Eppie

by BeckyS

The Cartwright boys get into it again. This time it's Adam against Hoss and Joe in a game of oneupmanship, but who will really be the winner?

Eppie
by BeckyS
First appeared in the print zine "Bonanza"
by LittleJoe.org, September, 2000

"Eppie, do you remember how much fun we had when we were kids?"

"Oh, yes, Adam," she replied, gazing soulfully into the mysterious dark eyes. "You were such a stinker."

"Me?" He shot her an affronted look, but she caught the twinkle in his eye. "You were the one who put Margie's braids in the inkwell. I just got blamed for it!"

"Twenty years, and you still haven't forgotten that!" she laughed. "You know you would have done it yourself, if you'd thought of it first. She was so prim and proper and…and… stodgy!"

He smiled over at the tall, slightly gangly woman walking at his side. "And I still got in trouble. Pa had quite a few words to say to me that night."

"Well, I didn't think it would cause that much ruckus. Who ever expected her to stand up so sudden she'd turn over the bench with the little ones, then trip trying to run out of the schoolroom and whack herself on the head?"

He grinned again and leaned down to whisper in her ear. "Don't tell anyone I said this, but I was glad you did it."

Her peal of laughter was almost as contagious as Little Joe's and his deep voice joined hers.

They had met unexpectedly at the mercantile, he buying supplies for the ranch, she browsing while waiting for her younger brother to finish his errands. Eppie left Virginia City while Adam was in college and had returned only a few months ago. People had asked about her time away, but she'd quietly let them know that she didn't wish to discuss the past and had returned to her home town to start over. This was not uncommon in the west, and her friends respected her rectitude.

Adam had heard she was back but hadn't yet had time to visit with his old schoolfriend, so he invited her to walk with him down to the International Hotel for a cup of coffee. They chatted about people they knew, the Ponderosa, his family and hers, and he found her as easy to talk to now as he had when they were children.

They entered the hotel dining room, chose a square table by the window, and sat down on two sides next to each other. Bess, the day waitress, brought two cups and a pot of coffee without being asked. Adam smiled at the girl in thanks, and Eppie smothered a sigh over how handsome her childhood playmate had become. "You deserved your punishment for Maggie, Adam." She smiled demurely when he raised an eyebrow and casually sipped his coffee. "After all, no one ever figured out who put the glue on the outhouse seat."

Adam choked, almost spewing the hot liquid out onto the red and white checked tablecloth. "You did that on purpose!" he exclaimed.

She started giggling again, and he was transported back to his youth, to a time of hard work and, rare to that point in his life, no real worries. "You just wait," he grinned evilly as he wiped his chin.

"Adam, I'm sure you terrify everyone else, squinching those great black brows together, but I saw you skinny dipping in Galena Creek when you were supposed to be in school. You don't scare me any more now than you did then." And she smiled the smile of the pure and innocent.

"You what?" His chair scraped on the polished wooden floor as he turned slightly toward her. He leaned onto his elbows until his face was a handspan from hers, and his voice went deep and husky. "How would you know about that unless you skipped school, too?"

Her face flushed slightly and she ducked her head for a moment, but then she met his gaze and grinned. "I saw you get almost to the schoolyard that day, then scoot off toward the mountains. I figured if you were going to take a day off, well I would, too. So I followed you. Ma and Pa never found out, and the next day I just told Miss Watson I'd been feeling poorly. I got quite an education that day, anyway."

He shook his head in wonder. "Doesn't anything fluster you, Eppie?"

She paused in thought, then said softly, "Oh, I imagine you could come up with one or two things these days."

He took her hand and squeezed it gently. "I doubt it. You were the toughest girl in the territory, and I imagine you still are."

His rare smile dawned, the beautiful one that started with the corners of his mouth and traveled upward to the dark twinkling eyes. She watched it transform him from tough rancher back through time to the best friend she'd ever had, and she wondered if he would now, finally, see into her heart. But he put her hand back down on the table and patted it comfortably, so she gathered her reticule and wrap.

"I'd better get on home," she said, and they rose together.

He left some money on the table and escorted her back to her carriage. Neither broke the comfortable silence between them until he handed her up to the seat. She was grateful for his friendship, if that was all he had to offer, and wouldn't spoil it by pining for more. So she smiled down at him and said, "Thank you for the coffee, Adam. I'm glad you had time to visit today."

"I'll always make time for you, Eppie. You've always been my best girl." He stepped back to the boardwalk and tipped his hat, a satirical grin on his face.

She glanced quickly around to see if anyone was watching, then stuck her tongue out at him. She drove away to the sound of his laughter.

~~~~~ e ~~~~~

Hoss was standing just inside the doors of the saloon when he heard an unusual sound from the street. He turned to his youngest brother, grabbing his arm just as he lifted his beer. The pale gold liquid sloshed out of the glass and Joe stepped back quickly out of the way.

"Hey, watch out!" he yelled.

"Joe, shush a minute. Do you hear something?"

"You owe me a beer, brother," Joe said, ignoring him.

"I said hush up," Hoss repeated.

Joe waved at the bartender. "I can't hear anything but you yelling in my ear. Hey, Clancy!" He waved again and the ex-boxer moved down the bar, filled a glass and slid it down the polished surface into Joe's waiting hand. Joe took a deep draught, plunked it down and smiled. "That's better. Now what is it you want, Hoss?"

"Dadburnit, it's gone now," Hoss grumped. "I coulda swore I heard Adam laughing."

Joe looked up, startled. "Here? In town?" He shook his head in mock sadness. "Hoss, you're dreaming. Adam might laugh once or twice at some newspaper article at home, but our starched up older brother would never cut loose in town. It wouldn't suit his image at all." Joe considered the level of beer in his glass. "Nope, not our Adam."

"Well, I still think it was him." Hoss waved at Clancy as well and shortly had his own beer sliding into the palm of his big hand.

"You wanna bet?" Joe asked.

Hoss thought over what he'd heard. He was sure that'd been Adam's laugh. "Yeah."

"Yeah, what?"

"Yeah, I'll take that bet."

"How're you gonna prove it?"

"I'll figger out a way. Now, you gonna take me up on it or just give in?"

"Oh, I'll take you up on it. Five dollars says it wasn't our brother."

Hoss drained his glass and slammed it on the bar. "You got it." He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and headed out the door.

"Hey," yelled Joe. "Where're you going?"

"I'm gonna find someone who saw him, that's where."

"Well, wait for me. It's not a win unless I hear about it, too."

Joe thunked his glass down on the bar and tore through the saloon doors behind his brother, nearly bouncing him where he'd stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk. "Ow," the youngest Cartwright complained, and straightened his hat from where it'd been knocked askew by Hoss' broad back.

"Now, where in tarnation did he get to?" Hoss wondered.

"Looking for me?" came a soft sarcastic question.

Hoss jumped, nearly mowing down his little brother again. "Adam! Dadburnit, you scared ten years off my life. Where'd you come from?"

Adam raised an eyebrow. "Don't tell me you actually missed me?"

"Well, no, I mean yeah, I mean…"

"He means we were looking for you to join us in a drink," supplied Joe helpfully.

Adam appraised his youngest brother carefully, his gaze stopping at a large wet spot on his chest, then raised his eyes slowly to Joe's. "Don't you think you've had enough to drink, Joe?"

Joe flushed. "Hoss made me do it…"

Adam shook his head sadly and raised a hand to fend off any more excuses. "I've heard that one a hundred times, and I don't believe it any more now than I did then."

"But…but…"

Adam turned from the sputtering Joe to his other brother. "Did you need something, Hoss?"

Hoss started to turn pink. "Well, I was gonna ask you something, but…"

"Hoss," he said sweetly, a gleam in his eye that both brothers instantly recognized as Adam at his worst, "you know you can always ask me anything at all."

"Well…well…" and it all came out in a rush. "Was you laughing out here a minute ago?"

Adam looked shocked and glanced around the street. "Me? Laugh? Here, in the middle of Virginia City? Hoss, I'm stunned. Are you feeling all right?" He took his brother by the arm and steered him back to the saloon door. "Maybe you'd better go get that drink after all."

He snagged Joe by the arm and dragged him to the door as well. He pushed them both through at once and waved two fingers at Clancy, tossed some coins on the bar and turned back to the street with a supremely self-satisfied smirk on his face.

Hoss and Joe stood in front of the bar and stared at each other. "Didn't we just leave here, Joe?"

"Yeah," said Joe and gazed down at the beer that had appeared in his hand. "I think I'm gonna stay put for a little while, too. I don't want to run into older brother again till that mood of his wears off a bit."

Hoss watched the froth on his own beer as it settled. "Yep, I think that's a right good idea, Little Joe." He raised the glass and drained it.

