OMG, Kakashi-sensei is hot!
A/N: Please be easy on me, this is my third Naruto fic, and my first humorous one. Yes, I realize that this fic is a lot like 'Sorry I asked' well, that's where I got the idea from. Even thought I'm dying for Ebonytwinkle to update it, I've started on my own. I hope you guys will like it, I promise you it's different.
Please, read and review, I won't tell if you. ;)
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, for if I did….you get the picture.
Anyhow, onward with the story!
They had set up their camp in the dead of the woods, a fire to keep them warm and tents to give them shelter. Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto were all huddled around the fire, neither of them saying a word, more than likely out of sheer boredom than the fact they all three of them didn't get along just fine.
Sakura glanced longingly at the dark-haired Uchiha and sighed heavily. She had tried on a few occasions to start up a conversation, but Sasuke was busily glaring at Naruto and had all but ignored her friendly gestures. The blonde boy glowered in return, challenging Sasuke in a silent, tension filled staring contest. The two were always bickering about one thing or another. If it wasn't Naruto being a dead last, it was Sasuke being a bastard.
Sakura was barely in between, as most of the time when they were together, since Sasuke had returned to Konoha, they barely paid attention to her, and thus she didn't feel as if she fit in anymore. Team Seven had once been comprised of one loud-mouth golden-haired teenager with a propensity to annoy the shit out of most people, a quiet, but unfriendly Uchiha heir, and her, the lovey-dovey Sakura, liked by Naruto and annoyance to Sasuke.
Now, she wasn't even that.
Naruto had long since stopped his never-ending quest to get her to go out on a date with him, and Sasuke had stopped speaking to her altogether. Sure they worked well as a team, but socially, it was like putting a lion, a cat, and a fox in a cage and expecting them to get along. The lion, Sasuke, was apt to fight with the fox, Naruto. And the cat….just got in the way.
As one could guess, she was the cat.
It was always been somewhat that way. Sasuke would handle things his way, and likewise for Naruto, and she just couldn't do anything without someone to help her. The boys were independent and made very sure to let the people around them know as such, but she had always been the baggage on their journey to greatness, the kind that was heavy and burdensome, always needing to be dragged along just to keep up.
Sakura looked away from her crush of roughly five years and exhaled. She supposed it would always be that way.
Kakashi, their sensei, was gone somewhere. He firmly told them to stay where they were while he took care of some business, leaving them in the woods to fend for themselves. Which was fine, because they were all ninja, trained to defend themselves in every situation. This, was nothing.
Sasuke suddenly broke the staring match between he and Naruto and asked in an agitated, as usual voice, "Where's Kakashi? He's been gone for a long time."
Naruto slowly looked away from him and twisted his neck to look to the woods, as if Kakashi were going to, at any moment, come walking through the trees and tell them that it was time to go home. Their mission was finished for the day, and they had all been exhausted and decided to set up camp for a night, then head out when Kakashi felt it was time. But Kakashi was nowhere to be seen, and it had been more than three hours since he had gone, telling them to stay put and disappearing into the trees.
"I don't know, I think he said something about retracing our steps to make sure we weren't being followed, but it shouldn't take this long." Naruto replied.
Sakura frowned. He was right, it shouldn't take more than an hour at best to retrace, and Kakashi had been gone for three times that duration. "Do you think---
"No." Sasuke cut, quietly, but sharply. Kakashi could take care of himself, and if anything, he would not have gone alone if he felt there was a potential threat. Kakashi would be fine.
Naruto was becoming agitated. First of all, he was tired, secondly, he was starving. He couldn't go to sleep on an empty stomach. Had their sensei bothered to tell them that he would be gone for a while, the blonde would have less grumpy that evening. It was damn near the dead of night, and Kakashi had to go off and leave them in the woods, hungry and tired and generally pissed.
"I don't see why we should worry," Sakura offered, like she wasn't the one who doubted her teacher's well being. "Kakashi-sensei's always late to everything, this is no different."
Sasuke grunted and shrugged, glaring into the fire. He didn't care where Kakashi was, so long as he got to go home and get away from his annoying teammates. Sakura kept staring at him and it was beginning to make him frustrated. The stupid girl just couldn't take a hint. He didn't like her, in any way, shape, or form and he had let her know on numerous occasions, but she just kept on, as if she stared hard enough, he would stare back and they would share a moment. Ha, Sasuke sneered mentally. It would never happen.
