A/N: wow, I really hate this. It's incredibly bad and not funny at all… but I just needed to get the fruit argument out of my head - enjoy the crappiness…
Warnings: just a bit of swearing…
Blueberries Are Liars.
Chazz hated carrots.
He despised them.
To Chazz, carrots were evil demons from the underworld, with their burning orange colour; they were sent from the very depths of hell just to give him grief.
Chazz really, really hated carrots.
He didn't mind blueberries though.
Jaden didn't really mind carrots.
He couldn't see the fuss Chazz was always making about them, to him, they were just orange things. Very edible orange things, like oranges… but Jaden didn't think about oranges much… because carrots were much better than oranges, you could boil them (with a splash of honey to make them sweet), you could eat them raw, in sticks, grated, any way you pleased.
In fact, Jaden loved carrots.
But, if he ever thought a food was stupid, it would be blueberries. They weren't even blue for goodness' sake! And the skin stuck between your teeth (that was just disgusting), they weren't sweet, and blueberry pie wasn't even that great…. And this was coming from the guy who ate everything…
Jaden hated blueberries.
This, Jaden decided, was probably the reason why Chazz felt the need to devour blueberries like a crazy person whenever they were within arms reach; because he felt sorry for Jaden when he was exposed to the little purple bastards (and no, Jaden's trusting and forgiving… okay, stupid nature didn't pick up on the fact it might be because Chazz was trying to disgust him), so he returned the "favour" by devouring carrots in the same manner. Not that he really minded seeing as he loved carrots.
Chazz, on the other hand, wasn't forgiving and trusting… and stupid enough to think Jaden was doing him a favour by devouring the little orange demons. And on this particular day, he decided to vocalise his disgust at the fact that Jaden felt the need to eat his much-hated food like a crazy person whenever it was within arms reach.
'…Slacker… Slacker…quit it'
'…' chomp, gobble…
'Quit it…'
'…' gobble, chomp
'Agh, quit it. Quit it! QUIT IT!'
'Quit what, Chazz?'
'The whole… carrot… thing…'
Jaden looked confused, 'but… I'm just returning the favour…'
'What? This is revenge? Look, I know I'm not overly nice to you and all, and I'm sorry about that, but the carrot thing is just cruel' Chazz gagged, Jaden spoke with his mouth full of orange mush…
'Oh, that's okay, Chazz! I know you don't mean to be awful to me.' he clapped the other boy on the back.
Chazz blinked, he nearly-kind-of-sort-of-pseudo-apologized to the slacker…
… well, fuck.
'No! I mean, you deserve everything you get, moron. Just…stop eating the carrots.'
'But you eat the blueberries for me.'
'What?' Chazz ogled the shorter one.
'You eat the blueberries'
'I like blueberries.'
It dawned on Jaden a moment or two… okay, ten minutes later… 'You… like them?'
'… you like carrots…'
They then erupted into an exclamation of horror (along the lines of 'OHMYGOD! WHY?!?!') in perfect unison.
'They're disgusting! With their little, pokey, pointy orange-ness!'
'They're disgusting! They're all purple and sticky and weird!'
'Carrots are all…' Chazz shuddered 'crunchy… that's just wrong!'
'Yeah, well… blueberries are LIARS!'
The entire cafeteria fell quiet. Chazz decided later that it was because a statement that utterly, unabashedly, amazingly colossally, ridiculously stupid required a reverent silence.
'Liars, you actually called a kind of fruit liars. Are apples thieves?! Are grapes murderers?! If you think blueberries are liars, then bananas must be conmen because they aren't even a fruit!'
'No, don't be stupid. Blueberries are purple, that's not BLUE is it?! It's false advertising!' Jaden yelled
'Oh how dare they name themselves! God you're an idiot!'
'…Chazz?'
'What…?'
'… blueberries aren't even fruit…does that make them conmen too?'
Chazz felt the sudden urge to shove his chopsticks up the Slacker's nose.