~~~~~ e ~~~~~

Adam drove the buckboard home with all the supplies, whistling as he traveled. He was having a wonderful day, especially considering that he hadn't wanted to go into town that morning at all. He drove out into an enormous meadow, the Sierra peaks and deep blue mountain sky surrounding him and he felt so good that he took a deep breath and burst into song. He was well aware that his two brothers were following him, discreetly of course, so he decided to really give them something to talk about. He stood up, reins in one hand, and started gesturing broadly along with the music in the grand tradition of the most elaborate opera. He continued as long as he was out in the open, but as soon as the buckboard entered the forest again he sat down and nudged his horses along a little quicker, enjoying his joke hugely.

Back at the entrance to the meadow, two horses and riders stood stock still.

"Joe, did you see that?" Hoss asked, his eyes round.

"See it? I heard it, too!" Joe turned in his saddle and shook his head sadly. "That's it, Hoss. Brother Adam has finally cracked. First he's laughing in the street, and now…"

"I wouldn't o' believed it if'n I didn't see it with my own eyes. Joe, what're we gonna tell Pa?" he asked plaintively.

Joe opened his mouth, but discovered he didn't have an answer. "I dunno, Hoss." He brightened. "Maybe this'll be it. Maybe he won't do anything else and whatever's come over him will go away."

Hoss brightened. "Yeah. That's it. He just got too much sun or somethin'."

"Too much sun. That could be it." Joe prodded his brother. "He spent the last three days working out on the east range. You think he's getting too old to handle that much heat?"

"Could be. You know Pa don't like doin' that kinda job much. Says it hurts his eyes, gives him a headache." Hoss turned thoughtful. "You know, Joe, this is gonna break Pa's heart."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if Adam's getting' too old to handle the work, he'll likely head on out to San Francisco to get him some kinda inside work."

"He can't do that," Joe exclaimed. "He can't leave the ranch. What're we gonna do, Hoss?"

"Well," Hoss said decisively, "we're just gonna have to protect Adam as long as we can."

"Protect him? How?"

"Make sure he don't get too much sun, for one thing. Watch out for headaches and such."

Joe nodded seriously. "We can do that. If he isn't working on the books, he's usually out with one of us. We'll just have to keep an eye on him."

"It's a deal, then?" Hoss offered his hand.

Joe grabbed it firmly. "Deal. But we don't tell Pa."

"Right. Or Adam," he said. "He'll be madder than a bull in a hornet's nest if he spots what we're doin'. He ain't gonna want anyone to know he ain't young anymore."

~~~~~ e ~~~~~

Adam seemed completely unaware of his brothers' scrutiny, but in fact he was deriving tremendous amusement from it. He went about his workday as usual, occasionally inserting some broad gesture as if he were singing on a stage, or sometimes he laughed softly at nothing at all. When his brothers would trade a quick, concerned glance, he'd turn away for a moment to hide his smile. He didn't know what had set them off this time, but determined they'd suffer for it, whatever it was.

He got his first clue two days later when he was back out at the east pasture, and they rode up at lunchtime. He was working without a shirt, digging up brush from where they would eventually set a fence. Hot and sweaty, he took his hat off, brushed an arm over his forehead and looked up at the sun. He saw the quick look of concern on Joe's face, and was surprised by his sudden offer of a drink from his canteen.

"Thanks, Joe," he said. "Sun sure is hot today."

Hoss looked worried. "You doin' all right out here, Adam?"

Adam checked around. "Well, I'm not making the progress I wanted. These stumps are in deeper than we thought."

He caught Joe whispering something to Hoss. He shaded his eyes with his hand and squinted up at his youngest brother. "Everything all right with you two?" he asked.

"Oh, yeah, we're fine," said Joe. "Just fine and dandy."

"That's right, just dandy," said Hoss. "You got a headache, Adam?"

Adam frowned and wondered if this had anything to do with the way they'd been following him around lately. He decided to play along, see what he could find out. "Well, now that I think about it, yes, my head does hurt a bit. I think I'll take a short break."

His brothers were off their horses in a shot. They each took an arm and led him over to the one tree large enough to throw some shade. Joe dashed back to where he'd been digging and retrieved his hat, shirt, and canteen. Adam stood next to the tree, propping himself up with one arm, and took a few deep breaths.

"Don't you think you better sit down?" asked Hoss.

"Maybe so. I am kind of tired." He dropped cross-legged to the ground as if fatigued beyond exhaustion, and hung his head.

Joe's boots appeared in his line of sight and he let out a realistic groan and shivered. His youngest brother immediately draped his tan shirt over his shoulders.

"Maybe you should lie down for a minute, Adam," came Joe's concerned voice from above his head somewhere.

"Oh, I don't think I'd better. I have to finish clearing that patch of sagebrush." He started to lever himself off the ground, but Hoss put a firm hand on his shoulder.

"You just stay right there an' have yourself a bit of a rest. You're lookin' mighty peaked."

"If you really think I should…"

"Here," Hoss said, taking off his vest and rolling it up into a little ball. "You just put your head down on this an' have a nap."

"But what about the brush?" he asked a little plaintively.

"Joe n' me'll take care of it," his brother soothed.

He shivered again, squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose as if he had a killer headache.

"C'mon, Adam, just for a while," said Joe.

He couldn't believe they were actually trying to talk him into letting them do his work. They were definitely up to something. "Well, okay, then," he gave in and laid down, then started up again. "But not for too long. I have a lot I have to finish up today."

"Hush up, Adam, and let us take care o' things for once," Hoss said, pushing him back down. "Joe, give him your shirt."

"My shirt? Why?"

"'Cause he's cold, that's why. Can't have him catchin' the pneumonia."

Joe looked a little discomfited, but pulled the tails out of his pants and started to unbutton it.

"Sure is good of you, Joe," Adam murmured.

"C'mon, hurry up," Hoss urged.

Joe grumbled, but Adam gave him a grateful smile when he leaned down and tucked it around him. He let himself relax, eyes closing slowly. "You're a good brother, Joe," he murmured and pretended to drop off to sleep.

He heard Hoss whisper, "See? I tole' ya there's somethin' wrong with him. He never goes along with us that easy."

The genuine note of concern in Hoss' voice almost convinced Adam to give up the charade, but then Joe spoke.

"He's getting old, Hoss, and there's nothing we can do about it. We're just gonna have to take care of him as long as we can…" His voice faded as they walked away.

Adam had to force his body to stay relaxed. Old! He'd show them a few things about being old! And with thoughts of the revenge he'd inflict on his young brothers he took full advantage of the situation and dropped off to sleep.

