AN: Another one of those Myspace survey parody thingies! First chapter is Sweeney Todd!!!! Title is just Myspace Survey created by seibel3 pn bzoink.
Full Name: Sweeney Todd
Age: 35
Birth Place: London, England
Current Location: Hell - a.k.a London, England.
Description Hair Color: Black with a white - not grey - white streak due to the stress of Australia.
Eye Color: Pitch black.
Height: Big enough to scare you.
Weight: I don't know.
Tatoo's: ?
Piercings: ?
Friends Ahahahahaha! Non-existant unless you mean my razors!!
Best Girl Friend(s): That would be Lucy - until the judge shipped me away to Australia and then she died!!!
Best Guy Friend(s): Definately NOT Judge fucking Turpin or his gay lover.
Funniest: I no longer have the ability to laugh. Unless someone dies - then that's hysterical!
Craziest: I think that old beggar woman is pretty crazy. Then again so is the rest of the world, so who am I to be pointing specific lowlifes out?
Sexiest: I think you mean 'sexist'. No, I'm not but that's very common around here.
Nicest: If I've learned anything at all it's that no one in the world is nice.
Smartest: Mrs. Lovett is actually quite smart - I never would've thought of using pies to dispose of my victems! *You do notice the sarcasm, right?*
Most Athletic: ?
Most Recent: Most recent what?
Love Life Unfortunately non-existant.
Single: Sadly my wife poisoned herself after being raped.
Boyfriend or Girlfriend: DEAD!
If so, who: I feel no point in conversing with a retard.
Do You Love Them: Well, gee, they don't call it marriage for nothing!
Favorite Things About Him/Her: Again - I don't want to talk to you.
Had Sex: I'm a 35 year old man and your asking me if I've had sex? You're past retarded. You've now reached the infinitly stupid stage.
Favorites Color: Favorites color? That is terrible grammar. Red. The color of blood.
Food: I don't eat.
Car: What the bloody hell is a car?
Drink: Any hard alcohol that reunites me with Lucy for a short while.
Football: What?
Movie: And this is where I'd normally kill you - but your stupidity is actually amusing.
Body Part on Opposite Sex: Is that really a hard question to answer?
This or That Um - neither.
Pepsi or Coke: WTF?
Ford or Chevy: Um. . .
Cars or Trucks: Again - what the bloody fuck is a car?
Arctic Cat or Polaris: . . . is that a disease in Africa or something?
Lienie's or Coor's: Lienie's or Coor's what?
Smoke or Chew: I like smoked salmon if that's what you're asking.
Who's the Last Person You Called: I called Mrs. Lovett a fat ass bitch a couple hours ago - does that count?
Person Who Called You: Mrs. Lovett called me 'love' - I felt like bashing her head into the wall.
Person You Texted: ?
Person You Hugged: I hug no one.
Person You Kissed: That was a long fucking time ago. Lucy. . . no - no wait. . . .I think it was Mrs. Lovett when I was drunk - but I SWEAR it was Lucy.
Person You Touched: The last member of this city's filth that I killed.
Person You Cried To: I do not know the meaning of crying.
Person You Cried About: If I knew what it were, probably Lucy.
Person You Were With: Mrs. Lovett - when I called her a fat ass bitch.
Person Who Told You They Love You: Mrs. Lovett has some fucked up idea that I'll forget about Lucy and love her - I fear for her sanity.
Person You Fought: I'd hardly call it fighting - but the last man I killed.
Person You Fell In Love With: The one and ONLY ONE Lucy.
Have You Ever Been Drunk: Do you not pay any attention to what I'm saying?
Smoked: Salmon.
Took Drugs: Mrs. Lovett made me take medical drugs when I was sick. I was numb for about a month.
Been Beaten Up: Yep - but that was another lifetime.
Beat Someone Up: I've done much, much worse than that.
Played Strip Poker: No, but with the word 'strip' it strikes my interest.
Laughed So Hard You Cried: Again, I only laugh at death. I still do not know the meaning of this 'cry' of which you speak.
Been Dumped: Off a ship. Sure.
Dumped Someone: Down the chute to the bake house.
Been Used: No - but I use Mrs. Lovett for her pie making skills.
Been In Love: Again - how much of this are you retaining?
Been Hit On Someone Older Than You: I'm not sure. Maybe Mrs. Lovett. I think she's - like - a million years older than me. Isn't that illegal? Sort of like a sixty year old raping a newborn?
Made Out In A Car: WHAT IS A CAR?!
Been Walked In On While Changing: Yes by that girly lookin' sailor named Anthony. I think he likes me - if so I'll kill him!
Been In Trouble With The Police: The police are evil creatures that are out to destroy the world.
Broke Someone's Heart: I think I've broken Mrs. Lovett's - which suits me just fine - I can't stand her hovering over me all the time.
Had Your Heart Broken: Must I spell it out? L-U-C-Y-exclamation point!