All three of them sat around the fire, waiting, all anxious in their own right, for their own reasons. They couldn't leave until Kakashi came back, and knowing their sensei the little bit that they do, that could have been any time he felt like it.
It was so stupid. They were all Chuunin, now that Naruto had finally passed the exam, they shouldn't have needed a sensei, but the current Hokage, Tsunade, thought it would be a good idea to keep them under Kakashi's expert tutelage. Why, they would never know.
"What could he possibly be doing? We're out here boring each other to death, while he's probably leaned up against some tree, reading that pervy ass book of his." Naruto huffed, crossing his arms haughtily.
"Yeah, he hasn't had much time to read it due to our mission. Maybe he's suffering from pornographic withdrawal." Sakura laughed.
Naruto snickered then frowned deeply. If that was what their sensei was out there doing he was going to----
"Geez, why doesn't he just get himself a girlfriend instead of reading that stuff he always reads? I thought those kinds of book were for lonely people or old pervs." The pink-haired female of the team never understood her sensei most of the time. He was always so enigmatic, it was hard to understand why he read those books at all.
"Providing he doesn't already have one." Sasuke muttered. The other two looked at him, their bright eyes wide in surprise. Sasuke had never had any interest in them or Kakashi, it was strange that he even said anything at all, especially to imply that Kakashi may have had a partner.
Naruto looked up thoughtfully. "It is hard to imagine him with a girlfriend, he's a weirdo, but then again, he IS the famous Copy Ninja of Konoha. Women probably like that sort of thing, so maybe he does have a girlfriend. You know, not that it's any of our business."
Sasuke raised an eyebrow and looked at him like he had said something way out of the ordinary, which he had. "Since when have you care if something was your business or not? Aside from Sakura, you're the nosiest person I know."
"That's true," Naruto laughed. "But what I meant by that was that if Kakashi wanted us to know he had someone, we would know. Obviously, it's none of our business. I never said I didn't want to know, or find out."
Sakura glared at Sasuke for a moment and looked back at Naruto. They were conversing with each other while insulting her. It was her curiosity in the first place the finally broke the thick tension around the fire and allowed some easy flowing conversation. She would not be cut out of this one too.
"Kakashi-sensei doesn't want us to know a lot of things, he's just mysterious that way. We should be the closest things to him, if he doesn't have a girlfriend. Think about it, all of his closest friends are dead, he wouldn't allow anyone to get any closer. He probably doesn't want a relationship because he's afraid to lose another special person."
Sasuke sniffed and sneered, "You are dense, Sakura. That's what casual sex is for. He doesn't have to be in love with a woman to have sex with her."
Sakura blushed, embarrassed by her idiotic-ness that she hadn't thought of that before she opened her mouth.
"Yeah, I don't see why he can't just have sex to have sex. I'm almost positive he does." Naruto said.
They were silent for a few moments, as if contemplating what the blonde said, turning it over in their minds.
"He's a pervert, he must have slept with a few women in his day. Though you would think that sort of thing would be floating around town."
Naruto had a point. In such a small tightly-knit village like Konoha, rumors and other information spread quickly, and in the next 24 hours, everybody in town would know about it. They were mere Chuunin, but they had been living in the village all their lives. They heard their fare share of rumors, ranging from Genma being a cross-dresser, to their ex-sensei, Iruka being a virgin. Something like Kakashi sleeping with who and when and where should have been known to them by now.
Did that mean they were wrong?
Sasuke was not normally the type to get into anyone's affairs or care who they did, or where, but the conversation was interesting, in his defense. Kakashi Hatake was a mystery, and while they were bored around the fire, they might as well have talked about something. Their sensei hadn't been a topic of interest since their days of attempting to see what was under his mask, which they failed horribly at.
"Then maybe he just doesn't have sex. He's probably and eunuch or something." Sakura giggled.
Naruto and Sasuke did not giggle with her.
Naruto had never thought that Sakura was an idiot, but now he was beginning to think that maybe her intelligence was only comprised of ninja training.
