I DISOWN EVERYTHING
The woods of Storybrooke wasn't as large as one would think yet the crew had had to make camp as night fell. The Wicked Witch of the West had taken Henry in her endeavor to get back at Regina for her imagined slights. The cruel witch restored Henry's memories and let him reunite with Regina only to kidnap him the very same day and now Emma, David, Regina, Hook, Neal, Belle, Robin and his Merry Men were in the forest searching for where the green bitch had taken the boy. Emma felt horribly on edge, like she was standing over this precipice getting ready to fall over the edge.
Despite the witches' presence it seemed like most things were going good. Neal came back out of nowhere (still having not explained his absence but said that he'd been busy), Henry remembered, Mary Margaret was pregnant, her and Regina were striking up a friendship, Hook was... Hook and the whole family was back together. It was happy times but of course she was reminded that happiness isn't something that lasts for her and something was yet again taken away from her. She lost Henry again.
She was still struggling with having two sets of memories in her head: the one where she gave him up and the one where she kept him. She was happy with him and it felt weird thinking that the memories she shared with him like opening Christmas gifts together, his first day of school and teaching him to ride a bike weren't actually her with him but rather moments he shared with Regina and they were happy memories. Henry had been happy with Regina before he knew about the curse, he was happy without Emma in his life. She wanted Henry to be happy no matter what and that was what she wanted for Mary Margeret and David as well but them having another baby hurt and Henry having another mother hurt, as selfish as it sounded she just wanted to have someone for herself and only herself. In her fake life she didn't have to share Henry with anyone, they were happy together. Their life was based on a lie but it was a happy life. Not for the first time she regretted leaving New York.
She looked around the camp and saw that everyone was basically paired up. The merry men all jovially shared stories amongst each other, Regina and Robin sat nearby the men and seemed to be arguing over something like an old married couple, David and Hook were bantering back and forth not unlike an old married couple themselves (Emma smirked a little at that) and Neal and Belle were in a quiet corner talking to each other, no doubt about Gold. Emma felt this was probably the best time to slip away, no one would notice her gone and she just needed a minute. She stood up and quietly retreated from the camp, not going too far away for safety reasons but still out of earshot so if she broke down a little too loudly no one would hear. She pressed her back against a tree and slid down to the grass while closing her eyes and taking deep breaths.
Happy endings. She was supposed to bring them back because she was the savior yet it seemed fate deemed she herself didn't get a happy ending. How the hell was that at all fair? Answer: it wasn't, but it was reality. Emma Swan was fated to be in a perpetual cycle of getting a taste of happiness only to lose it in an instant. She felt a tear slip past her eye and she angrily wiped it away. She heard the leaves rustling behind her and instead of immediately standing on guard she rose slowly, somehow already knowing who it was. She looked up only to be greeted by Captain Hook. She relaxed further upon seeing him and looked at him inquiringly.
"Dave got worried when he noticed you were gone. I told him I saw you sneak off alone but I said I'd check on you anyway."
"And he let you?" Emma asked, though she wasn't truly surprised. Her father and Hook had struck up some strange friendship that seemed to make David turn into a giddy schoolgirl. He was excited he'd made a friend on his own and not through association with Snow.
"He didn't want to disturb Belle and Neal and Regina was busy concentrating on some locator spell between her insulting Robin's intelligence. David trusts me for whatever reason so he told me to go look for you. Besides from the look on your face when you were leaving I could tell he isn't what you need at this time." Hook explained. Emma tried to ignore the last sentence and addressed something else.
"You saw me leave?" That was a safer conversation route to go down. He gave her a dubious look.
"I always see you." Or not. Emma didn't know how to respond to that just like she didn't know how to respond to a lot of things Hook said and did in regards to her. She wasn't used to someone who wasn't related to her by blood showing the level of confidence, belief and care that Hook did in her. It was painful and confusing and amazing and everything she needed most of the time. The fact that she just knew that when she looked over her shoulder he would be there with a look of encouragement and words reassuring her of her capabilities was almost overwhelming. She knew he cared about her and that scared her, not only because he had a special way of being able to break through her defenses but because he was just another name to add to the list of people who could be taken from her.
Thinking about it brought tears to her eyes because she knew that if she was in danger he'd throw himself right in the middle of it, he'd put himself in harms way for her. He'd already proved it on the last attack by the flying monkeys when he threw himself in between her and one of the monkeys which resulted in him nearly being decapitated and then he was bitten by one them. Thankfully Regina came up with a spell last minute that stopped Hook from becoming a monkey but the impact of what he did, the fact that he'd nearly died for her was a lot to take in especially under the realization that she didn't know what she would do if he did die.
"Emma?" Hook asked worriedly as tears gathered in the blonde's eyes. She turned her back to him as she walked away a little further from him. She didn't want him to see this much of her because it would hurt even more when she inevitably lost him.
"Emma, love, what's wrong?" Hook asked.
"You!" She exclaimed whirling around on him.
"Me?" He repeated with confusion and hurt clouding his voice.
