Trust

Anime/Manga: Bleach

Pairing(s): Hisagi Shuuhei x Kira Izuru

Genre: Romance, tragedy

Warnings: Male x male relationship, OOC-ness, swearing, NC-17 scene, spoilers up to episode 186

Personal thoughts: Written just after episode 186, based on the new taichou filler arc.

Ps.

"Talking"
'Thinking'

Oneshot

The walk to the fourth division seeming unbearably long but also it felt incredibly too short.

Shuuhei knew that Izuru had only been up and about for a couple days now and recently he had witnessed his new taichou, Amagai Shuusuke's treachery. Shuuhei could only imagine what Izuru was going through after being betrayed twice. He had spoken with the blonde before everything got messed up and he seemed to really admire the man. Also, it seemed that Izuru had troubles convincing his squad to trust the man, Izuru surely was going to hate the fact that he tried to make his squad trust a traitor again.

The guy also seemed to start to build up Izuru's lost confidence and so Shuuhei had approved of him right away. However, Shuuhei got busy with taichou work that he failed to notice that Izuru had a problem with Makoto. Shuuhei's heart burned at the thought of those two men. Shuuhei wasn't normally the kind to get this riled up over this but Izuru had been through enough already. He didn't need another burden to bare, he didn't need another burden to bare alone.

Now that the fight was over, thanks to Ichigo, the whole thing came to an end with Rurichiyo returning safely to take the head of the Kasumiouji manor. The main problem now was to see how Izuru was handling all this and make sure he got back up on his feet soon enough. He had no idea what he was going to tell Izuru, what to say to make everything alright. In truth, he didn't know if he could do anything but he had to try, Izuru is his best friend. Although maybe, Izuru was a little more to him then that, they were close friends, closer than most. However they weren't like brothers, although that's what most people would call it.

Shuuhei wanted to be close to his depressing comrade, really close, in a way most people would disapprove of. Though, he promised himself he wouldn't make any advances on Izuru because he didn't want Izuru to stop coming to him for help. Not like he ever did come to him for help unless he just couldn't take it anymore. However, even if it meant silently torturing himself, he wanted desperately to keep those feelings of closeness, that trust, above all else. He'd be there for him, he'd help him stand even when Izuru just wanted to lay down.

He entered the fourth's barracks and received a lot of polite greetings from the members as he passed them. He walked to the front desk of the station he knew Izuru was being held in to be healed. The people here were always so shy, quiet, and polite, that he had to give the poor fidgeting girl a smile of reassurance. The girl sputtered a bit and blushed as she looked at the registration from in front of her.

"What is it that you need today, Hisagi-fukutaichou?"

"I was wondering if you could tell me the room Kira Izuru is staying in?"

The girl looking at the sheet in front of her in thought and quickly flipped through the pages and traced her finger down the page.

"Kira Izuru correct?"

"Hai."

"He is in room B-041, did you need help finding your way there?"

"That would be appreciated, arrigato gozaimasu."

"H-hai." With a shy look away she called another member from the division to escort him.

Shuuhei was lead through the large building until they reached section B, room 041. It wasn't a far walk and the squad four member quietly knocked on the door.

"Patient Kira-fukutaichou, you have a visitor, may he come in?"

"H-hai!"

The timid squad four opened the door for Shuuhei and then politely excused himself to continue with his work. Shuuhei walked in and shut the door behind him, this room was like any other room in the 4th division. It was a plain bed, with a tableside, a few chairs and one window. Shuuhei looked at the neatly folded bed and then over to Izuru who must have been staring out the window before he came to visit. The blonde was covered in many bandages but at least nothing was broken. He was just supposed to take it easy, he was mainly bruised and exhausted.

"Ohiyo Shuuhei-kun."

Izuru's eye brows furrowed as he attempted to force a smile at him.

"Yeah, ohiyo, so how are you doing?"

"…" Izuru didn't answer right away because Shuuhei knew how much Izuru hated being lied to and how much he hated lying to others.

"I'll be fine."

"When?"

"…"

Shuuhei then sat down on the bed and motioned Izuru over, which he followed obediently.

"Come on Izuru, you're not going to be fine if you keep it bottled up."

Izuru shrunk away from Shuuhei at that comment.

"It's not just you Izuru, if I kept something bottled up, I wouldn't be fine either. Keeping things hidden means you have a problem with it and that you don't trust us to help you. You trust me don't you?"