~~~~~ e ~~~~~

"And then what happened?" Eppie asked, leaning forward over the table at the International House.

His eyes sparkled with mischief. "I must have slept for over two hours while they finished clearing the entire section. I asked them to go home by a different route, so Pa wouldn't suspect anything. I said I didn't want him to worry about me being so worn out."

She let out a peal of laughter. "Oh, Adam, you devil! So your poor father has no idea what's going on?"

"Not a clue. He just asked if the section was cleared, and I said yes. Hoss and Joe made it back just before dinner, and they were so tired they just ate and went upstairs to bed. Pa ended up more worried about them than me."

"What are you going to do now?"

"Now?" he asked.

"Well, you can't let them get away with calling us old!"

"Us, Eppie?" he asked, surprised.

"Of course, us," she shot back. "I'm only three weeks younger than you. If you're old, then I am, too, and I won't take that from anyone, even if they are your brothers!"

He grinned. "Oh, Eppie, you're a woman after my own heart."

Her heart chose that moment to do a little dance, but she calmed herself and asked again, "So what's our next step?"

He sat back in his chair and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I think maybe you and I should go on a little outing."

She raised an eyebrow.

"Let me explain…"

~~~~~ e ~~~~~

"But Adam, you can't take a girl up to Eagle Rock!" Joe was astounded.

"I don't know why not," Adam replied as they entered the house to clean up for dinner. "Eppie's always wanted to see it, I know how to get there, so we're going tomorrow." He untied his kerchief and pulled it away from his neck, then regarded it thoughtfully.

"That's pretty rough country, Adam, it's a long ride, and besides, the Paiutes could be up there," Joe added, concerned.

"What's all this?" asked Ben as he came down the stairs to the living room.

"Adam's gonna go spark a gal tomorrow," said Hoss.

"Well, good for him," said Ben as he passed through the room toward the kitchen. "Tomorrow's Saturday, he's worked hard all week clearing that pasture, so he deserves some time off. Especially with a girl."

"If Eppie likes climbing around in those rocks, she's no girl," said Joe.

Ben stopped short and turned slowly. "Eppie?" he asked.

Joe waited for the blast that inevitably landed on his head when he'd said something he immediately wished he hadn't, but Ben's glare passed over him like he didn't exist and settled on his oldest brother.

"Eppie Morgan?" repeated Ben in measured tones.

Adam smiled happily as he drew the cloth through his hands several times. "Well, it's Eppie McAllister, now. I ran into her the other day in the mercantile. We had coffee together—it was just like old times."

Ben shuddered and closed his eyes as if he had a headache coming on. "Where did you say you were going?"

"Way up to Eagle Rock," he answered innocently.

"Good!" his father said, and turned back to the kitchen, muttering to himself.

Joe looked at Hoss quizzically, but Hoss just shrugged his shoulders.

"Uh, Adam?" said Joe.

Adam was humming quietly to himself as he started carefully and precisely tying a row of knots in his kerchief, but he broke off his song to answer his brother. "Yes?"

"What was that all about?"

"What was what all about?" He studied the row of knots carefully. He undid one that apparently didn't please him, and tried tying it a different way.

"Pa and Eppie…"

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all." He studied the kerchief with satisfaction, stuffed it into his vest pocket and finally looked up at his brothers. "Really. It's nothing. Of course he might be thinking about the time…no, that wasn't her." His brows drew together in concentration. "No, it was her. Well, surely Pa's forgotten that by now…"

His expression cleared and he smiled again. "Anyway, I'm picking her up at nine. That should give us time to get up there by lunchtime, spend a bit of time enjoying the view, and still get her back home in time to go to the dance tomorrow night. Well," he yawned, "I'm going to go take a quick nap before dinner, I want to be rested for tomorrow."

But before he left he poked a finger into Joe's chest. "Be careful what you say about Eppie. She may not be one of the prettier girls in town, but she's my friend."

A flush rose on Joe's face and he nodded. Satisfied, Adam whacked him lightly on the shoulder with the back of his hand and headed up the stairs.

Once he'd turned the corner to the upper hallway, Hoss turned to Joe. "There's somethin' really wrong with our older brother. Did you see him tying those knots?"

Joe nodded seriously. "Think we'd better keep an eye on him and Eppie—uh, Miss Eppie—tomorrow?"

"Yeah, we'll just have to figure out how."

"How what, boys?" asked Ben as he came back into the living room with a cup of coffee in hand.

"Uh, sow, Pa," Hoss said quickly. "Yeah, we was talking about the pigs. That sow needs some special feeding."

"Yeah, right, Pa. We need to go get some special feed for her—Hoss says she's looking a little poorly."

Ben looked at his two younger boys suspiciously. Their faces were entirely too innocent. "All right, then. Go ahead and take some time tomorrow to go into to town. While you're at it, you can pick up some supplies for me."

Joe looked at Hoss in panic.

"Uh, we need some hay, Pa, yeah that's right, some special hay they don't have in town," Hoss stammered.

"Yeah, that's right," echoed Joe. "We're gonna go cut some grass from the south pasture, see if it'll help."

Ben's eyes narrowed. They were definitely up to something. Something he'd probably be better off not knowing about. "All right, then, boys. You go ahead and cut that grass. Just make sure you're back and cleaned up by dinnertime, because if Hop Sing has to throw any dinner out again—"

Hoss nodded sharply. "Oh, we will, Pa. Don't worry 'bout that! There's no way I'm gonna upset Hop Sing!"

"Yeah, right, Pa," added Joe, his head bobbing in tandem with his brother's.

~~~~~ e ~~~~~

"Adam, are you all right?" A worried feminine voice floated through the thin mountain air.

