Saving Grace, by DrGemini86 (DrGemini24)
Summary: Sam comes to terms with what the hallucinations were trying to tell her, but will she act on their words? Sequel to Finding Grace. Tag to Grace. SamJackish, SamDaniel
Pairings: SamJack (a little), SamDaniel
Rating: T
Category: New Romance
Genres: A/U, Angst, Drama, Episode-Related, Friendship, Relationship-focussed, Romance-focussed, Thoughts
Series: Preceded by Finding Grace
Spoilers: Anything from season 1 to 7 is fair game
A/N: Sequel to Finding Grace. It might be advisable to read that before this for this to make some sense at least
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At a late hour, Sam unlocked the front door of her house, feeling as though she was entering someone else's house. She hadn't seen the domicile for over a week; a time period which consisted of a botched attempt to observe a cloud; four days and possibly more of concussion and vivid hallucinations; working out a way to get the crew back from the mysterious alien ship; saving an interstellar battlecruiser and an alien ship from being corroded by the very gaseous cloud that she had initially wanted to study; and last but not least, having to remain in the Infirmary for observation until Janet had eventually allowed her to be discharged.
Finally getting the door open, she switched a light on inside and turned to wave at a very concerned Daniel. The Archaeologist had dropped her off, and was now waiting in his car after a long argument with the Major as to why she didn't need him to escort her to the door. She smiled when he nodded back, grateful nonetheless for his concern, and she watched him drive away.
She exhaled and then turned back to walk into the house, closing the door behind her. She took a moment to look at the hallway, the stairs in front of her, the lounge branching off to her right, and the dining room to her left. She suddenly felt as though she was finally home, both figuratively and literally. Stifling a yawn after a moment of posterity, she shrugged her jacket off and then realised that she hadn't brought her mail in.
Sighing, she left the house, returning within a couple of minutes with a pile of mail. She shuffled through the envelopes, muttering to herself as she dropped them one by one onto a hall table, "Bill, bill, junk, junk, bill..." She smiled when she realised that she held a brown paper packet, and she dropped the rest of the mail onto the table before examining the small package. Her smile widened as she recognised the handwriting, surmising that the contents were something that her brother, Mark had promised that he would send her once he had finished clearing out his loft.
She ripped open the packet and carefully slid out a wooden frame. She frowned and then looked surprised on seeing an old wedding photo in black and white. With a nostalgic smile on her face, she walked into the lounge, switching on the light of a lamp as she made her way to the sofa. Kicking off her shoes, she lie back on the sofa, drawing an old woollen blanket over her form as she held the picture up to the light.
Her eyes were immediately drawn to the black and white image of a young woman with long swept up fair hair, dressed in a mass of white, her hand held by a proud looking young man in Air Force dress blues. Tears prickled in Sam's eyes as she remembered long ago her then smaller fingers playing with that same hair. Sniffing, she gazed at the picture with a wistful smile, wondering if those two happy people could have had an inkling of what lay before them on such an obviously happy day.
With a sigh, as she made a mental note to catch up with her brother, she placed the picture on an end table and gazed up at it with a small smile. She then exhaled as she settled down again on the sofa, staring up into nothingness for a moment. She smiled again as she thought of earlier that evening, when at O'Malley's, Daniel and Teal'c threw a small party for her as the Colonel flatly denied all prior knowledge of said party, despite having told her during that first night in the Infirmary.
She laughed softly as she remembered the Colonel and Daniel having one of their customary spats. Teal'c had occasionally joined in, momentarily distracting the Colonel with deliberate linguistic confusions and recollections of obscure Jaffa customs of dubious origins.
As the night had drawn on, she had found her eyes drawn to Daniel as she mulled over what she had experienced aboard the Prometheus. In place of the annoyingly persistent and almost flirtatious apparition was the Daniel that she felt as though she had always known, the man whom even a mental apparition could do no justice to.
