For VHunter07 to let her know she's not alone and that there are people who care for her. With my love and friendship this is dedicated to her.
Pieces of Violet.
Holmes had never felt so alone in all his life. It was almost a physical pain this ache he felt every time he turned out the lights and tried to sleep. Not even Watson was a comfort at such times, it was a painful thing to be reminded of ones frailty, of ones humanity. That he was not infallible always came as something of a shock to him. In spite of appearances, mostly conjured up by those infernal stories of the Doctor's, he was not a confident man, he was riddled with doubt over his own abilities, hadn't his brother always been more successful than him? Didn't he know that his brother would make whatever fame he had enjoyed fade into oblivion if he so chose? He knew that one wrong word from the right person could end his career, all he had worked for and fought for.
As he lay in his bed in the still of the night, he let out a sob, the only time he would ever allow it was when there was no one to witness it, he could not be seen for what he truly was, he could not maintain the façade that he had worked for so long to build up. He hated these nights, hated the night in general, during the day he could fake activity, pretend to the world that his life was filled with purpose. At night, all the realities he had been to scared to face returned to him. Scared? Sherlock Holmes scared? He smiled at the thought. Who would have thought it? He sighed as he realised that sleep was not going to arrive any time soon. He got up and flung on his oldest and drabbest dressing gown to reflect his mood and stalked into the living room. The remains of the fire were dying out so he relit it and drew a chair close to it, desperate to feel its heat, desperate to feel anything.
He had been sitting that way for perhaps an hour when he heard the door, he turned to find Watson standing bleary eyed before him.
"What are you doing awake?" Holmes asked rather more coldly than was perhaps necessary.
"I saw a light from the door and assumed you must be awake, I was just seeing if you needed anything."
"No – thank you."
Watson nodded and turned to go when something in Holmes snapped.
"Watson?"
"Yes?"
"Would you mind sitting with me for a while?"
"Of course not."
If he seemed shocked he did not show it, he took his chair and let out a contented sigh.
"Watson, I…"
"Is something wrong Holmes?"
Holmes shifted in his chair.
"I just felt rather….rather alone tonight."
"You are never alone Holmes."
Holmes turned to him and raised an eyebrow.
"I beg your pardon?"
"You claim to be one of the most unsociable men in London and yet if you were ever in trouble I know of at least twenty men who would instantly come to your aid –and quite a few women." Watson smiled as he settled down into his chair. Holmes smiled in return. Was this really true? Yes, he supposed it was.
"Watson?"
"Mmm?" He was nearly asleep.
"Thank you."
A loud snore greeted this expression and Holmes smiled, it was true, in spite of everything he had people who cared for him and were there for him and that was worth more than anything else he had to face.