"That's pretty farfetched. Kakashi is far too attractive to not have had sex. I don't think that's it." Sasuke said in a low voice.
Naruto agreed. It was actually hard to think about considering their teacher's status and his personality, which wasn't all that insightful. Still, Kakashi must have been sleeping with someone, he probably just found a way to keep their mouths shut.
"Nah, I don't think so either Sakura. Have you taken a good look at him? I mean, come on, he must be rubbing hotel sheets with someone."
All of a sudden it got quiet. Sasuke looked at them both and whispered, "Wouldn't it be messed up if that's what he's doing right now?"
Naruto's fingernails dragged up small trenched of dirt as his fist clenched tightly. He better not be! "He wouldn't!"
He might have.
"Calm down, dobe, it was only a joke. I don't think he would be that spiteful. He could wait until he got to the village to indulge in that. Otherwise, he's probably doing something else."
Sakura looked between the two, choosing her next words carefully. "Kakashi-sensei might be reading his book. I mean, we have spent almost a week on this mission and he hasn't gotten anytime to himself. He's most likely catching up."
"Yes, but, he could read while he walks, he always does that. Why would he go someplace else to do it?"
Naruto shrugged. "He's probably jerking off."
Had Sasuke and Sakura been eating or drinking, they would have lost whatever it was in their mouth due to extreme shock. Had Naruto really said that?! Green and brown eyes bulged in appall, gaping at him like he lost his mind at suggesting such a thing.
However….
"Are crazy, Naruto!!! You idiot, don't talk about Ka---
"He could be right." Sasuke intervened.
…..there was a great chance of that being true.
Actually, they had not a single shred of proof that Kakashi might have been somewhere in the woods wanking his willy, but they couldn't think of anything he could have been doing. While they were on the topic of his sexuality….
"If that's the case, why didn't he just rush back to Konoha and let us---- Sakura stopped.
That must have been it. That bastard he left them!
"That pervy fuck! He left us for some pussy?!" Naruto yelled indignantly. He knew his sensei was a dirty minded guy, but he went so far as to leave his own team behind to get some ass?!
"That may or may not be true, Naruto. We don't know that for sure. He could be just caught up with something, or maybe he found that someone was on out trail and is currently taking care of it." Sakura supplied intelligently.
Sasuke had to once again disagree. "But more than three hours? He would have called us."
"Maybe he found something interesting and decided to investigate." Naruto was sure that was it, after all, Kakashi was very thorough in everything he did.
"Jerking off….you're an idiot Naruto." Sasuke snorted. Only the idiot would think of something like that, nevermind that Sasuke himself might have believed it.
" Shut up, you bastard! It's not like Kakashi-sensei is you, who wouldn't know pussy if it smacked him in the face!" Naruto spat venomously. Sakura watched them go back and forth, smiling at their stupid argument.
"I didn't say that, you fool. But what would you know about it, virgin." Naruto jumped to his feet with a start, shaking his fist angrily down at Sasuke's face.
"What the hell are you talking about, I've had tons of sex! You think I went on a trip with a super pervert for two and a half years and came back with no experience? Ha, I've been told I'm awesome at pleasing a woman!"
Sakura cringed. She didn't want to know all that much about it.
"Well now that we know that none of us are virgins…"
There stares snapped her way immediately.
"Whaatt? I've had a boyfriend or two." She laughed nervously.
"Or six, or seven." Sasuke muttered. Sakura was in his face in an instant.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?!" She hissed. Sasuke leaned away from her like she carried a contagious disease and put his hand up to her face.
"Get away, I told I'm not interested."
"You jerk!"
"Now now, guys this isn't about Sakura being promiscuous, it's about Kakashi and how he probably get more than all of us combined." The blue-eyed ninja reminded them.
Sakura sat back down and glared into the fire once again. Stupid boys, always taking up for each other….
"Hn, he is an attractive guy, I don't doubt he could get any woman he set his eyes…eye on."
"I wouldn't go so far as to say he could get any woman he wants. I mea----
"Are you kidding, Kakashi-sensei could seduce a brick wall! Think about it, Sakura, he's powerful, mysterious, and he's famous! Women love that stuff! He can take his pick, heck, I'll bet he could have you in heartbeat!" Naruto exclaimed loudly.
