An Unpleasant Surprise
It was a big day for Shrek, but he didn't know it when he first woke up. He awoke and carried out his regular morning routine, take a mud bath, brush his teeth with bug juice, and putting on his trademark outfit (cowhide vest, and cloth shirt with pants). At breakfast, Shrek did what he always did, belched, farted, and growled, "better out than in I always say," with a loud chuckle. It wasn't until an hour after breakfast Shrek found that today was going to be out of the ordinary.
While replacing the door on his wooden outhouse, he noticed something scurrying out of the corner of his eye. "The fuck's that," he muttered in his thick Scottish accent. He threw down his tools immediately and got up to see who the intruder was. "This is my swamp!" He bellowed, hoping to scare away whatever it was that had caught attention. As he circled around his outhouse, he found what he was looking for. "Ah ha!" Shrek said with a hearty laugh, "a fuckin' cat's all it is, Christ I say!" The cat looked up at him with what looked like a grin, and steam started to rise up all around it. "The hell's this business, eh?" Shrek said questioningly. The smoke engulfed Shrek and the cat, and Shrek started to cough and fan at his face in an attempt to move the gray gas away. At last, the big green ogre could take it no longer, and he started to faint from a lack of oxygen.
Shrek slowly awoke in a dark, dank room, which seemed to be a wine cellar. "Hell, I've been through the grinder, all right." Shrek muttered as he came to a stand in his new environment. He eyed his surroundings and saw the faint outline of a door in the blinding darkness. He walked to it and groped for a handle, which he found after a few seconds. "Here we go," Shrek said as he pulled back on the handle. The door flew open as it was lighter than Shrek had expected, and he walked into the light behind it.
What he saw when his eye adjusted was incredible. It changed everything he had known and believed in within his life, and it took him a few moments to realize what this meant.