Olivia glanced across the desk to her partner, catching his eye for a moment; just long enough for him to give her his slow smile. All she could think about was the comment that he had made earlier about her making a great mother.
Not being able to help herself, she glanced at him again. Repeatedly clicking her pen and tapping her fingers on the edge of the desk was bound to annoy someone; before long Elliot snapped. "Okay. You've got to stop this."
Almost running around the desk he hauled her out of her chair by her elbow and dragged her upstairs to the crib. Normally she would have yanked her arm away, but she couldn't help but be stunned at the abruptness of his abduction. Elliot didn't do things like this.
Elliot assumed what Olivia referred to as "the position." She got distracted every time looking at his biceps, but managed to shake herself back to reality when he cleared his throat. "So Liv. You want to tell me what's going on in that head of yours? Because these past few days have been crazy."
Olivia was looking everywhere but Elliot; she knew she was telegraphing evasive behavior. "I'm just still having a hard time with that case. Those embryos just reminded me of how old I'm getting. That's it. That's all."
His eyebrow cocked in disbelief. "Why is it you can't tell me anything? Why is this so difficult for you?" Elliot's pacing was making Olivia even more agitated.
She couldn't help but scoff at that. "Like you're so forthcoming with everything. It took you two weeks to tell me when you and Kathy split. Everything with you is like pulling teeth." Now she was the one pacing back and forth. They got into this argument on a regular basis, but him not knowing about Erin was starting to weigh on her.
"Fine. You really want to know the truth? This is all that important to you?" Elliot nodded.
Olivia sighed and went to go out the door. "You come over tonight and I can show you. Other than that you're gonna have to leave this alone until then. Can you possibly manage that?" When he said he could she turned to leave again.
"Hey Liv. I'll be by around 6:00. That okay?" She didn't even turn around; Olivia just nodded and kept walking.
She hadn't been able to stop jiggling her foot since her talk with Elliot earlier. Everything she had tried had failed; meditating, eating chocolate, and plowing through paperwork were all a bust. The sound of the front door opening managed to break her from her reverie.
"Hey Mom. I'm back. I grabbed some penne and I got vodka sauce on yours. Do we still have that left over garlic bread from the other night?" Olivia's daughter Erin walked into the living room and set the food down on the coffee table. When she didn't get a response she sat down next to her.
"Is everything alright? Did my teacher call about a paper or something?" Erin hadn't been in school in a couple of years, but she had to make some sort of comment to snap her mother out of this funk.
Not surprisingly that comment managed to turn her head. "Why did something go wrong at school?" She was so into her own head that she couldn't comprehend school problems too.
"Mom! I'm not in school." Erin wasn't quite sure what was going on lately with her mother, but she was pretty sure it had to do with Elliot. Sure, she had never met the man; her mom was pretty hung up on him and nothing she said would convince Erin otherwise.
Olivia took a minute to collect her thoughts while Erin went to change into her sweats. When she finally emerged from her bedroom she trailed her daughter into the kitchen. "Elliot's going to be here in about twenty minutes." She watched as her daughter paused and turned to face her.
"And you decided now would be a good reason to tell him why? Why do I all of a sudden exist? Are you finished being ashamed of me?" Erin couldn't bring herself to look her mother in the eye because she was afraid to hear the answer. Deep down she knew that her mother would do everything for her, but a little part of her wasn't so sure.
"No honey! I have never once in my life been ashamed of you. I didn't tell Elliot that I had a daughter because I knew that he would turn it into a reason for me not to be in the field. You know that I have to be able to do my job." Watching her daughter lean against the cabinets looking so distressed almost broke her heart. Olivia walked over to Erin and leaned her forehead against her shoulder. "You're my baby. You will always be my baby. Anything I do, I do to protect you and keep you safe. You'll always be the love of my life and Elliot will not replace that area of my life. Ever."
Her daughter was only three inches shorter than her, but she always felt so tiny when she turned and wrapped her arms around her mother's waist. "Yeah, I know Ma. I love you too." Giving her one last squeeze, Erin turned back to the cabinets. "So is he staying for dinner? I think I got enough for like forty people because I was really hungry."
The knock on the door came as the girls finished getting the plates out of the cupboards and setting the table. "Well it looks like his timing is impeccable." She watched as her mom went to the front door and slid through the opening. Apparently preparing Elliot for the shock of his life was a good thing; at least she hoped it was.
Elliot took a deep breath and knocked on the door. He thought maybe she'd been dating a guy and didn't want to tell him about her partner, but maybe he was wrong. Maybe nothing was wrong and she just wanted to hang out like they used to.
Ever since he had gone back to Kathy and Eli had been born, things had been strained. They didn't talk about much besides the job and even when she did ask he didn't want to talk about the problems. If it was even possible, Kathy and Elliot's marriage had gotten worse; the toll of taking care of a newborn just compounded everything.
As the door opened he put a foot forward, expecting to admitted inside. Instead Oivia slipped through the door and left it slightly cracked behind her. "Hey El." The tapping of her foot began again.
He frowned, not knowing what to say to her. "Um… can I come inside? Or am I no longer allowed?" Knowing that he was being an asshole was so much easier to deal with than trying to be understanding at the moment.
"Yes, you're still allowed in," she gave him an annoyed look. "The reason I haven't said anything is because of a person –"
Elliot nodded. "Ah. So it is a boyfriend that you didn't want me to know about." Olivia could barely keep herself from strangling him.
"No. You idiot; if you would let me finish a sentence. It's not a boyfriend, but it is a daughter." This time she looked him straight in the eye as she said it. She was not ashamed of her daughter and if this was what it took to prove it to her, then so be it.
"A kid Liv? That's kind of a big thing to keep from someone for nine years. You know life-changing and all of that!" He leaned back against the wall and jammed his hands into his pockets to keep from punching the wall. Taking out his anger at her lies would probably get him shut out of the apartment for good.
"Yeah, well, with all of your spiels about protecting your children, I figured that not telling people was my only way of protecting her." She could feel Erin standing on the other side of the door listening to her conversation with Elliot the idiot. "Erin means the world to me and if you can't meet her right now without being a jerk then you need to leave El. I won't have you hurting her, best friend or not."
They were both silent for a moment, contemplating their friendship and how it had reached this point. "Okay." Elliot looked at her. "I'm sorry about this Liv." It felt like she was watching something in slow motion as he turned and walked toward the elevator down the hallway.
Olivia blinked once, then twice. She sluggishly made her way back through her apartment's front door and rested heavily against it. Erin was standing in the hallway. "I guess he's not staying for dinner then?" She choked out a sob and hugged her daughter to her.
"Nope. I think I'm going to go take a shower and then go to bed. I love you baby." She gave her the customary good night and kissed her on the forehead and disappeared into her bedroom.
Erin knew how much her partner meant to her mom and wasn't quite sure what to do. She quickly ate her dinner and when she heard the shower shut off she packed the food back up and set it in the refrigerator for another night. Giving her mother a couple of minutes to get settled into bed, she went through her bedtime routine.
When she settled into bed with Olivia, something she hadn't done in years, she snuggled down and let her mom hold onto her. "Love you too Momma." Erin listened to her softly cry until she fell asleep. Once she was sure she was asleep, she let one tear slip out; there had to be something she could do to make this better.