"My heart's pounding…sit down…Eppie…don't know how to tell you…"

Their voices faded as the couple slowly walked farther toward Eagle Rock Point. Joe squinted, trying to see what they were doing. He felt his human scaffolding wobble.

"Joe!" Hoss whispered.

Joe waved down at him and tried to stretch up just a little higher over the rocks. "They're sitting down together. He looks terrible, Hoss, his face is all kind of crumpled up like he's hurting and he's got his fist up against his heart." He looked down at his brother. "Maybe the air's too thin up here for him. Think we should help?"

Hoss shifted his grip on Joe's boots where he stood on Hoss's shoulders. "What's Miss Eppie doin'?"

Joe peered through the bushes at the top of the rock pile again. "She's holding his hand." He paused.

"Well?" urged Hoss.

Joe frowned. "Now it looks like she's checking for fever."

"Fever!" Hoss started in surprise. Unfortunately, Joe wasn't prepared and lost his grip on the small branch that was keeping him balanced against the rocks. His arms started to windmill and he swayed backwards. Hoss tried to shift back as well, but was too late. Joe completely lost his balance and they both fell, Joe crashing heavily onto Hoss' chest.

"Whoof!" said Hoss, laid flat out on the ground, arms outstretched.

Joe slid off his brother and sat next to him, straightening his shirt and jacket. "Hey, thanks for catching me, Hoss. That would've been a real hard landing."

"Uh," replied Hoss.

"You know, we'd better head out of here. They might've heard us and I don't think brother Adam would understand we were just trying to look out for him." He rose and brushed the dust off his pants.

"Ahhh," Hoss seemed to agree, still flat in the dust.

Joe glanced back. "Hey, this is no time for a nap. If you're tired, you can rest up when we get home."

Hoss flapped one arm at him.

"Oh, all right," he grumbled. "I'll give you a hand." He grabbed at his brother's arm and helped him roll over onto his side. "C'mon, Hoss, let's get out of here before he comes looking."

Hoss dragged himself onto knees and hands and said, "Whoooo."

Joe restlessly checked the hillside that stood between them and their older brother. "Adam, that's who," he said as if Hoss had lost his wits. "He could be here any minute, all the ruckus you made." He reached down and caught Hoss by the elbow.

With Joe's help, Hoss slowly dragged himself to his feet and stood for a moment until he felt steady. Then his brows lowered and his lips pressed together, his chin stuck out like a bulldog, but by this time the object of his ire was trotting lightly down the hill to their horses. "Dadburnit, Joe," he wheezed, but his voice was barely audible as he tried to catch his breath. He started trudging downwards to where his brother was seated on Cochise, holding Chub's reins out impatiently.

~~~~~ e ~~~~~

The two younger Cartwrights cornered Doc Martin at the dance that night.

"And what can I do for you boys?" Paul asked.

"Doc," said Hoss, "we're a bit worried about Adam."

"Yeah," added Joe. "He hasn't been himself lately."

"Yes, I know," said Paul.

The boys traded glances. "You know?" Joe asked.

Paul nodded. "He came in to see me yesterday."

"And?" Hoss asked, worried crinkles appearing between his eyebrows.

"You boys know I can't share what we talked about," he chided them gently.

Joe looked up at him with pleading eyes. "But…well…we want to help."

Paul shook his head. "I really don't think there's anything any of us can do, boys."

Their faces dropped in shock. "But, Doc…" started Hoss.

Paul put an arm around each shoulder. "Look, I just told him to take things slow and easy. That's really the only way to handle this."

Joe looked up suddenly. "Does Pa know?"

"No, Joe, he doesn't, and Adam doesn't want to tell him. Says it's early days yet, and I must say I agree with him. Let your brother handle it his own way. Just be there for him if he needs you; that's the only thing you can do to help."

Joe stood silent, stunned. Hoss shook Paul's hand, saying, "Thanks, Doc, for bein' honest with us. We'll help Adam any way we can."

Paul watched them as they walked over to the punch bowl. It was clear now why Adam had sought advice from someone outside the family. He wondered for a moment if he should have talked with the boys, but Adam had only specifically asked him not to talk with Ben. He hadn't mentioned his brothers, so Paul thought it was probably all right.

It was too bad the younger Cartwrights didn't seem to be in favor of Adam's delicate courtship of his old friend Eppie McAllister, but Paul was pleased they'd support him anyway. The doctor mused for a moment on the unusual feeling of being a sounding board for matters of the heart, then laughed at himself and took the hand of the lovely Widow Spencer for a dance. Looked like his medical practice was expanding.

Adam watched from under lowered eyelashes as his brothers talked with Doc Martin. Whatever Paul had said seemed to have had the desired effect. His brothers were quiet and thoughtful, not angry like they would be if they'd figured out what he was up to, nor were they elated and smiling smugly which he'd expect if Paul had mentioned his supposed interest in Eppie. And even if Paul had let it slip, he didn't think Hoss and Joe would believe he was romancing her anyway—she wasn't exactly the epitome of a man's dream woman. She was too tall for Joe and too thin for Hoss and walked in long, distance covering strides. Her hair was mouse brown and straight, and though her gray eyes spoke worlds of intelligence, they were set in a face that was unremarkable.

He almost rubbed his hands together in glee, and decided it was time to put the next phase of his plan into action. He looked around the room for Eppie and found her by the buffet. He crossed the room swiftly and after a quiet exchange of words, the couple disappeared into the cloakroom.

A little while later, Eppie approached Hoss as he filled his plate again. She pulled him aside a little way and spoke quietly into his ear. "Hoss, would you do me a favor?"

"Why, sure, Miss Eppie, whatever you need." He set his plate on a nearby table.

"Would you mind finding Little Joe and asking him to take me home?"

Hoss brushed his hands on his jacket. "Of course I will, but…" he hesitated, and looked around the room for his older brother. "Uh, you sure you don't want Adam to…?"

She shook her head. "I really don't think he should, Hoss. I think he should go straight home, not detour all the way out to my place." She pulled him a little farther toward a quiet corner of the room and checked to see who might be able to overhear. When she was satisfied, she murmured, "I don't think he feels too well this evening."

Hoss searched the room quickly.

She shook her head. "He's in the cloakroom, lying down. I don't know if it was the punch, which you have to admit is rather strong tonight…"

"Ma'am, you're right, the punch is mighty strong, but Adam's always been able to handle his liquor." He thought about the traveling they'd been doing today. Sure enough, Adam had spent the entire morning and well into the afternoon in the blazing sun. He clenched his jaw. Fine job he and Joe had done of taking care of their big brother. "Let me just go get Little Joe for you."

She plucked at his shirtsleeve. "And you'll make sure Adam gets home all right?"

He nodded. "I'll take him home myself, ma'am."

She gave him a brief kiss on the cheek. "Thank you, Hoss. I knew I could count on you."

He blushed and went off to find Joe.

Hoss got Adam home from the dance under the cover story that he'd had a little too much punch after a long hot day in the saddle, but he'd shared a look of concern with Joe as his younger brother had escorted Eppie outside and lifted her onto Chub's saddle. Hoss thought he and Adam should take the surrey, which turned out to be the right decision since Adam fell asleep almost immediately. He woke up in time to walk into the house; his steps sure and steady as they passed through the living room and said goodnight to their father, but once they got upstairs Adam had fallen into bed without a word. Hoss undressed him and gently smoothed the blankets over his chest.

