed like the only person that I could really trust was Mellie. And then what I said to you over the phone about how you ruined me." Fitz took a breath, and thought about everything that had happened. Trying to think about everything, and figuring out what he was going to say next.

"I never meant to hurt you that way, and I am sorry. I just hope that you can forgive me. I love you."

"No you don't love me. You have been having me followed, watch, there are cameras in my apartment. That is not love."