Pitch Black
I've always been hated. It's my existence that makes everything in our world out of place. I'd never spoken to the one I should call 'brother'. He looked at me with the same vengeful eyes as the others. Cold, hateful eyes.
The first time I met him, my mother had just scolded me again. The door opened and the black haired child just looked at me with a smile. I felt tears rolling down my face, though I had no comprehension of why. An inner war was raging. All this time, I had wanted to meet him, but now, I didn't want to. I wanted to be near him, I wanted to run away. His cold yet gentle smile drew me in, but I could sense the danger. But I couldn't escape.
Yuki, come here...
I spent every day from then with Akito. The mouse was always the one who was closest to god. It was almost like Akito and I were the same being. The same, but completely different. He comforted me, he told me stories of the zodiac. He played with me. He told me things about how we were special. How he was the only one left for me. How everyone else had abandoned me.
My hands trembled as I tried to hold back my coughs. I was born unwell. It was rude to cough in front of Akito. He was the leader. He always hated it. Every time I coughed, he'd yell at me and if I couldn't stop, he'd hit me and yell louder.
One day, Akito took a paint brush and coated the walls with black paint. Scribbled lines of paint all over the wall. I thought he had gone mad. My entire body was afraid as he had the scary glint in his eyes. That evil smile. Everything I was afraid of. I tried to move away, but he began to tell me again. We were the same. He and I. We had to stick together. I wanted to run away. I had seen him with the others. He had been comforted by the dog - Shigure, was it? - many times. He wasn't alone.
My mother always looked at me like a was nothing. A pawn. Just Akito's play toy. She, without saying a word, had disowned me. She looked at me with disgust, constantly reminding me to 'sit up straight' and that my crying was weak, useless. Every time I cried, she'd hit me and I'd fall to the ground, curling up and crying even more until she yelled at me and walked away.
And then I realised, I was alone again. No one to comfort me, no one to tell me that I wasn't worthless, useless. Nothing to stop the pain that always travelled through my veins.
I had gotten so used to being alone, meeting the cat for the first time was a surprise. He merely looked at me with eyes that showed hurt and loneliness. Just like mine. He asked whether I was the mouse and then he suddenly trembled with anger. He yelled and yelled at me, blaming me for everything. He wouldn't stop. Tears rolled down my cheeks as he kept on shouting at me. I was waiting for him to hit me like the others.
Oh, Yuki. You and I, we're the same. Don't you realise?
I curled up in the corner, tears rolling down my cheeks. Why was everyone so hurtful? I saw their smiles from afar, but when I came near, I was stared at with the same eyes everyone had given me. The same accusing eyes.
I had made friends once, normal friends. We were playing together when that happened. I was having so much fun, I didn't watch out for girls. One of them ran into me and I turned into a rat again. There were screams. There were the same hurtful eyes staring at me again. Every child in the park knew what I was. Every child in the park had their memories erased by the dragon, Hatori. No matter how I begged him to save their memories, Hatori still erased every last one.
I was alone again. Akito came near, draping his arm over my shoulders.
I told you Yuki. They'll leave you. They'll hate you. You and me, we're the same, Yuki.
I told him he was wrong. He was wanted and I wasn't. He could play with the others. He could smile and laugh. Yet, I couldn't. No matter how I tried.
He yelled at me again. He told me that I was hated. Abandoned. Everything I knew I was. I cried again and he yelled more. He yelled louder and louder, splattering that same black paint everywhere. I cried more and more until he hit me and I stopped, biting my lip in pain and restraint. Holding back coughs and splutters and, most of all, tears.
You're hated.
I remembered how it was when I first met Kyo. How he yelled at me. How I had never spoken to my brother. How my mother had disowned me. Kyo was the lucky one. While he tried to join us, I tried to escape. Everything I did was an urgent plea to get out of that retched place and yet, Kyo begged to be one of us.
I walked down the street and found a hat. The boys walking passed were once my friends, but now they never spoke to me. They didn't know me. No one noticed that I was reaching out to be saved from the depths of my despair. My brother, in my time of need, had rejected me. Pushed me away. My mother yelled at me more and more every time I came near her.
I held the hat in my hands, almost a foreign object for me. I only left the house to go to school, then I would return to Akito's side obediently. I would wish to escape and try as hard as I might, the bond between Akito and I only grew stronger. Leaving his side was beginning to be painful. Like something inside my heart was missing.
When Kyo came around the corner to claim his hat, I felt my heart sink. His eyes were more hurtful than ever. He stared at me for a few moments then walked off. Not a word was mentioned.
I fell to my knees. Tears poured down my cheeks as I felt my heart break. I was hated. I was abandoned. No one wanted me.
Akito was right. My world and everything about me was pitch black.
(AN: Inspired by chapter 85 of Fruits Basket of course. Please review.)