~~~~~ e ~~~~~

Hoss and Joe became even more concerned for their brother over the next several days. There wasn't anything they could pin down, but now it seemed the least exertion would wear him out. He was quick enough to put up a brave front whenever their father appeared, but as soon as he was out of sight Adam would drop onto the nearest seat and rest his head in his hands.

He was growing forgetful, too. He'd yelled at Joe twice for leaving Cochise stabled in Sport's stall, but when Joe went to check, the horses were standing in their usual places.

Then there was the apple pie. Shortly after lunch one day, Hoss had wandered through the living room on his way to the barn only to be sidetracked when he saw his older brother seated at the dining room table, eating a large slice of pie from a blue metal plate. When Hoss eyed it appreciatively, Adam had waved his fork in the direction of the kitchen, his mouth full. But Hop Sing didn't know anything about a pie and when Hoss went back to the dining room to ask his brother about it, Adam was gone, no crumb of pie nor trace of blue plate in sight.

Disappointed he might be, but Hoss wouldn't have thought much more about it except that the next morning, when he was knee-deep in a bog trying to extricate a calf from the smelly mud, Adam had ridden by on his horse, again munching on a piece of pie that rested on a blue plate. Adam had said merely, "Looks like you have things in hand," and had ridden on his way.

Later, when Hoss caught up with him as he was having a cup of coffee with Joe at the campfire by the branding pen, he'd asked his older brother about the pie and the plate. But Adam said, "What pie?" and looked at him like he'd lost his mind, and Joe said "What blue plate?" and looked at him like he was crazy. Before Hoss could pursue the subject Adam suddenly put the heel of his hand against his forehead and started to slump.

He'd protested he was fine, just a little tired, and the pie was forgotten in their concern for his health. Once again they made him lie down and sleep while they finished the day's work; this time consisting of the dirty, smelly job of branding calves.

Hoss only remembered the pie the next day when Adam walked out the front door of the ranch house just after breakfast carrying another blue metal plate. Hoss swore he could smell the tender chunks of fruit that were tucked underneath a tender, flaky crust, visible to him even from across the yard. Adam was chewing contentedly and again waved his fork happily at the kitchen. Hoss didn't waste any time going to check with Hop Sing, who didn't waste any time chasing him back outside where Adam was mounting his horse, pieless and plateless.

He pulled Sport up when Hoss stepped beside him. "Hey, Adam," Hoss began. "Where'd you get that pie? Hop Sing swears he hasn't had any apples in a month."

Adam raised one eyebrow in surprise. "What pie?" he asked.

"The one you was just eatin'—the one on the blue plate."

Adam settled himself deeper in his saddle. "I don't know what you're talking about, Hoss. We don't have any blue plates." Sport started to dance in place and Adam tightened his reins. He spoke kindly. "You'd better stop thinking about food and get over to the East meadow before Pa finds out you're more worried about your stomach than his hay." And with that parting shot he cantered out of the yard.

Hoss rubbed his eyes, wondering again if he'd been seeing things.

Joe came out of the barn, rubbing the back of his neck. Hoss wandered over to stand beside him.

"Hey, Joe?" asked Hoss as he watched Adam ride away.

"Yeah?" replied Joe, also watching their brother.

"Reckon if you'd had three pieces of apple pie in three days you'd remember?"

"I dunno," Joe replied, with a slightly abstracted air and posed his own question. "You think if you put your horse away in the same stall for six years straight you'd suddenly forget which one it was?"

They stared down the road, then looked at each other…and turned as one for the house.

Their yell for their Pa was heard clearly even behind the closed door.

~~~~~ e ~~~~~

Ben cornered his oldest son after dinner that night. He'd signaled Hoss and Joe with his eyes once they were all finished eating, and the two had almost collided at the door in their rush to head out to the barn. Adam wandered over by the fire and his father followed him, wondering how to start.

"Adam," he said.

"Yeah, Pa?" Adam placed another log carefully on the fire and levered it into place with the poker.

"Is there anything you want to tell me, son?"

Adam gave the question due consideration, then answered, "No, nothing in particular." Satisfied with the flames, he picked his book up from his favorite chair, sat down, and started searching through the pages for the spot he'd been reading before dinner.

Ben rubbed at the back of his neck, the same gesture of discomfort Joe had used earlier that day. "Are you sure?"

Adam stuck his finger in the book to mark his place and looked up at his father quizzically. "Why do you ask?"

Ben sat on the coffee table, facing his son. He'd been a little worried himself, lately. Adam kept his thoughts and feelings so close that Ben often thought he needed the skills of a mind reader to figure out what was going on with his oldest, and Adam had been particularly cryptic these past days. A trace of concern colored his voice. "Somehow those two brothers of yours have gotten the idea in their heads that you're ill."

A gleam of pure mischief lit his dark eyes. "Oh, really? How strange."

Ben sighed with sudden understanding. While he was relieved to discover that Adam wasn't sick, that this was all one of Adam's obscure plots against his brothers, he shuddered at the probable repercussions.

"Son, are you sure about this? Surely whatever they did—"

"Pa," Adam interrupted, "they said I was old."

"Oh, son, don't take that to heart. They don't know any better."

Adam leaned forward and gently gripped his father's arm. "Pa, if I'm too old to put in a full day's work on this ranch, what does that make you?"

Ben opened his mouth to reply, but somehow nothing came out.

Adam rose and patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, I'll be gentle with them. They won't get anything they don't deserve."

And as he left the room, Ben murmured, "That's what I'm afraid of."

~~~~~ e ~~~~~

At breakfast the next morning, Joe and Hoss kept trying to get some kind of clue from their father as to what was wrong with Adam, but Ben treated his oldest son as he always had. His scowl told them clearly that whatever had passed between himself and his oldest son was going to stay between them.

It was Adam who finally successfully diverted them by bringing up the subject of the picnic at Lake Tahoe next Saturday. Hoss blushed when Joe asked which girl he was going to bring and said he hadn't decided, meaning he hadn't gotten up the nerve to ask Betsy yet. Adam asked Joe about his choice, and when Joe said he hadn't decided, they all knew it was because there were so many girls he wanted to ask. At Adam's statement that he was going to bring Eppie McAllister, Joe caught a pained look cross his father's face. It wasn't until later that day he finally got to ask him about it.

Ben was musing over a cup of coffee by the fire when Hoss and Joe came back into the house. They perched next to each other on the settee and waited for their father to speak, for all the world like puppies waiting for a breakfast table handout.

"Pa, I don't understand why you don't like Miss Eppie," Joe blurted.

Ben raised an eyebrow. "I like Eppie Morgan…McAllister just fine, Joseph."

"Then why do you get that funny look on your face every time Adam mentions her?"

"What funny look?"

Joe appealed silently to Hoss for support.

