The melancholy of Nara Shikamaru
In my life I have noticed one thing, above all others. Clouds never hurt me. I can watch them all day, they don't mind. Or yell insults, or anything else really except float in the sky. Okay so sometimes they rain a bit but nobodies perfect right? I think I need to remember that myself sometimes.
Shikamaru took one last drag of his cigarette before dropping it on the floor and crushing it between the grass and the heel of his boot. One last look at the sky. It's a clear day, no clouds at all which can't be good at all. The lazy pineapple disappears in a shunshin, only to reappear seconds later near an imposing triangle of blackest stone, scratched everywhere with small cuts into the rock which upon closer inspection turned out to be names, thousands of names carved into the rock. New and old. Dark brown eyes searched the stone and eventually landed on the newest edition to the hero stone, Sarutobi Asuma.
It had been two weeks since...the event. The trio had seen each other once since then. It didn't end well. Ino had pissed him off royally, with some callus remarks about their former sensei. "No you don't understand, you can't, you just don't get it, you don't understand..." His voice was horse from screaming himself to sleep every night and his broken arm throbbed with a deep pain but impossibly his heart hurt far worse.
And Choji, oh god. Poor Choji had tried to stop him and Ino and had ended up in the hospital because if it, he couldn't bear to look at him or Ino after that. Of corse his mother had tried to get him out of his funk and after failing had proceeded to verbally bitch him with Asuma's memory, and made him promise to turn his shit around but, God, was it hard he couldn't get the man out of his memory after, it was like he was being haunted by it
"You know, sitting here moping isn't going to do anything, but who am I to judge, I'm much worse." came a gravelly voice from the bush behind him as a sliver mop of hair emerged followed by the tall body of kakashi hatake, Jonin of the hidden leaf. The two stared at each other for a few minutes, eyes locked in a silent conflict. Eventually something was going to give. And it did, shikamtu gave a resigned sigh and pulled another cancer stick out of his pocket, lit it with Asuma's lighter and took a drag. "How long have you been there" he inquired, disinterested. "Long enough". He had seen everything then, and heard his little outburst. Brilliant. He made eye contact. "Look Kakashi as much as I enjoy your company, why are you here, bothering someone who clearly wants to be left alone?". "People are getting worried about you, between your fight with Ino and that little out burst I'm inclined to agree with them". "They don't understand, you dont understa..ergh". Quicker than he could react or even see the hatake had closed the distance and seized him around the throat, fury blazing in his eyes. "Listen closely Shikamaru Nara, I know exactly what you are feeling in fact the only difference is that I lost everything instead of just one person." His eyes softened,"the Key is to stop remembering but never forget, there are people who want to help you, let them" he released his hold on his neck and with that he disappeared with a rustle of leaves.
The memories hit like a sledge hammer. Shikamaru sat there and remembered Asuma Sarutobi, he remembered his first meeting, his teachings, his words and his support. He recalled the times when he fell down and Asuma had picked him up and the times Asuma had made him pick himself up. His recollection of the things they did together as a team, as teacher and student and as friends. The time they went on there first mission, the chunin exams, all that was good, all that was bad. He remembered his faults, his fights and his friendship, and finally, painfully he remembered his death. He remembered Sarutobi Asuma as Sarutobi Asuma for Sarutobi Asuma.
Then his mind thought of kurenai and the baby she was carrying and what she must be going through right now and it clicked. On a bright sunny day with not a cloud in the sky, with not a breeze nor a single sound, Shikamaru Nara lay down in a clearing surrounded by the memories of the past and with Sarutobi Asuma, he made his peace.
Okay, nobodies perfect I admit, least of all me. I think I will go lay down and stare at the clouds. I'l stop remembering but never forget, and plan for the future. I'd like to think I have learned something deep and spiritual from this but I just realized one thing I already knew.
The clouds have never hurt me.