DISCLAIMER: I do not own Hey Arnold or related characters. They are property of Craig Bartlett. I do, however, own some of the characters, such as the frat boys of Pi Phi Psi.
This fanfic takes place 10 years after the series. Arnold and his friends are now in college.
This fanfic is rated M for coarse language, innuendos, potentially sensitive content, and references to hazing and controversial frat boy behavior. Do not read if you are under 16. The first chapter is going to be relatively tame, but believe me, it WILL get worse.
I'm glad that I finally had an idea for a fanfic that isn't Pokemon-related.
THE ESTATE OF NIBIRU-MUL PRESENTS
ALPHA BOYS
CHAPTER 1: THE CAFETERIA
It was a cloudy day at Hillwood College, where Arnold and his friends went to college. But this story is not going to focus on Arnold. Rather, it will focus on two minor characters who went to school with Arnold and the gang.
The college cafeteria was very busy. Today, the cafeteria was serving Mexican food. We first see Arnold and Sheena. Arnold is wearing a blue jacket over a red plaid shirt and blue skinny jeans. Sheena is wearing an oversized white T-shirt with a feminist symbol on it and a long pink skirt. Sheena had gotten into feminism and social justice, but she still spoke in a soft geeky voice.
"That's one good thing about college," said Arnold, "they serve really good food here!"
"And it's very nutritious too," said Sheena. Sheena's plate consisted of a quinoa salad with a side of corn.
Helga walked by. As usual, her hair was in two pigtails. She wore a pink T-shirt with a red stripe near the bottom and blue jeans.
"Looks like Sheena went for the Granola Girl Special," she said. "Hm...these burritos will go great with some ketchup!" She squirted ketchup on her burritos.
"Helga, stop that!" said Sheena. "Don't disrespect the cuisines of marginalized cultures!"
"Criminy," said Helga, "not this again! Sheena, stop with the social justice bullshit."
"It's okay, Helga," said Sheena. "We don't have to talk about cultural appropriation now."
Arnold saw that Helga was getting frustrated.
"Come on, Helga," he said. "I'll find us a table."
Arnold and Helga walked away. Helga sighed in delight.
While Sheena went to get a bottle of kale juice, Park and Peapod Kid looked on. They were standing in line to buy lunch. Park wore a blue and green striped sweater and blue skinny jeans, while Peapod wore a red T-shirt, a red and black keffiyeh, and black capris.
"Boy," said Park, "Sheena used to be a nice girl. Now she's all obsessed with that social justice crap."
"Of course," said Peapod. "It's terribly, terribly annoying. Yesterday she accused me of cultural appropriation."
The cook called out next. Park and Peapod went up to the counter.
"So what will it be today, boys?" said the cook. She talked in a heavy smoker's voice.
"I'll have a beef torta and a side salad," said Park.
"I'll have a chicken quesadilla and a side of rice and beans," said Peapod.
The cook prepared the two dishes.
"I'll get us a pair of Yahoo sodas," said Peapod.
Peapod went to get two bottles of Yahoo soda. Sheena looked at his keffiyeh and gave him a dirty look. Peapod ignored Sheena and walked back to Park.
"Here's your soda," said Peapod.
"Thanks," said Park. "Our lunches are almost done. I'm a bit short on cash, though."
"Don't worry," said Peapod. "I'll pay for it."
Peapod paid for the lunch.
"You're lucky you're rich," said Park. "I don't have a job yet."
"I'm always willing to pay," said Peapod. "We're friends. That's never going to change."
Cut to a minute later. Park and Peapod are enjoying their lunch. The focus switches to five popular guys wearing dress shirts, formal jackets, bow ties, boat shoes, and brightly colored shorts. These boys were members of Pi Phi Psi, the school's fraternity.
"That boy looks like Pi Phi Psi material," said one frat boy.
"You can't be serious," said another frat boy. "That boy in the striped sweater is definitely one of the geeks. I wouldn't be surprised if he was friends with that Sheena girl."
"Not that boy, you fucktard!" said a third frat boy, who appeared to be the leader. He looked frighteningly like Stifler from the American Pie movies, except his hair was a lighter shade of blond. "That boy with the glasses and the keffiyeh. They're even the good kind of glasses, not the ugly ones that only nerds wear. I can't remember his real name, but his friends always call him Peapod. His father attends the same country club as my father. Plus he's rich, which is definitely Pi Phi Psi material."
The frat boys laughed haughtily.
While Park was telling Peapod about an upcoming horror movie, the frat boys walked over to Park and Peapod.
"Why hello there," said the frat leader. "We're looking around for new members."
"Who are you?" asked Peapod.
"I am Bryce Farquhar III," said the frat leader. "I've heard a lot about you. You're quite the fashionisto. And that bass singing voice of yours is just divine!"
"Hold on," said Park. "I don't think Peapod would like to join your fraternity. And there's no such word as 'fashionisto'."
"Be quiet, ugly," said the first frat boy.
"I've always wanted to join a fraternity," said Peapod. "My dad belonged to one. He said it was a lot of fun."
"WHAT?" said Park. "You've never said anything about a..."
"Can it!" said Bryce.
Bryce handed Peapod an invitation slip.
"Come on to the fraternity house," said Bryce.
Peapod read the slip.
To Whom It May Concern,
You are cordially invited to the fraternity house of Pi Phi Psi at 3:30 PM for your initiation. Beer will be served there.
- The Members of Pi Phi Psi
"Wow," said Peapod. "You've got yourself a deal. I'll be there."
"I'm not coming," said Park.
The frat boys laughed.
"Of course you can't come!" said Bryce. "You're not invited. Members only."
Peapod looked at Park.
"I'm going to be busy later," said Peapod.
"But we were supposed to go to the arcade after classes," said Park.
"I'm sorry," said Peapod. "We'll go some other time."
Peapod took out his wallet and handed a $50 bill to Park.
"Maybe you can take someone else today," said Peapod.
"Fine," said Park.
Arnold and Helga, who were sitting with Phoebe and Gerald, looked on at the scene.
"Well, well, well," said Helga, "looks like ol' Peapod's fallen for Pee Fuck Die's scam. Pretty soon, he'll be forced to stay up all night and eat cookies covered in dick juice."
"I'm afraid I have to agree with Helga," said Phoebe. "According to my research, Pi Phi Psi has a reputation for being rather...malicious."
"As Peapod would say," said Gerald, "things are going terribly, terribly wrong."
"We should help him," said Arnold.
"That makes two people who need help," said Helga, looking at Sheena. Sheena was busy on her iPad blogging about social justice. "People get crazier every day."