"Well, Pa," Hoss said slowly, "sorta like you're waitin' for some kind of…disaster."

Ben breathed deeply and sat back in his chair, his expression lightening a little. He bit back a smile and said, "I suppose I am."

Joe scooted forward on the settee and leaned his elbows on his knees. "What do you mean, Pa?"

"Oh, boys, I don't want to drag up old history. I'm sure things have settled down considerably for her."

"You mean she's one of those people always having accidents?" Hoss asked. "She always seems to be okay."

"Yeah," added Joe as his father lifted his coffee cup to his lips. "Besides, brother Adam can take care of her."

Ben choked and only by the greatest of willpower managed to keep from spitting out his coffee.

The boys traded concerned glances.

"Eppie…and Adam…" Ben carefully placed his coffee on the table and rubbed his hand over his eyes. He peered out at his two sons.

"Well, yeah. They've been friends since school, right?" said Joe. "I'm sure he took good care of her then, and he'll do the same now."

"Oh, he took good care of her," Ben groaned. "And she took good care of him. The two of them were quite a pair."

"Sounds like a pretty boring childhood," said Joe a little derisively. "Adam's so responsible."

Ben shot a withering look at his youngest. "May I remind you, Joseph, that you were a baby when he was in school, and while Adam has always had more than his fair share of reliability, he was still a boy."

"But, Pa," said Hoss. "What does that have to do with Miss Eppie?"

Ben rose and walked over behind Hoss. "You heard about Tom Wilson showing off by cracking boiled eggs on his head?"

"Yeah, and one of them turned out to be raw," Joe laughed.

Hoss grinned. "I bet that sure was funny, him with egg all over his face."

Ben nodded. "And you remember at church last Sunday when Reverend Thomas couldn't read that section of text that listed all the begats because the pages were stuck together?"

Hoss heaved a sigh. "I was sorry for the Reverend, but I sure was happy not to have to listen to that."

Ben went on. "And you know at the dance the other night, when all those town babies were switched around and the ladies didn't find out until they'd gotten home?"

"Yeah," said Joe thoughtfully. "And come to think of it, nobody ever figured out who did it."

"Or them other things, either," said Hoss.

"Well, boys, that's just the sort of thing that used to happen when Eppie lived here before."

Appalled at what his father seemed to be saying about a respectable woman, Hoss spoke up. "Pa, are you sayin' Miss Eppie did all that?"

"No, I'm not."

"You can't mean Adam was mixed up in it?" Hoss said with patent disbelief.

"He never did that kind of thing," said Joe. "I know from what the teachers said that he was perfect."

"Adam and Eppie," Ben said with a soft, remembering kind of smile. He patted his sons on their shoulders and said briskly, "I hate to disappoint you, but the simple truth is that Adam just covered his tracks better."

Hoss and Joe stared after their father as he went upstairs.

"Hoss?" said Joe quietly.

"Yeah, Joe," answered his brother with a hint of steel.

"I think we've been had."

"I think you're right, little brother."

~~~~~ e ~~~~~

They plotted their revenge carefully. They continued to be solicitous of their brother's health, but whenever it was just the two of them Joe gleefully told Hoss his latest ideas. Hoss reluctantly shot down each in turn as impossible, impractical, or just plain not mean enough.

They finally decided the picnic would be the ideal moment. When they saw Adam come downstairs in his white shirt with string tie, black vest, flawlessly pressed black pants, polished boots and with his new black hat in hand, they just grinned at each other.

"Where you goin' all gussied up so early?" asked Hoss.

Adam flicked a speck of imaginary dirt from his hat and settled it at a slightly rakish angle on his head. "I'm taking the surrey to pick up Eppie, of course."

"Hey!" said Joe. "I need the surrey for Annabelle."

Adam looked him over critically and Joe caught himself looking down as well, regardless of the fact that he knew his own white shirt and tie, gray pants and green jacket were faultless.

"But you're not ready yet," Adam commented as he sauntered out the door, "and I am."

Joe gritted his teeth and turned to his other brother. "What's not ready?" he demanded.

Hoss checked him over carefully. "I don't see nothin' wrong," he said.

They heard the surrey leave the yard and their brother's call, "Early bird gets the worm," followed by the faint sound of his laughter.

They turned to each other. "He did it again," said Joe, his fists clenched.

"Don't you worry about it none, little brother. He'll get his."

Joe brightened. "Yeah, he sure will."

~~~~~ e ~~~~~

The day was beautiful, the early Sierra summer in full force with a pure blue sky that reflected in the crystal clear water of Lake Tahoe. The lake was cold, but Eppie didn't seem to mind. She trailed her fingers through the water as Adam rowed the small boat parallel to the shore. He smiled at her simple pleasure. It was so peaceful out here on the lake with her. So many of the women he'd squired would have felt bound to keep a conversation going, but Eppie knew the value of silence. In the end, though, it was her stomach that had the first thing to say.

She burst out laughing and he joined in. "I get the message," he said. "Back to shore."

They tied the boat in a little cove and, shoulders almost touching, walked the short distance along the shore to where blankets were spread on the grass. Adam disappeared while Eppie opened the basket she'd brought, returning a few minutes later with a plate covered by a red-checked napkin. She looked at him questioningly and when he lifted one corner she covered her mouth, trying valiantly not to laugh. It was two pieces of apple pie.

Over at the Cartwright blanket, Annabelle and Betsy had finished their lunches and wandered off to a flower-strewn meadow, telling Joe and Hoss to stay put and finish their meal since they wanted some time for girl-talk. Joe looked over at Adam and elbowed his other brother.

"Hey!" said Hoss as he nearly dropped his chicken leg.

Ben turned from his conversation with Doc Martin to see what they were fussing about.

"It's okay, Pa," said Joe. "I just jostled Hoss by accident."

Hoss scowled but when Joe waggled his eyebrows at him he bit back what he'd intended to say and instead asked quietly, "What was that all about?"

Joe tilted his head in their older brother's direction. "It's a blue plate," he said softly.

Hoss peered over at the spread Eppie had laid out. "That's just the kinda plate he was carryin' around."

Joe's jaw set. "That does it. C'mon, Hoss, they'll start the boat race in an hour so it's now or never."

Hoss looked forlornly at the last piece of apple pie. He turned to his brother and grumbled, "If Pa eats that last piece there ain't nowhere older brother's gonna be able to hide."

They walked casually down to the shore and stood there for a few minutes, pointing out various features of the mountains to each other until they figured no one was watching them. Then they set out toward the cove.

Replete with good food, Adam settled on his back in the sunshine, hat over his face, and drifted off to sleep. Eppie watched him contentedly, weaving dreams she barely acknowledged. After a while, though, her thoughts grew restless and she rose quietly, careful not to disturb him. She wandered to the edge of the water and gazed out at the same scenery that had absorbed Adam's brothers. She sighed when she didn't find the peace she was searching for, and meandered down the lakeside. When she saw the little boat, she had a sudden longing to escape out into the lake, to row until she'd outdistanced all her useless wishes.

