Time for some extremely depressing Doctor/River. A songfic to their last meeting at the Singing Towers. I don't think I did it justice, but oh well. This was inspired by the following fanvid. If you don't weep at the video, you're doing it wrong.
Song: "Lost In Paradise" – Evanscence
Link: www . youtube . com/watch?v=ywpU9qFBgTU
He turns up on her doorstep with a new haircut and a suit. He's holding the largest bouquet of flowers she's ever seen in her life and takes them from him with a grin. She takes the time to place them in a vase with water as they chat about where he's taking her. He refuses to give any details besides the name of the place, telling her that tonight will be the most magnificent date that she has ever been on, guaranteed. He remembers the encounter with himself from so long ago and presents her with that same green dress.
I've been believing in something so distant,
As if I was human...
River is excited to see two versions of him in once place. He quickly shoos her off, knowing that she will let the young him know where exactly they're going now. He speaks to this younger version, telling himself no truths. He can remember how he felt back then, a strange mixture of curiosity and crestfallen hope. Realizing that he will see the last of River in this regeneration humbles him slightly. It seems far too soon. River mentions The Library and he remains neutral, though she does not see it.
And I've been denying this feeling of hopelessness...
In me... In me...
The older him whisks River off to the Singing Towers of Darillium. Each tower is made of crystal, tall as a mountain, yet more delicate than a newborn babe. Between the base of the towers lies a garden with every flower species known in the Universe. They walk through the garden hand in hand, a surprising but welcome gesture by the Doctor. She knows that they are linear, just for a brief time, and she revels in the feeling of her Doctor standing at her side. The Doctor seems sad, but River's beauty lights up the garden like starlight. They balance one another perfectly.
All the promises I made,
Just to let you down
You believed in me,
But I'm broken
The Doctor feels nostalgic today, she realizes; he speaks of her parents and her as baby Melody, lost from Demon's Run. He expresses his regret at not being able to find her, but she doesn't care. She wouldn't have given it up for a second, nor changed a single event. If she had, then she wouldn't have known him like she does now. And who would ever give him up? She sees a faint light die in his eyes, but he says nothing in response.
I have nothing left,
And all I feel is this cruel wanting
We've been falling for all this time,
And now... I'm lost in paradise...
As they reach the end of the Garden, a man with cropped hair and ceremonial robes stands, as if waiting for something. He waits until the Doctor pulls River in his direction, then he bows to the pair. "Hello, Doctor. Miss River Song."
They both greet the man, who River has never met. Before she can ask the man's name, the Time Lord at her side has both her hands in his own, looking intently into her eyes. She feels oddly flustered and asks, "Doctor, what is this?"
As much as I'd like
The past not to exist,
It still does...
"River," he says thickly. He has practiced this speech a thousand, million times, but it's had no effect. Standing in front of her eliminates every coherent thought and he is left only with nervousness. The TARDIS had been the only one there to listen and she, of course, never responds. "River," he begins again, and she nods to indicate that she's listening. "I... I love you."
And as much as I'd like
To feel like I belong here,
I'm just as scared as you...
"Well I love you too, sweetie," she replies kindly, no cheek in her voice. They have exchanged these words before, on metal and sand and clouds. "What's wrong?"
"Despite the fact that you were meant to kill me. I still..." He works his jaw in frustration. This was so difficult. Suddenly, he takes a small step back and bends down on one knee, her hands still in his own. He takes the human approach and blurts, "River, will you marry me?"
I have nothing left,
And all I feel is this cruel wanting,
We've been falling for all this time,
And now... I'm lost in paradise...
"What?" She bursts out. He hears her response and looks utterly destroyed. "Yes! Yes, of course I will!" she quickly adds. "But sweetie, we're already married. I don't understand."
"You and I were married in an alternate reality, a reality where all of time was happening at once," he says, standing once more. "And then it never happened." His face turns a delicate shade of red as he continues. "You deserve a proper wedding. One that happened in the correct reality."
Run away... Run away...
One day we won't feel this pain anymore
And he wants to keep her. By all the stars in all the galaxies, he wants to keep her. She is his River Song. His wife. The Universe has never before conspired against him so harshly. Living back-to-front was one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do. Sometimes they were linear, but mostly they weren't. He hated her infuriating comments when she knew him more. But he could always tell that River was hurting just as much as he hurt when she didn't know him at all. He remembered the look in her eyes in The Library, when she realized the horrible truth, that he didn't know her yet. If he could turn back the clock... But there was no point in thinking things like that. She was an enigma, his River Song, and he wouldn't give her up for anything. And as he stares down at her love-filled eyes, he feels his twin hearts breaking, because he wants to keep her
Take it all away
Shadows of you...
"I have no objections to that, my love," River replies. "I would marry you a thousand times over."
He suddenly grins and pulls her toward the Priest, who is watching the couple amicably. The ceremony is short, but she laughs when he pulls something out of his pocket. "It's the same one," she smiles, taking her end of his bow tie, the one that he used on top of that pyramid so long ago and nevermore.
They each wrap a hand in the cloth and the Priest recites the marriage rites, a pledge that covers ninety galaxies in all directions. "Do you, River Song?" "I do."
"Do you, Doctor?" "I do."
They fold their hands together and kiss as the Towers begin to sing.
'Cause they won't let me go...
He takes her to the highest hill, to watch the Towers glisten in the moonlight as they sing their song. They sit in the grass, ruining their outfits with chlorophyll. The Doctor reaches into his jacket pocket and hands her a sonic screwdriver, telling her that she's earned it. She is very enthusiastic and thanks him rather profusely with an involved kiss on the mouth. She expects him to refuse, push her away, but he instead accepts her touch. Soon, she realizes that he is crying. He does nothing to stem the tears, only lets them fall as River looks on with concern.
They eventually retreat to the TARDIS, River Song demanding her wedding night as only River Song could. He shows her his bedroom, the room he never sleeps in, and they make love beneath blankets as soft as goose down. He tells her his true name and shows her how to draw it in the language of his people. She knows Gallifreyan and commits the symbols and shapes to heart.
In the morning, he returns her to her apartment on Earth, the last place he would have expected the famed archaeologist to make her home. He parks the TARDIS on her doorstep, embracing her tightly one last time. They kiss and she says goodbye to her husband, he to his wife.
So I have nothing left,
And all I feel is this cruel wanting,
We've been falling for all this time,
And now... I'm lost in paradise...
He watches her walk through the door and close it. Before she locks it, he runs up and twists the knob, throwing it open just to get one last look at her face.
"Yes dear?" she says expectantly, whirled to face him.
"I just wanted to say I love you. Again." "I love you too, sweetie."
He finally leaves her be, closing the TARDIS doors behind him, with the heaviest hearts in the Universe and without his wife.
Alone, and lost in paradise...