Earlier, for a moment, after everything that she had experienced, a part of her had expected him somehow to know what had happened, and to look at her oddly, perhaps guiltily or pityingly. However, he had done neither. He had been his usual self; the banter with Jack that appeared on the face of things to be violent but was in reality rooted in a deep mutual affection and respect; the deep respect and bond that he shared with Teal'c; and the easy and almost psychic rapport that he had always seemed to have had with her.
In between his pseudo-arguments with Jack, of which there were a great many as Jack became progressively more drunk, Daniel had barely left her side as he chatted to her amicably. She had replied with characteristic light-heartedness and ease, bantering as she had done since he had regained his memories, but all the while, the image of the hallucination of him played in her head, his words echoing in her mind.
She immediately grabbed her phone with the intention of calling Daniel, not sure however of just what she would say to him. She fought that sudden impulse, reasoning with herself that she would be more cogent in the morning, and that there was about a ninety-five percent chance that he would still be around in the morning. Sighing, she got up and left the room, switching the light off with a sad glance at the now dark room.
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As Sam lie in bed, wide awake, with no sign of venturing into Morpheus' realm within the next week, she suddenly began to cry. She couldn't understand at first why the tears fell but as she continued to cry, she knew why. She had wasted time, a lot of time, by setting her sights on the Colonel, for whom her feelings in reality didn't run as deep as she had previously let herself believe. As she forced herself to think about it instead of relegating it to the back of her mind in order fester as usual, she thought grimly back to when she had woken up the Infirmary, how he hadn't allowed her to call him by his first name. Even in her concussed state, he had chastised her, and then appeared disturbed.
Her thoughts wandered once again to the hallucinations that she had experienced, and how the traits experienced by each were elements of her psyche, repressed, forgotten or otherwise. Her father had represented her deepest worries and regrets, and at a stretch, her sense of responsibility. He had also been a reminder that despite her military rank, her scientific credentials, the combat that she had seen, and the skills that she had earned and developed, she was still his little girl.
Teal'c had represented her sense of caution, a personification of wisdom both in battle and the heat of the moment. He had also represented her courage and her level-headedness. Perhaps too, he personified a sense of security, a troubled past and a constant urge to redeem herself; to excel and surpass, and elevate herself above past actions.
The Colonel... or Jack had been her motivation, picking her up when she had fallen down, encouraging her in her darkest of moments. He was always the one to laugh... or scorn in his case, in the face of adversity. He showed that despite a painful past, she could move on and do great things with her future... and she had. He had also been about the only hallucination to speak to her directly, not beating around the bush. He had got to the point of the matter, just like he had tended to do, even if he had been uncharacteristically forthright... but hallucinations had a mischievous habit of inaccuracy. Last but not least, however, he symbolised that there was always a 'Plan B' or any other subsequent letter of the alphabet, when in a sticky situation off-world.
The little girl who bore her mother's name represented a sense of wonder that had started off her scientific career, and which she had lost somewhere along the way. As a child, Sam had often wondered the answers to many questions, for instance, why stars shine; whether it was true that nothing could travel faster than light; how aeroplanes flew... But somewhere along the way; when, she didn't know; she had lost that passion, that downright thirst for knowledge; the need to know, to understand...
... which led to Daniel. He had represented not only her sense of wonder, but the analytical and scientific aspects of herself. He symbolised that though the end result of any action or string of actions may be critical, the means by which the end is accomplished are just as important, if not more so.
And then there was what he... or rather the hallucination of him, had told her. There was always a way. The Daniel that she knew instilled that value into her and Jack from the first time they had stepped through the Stargate together as a team. There was always another way. She and Jack had used weapons of metal and fire, relying on them to get answers and to make progress, but he had used weapons of words and reason... which usually got much better results.
She sniffed as she held onto a pillow. The hallucination had been right. She was scared. But of what? To give her heart to her best friend without the surety that he would give her his in return? It promised to be a long night.