Sakura stared at the brash blonde teenager and crossed her arms. She just didn't think it was right that just because he was famous, powerful and mysterious that he could get woman to like him. It couldn't have been so easy. Why, she herself had never thought about her silver-haired sensei in such a way before. It was making her furious that guys always thought they could have whatever they wanted, simply because they wanted. One could call her a feminist.
"Stupid Sakura. Take your head out of the clouds and look at the big picture. Kakashi Hatake can have what he wants, all because of who he is and how he looks. That's just the way it is. All that 'women are not objects' thing is so untrue it's a wonder some people even still argue it. That crap is for married people and virgins. You're one to talk, you thought those boys you slept with did it because they loved you and cherished the ground you walked on? Hardly, they wanted your body, and I'm guessing by the way you bragged about it, that you wanted them as well. You couldn't honestly say that if Kakashi up and offered to sleep with you, that doubt wouldn't cross you mind that you would refuse?" Sasuke shook his head, as if sympathizing for her stupidity. He would never understand women, especially not this one.
Sakura started to open her mouth to protest but immediately stopped upon realizing that she really had nothing to say. It had never come up in her head that she could have felt a certain way about the masked ninja. In fact, she was positive that she wasn't the only one. What she knew about that man was that he, for the most part, kept to himself, he wore a mask for some unknown reason, and he had a rough childhood, from what she heard. That was about it.
There was nothing about Kakashi that drew her, he was simply her sensei at one point. Now they were teammates, and she still didn't think of him as anything other than the weird man with the mask that always reads porn. Sometimes Kakashi was other things; friendly, angry, guilty, and on occasions, generous.
But attractive?
She looked skyward, contemplating it in her mind. Well, Kakashi certainly wasn't ugly but then again, they only ever saw his eyes. Who knew what he was hiding under that mask? For all she knew, he could have had nice eyes, and a great body, but beneath that mask laid horrors that he took great pains to hide. Obviously thought, Sasuke and Naruto disagreed.
But if anything, she should have been the one thinking about him being attractive and his sex life. Not two almost fully grown males.
She smirked. Two could play that game.
"You two sure put up a good argument, for a minute it almost sounded like you guys wanted me to be attracted to him? Now why would that be?" She asked innocently.
Sasuke's dark eyes narrowed. One thing he hated, was when someone thought that had something on him when they didn't. It was clear that Sakura was imply that he was a homosexual, but little did she know, he was not the kind of person that people knew anything about without him telling them. So with a careless voice, he calmly told her that she was wrong.
"I don't have to necessarily be gay to think someone is good looking. Though I have indulged in a guy or 2 in my d---
'WHAT?!" Sakura cried. Naruto could have sworn he heard a hint of despair in her voice.
'NOOOOOOOO!!! SASUKE-KUN, WHHHHHYYYYY??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' Inner Sakura screamed emotionally, crumbling to the ground in what looked to be agony.
Naruto could hardly be surprised. After living with Orochimaru for almost three years, one could come back a bit gay. Sasuke had once worn what Naruto had called a 'bitch robe', thinking that it made him look powerful and desirable at the same time. No, Naruto thought to himself, he only ended up looking like a fag. Naruto voiced his opinion rather loudly, and Sasuke never wore such a thing ever again.
"Yeah you know, I'm not gay or anything like that, but Sasuke's got a point. Kakashi-sensei is really hot, now that I think about it. He's got a nice build, a nice voice, an awesome ass---
WHACK!
Sakura slammed her fist into the blonde ninja's head and furiously stomped ack over to her seat. Naruto howled in pain and cradled his now throbbing head, a large red lump appearing.
"Geez, Sakura, what was that for?!" He barked, trying to keep the tears in.
"And just WHY would you be looking at sensei's ass?" She growled, her eyes flashing menacingly.
"It's actually kind of hard not to. He does lead the team, so he's in front of us most of the time. When I'm bored, I stare at his ass too. It is nice, Naruto wasn't lying. You're telling me you've never looked?" Sasuke asked slowly, almost disbelievingly that the female in their group had never checked the hot Jounin out.
