Mario Wars

Mario is sitting at home on his fat ass watching TV.

Mario: Wow, I sure love sitting my fat ass here on this couch watching TV.

Luigi: Come on Mario. You can't just sit here all day. You need to go out and get a job.

Mario: I have a job. I'm the local hero.

Luigi: Mario, there hasn't been an emergency in months. Bowser hasn't attacked or anything.

Mario: You never know when he might.

Luigi: Dammit, Mario. I'm not going to be the only one to be paying the bills around here. I've got a job and I'm the only one who knows how to make money!

Mario: I could get a job if I wanted to. I just don't wanna.

Luigi swears.

Mario: Watch your language! I'm telling mom!

Luigi: We don't have a mom. Wer'e not even real. We're just media icons created and copyrighted by the Nintendo Corporation and used on an everday basis for shipping and advertisment, also to be used in the occasional fanfiction.

Mario: I'm telling Dad you broke the fourth wall.

Mario reaches for the phone. But there is a great flash of white light that fills the room. Luigi blinks and Mario has vanished.

Luigi: Phew! Now his fat ass is outta here, maybe I can finally watch some good old fashioned porno.

He walks over to the couch and pulls out a rather cheesy DVD. Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away...

Mario: AAAAAAAAHHHH! Wh-where am I?

He looks around to see an elderly old man, 2 robots, and a young adult who appears to be dead.

Mario: Who the hell are you freaks?

Obi Wan: Greetings good sir. My name is Obi-

Mario farts.

Mario: Ha ha ha...sorry go ahead.

Obi Wan: Er...yes. My name is-

Mario does it again.

Mario: HA HA HA!...sorry, I'm through.

Obi Wan:...My name is Obi Wan Kenobi.

Mario: That's a weird ass name. It's like, something out of a science fiction movie.

Obi Wan: Er...yes, well...as you can see, my Padawan is dead.

Mario: Padawan? What is that, like some kind of-

Obi Wan: WILL YOU STOP INTERUPPTING ME!

Mario: AH!

Obi Wan: DAMMIT!

Mario:...

Obi Wan. Anyway, like I was saying, my young Padawan, Luke, has died. I have summoned you here because I need to train someone to defeat the evil Darth Vader.

Mario: How'd he die?

Obi Wan: Apparantley, a large spiked rock killed him.

Mario: What makes you say that?

Obi Wan:...There's a large spiked boulder sticking out of his chest.

Mario:...Now let's not jump to conclusions.

C3PO: I say, Master Kenobi. This man does not appear to have the average amount of intellegence as the normal man.

Mario: you, dude

C3PO: Well, I never

R2D2: Beep boop boop beep.

Mario: Hey, this little guy looks funny.

C3PO: Why, this is my little companion R2D2. This little R2 unit has full standard capabilities of...I say!

Mario has jumped on top of R2 and is trying to ride him like a horsey.

Mario: GIDDYUP ROBOT! YEEEEEEE-HAW!

Obi Wan: Get off him, Padawan! Get of before you br-

R2D2 explodes.

Mario: OW! I THINK THAT LITTLE BOOGER BLEW MY TESTICLES OFF!...1,2...okay all three of them are there.

C3PO: But the average male anatomy has only 2.

Obi Wan: HAVE WE ALL FORGOTTEN WHY WE ARE HERE!

Mario: I never knew.

Obi Wan: You are going to join me to defeat the-

Mario farts

Mario: OH, DAMMIT! IT'S JUST SO FUNNY!

Obi Wan loses his patience and slashes at Mario, who tries to dodge. Fortunatley, Obi Wan only cuts his overall straps. Mario's pats fall to the ground.

C3PO: I say sir, forgive me if I'm wrong...but isn't the avearge human penis supposed to be...well, quite larger than that I'm sure...

Mario: Shut up, it's cold out here.

C3PO: But sir, we are in the middle of the dessert.

Han Solo runs up with Chewbacca.

Han Solo: Hey I heard you guys need a...WOAH THAT THING IS SMALL!

Mario pulls up his pants and blushes.

Han Solo: Wev'e got a ship for you guys if you need it.

Obi Wan: We would be most grateful...

Han Solo: Okay, well I...where's Luke?

Obi-Wan: Dead. Wev'e replaced him with this gentleman.

Mario looks around and realizes that there is a huge spacecraft in front of him.

Mario: HOLY MOTHER OF CHEESE! WHAT IS THAT THING!

Han Solo: Ah, you like huh? It's called the Millenium Falcon.

Mario: No, I meant the Bigfoot looking thing.

Han Solo: Oh...that is my first mate, Chewbacca.

Mario: Is he a vicious bloodthirsty killer?

Han Solo: No.

Mario: Is he a psychotic, horny ass raper?

Han Solo: No.

Chewbacca: Raaaaaaaaa!

Han Solo: I mean, yes.

After many hours of arguing, the people finally get on the ship and onto Mario's next great adventure...