April 9th
"Dear Diary,
Today my 16th birthday, and was the worst thing I have ever been through. My older brother Dave decided to fill my room with condoms filled with month-old sour cream. At first I didn't think it was that bad, but it was just then that I realized how much they stank. I even tried to get rid of them but those things just don't break! My boyfriend James said he would give me—"
"Hey! Can you keep it down? I'm trying to sleep here!"
"Cant you see this is important fuck-tard? God…your so annoying."
I looked back at my bed behind me to see James lying on my bed half asleep, with his finger in his nose. He wiped off his finger on my bed and went back to his snoring. My beautiful bed! He's ruined it! My pink and black sheets were soiled as he had "arrived early" this night. I would need to find elsewhere to sleep if I wanted to get through the night. Anyway—where was I?
"—James said he would give me something to be excited about tonight. If you had to ask me, I'd say He enjoyed it. Me…? Not so much…Everything was done wrong and he even told me he was experienced but ugh…it was damn near unbearable. I think I was able to count to sixty and then it was all over. I think I might break up with him tomorrow. Unless he can—"
"Hey babe, I'm gonna need to borrow your car tomorrow, I'm going to the football game with the guys and then to the movies ok? Thanks babe."
"That's it! James, I'm breaking up with you! Get your lazy ass outta here and don't slobber all over the blankets on your way out!"
"Aww babe, you know you don't mean that. I love youuuuu."
"KILLER! GET IN HERE!"
My door busts open and there in the doorway is Killer—my five foot, two hundred pound German Shepard dog that I trained to be a guard dog since she was a puppy. Her fur is a nice azure shade and she always has her fangs showing in case I call on her. As I pointed at James I said;
"Oh Killer, you see that lazy sack of shit over there? Dinner time baby; FEAST!"
"Wa—wa—wait we can talk about this babe right? Baby? Sug—ARGHHH!"
I sat in my chair at my brown wooden desk as I watched Killer continue to chase James around while James is naked.
"You might wanna put some underwear on because I think she'll find your penis to be a nice chew toy."
They ran around the room a few more times until James finally ran towards the stairs. I heard some bumping outside my door, with an occasional scream so I just assumed everything was all good. I continued to write in my diary.
"I think I might break up with him tomorrow. Unless he can— I've broken up with him. Can't say I'll miss him though. I should get some sleep; tomorrow is a new day for the world to drop shit into my hands."
April 10th
"Dear Diary,
Just woke up. Hoping maybe today will be better. Will write more in the evening"
I woke up on my desk. I had refused to sleep on the bed until my sheets were washed and dried anew. My white pillows looked grossly wet, with the rest of the bed. Gosh, even my bed got more turned on than me last night…
I opened the windows as the light began to reflect over my pink walls my full body mirror. I'm a mere five foot three with a slightly darkened complexion. Slightly skinny with B-cup breasts and black straight hair that comes about half-way down the back of my neck.
I quickly took a shower and got dressed. I wore a black blouse with tight blue jeans with some black shoes I just randomly grabbed out of my closet. I walked out of my room and down the stairs to the kitchen. It was extremely bright in there with the sun reflecting off the silver walls, silver table, chairs, and silver dishes. Talk about plain…Judy really coulda picked a better color for this place.
As I walk in I see Dave cooking steak and eggs. Judy is already seated at the table and very into her newspaper. Now how can I describe these two? Dave is—well, Dave's an asshole. He can be funny at times when he does something, but most of the time it really gets on my nerves. He's six feet tall, with a slightly muscular build, and the same complexion as mine. He enjoys, sex with his girlfriend, sports, fancy food, sex with his girlfriend, scratching his balls, making other peoples lives miserable, and sex with his girlfriend. Did I forget to mention he likes sex? No? Good. As for Judy, she is what you would call…stupid. Okay, maybe not stupid, but overly self-involved and a work-aholic. She spends most of her life at the hospital…you know, work…she's a doctor. In fact, one of the best in the city. She's saved countless lives of people who were even pronounced dead before reaching the hospital. And she's the leading doctor in the hospital and yadda yadda yadda…she's good…you get the point.
I just wish she didn't talk to me…
"Hey sleepy head, how are you doing?"
God dammit…
"Tired, Judy…like always…"
"Now you were raised better than that! You do not address your mother by her first name!"
Oh yeah, Judy's my mom, but I've disowned her. So I just call her Judy.
"Okay, I'll remember that for the ten-thousandth time, Judy…"
"Monica," Dave said, "show mom some respect. Apologize."
"Fine. …Sorry….mom." As I rolled my eyes.
"Honestly Monica, why can't you be more like your brother? He's so cheery and helpful and all you ever do is spend your time being grim and sad. You could do better than that."
Yeah, that's me. I'm Monica. The dark, sad, grim child that I'm not even sure my parents ever wanted. People wonder why I'm always like this, but never have the balls to ask. Honestly, if they were to ask, I'm not even sure I'd be able to give them a real answer. It's always been this way, and will always continue to be this way.
"I know what you need Monica," Judy said, "You need an after school activity! You could help out at the local animal shelter!"
"So you want me to be like dad then?" A touchy subject for Judy.
"No Monica, I'm simply suggesting that you make better use of your free time. Maybe join a club or—"
"Like dad then?"
"—even an after school job."
"So like dad…"
Silence.
"I simply think you have too much free time Monica…and I worry sometimes that you haven't made the best decisions bec—
"Save it. I'm going to school. Your're gonna make me late."
I walked out of the door and into the front yard as I opened the door to my red Civic and drove off.