"Well I--- I mean, I just stared at you most of the time, or up at the clouds or something. Never thought to look down." She said wistfully.
"Are you a lesbian, Sakura?" Naruto asked innocently. He got a sharp slap as a reply and was sent flying into the tent, a few of his teeth scattering the air.
"Idiot! To suggest such a thing!" She snarled, her powerful chakra loaded fist still in midair.
Sasuke gave her a disgusted look. She was always picking on Naruto. Why didn't the boy simply hit her back? He knew if it were him, he would have put her in her place ages ago.
Naruto crawled back to the fire, muttering things about monstrously strong women and made sure not to sit next to her again. All that pain just for thinking his sensei had a great ass. Geez, he would never understand women.
"Man Sakura, what's up with you, you on your period or something?" He whined.
Sasuke stifled a loud laugh, covering his mouth with his hand as the girl in question's eyes blazed with promises of impending doom. For Naruto.
"You little mongrel1 What would you know about a woman's cycle! It's idiots like you that make us so bitchy in the first place!"
"Yeah, dobe. If she were on her period, that wouldn't be right. Because I don't think it's possible to be on her period 365 days a year. Like she seems."
Sakura whirled on him, poising to attack but stopped short at the look in his eyes that said, 'Do it and die'. She shrunk back to her place on the ground and gave him a dirty look.
Naruto cocked his head to the side in confusion. What was up with her, he was serious.
"Sakura, you're so much of a follower. You think that because someone said it was improper to think something, you shouldn't think it. I know I'm a guy and I'm not supposed to think of my teacher's gorgeous ass or how many women he sleeps with, but I do. I'm not afraid to admit that Kakashi-sensei is hotter than holy hell. People already think less of me, so what if I add another thing to that list? Sasuke isn't holding any grudges against that, it's just you. Nobody is forcing you to like him. So don't hit me again for saying something that compliments him." He finished firmly.
Boy, was he tired of feeling her wrath. One of these days he was going to catch that fist and twist it until she cried out for mercy.
Sasuke was smiling. They were having an interestingly insightful conversation. In the space of less than an hour, they had discovered things about each other nobody would ever guess simply by looking at them. Sakura was a busted wallflower, Naruto was sexually unhinged, and they knew that he was sexually uninhibited. Kakashi absence wasn't such a bad thing after all. Now that he knew Naruto was bi-curious, maybe he would take the chance to see what he thought of him. Just out of curiosity.
Sakura felt like crying. She had done it again; she had alienated herself from the group once again and they were verbally punishing her for it. Was it so bad that she didn't want to openly admit that their Jounin teammate was attractive?
She didn't want to be labeled a whore or a promiscuous girl, so she tried to act as if she weren't. The two people she had ever had sex with were both older than her by several years, something she always regretted because while it gave a thrill, the guilt afterwards was hardly worth it. She didn't want to be compared to Ino Yamanaka, and but she didn't want to be teased for being a virgin.
Apparently, her teammates could have cared less.
Sasuke and Naruto continued to talk like she wasn't there, smiling and laughing and sharing their thought about the copy-ninja that was their teammate. They seemed more at ease with each other, like because of the situation they could have been more open. Kakashi's absence and her innocent question led them further away from her and closer to each other. She wanted so much to be laughing and joking with them, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. It was a matter of principle.
"I'd sell my jutsu on Ebay to get a look at what's under that mask!" Naruto.
"I've come to accept that we'll never know what he's got under there. I don't even waste my time thinking about it anymore." Sasuke.
A moment of silence.
"Alright, I lied, I do still think about it. But I've given up on trying to get him to take it off." Sasuke again.
And it was too bad they never thought to pay attention to their surrounding because if they had bothered to look up into a tree to their far left, they would see a silver-haired Jounin crouching in the branches, listening to their every word.
To be Continued.
Yeah, I got the inspiration for this story from an author by the name of Ebonytwinkle. I loved her story, 'Sorry I asked' and decided to do my own version of a Team Seven/Kakashi fic. I hope you guys like. Me likey reviews and will gladly continue when given the word. There will be another chapter, making this fic a two-shot, but I won't know that you want another chapter if you don't review.
Ja'ne.