Shuuhei had expected Izuru to instantly reject the fact that he didn't trust him. Instead Izuru had stayed quiet so Shuuhei began wondering if Izuru had heard his question. Perhaps he thought it was a rhetorical question? Whatever the case he decided to ask the question again.

"Izuru, you do trust me don't you?"

"I…"

Izuru had turned his face away perfectly so all Shuuhei could see was blonde hair. Izuru didn't continue his phrase so Shuuhei lifted his hand to turn Izuru to face him. The moment his fingers had touched Izuru's face, Izuru had flown off the bed so fast that he was suddenly against the wall. Shuuhei had been surprised at the flinch away but he had gotten Izuru to look at him.

"Gomen na Izuru, did I touch a spot that hurt?"

"I-iie…"

Shuuhei's eye brows furrowed in confusion.

"Then why did you jump away?"

"…"

"Izuru, why did you jump away?"

"…"

"Izuru."

"…"

"Izuru?"

"…"

"Hey, are you okay?"

Shuuhei had bolted out of his spot quickly when Izuru had accidentally let a quiver pulse through his body. Shuuhei reached out a hand to hold Izuru's shoulder to try and anchor him to reality and not to where his thoughts were. However Izuru had jumped back just as bad as the first touch. His eyes were displaying such sorrow and he couldn't seem to lift his head up or look at him in the eye. Shuuhei stared at him, wondering what was wrong, he didn't understand why his best friend was acting this way towards him.

"Please…" Izuru begged and Shuuhei had no idea why.

"If… you're just going to betray me too, please don't touch me so tenderly."

Shuuhei was taken back by the comment. 'betray him too, where did he get that idea from?'

"Izuru…" Shuuhei began, obviously confused but more concerned.

"You will too." Izuru stated, condemning Shuuhei to something that he would never do. He didn't seem to want to leave room for arguments, however he did provide an explanation. "It's what I'm cursed with, to be used, to be abandoned, to be forgotten, to be betrayed. It always happens with people I admire."

Izuru's need to not look at him faded as he explained what he was. He eventually just stared at Shuuhei with these cold, sad eyes, and Shuuhei could tell that it was because he had been abused way too many times. To the point that Izuru seemed to feel that it was inevitable that he be engulfed by this despair and loneliness. Shuuhei then walked over calmly and pulled Izuru into a soft embrace. Izuru had squawked at the gentle embrace and only started struggling when Shuuhei had started caressing his back gently and lovingly.

"Nani! What are you doing!"

"You said not to touch you tenderly if I was going to betray you."

"H-hai, so why are you!"

"That's because I'm not going to Izuru. I would never abandon you, no matter what you do, you're my best friend."

Izuru stopped struggling and turned limp against Shuuhei's body.

"You'll leave me too."

"Iie I won't."

"Please stop making false promises."

"I'm not lying to you Izuru, I won't leave you."

"Everyone abandons me, no one will trust me after this."

"Izuru, I'll always trust you and I won't abandon you."

"Does that mean you'll continue to use me? Is that why you won't leave me? Is that why you trust me? Is it because I'm loyal to you."

"Iie. Iie. And iie. I'm not using you, you're my friend, I thought we relied on each other, not used each other. I'm not leaving you because you're my friend Izuru and there's nothing you can do to get me to leave you. The reason I trust you is because I know you're kind hearted Izuru, you're always taking all the punishment because you feel guilty, you're human, you make mistakes."

"If he told me to attack you I would have, I'm not someone you should trust unless you want to use me."

"So you're saying that to be your friend I can't trust you?"

"…"

"Izuru… you're important to me because you are someone who is special. You're someone I can believe in, I know you and even if you mess up, so what? I messed up, Momo messed up, the Soutaichou messed up, everyone did. How could we see these betrayals coming Izuru and there is nothing wrong with starting over. So you had bad luck with this one, so try again, you'll find someone who deserves your loyalties, your trust, your admiration, your love, who won't harm you. Please don't give up Izuru on everyone because of them."

"But that's who I am… I'm a quitter, and I'm tired Shuuhei-kun…"

"You're not a quitter, you're strong, I wish you could see that."

"If I was strong I would be able to stop these betrayals."

