Disclaimer: I own nothing.
A/N: This is all just a bit of silliness, really. :-D. Enjoy!
Chapter One: Death Eaters Rock.
Imagine; if you will, a dusty abandoned old road in England. A stray tumbleweed came slowly across the road in front of a dark mans' shadow.
"Pettigrew!" the man called out to his servant, whom had been voted as the winner of the LYMIDS (Loyalist Yet Most Ineffective and Dimwitted Servant) award five times in a row.
"Yes, Master!" A sniveling worm, or, one should say, rat, of a man appeared in front of his all powerful master.
"I am ready." The dark man glared at his servant. "You do know what that means, don't you?"
"Of course, m'lord. But…" Peter Pettigrew squirmed slightly. "I am not entirely comfortable with this, Oh Great Evilness. I haven't done anything like this in such a long time."
"I do not care!" Roared Lord Voldemort, whom you all should have already managed to guessed it was, with all the imagery slapping you in the face.
"Very good, m'lord." Pettigrew bowed, sloppily, before running into the abandoned P.O to assemble the remaining Death Eaters chosen for this very special task.
"Pettigrew!" Voldemort roared once again. "I am ready…now! And we all know that now means Now!"
"Yes, m'lord," squeaked Pettigrew weakly, from inside the post office. "We are coming, m'lord."
Lord Voldemort clapped his decrepit hands together, giddily. Then, he giggled. "Goody!" If you have never had the pleasure of hearing a Dark Lord giggle then you ought to consider yourself blessed. For me to even attempt to describe it to you will would cause your eyes to pop from their eye sockets, your ear drums will burst and your espohagus will strangle you, all in a desperate attempt to save you from your own foolish stupidity.
Slowly, and by slowly I mean as slow as the eagerest person on death row, Peter Pettigrew and Lucius Malfoy exited the building in bright purple, sequined, matching Disco outfits. Lucius Malfoy was holding onto a shinging golden chain. With a tug of the chain he revealed the supposedly deceased character, Sirius Black, whose feet and hands were chained together with this golden link. He, too, was dressed in a spectacular sparkly get-up.
"I don't understand why you're forcing me to do this!" screeched the godfather of the great Harry Potter. "I'd rather be dead again than have to do this! Just kill me! Kill me now! I don't want to live!"
Lucius Malfoy gave another tug on Sirius' leash. "Shut up, you, this is a great honour. We get to serve our great and bored leader!"
Sirius rolled his eyes, and for that, Lucius Malfoy gave another harsh tug on the leash. "Watch it, you," growled Sirius, "I bite.".
"Eh-hem" interrupted the Dark Lord.
"Oh, yes…" muttered Pettigrew before assuming his place out of the spotlight, on the drums which had materialized on the pavement beside the main road.
"Yes!" Lucius said as he played a quick rift on the bright yellow electric guitar he was now holding in his hands. The guitar may have clashed horribly with his outfit, but it matched Sirius's chain beautifully.
"This sucks," spat Sirius as his arms were unchained and he was given custody of a dark blue base guitar. Whether he was referring to being part of the Death Eaters band or being given the part of base, no one will ever know.
Voldemort stood smack dab in the center of the very empty road. "Wait! I almost forgot," he said, grinning fiendishly. With a wave of his wand and a brief spell, his dark cloaks were transformed into a bright red sequined outfit. His stringy black hair was pushed into a mohawk and he was standing at least a foot taller thanks to some very stylish Vivienne Westwood platform shoes. "Ready!" he shouted. He pointed his skeletal finger at Pettigrew.
"A One…A Two…A One Two Three Four!" Pettigrew shouted. The
beat began.
Lucius started plucking away skillfully on his guitar.
Sirius groaned but began to strum the base slowly.
Then, Voldemort began to sing:
"I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
The only place it can go
Is toward the Chamber that I call my home
I apparate around
On the boulevard of broken dreams
where the death eaters are sound
but I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone I walk alone
I walk alone and I walk a-
My minions are the only ones that walk beside me
My evil plans are the only things that guide me
Sometimes I just wish for Potter to find me
Till then I walk alone
I'm getting closer now
Towards the final fight that's soon to come
And then we will decide whether or not
I walk alone
Read between the lines
I'll crucio you till everything's alright
Peter, check my vital signs to make sure that I am still alive.
And I walk alone
I walk alone I walk alone
I walk alone and I walk a-
My minions are the only ones that walk beside me
My evil plans are the only things that guide me
Sometimes I just wish for Potter to find me
Till then I walk alone."
At this point Lucius took on an extreme power jam. Voldemort glared at him evilly. "Avada Kedrava!" he screeched, angry at his minion for taking up his spotlight. He grinned as Lucius fell dead on the spot. Sirius, whose chain had been held by Lucius, began to hop away slowly, not because he had a bunny fetish, but because his feet were still chained together. Sirius would never be one to have a bunny fetish. Never. And, he would be eager to correct anyone who ever came to that deplorable assumption. No bunny fetishes for Sirius, he never ever had a paticulary torrid affair with a bunny named Foo Foo.
"Not so fast you!" Voldemort said, pointing towards Sirius, "Petrificus Totalus". The only beat left was Pettigrew on the drums and Voldemort frowned once more. He pointed his wand towards Peter and shrugged. "Stupefy." He then turned back towards the microphone which was, of course, in the center of the street, and sang a cappella:
"I don't need anyone
I can fight this battle on my own
I'll torture and I'll kill and sure as hell I know
I walk alone
Don't get in my way
If you do I may have to say good bye
You cannot stay if you threaten me
I will survive
So I walk alone I walk alone
I walk alone and I walk a-"
Voldemort grinned, once more, and screeched into the microphone, "Alone!" Before bursting into maniacal laughter. "It's good to be evil," he said to himself before calling on some of his less mentally inclined, but very strong, Death Eaters to pick up the
remainder of his band. He shouted out to Percy Weasley. "Did you get that on tape?"
Percy nodded his head. "Yes, sir. It is all right here, I have it on Witch-O-Vision, DVD, VHS, and, oh yes, there are multiple photos with sound chips." Suddenly Percy's personality switched from intellectual snob to stoner hippie, "Thanks for the gig, man. I've been needing this. Ever since Fudgie and Pops caught me smokin' at the office I've been up a creek without a paddle, if you know what I mean, man."
Voldemort rolled his eyes and swatted Percy Weasley swiftly on the back of his head, "You good?" he asked the newly initiated Death Eater.
"Yes, Sir!" replied Percy with a smart salute.
Voldemort smiled, he liked the idea of a salute. He pondered silently about whether he should get rid of the practice of having all Death Eaters kneel at his feet and kiss the hems of his robes for a more regal salute. But he shook the idea out of him. He knew how disappointed Pettigrew and Crabbe and Goyle would be if they weren't
allowed to kiss his robes, it was the most action those Death Eaters
ever got.
A/N So that's Chapter 1. I have chapter 2 and 3 written- I'm just going over them now. I hope you'll come back and read those too! I also hope that you give my ego a little boost and review! Thanks!