"Yes, you! You're so damn reckless! You don't even act like you care about your own life! You threw yourself in front of the monkeys to protect me and they nearly took your head off and instead of protecting yourself after that you did it again! You protected me from another one and got bit in the process! If it wasn't for Regina you'd be Zelena's monkey slave by now!"
"Well what was I supposed to do, lass? Just let them hurt you? How could you expect me to do that?" He asked, his voice still betraying his confusion.
"You don't get it, do you?" She asked, clenching her jaw as her face burned red from suppressed tears.
"I'm afraid I don't so you might want to start explaining, Swan."
"I'm the savior. I'm supposed to save everyone, that's my job, that's my purpose but you make that so difficult. Between Henry constantly being in danger, Mary Margaret being more vulnerable than ever and Gold, our strongest magical ally, being under the Witch's control there is only so much I can take and on top of everything that is going wrong I have to worry that if I show the slightest hint of being in danger you'll run in, headlong, and put yourself in harm's way. How am I supposed to save you when you keep trying to save me?" Emma vented. Hook stared at her as if she grew a second head.
"Emma, you're still human. You are the savior, yes, and the product of true love, but you are just as human as the rest of us which means you aren't infallible or indestructible. Do you think it doesn't terrify me? The fact that you constantly put yourself in danger to save everyone else? I know you can take care of yourself, I wouldn't insult either of our intelligence by claiming otherwise, but that doesn't mean mistakes can't be made and that you can't be overpowered. The witch has managed to best bloody Rumplestiltskin in under a year where it took me three centuries to even make a dent in the man, she could probably destroy you. Someone should be there to save you, someone should be there ready to throw themselves into the path of peril to protect you because you deserve it. You are too precious in this world to just leave your fate up to chance and not because you're the savior but because you're Emma Swan... my swan and I can't stand by and watch something happen to you and not do anything to stop it. I'm here for you Emma, whatever it is. Whether it's to protect your loved ones or to be the person to tell you that you can do anything, I'm yours completely darling. I'll be yours until you don't want me anymore. I'm not going to stop trying to protect, I'm not going to stop being there for you. You're just gonna have to get used to it, love." He told her passionately while walking closer to her every second. A small sob left Emma's lips because it was heartbreaking and fulfilling at the same time to be so wanted, loved and cherished by someone that it consumed them but she still didn't know if she could give Hook all he deserved emotional and he deserved so much than her. Plus the fear that came with being the object of that level of affection was very nearly drowning her and she didn't know if it was in a good way or not.
"I don't want you to die for me, Hook."
"And I don't want you to die at all, Emma." The tears Emma was holding back now began spilling over her face. She didn't want to enter the loop again, the one where she gained happiness only to lose it because it seemed like Hook's love for her would ultimately kill him and leave her wallowing in a sea of guilt and pain. Some sobs escaped her lips before she could hold them back and Hook softened before walking closer to her and pulling her in his arms. She breathed him in, the smell of leather and rum and the sea washing over her. She held him as tightly as he held her and soon the tears began to slow down and the sobs ebbed away. She pulled back once her breathing normalized and Hook's good hand immediately went to work wiping away the tears from her face gently.
"What do you need, love? Tell me what you need." He whispered to her.
"I need you not to throw your life away for me." She replied with finality in her voice.
"I'm always going to protect you that's not up for conversation but in this moment, right now, tell me what you need and I'll give it to you."
"I..." Emma trailed off before pressing her forehead to his.
"I need..." She trailed off once more before pulling his face down to hers and placing his lips on hers in a slow, emotional kiss. He responded just as slowly as she did and didn't push her at all past what she wanted to give him and gave her all that she wanted to take from him. A tear or two slipped from her eyes as she kissed him before she pulled away gently and pressed her forehead back to his.
"I need you to stay close to me, okay. I need you to just stay, don't leave me- I mean my side, don't leave my side. I have to keep an eye on you." She replied. He didn't take offense to her last sentence because understood what she meant, he understood her and so he simply nodded at her words.
"As you wish, my lady." Emma smiled at that before she stood on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to Hook's forehead before letting him go completely. She walked a few feet away from him towards where the camp was before turning back. She held her hand out to him wordlessly and she saw the corner of his mouth quirk up before he intertwined his own hand with hers and let her lead him back to the camp. When they got there Neal and Belle were now asleep as was half of the merry men. Robin and Regina were both sitting with their backs to a tree and they seemed to be having civilized conversation at this point. David was sitting on a log fidgeting with a twig. His head snapped up to them once they got into full view. His face showed clear relief, his flickered briefly to their connected hands but he didn't comment on it as they sat down next to him.
"Everything okay?" He asked simply, looking between the two as it was obvious Emma had been crying.
"It will be." Emma answered, sparing a glance at Hook. He was nodding his agreement, of course he was.
"We'll get Henry back and everything will be fine." Emma finished, squeezing Hook's hand a bit. He smiled at her and she smiled back. She could do this, she could be brave and if not then the savior had her own savior.