"Iie, even if you were physically strong you couldn't stop it, Kurosaki couldn't stop Aizen from leaving. He didn't even really stop this one either, the bakkoutou did, it's not about strength Izuru, it's about trying and not giving up. That's were strength lies, you have a will to continue Izuru, even after life has put you down so many times. Don't stop now, there's someone waiting out there for you Izuru, there's lots of people waiting for you Izuru. Waiting for you to finally stop putting yourself down so you could finally see what you are made of. We want you to be happy Izuru."

"So I can fall down again?"

"Iie because we love you Izuru."

Izuru had jolted so bad at that comment that he had brought himself and Shuuhei tumbling backwards. Izuru's back collided with the side of the bed and got pushed farther against it when Shuuhei collapsed into him refusing to relinquish his grasp on him. A quick apology from both of them and then it fell silent. Izuru resting with his nose just barely above Shuuhei's shoulder, his arms laying limply at his sides and his legs were to either side of Shuuhei's body.

Shuuhei had his head resting next to Izuru and he could feel his breaths ghosting over his exposed skin. His arms were still around Izuru's back and he was position in between his legs. Shuuhei didn't dare speak or look at Izuru because damn it all his hormones were acting up and now wasn't the time. He needed to do something but he was afraid to move, he was afraid if he looked at him now he'd kiss him or worse.

"I don't understand."

Shuuhei tried not to inhale sharply at feeling Izuru's warm breath on his collar bone and tried hard to focus on Izuru's words not his own feelings.

"What don't you understand?"

"Why someone would love me…"

"What are you talking about? There are many reasons why people would love you Izuru."

"…"

"I told you, you're kind hearted, strong, I personally think anyone who doesn't love you is foolish."

"People love to use me…"

"That's not what I meant. You're a great friend for too many reasons to list, however you seem to be oblivious to your good factors. If you want to look at us as using you then it's because you have a good enough personality to let us. You're too kind to say iie to us, you do anything to please us even if it hurts you. Those are signs of a good person Izuru."

"I'm not kind… I'm just too stupid to notice these things, I'm too naïve to realize what's in front of me."

"Then can't you miss the fact that we like you?"

"…I…"

Shuuhei waited for a long time for Izuru to continue until the blonde finally got his thoughts straight.

"… Abandon me and make it easier…"

"How is that easier?"

"It's easier for you."

"Iie it isn't."

"…If you did, you wouldn't have to deal with me… if you are my friend then I don't deserve you… you don't deserve me…"

"Is this because you're cursed? You just have bad luck, these people were bad before you even knew, is your flaw that you like to trust people? That's not a bad trait Izuru, you have faith that even though they seem bad or that they're new you don't instantly judge them like everyone else. You're such a sweet person Izuru and I wish I could be like you."

"…Shuuhei…"

He couldn't take it anymore. He stopped wrapping one arm around Izuru to push himself in a position to stare at Izuru in the face.

"I love you Izuru."

Is was out. That was it. That was all he had wanted to say… so why… was he kissing him now? Shuuhei hadn't realized the spur of Izuru calling his voice so softly had broken the restraint he had been so desperately holding onto all this time. He hadn't meant to force his lips onto Izuru, he hadn't meant to use his free hand to hold Izuru's mouth open so he could plunge his tongue in there. But hell it felt so good to let this emotion go, to devour Izuru's mouth like this. Once his brain had caught up with his actions he went to pull away. However Izuru's shy tongue rubbing against Shuuhei made him moan out and continue.

He didn't understand why Izuru was letting him in, maybe he felt the same way too? He hoped so. Izuru was even participating back, Shuuhei had heard that pain did bring people closer together, maybe this was one of those times? He pulled Izuru closer with one arm still wrapped around him, the other hand moved to deepen the kiss. There was shifting as Izuru sat up straighter, forcing himself closer to Shuuhei. Shuuhei had to pull away to try to get oxygen to his brain, he was feeling light headed. However Izuru apparently wasn't going to allow him to think as Shuuhei found Izuru's arms wrapped around him and pulling him back for another kiss.

He sort of wished his brain could comprehend how they ended up on the bed in the room, whether Izuru had dragged him or he dragged Izuru, he was unsure. He felt Izuru's hands roaming his skin, pulling his top open. Shuuhei tried to pull away from Izuru but he only managed to break the kiss so he could get a proper view of Izuru's face. Izuru was very flustered but Shuuhei was caught in a firm hug so he wasn't getting away. Izuru looked at Shuuhei confused.

"You want to stop?"

