I have never written a fanfiction before. The reason I'm doing it if because I would like to become an author, i'm in the middle of a novel and I need some opinions on my writing. I chose FMA to write about because I adore it and there's so mcuh you can do with the characters. I've also set myself a challange to make a decent OC. You can judge for yourself.
This is set mid-series.
Reviews REALLY would be appreciated, good or bad. *Bows*
Right. Here goes.
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"P-perfect…You're r-really…per-perfect…"
She looked upon the bleeding mess on the floor, almost alarmed at her calmness.
"Come here…" The man paused to take a gasping breath "G-give you're father…a hug!"
She recoiled and stumbled, feeling off balanced, looking down, she noticed she was missing her left arm. She swallowed convulsively.
"Oh your…your arm…? Come here d-dear, daddy will fix that righ-" He was cut off abruptly and vomited up a gush of blood.
He looked up at the girl one last time, the heartbroken glance almost knocking the breath from her lungs. "I'm sorry…" Silent tears leaked from his eyes, it was probably too painful to sob.
"I am so, so s-sorry…" His eyes finally dulled. " Dear Verity…"
Silence.
That's right. Verity. He had told her… "It means truth."
She took the money from the safe, put on some clothes, packed a small case.
And left the small country house, feeling oh so very empty.
Younger brother: 14 Older brother: 15
Alphonse Elric was guiltily aware that he was selfish. Despite what people often thought.
Maybe he had the right to be selfish, he had seen and been through things that not many boys his own age had. The same went for his brother Edward.
When it came to Edward, however, Alphonse was not selfish. He put his brothers needs before his own and was painfully aware that Edward was the same vice-versa.
It was on longs nights such as this that Alphonse Elric was selfish.
The Elric brothers had found a lead, to the Philosophers stone. It was an unusually detailed one, a document they had come across by chance. It told of an alchemist in a city in the far west of Amestris whom had claimed to have performed a successful human transmutation, there had been eye witness reports of the result. The alchemist claimed to have used a Philosophers stone that was not made of human souls. No brutal law of Equivalent Exchange.
Edward had been hugely optimistic, they had taken the train and a long winding walk across a arid wasteland. Which Alphonse couldn't bear, it was bad enough that it was hard on Edward to trudge such a long distance but also when he glanced down at his older brother, Edward would immediately hide his obvious exhaustion and noticeably limp so Alphonse wouldn't feel bad or worry.
He had tried not to let it get to him, he would not of commented even if it had, he wasn't angry at his brother, oh no. Just guilty that Edward felt the need to act in such a way. That automail was so tough on him…
Edward was cheerful and Alphonse could honestly say, at that time, he had been cheerful too. The outlook seemed even more positive when they arrived. Edward had demanded they go straight to the alchemist of whom the point of their trek had been. But Alphonse nagged and pressed until he had finally convinced Edward to go and find somewhere to eat.
"I don't know why you're making me waste my time here Al." Edward said through a mouthful of bread "This is the best lead we've had in a while y'know!"
"You have to eat Brother, you can't to charging in there on a empty stomach after all."
Edward laughed "You just wait Al, by this time next week, you me an' Winry, we'll all go to a fancy restaurant and order everything on the menu!" He gestured enthusiastically. "And I bet you'll eat the most and forget your manners altogether." He grinned up at Alphonse. He wished he could grin back more than anything.
He knew Edward hadn't meant to get his hopes up.
They had found the Alchemist. His name was Mourino Marinno. Note the "was".
He had been dead for seven years.
Apparently there has been a small error in the leading document that the Brothers had found, that was what Mustang would later remorsefully tell them over the phone. The alchemist in question had been lying about his so called human transmutation and threatened civilians to lie about it. The military eventually investigated and found the man was mentally unstable and a danger to others.
Well, great.
The military had put him in custody and he committed suicide in his cell.
Edward was livid.
"That Bastard." He was practically shaking with rage as he slammed down the phone. "How could he make such a…fucking stupid mistake." He paused for a moment, before slamming his automail fist into the phone again, smashing beyond non-alchemic repair.
"Brother…"
"I was so damn sure Al." Edward buried his face in his hands. "So sure that this time we'd get break." He looked up at the towering armour that was Alphonse. The look in his eyes almost heartbreaking. "I'm sorry Al." The words were small and sad.
And so, the Elric brothers went back to trail back to the station. On the way they had chatted happily. Now they were silent.
Edward looked to be on the point of collapsing, he was so tired. They stopped so he could sleep. It didn't take long, he was out in seconds. Alphonse was left in his thoughts that he was selfish, compared to his brother, who was the most selfless person he knew.
Alphonse was miserable, the feeling he had was similar to the feeling he had on the first night in the armour. Also the night when Nina had been cruelly deformed then murdered by Scar.
He looked t his brother and felt suddenly insanely jealous, he wanted to sleep so badly, to escape from his nightmare, even for just an hour or two.
There was a way.
Quietly opening his chest plate, he placed the thumb of his bulky leather hand on the seal drawn in Edward's blood. All it took was a swift movement of his thumb and he could sleep for as long as he wanted.
He had told Edward, on that day when Scar had almost murdered him, that they were living for each other, but Edward was hardly living. Just chasing round silly rumours and gossip to get his body back. And if it wasn't for Alphonse, Edward would have run away from danger in the first place. Edward had put himself at deaths door for him.
If he were gone, Edward could live. He still had Winry didn't he? And Auntie Pinako? He wouldn't be a burden any longer, Edward wouldn't have to worry anymore. Alphonse could perhaps see his mother again…
Alphonse dimly registered that if he were human he'd be shaking. But he wasn't. And he might never be again… All it took… was one painless movement.
Suddenly a horrible image came into his head. Of Edward groggily waking in the morning. Talking to the armour, not realising it was empty. Having slept off his rage from the day before.
"C'mon Al, lets go, maybe we can catch the early train."
He carried on talking, as normal. Slowly it would register that no tinny little voice was answering.
"Hey…Al…?"
Then he would realise, but not accept it. He would clumsily knock off the helmet and inspect the blood seal and see what had happened.
"No…NO! AL!! PLEASE TALK TO ME…AL! ALPHONSE!"
Crying, horrible choking sobs.
How could he even consider such a thing? How would Edward live with himself?
Alphonse Elric had never felt more selfish than that night.
"Alphonse Elric?"
Alphonse's helmet jerked up to see someone resting their hands on his arm. Though obviously, he had not felt it. It was a girl whom he judged to be around his and Edward's age. A plain hat shadowed messy bangs that fell into her green eyes. She tugged insistently at his arm until it came away from the blood seal.
"Who…are you?" He finally squeaked, wondering if this was some sort of bizarre hallucination.
The girl's eyes hardened slightly.
"I am Verity. I'm here to save your life."
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So how was that...? Like I said, reviews would make me SUPER happy, especially some good ole constructed critisism. And whether I should like...continue.