Disclaimer: This is not meant to make any sort of sense. It pretty much embodies the concepts of crack and plot, what plot? Two of my friends and myself wrote this for fun on a trip. I posted it just for the heck of it. So no flames please. Credits go not just to me, but also to my friends B and K. Just for reference, B is bold, K is italic, and I'm normal. And that's the one time you'll hear me say that. Names have been changed to protect the identities and reputations
It was a dark and stormy night. There was a group of friends at the campground for the week of camp. They were bored at first, but that soon changed. Then an al'kesh and took them. When they got to the ship, they saw rabid squirrels. "Oh no," Susan cried, "not the rabid squirrel Jaffa of the evil Goa'uld Bananabafoomba! Everybody run for your lives!"
"Wait, here's some zat guns," Danielle said as she passed them out to each person. "How do you get these things to work?" Anna asked, turning it over in her hands. "Simple," Calhoun told her. "Just point," he demonstrated, "and click." He fired at Del. "Oops."
"Great job, Calhoun," Susan said before zapping a squirrel that started zooming in on Del. Anna was hesitant to shoot squirrels, but she fired away. They were almost free of the squirrels when suddenly a deep voice said, "Tau'ri kree!" They all turned to face the voice that was speaking to them.
Mr. Bill walked out with a black eye patch; stroking a white cat. "What. The. Heck." said everyone in unison, quite forgetting to be very afraid, as they should have been. Anna busted out laughing when she saw the cat. "Do not laugh!" said Mr. Bill in the voice of a Goa'uld. "Bow before your god! And his fluffy yet vicious minion Lightning!" "You're not our god!" they all exclaimed in unison. Del was still out of it. Mr. Bill- or more accurately, the Goa'uld Bananabafoomba who possessed him- only laughed at their protests.
Mr. Bill didn't realize there were some ninja pandas there to help them and one rabid squirrel left. Anna, queen of the ninja pandas, made her minions bide their time until they could take the Goa'uld and his fine, furry, fierce feline friend out for good. The rabid squirrel jumped onto Mr. Bill and bit him on the neck. "Now, ninja minions, now!" Anna and Susan both yelled. The ninja pandas attacked Mr. Bill and managed to knock him and the kitty out and put them into a holding cell in the back of the ship. Unfortunately, Del got shoved in there too. But nobody really noticed.
Susan got into the pilot's seat and began to fly the al'kesh like she was born to fly it. "What the cabe," Calhoun exclaimed. "S-Girl, who said you drive?" "I did since I'm the oldest and plus, I do know how to fly this al'kesh, C-Man." "Ceebes, DJ Ceebes," he corrected her, sitting down in the second seat. "Where's the radio in this unit?" "We could try to pick up some stations from Earth, but I'd rather not as we might do something wrong and bring more Goa'uld down on us." And so, with Calhoun sulking about the radio, Del unconscious in the hold with the Goa'uld and his cat, and Anna playing hide and seek with her ninjas, Susan piloted the al'kesh all the way back to camp.