"A-ano… Iie but…ah."

Izuru seemed to take this as a sign to continue as his lips where now on Shuuhei's neck, sucking. Shuuhei briefly registered his shirt being pulled the rest of the way off but he was trying to get Izuru to stop sending pleasure through his body. He pushed gently at Izuru.

"Wa-wait, not here. I-I…" He took a moment to catch his breath as Izuru's mouth found his nipple. "I want to do this elsewhere, not-not here."

Shuuhei meet Izuru's intense true blue eyes and they stared at each other for a bit, until Izuru pulled slightly away. "I want you now."

The phrase made Shuuhei's mind go blank for a few minutes before he found his voice again. "Izuru, I… why are you?"

"The walls in squad four are partially sound proof as to not disturb other patients. Don't worry… not to mention since I used to be a part of squad four they tend to leave me alone longer than most patients. We've got time."

Shuuhei wanted to protest but something in the look Izuru gave him made him shut up and he instead just stroked his hands gently through Izuru's hair. Straightening up more to straddle Izuru hips as he worked off Izuru's top, once it was off Shuuhei made to remove his hakama and everything else with it. Once that was complete he removed Izuru's as well and looking for resistance during the whole time. Shuuhei couldn't see anything, it looked like he wanted to do this but Shuuhei was sure he still had enough self-control to stop. Even with electricity flowing through him at the thoughts of finally being able to fuck Izuru and even with this dangerous environment.

He looked once again and this time Izuru caught him with a piercing gaze as he lifted up to kiss Shuuhei on the mouth. This time Izuru licked at Shuuhei's lips but pulled away before Shuuhei could give him access. Instead opening his mouth more to give Shuuhei the option of slipping his tongue in. Shuuhei complied and explored over Izuru's mouth, Izuru's tongue didn't really respond to his so he just instead decided to get every taste he could out of this. He felt Izuru groan and then he felt Izuru's tense up at pain. It took Shuuhei a few moments to realize that Izuru's hand that wasn't on his neck was trying to stretch himself. Shuuhei pulled away from kissing Izuru and grabbed his hand to pull the three fingers out.

"You're going to hurt yourself if you do it that fast, let me."

Izuru gave a nod and Shuuhei proceeded gently by adding in one finger and messaging the now sore walls.

"You sure, I don't want to force you into this…"

"I complied, it's not forcing."

"Do you want this?"

"…Hai…"

Izuru's breath caught in his throat as he spoke those words and he rolled his hips in an attempt to get Shuuhei's finger in deeper or to hurry him up. Shuuhei wasn't sure which but he wasn't going to hurt Izuru no matter what so he still messaged until it felt stretched enough to add another finger. Then another and he moved slowly and gently to add comfort to the odd intrusion but Izuru was whimpering, trying to get this over fast.

"I want this to mean something."

Izuru didn't respond and suddenly flung a hand up to his mouth to stop a gasp from escaping his mouth. Shuuhei couldn't help the smirk the came to his face right there as he gently stroked again to get the same response. Shuuhei memorized that spot, the spot he was sure that would get Izuru to cum time and time again. He never wanted to forget it. Shuuhei pulled his fingers out and climbed more comfortably over Izuru. His voice strained this last statement.

"We can still stop if you want to."

Izuru just shook his head as he got more comfortable and wrapped his limbs around Shuuhei.

"Please continue." He whispered, trying to be sexy but Shuuhei couldn't help but think it was cute.

He entered slowly and Izuru shifted slightly but didn't gasp, Shuuhei assumed his preparation must had been enough to make sure this would hurt very little. Shuuhei lowered himself closer to Izuru's body as he kissed, nipped, and licked at Izuru's ear. His hands that were on Izuru's thighs to help him get properly in and he started rubbing circles to ease any pain. Shuuhei felt on fire, burning so pleasantly, so warm, he loved this feeling, this was wonderful. This was perfection.

"I love you." Shuuhei whispered.

"I'm ready."

Shuuhei gave a nod and began a slow rhythm, wanting to feel ever millisecond of this moment. Izuru hummed approval at him, keeping rather still as Shuuhei moved, caught up in feeling as well. Izuru's short moment of bliss was short lived as he moved his hips impatiently. Shuuhei smiled and kissed Izuru's lips tenderly, trying to focus his restless mate on their lips. Shuuhei wanted their union to be fully felt, from slow and fast. He also wanted to get a rhythm instead of pounding into him senselessly. Their lips clashed hastily and Shuuhei once feeling he got a rough idea speed up the pace of his thrusting.