She quickly took her shoes off, untied the rope and walked the boat out from shore a few feet. Her feet immediately tingled from the cold water, but she held her skirts high and climbed in, knowing they would warm soon. She picked up the oars and began to row.

Adam woke to the sound of cries and shouts. He stretched and sat up, tilting his hat back on his head. Everyone seemed to be down at the shoreline, and from all the shouting he wondered if he'd missed the beginning of the boat race. Surely Eppie would have woken him, though…

He checked around, but didn't see her. He looked out at the lake, then, and his eyes narrowed as he tried to make out the details of a speck about two hundred yards out in the water. His slow walk to the crowd at the lake turned into a trot, then a run as he realized the speck was Eppie, splashing and treading water next to an overturned boat. He threw his new hat on the sand without a thought, shed his vest as quickly, and was pulling his boots off when Hoss caught up with him.

"Adam," he said, grabbing his brother's arm. "You cain't go out there, it's too far an' too cold. Miss Eppie can swim and Joe and Pa are gettin' another boat from the startin' line."

Adam pulled his other boot off. "That's right, it's too cold for her to last long, and in those long skirts it doesn't matter how well she can swim, they'll tangle around her legs and drag her down."

Hoping he and Joe were right, that Adam had just been fooling with them about his health, Hoss let him go. He knew it wouldn't matter anyway—even if he was ill, his brother would still have gone into the water.

Adam ran the rest of the way to the lake, including a few quick steps into the water, then took off into a low flat dive. He surfaced fifteen feet out and settled into a powerful, distance-eating stroke.

The water was breath-stealing cold, but the thought of his friend fighting for her life gave him the strength he needed to ignore it. When he reached her, she was barely keeping her head above water. Her eyes were wide with fear and she seemed to be struggling. He realized she was trying to undo the skirt of her dress. He grabbed her by the waist, lifting her a bit higher out of the water, then took a solid grip on the waistband and ripped it apart. She kicked the fabric free and it started a long, slow spiral downwards.

"Grab my shoulders," he called and she nodded, water or tears shining on her cheeks. She snugged in close to his right side, her left arm hooked over his left shoulder and her right hand grasping his belt. He felt her knuckles buried against his waist and when she seemed secure he started back for shore.

The cold was worse this time, not only because he was tired from the swim out and pulling another person took more energy, but also because he could tell Eppie wouldn't last much longer. Her lips had been tinged with blue when he reached her and her left hand kept slipping from his shoulder. He kicked strongly, though, and soon he began to hear the encouraging shouts of the people on shore. He looked up and realized he was closer than he'd thought, let his feet drop, and gratefully touched bottom.

He swung her up in his arms, but had only carried her a few strides when Hoss waded out and took her from him. He staggered the last few steps and almost fell, but Joe was there, sliding an arm around his waist and muttering something about, "This was not what we had in mind!"

His mind almost as frozen as his body, he said, "What?" but Joe wrapped him in a blanket, someone held a bottle of whisky to his lips, and he forgot about it. Joe helped him to the ground, pulled off his wet shirt and rubbed him over briskly, then dragged another dry blanket around his shoulders.

"Eppie?" he managed to force out, and tried to get up.

Joe's answer was all business. "Doc's with her. We've gotta get you dried off and warmed up, then we can see how she is."

Adam recognized the good sense behind Joe's words, but if his rubbery legs would have cooperated, he'd have headed for her anyway.

~~~~~ e ~~~~~

As it was, he didn't get to see her for hours. Ben and the doctor had conferred and decided it would be best to take her to the Ponderosa. They hustled him home as well, but Ben insisted he take a hot bath before doing anything else, then Hop Sing stood over him at the table until he drank two bowls of soup. Ben wanted him to go lie down while the doctor was still with Eppie, but Adam blew up and headed outside instead.

Joe and Hoss followed him, knowing they owed both Eppie an apology, but since they couldn't see her either they decided to talk with Adam. They found him working on the woodpile.

They approached him hesitantly, not because of the wide swing of his ax, but because they knew they deserved whatever he chose to dish out at them.

"Uh, Adam?" Joe asked, his voice wobbling a bit.

Adam tossed three pieces of newly split wood into the woodbox and went over to the woodpile for another log.

"Adam?" he asked again, a little more strongly.

"What!" Adam said as he swung at the defenseless log and muttered under his breath about useless boats.

Hoss cringed. "We came to, uh, say we're real sorry," he said.

Adam split the log into two uneven pieces and set the big piece back on the slab for another stroke. "We're all sorry," he huffed and split the remaining piece with one slice.

Hoss and Joe looked at each other. "You don't understand," Joe said. "We want to apologize."

Adam stopped in the act of gathering the pieces of wood and turned to his brothers. His brows drew together fiercely. "What are you talking about?"

Now Joe cringed. Hoss stepped beside him. "Now, Adam, we didn't mean nothin' by it, an' we sure didn't want anything to happen to Miss Eppie."

Adam took one step forward and his voice grew deadly. "What did you do?"

Hoss and Joe each took a step back, then another. Hoss tried to explain. "We, uh…see, we figured out what you was doin' and…"

Joe jumped in. "Yeah, we wanted to get you back, and we thought if you sank in the middle of the race you'd get all wet and we know you hate that when you're all dressed up…" His voice trailed off as his brother's expression grew even more thunderous.

"Yeah," inserted Hoss. "Especially since Miss Eppie's all interested…"

Adam's anger was deflected by that comment and he raised an eyebrow at them. "Why would you think that?"

"Well, she gave you that pie…" Hoss said.

"And she sided with you against us…" Joe added.

"She's an old friend. Of course she would." He swung at the log with renewed fury.

Joe shifted uncomfortably. This morning he'd been convinced Adam's poor health was all a sham, but his expression coming out of the lake had made him wonder all over again. "Uh, you think you oughta be working that hard?"

Adam glared at him. Joe glanced at Hoss for support.

Hoss screwed up his courage. Joe had shared his worries, and maybe he'd had a point. Adam didn't look too healthy right now, either. "Yeah, Adam, maybe you oughta let one of us do that."

Adam swung again, neatly dividing the next log in two with a single stroke.

"Uh, Adam? Your heart?" said Hoss hesitantly.

"You idiots," Adam tossed back at them. "There's nothing wrong with my heart."

Ben had stepped out of the house in time to hear that comment. He walked quietly up behind his oldest and placed his hand gently on his arm, arresting his swing. "Are you so sure of that, son?" he asked.

Adam dropped the ax to his side and stared at it, though his gaze seemed far away. He turned toward the house, but hesitated, indecision in every tense line of his body.

Hoss and Joe traded looks of confusion.

"She won't talk to anyone," Ben said. "You have to try. You might be able to get through to her."

Adam spoke so softly they almost didn't hear him. "Her husband died in a boating accident."

Horrified, Joe jumped to his feet. "Adam, we didn't know!"

Hoss chimed in as well. "Adam, I'm sorry—"

He waved their words away without moving his gaze from the house. "She didn't want anyone to know. Didn't want to talk about it."

"Son," Ben said. "Go to her. She needs you."

Adam looked at his father for the first time, painful indecision in his dark eyes. "Does she, Pa? Eppie's never really needed anyone her whole life."

Ben put his arm around Adam's shoulder and shook his head. "Adam, there comes a time in every woman's life when she needs a man—one special man. She knows it doesn't diminish her, make her any less strong, less resourceful. And if she's lucky enough, that man will need her, and the two of them together will be stronger than each alone could ever be." Ben smiled his own faraway smile. "I was fortunate enough to have three women need me that way, and to need each of them." He gave his son a little shove. "Go."

Adam straightened, dropped the ax on the ground, and without a single backward glance, strode to the house and disappeared through the door.

"Uh, Pa?" asked Hoss.

"Yeah, Pa?" said Little Joe. "Uh, what's going on?"

Ben smiled with deep satisfaction. "Unless I miss my guess, boys, your brother is about to get his comeuppance."

Understanding finally dawned for the two younger Cartwrights, and their smiles soon matched their father's.