"Shuuhei…"

At the moan of his name Shuuhei moved to stroke gently at Izuru's face. "God Izuru, so nice."

Shuuhei felt his control slipping as his hips ground deeper with his speed and Izuru rolled his hips just right to make him want to explode. Izuru seemed pleased and flung a hand up to stifle the rather large groan when Shuuhei hit the spot he'd been aiming for. Shuuhei grinned and moved Izuru's hand away so he could muffle and taste Izuru's groans. Shuuhei could feel the reverberation of the groans this way and he sent one back at Izuru. Lip locked and quick thrusts drove both of them crazy. Shuuhei felt himself so close to bliss, he didn't want to pull away from Izuru's lips but moved away enough to whisper a warning.

"I-I'm close."

Izuru's head fell back into the pillow at the words, groaning deep within his throat. Shuuhei could tell from that that Izuru was close as well. Shuuhei wrapped his arms under Izuru the next time his back arched. Holding him as close as he could, using this to better angle himself. When Izuru moaned his name once more he was cuming inside him. Keeping his rhythm until Izuru finally released he had to use one arm to keep himself upright so he wouldn't attempt to crush the blonde. It wasn't that he was heavy, he just didn't want Izuru to have that weight on him right now.

Shuuhei whispered pleasuring words into Izuru ear and keep repeating words of love to him.

Shuuhei pulled out after remembering they weren't in a private place and made the work of getting tissues and their clothes so they could reorganize themselves. When Shuuhei turned around after changing he found Izuru facing the other way from him, sitting at the edge of the bed. Shuuhei smiled and crawled over the bed to have his arms clutch at the edge of it so he could lean forward to see Izuru face. Shuuhei's smile vanished in an instant.

"Izuru?"

His face held no emotions and Shuuhei began to worry. "Are you alright?"

'I thought after what we just did you'd be a bit happier. You've found your happiness and trust with me.' Shuuhei placed his hand on Izuru's shoulder and realized a bit late that that should have been the last thing he should have done.

"Don't touch me."

Izuru didn't pull away this time but Shuuhei could sense the venom in his voice.

"Why?"

"You're finished aren't you… finished with me?"

"…Nani…?" Shuuhei felt the bomb inside his head slowly ticking.

"Are you done using me now?"

Shuuhei felt it explode "That's what this was!" Shuuhei gripped at Izuru's shoulders and forced him to look at him.

Izuru flinched but Shuuhei didn't know what else to do but to hold on tightly to him. "That wasn't what this was."

"…"

"Izuru don't do this to me, gomen na… I didn't know… I'm stupid I get it but please I love you."

"Why aren't you leaving?"

"Because I did this because I wanted you to be happy with me, not for my own selfish benefits, is that all you think of me as? I'm your senpai, I'm supposed to take care of you, right?"

"I thought we stopped that role long ago."

"I don't know how to make you understand that you mean everything to me, if my words and actions aren't enough then what the fuck is?"

"…"

"Izuru… I… gomen na… I didn't mean to cause you any harm." Shuuhei spoke while lowering his head and glancing away. "I wouldn't have made love to you if I thought you didn't want it. It was love to me at the very least…"

Shuuhei sighed but didn't let go "I'm not going to leave you I promise. When you're ready to trust me again I'll be around but after this I don't think I can ask for it anymore." Shuuhei bit his lip, hoping the next part would snap Izuru back into place "Although it feels more like you're leaving us."

Shuuhei felt Izuru tense and try and smack his arms off. Shuuhei didn't let go as his eyes meet the side of Izuru's face.

"I still trust you though."

A/N: I feel like a real bastard for doing this to poor Shuuhei *huggles him* Give him hugs! And hai this is how it ends, this was supposed to be a sad ending not a happy one. Oh my god… the mature scene in this was so hard to write, I'm very new at writing these. Sorry if this story wasn't very good or well written. I probably shouldn't be posting this during the holidy season, oh well...

Translations:

Taichou = Captain
Fukutaichou = Vice-Captain
Hai = Yes
Arrigato Gozaimasu = Formal way of saying Thank You
Ohiyo = Good Mourning
Gomen na = I'm Sorry (Male speaking)
Iie = No
Nani = What
Ano = Umm