~~~~~ e ~~~~~

Adam knocked quietly on the door to the upstairs guestroom and peeked inside. "Eppie?" he asked softly.

She was lying under a comforter on the bed, wearing an oversized nightshirt of his father's, her hair spread over the pillow in a tangled brown mess. She didn't look at him, just stared at the window.

He stepped noiselessly to the bedside but he didn't find any sign of recognition. He drew a chair up beside her and took her hand. "Eppie?" he asked again, his voice tight.

She didn't answer, didn't respond, and he was about to give up in despair when he saw a single tear glide down her cheek.

He slid next to her on the bed. "Oh, Eppie, let it out," he said, gathering her into his arms. "Just go ahead and cry." He stroked her hair as she began to sob. She cried for a long time, deep wrenching sobs that shook her to the core. He remembered how fragile she'd felt when he'd carried her out of the lake.

Her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath. "I was so afraid—"

"Of course you were," he soothed.

"The water was so deep…so cold…"

"I know." He held her closer and rubbed her back in slow circles.

She burrowed into his arms. "I thought I was going to lose you, too."

"What?" He pushed her away enough to see her face, but she wouldn't look at him. He stroked the tear-damp hair from her forehead and gently lifted her face so he could see her eyes. They were bright with tears. He'd thought they were from fear of the water and terrifying memories, but now he wondered if for some reason they were for him.

"You came for me," she hiccuped.

"Of course," he said simply.

"That's how Edward died." Words finally tumbled out, one after the other. "I fell out of the boat, and he came in after me. He couldn't swim, Adam," she cried. "The stupid man couldn't swim and I can, and he jumped in after me and I loved him and he died, and when I saw you in the water I thought…I thought…and I couldn't stand to lose you…" She grabbed him desperately around the waist, the strength in her slim arms surprising him.

"But, Eppie," he said softly. "I can swim. You know that."

She nodded into his chest, still crying.

He stroked her hair, relishing the feel of the silky strands as they slid through his fingers. She fit so neatly against his chest, pressed up against him like she'd always been there, always would. His father's words came back to him. Eppie McAllister was the strongest woman he'd ever known, yet she'd allowed herself to fall apart in front of him. Because of him? With the wonder and hopes of his heart in his voice, he said her name. "Eppie?"

She looked up at him, then, and her bare soul shone from her eyes. He saw her need, her longing, and…something else…

He cupped her face in his two hands and carefully wiped her tears away with his thumbs. She watched him steadily as he bent to kiss her and met his tenderness with a shuddering sigh.

"Oh, Adam," she said, resting her head on his shoulder, "I've been so afraid."

He laughed a little and hugged her close. "You? Afraid? I'm going to have to write this down."

She smiled wryly. "Yes, there are still a few things that scare me." She couldn't find the courage to look him in the eye, but she took her future in her hands and spoke haltingly. "I'm afraid you don't care for me the way I care for you."

His hands halted their soothing circles on her back, and she felt the tears well up again. She closed her eyes in pain and tried to memorize the feel of his arms, so she would at least have this moment to remember. She held on to him for as long as she decently felt she could, then slowly disengaged herself from his embrace and laid back down on the bed, facing the other direction. "I'm sorry," she said to the pillow. "I'm just…tired. You go on, I'll be all right in the morning."

He didn't move.

She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and twin tears rolled down her cheeks. "Go on, Adam, and don't pay any mind to the ramblings of a worn out silly old woman."

She felt his hands on her shoulders then, and she blinked in surprise when he lifted her bodily onto his lap.

"Worn out, yes; woman, definitely yes; silly…"

Cheeks flaming, she dared a glance at him from under lowered lashes and saw his eyes dancing.

"…yes, I'd have to say sometimes you are a little silly." He grinned at her, the wholehearted, dimple-making grin she loved. "But old? Never! We're never going to be old, remember?" He kissed her again, and her surprise melted into deep passion that left her dizzy and gasping. Then she rested her head again on his shoulder as he held her so tightly against him that she thought he might squash her in his desperate need. Which didn't matter one bit.

Epilogue

Hoss Cartwright descended the stairs to the great room, only to meet the concerned gazes of his father and younger brother.

"Well?" asked Joe, impatient as usual.

Hoss scratched his head. "I dunno, Joe."

"What do you mean, son?" asked Ben. "Is she all right?"

Hoss looked at his father. "Yeah, I'd say she's all right." He grinned. "As a matter of fact, I'd say things are lookin' right good."

"Then what's the problem?" asked Joe.

Hoss looked back up the stairs. "Pa…" he started.

Ben raised an eyebrow.

"Pa, you know women pretty well…"

Ben nodded. "Yes, I've been privileged to know a few."

"Well, see…when I looked in on 'em…" Hoss paused and blushed.

Joe hooted. "Not in the house, surely!"

Hoss turned an even deeper shade of red. "Now, don't you go gettin' ideas, Little Joe. There weren't nothin' goin' on that Pa wouldn't approve of."

Ben swallowed a grin. "Then what's your question, son?"

"Well, Pa, like I said, you've known a passle of women in your time. You don't suppose…I mean, I know women are different than men…"

Now Joe really started to laugh. "You just figuring that one out?"

"Be quiet, little brother, an' maybe you'll learn something, too."

Ben tried to keep a straight face. "What is it, son? You know you can ask me anything."

"Well, Pa, she was wrapped up all comfortable-like in Adam's arms, but she saw me, an'…"

"And?" Ben prompted.

"Well, she smiled, and then she sorta, well, winked at me." He looked at his father in confusion. "I know you always said women don't think like us, but…you don't think she had this all planned out…?"

Joe rose from his chair by the fire and said with confidence. "She couldn't have, Hoss. Nobody could make all that happen…" He slowed and turned to his father. "Could they, Pa?"

Ben clapped his two boys on the back and pushed them toward the dining room where Hop Sing was setting out the first platters for dinner. "I doubt we'll ever know, boys, but I'll tell you this—never underestimate the power of a determined woman. Let's eat."

The End