AN: I wrote this thing about two years ago, but I had it on my laptop and uploaded it because I felt like it. I apologize if this is formatted incorrectly, as this is my first time using to submit fanfics. I also apologize for any incorrect usage of Spanish. No windows were harmed in the writing of this fic. -Otaku
A Crackfic/Songfic, featuring the BFT
It was a cloudy March morning. Storm clouds hung over the nameless European town, not dropping their cargo of much-needed rain, but rather hanging ominously. Spain, Prussia, and France were stuck in their hotel room. Luckily, Prussia had his cell phone, so the three occupied themselves playing Angry Birds.
"Who made this game!" yelled Prussia angrily, after failing to make a dent in the pig fortress for the thirteenth time in a row.
"I think it was Finland," said Spain calmly.
"He should stick to making metal music-this game's impossible!" Prussia threw the phone against the hotel's wall. Unfortunately, it was a stone wall. The phone's light went dead and small shards of glass flew in various directions.
"I think you should have asked him to make your phone," Spain commented, unsuccessfully holding back laughter. "You (hehe~) know (pfft), with Nokia!"
Everyone stared at Spain in silence. Somewhere, a cricket chirped.
"Sooo…" began France. "Now what?"
"Umm, TV!" shouted the Prussian. He gestured wildly to the hotel's television. "Why didn't we think of that before?"
"I've got the TV guide~!" shouted Spain. He wildly waved it around in the air for effect.
"I've got the remote!" shouted France with an evil smile.
"No fair!" complained Prussia. "The TV was my awesome idea, not yours. I should get the remote! Drop it, cheese face!"
"Never, potato-breath!"
"Let it go, Pepé le Pew!"
"Uncultured ruffian!"
"Cheesy surrender-monkey!"
"Your mother was a 'amster and your father smelled of elderberries!"
"I'll take that remote~!" Spain giggled as he snatched the remote from France's hand. He was now in possession of both the TV guide and the remote- ultimate power and ultimate information. Spain was now the dictator of the television. "There's a movie on channel 42 that I want to watch." The Spaniard flipped to said channel with a grin on his face. "You guys ever seen The Three Caballeros?"
"Come on, Spain!" groaned Prussia with voice full of exasperation. "This is a kids movie, for crying out loud."
"Well I like it!" Spain pouted. "And I have the remote. So watch it, or watch nothing."
As the movie progressed, the trio became entranced by the movie and its three main characters, who were rather similar to themselves. When the main song broke out, Prussia leapt up. "This should be our theme song, guys!"
The idea was supported. "I'll be the red one!" cried Spain.
"I'll be the green one!" shouted France.
"Fine, I'll be the blue one," muttered Prussia.
Spain had the whole song memorized from countless times of watching the movie with Romano. He copied the lyrics for France and Prussia. They all practiced the song for hours on end, and finally, after the hotel manager had kicked them out, the Bad Friends Trio was ready.
The next morning- At England's house
England was up early, as always. He made himself a cup of Earl Grey and sat down in his favorite armchair with the newspaper. The large bay window across the room let in all the colors of the sunrise, painting the room gold with warm light. With a contented sigh, England began to read.
Meanwhile, behind England's hedge, France and Prussia were watching England.
"Pfft, look at those flying mint bunny slippers." France whispered.
"Who drinks tea anymore, anyways?" snickered Prussia. "By the way, you know where Spain went?"
"I 'ave no idea," answered France with a shrug. "All I know is that 'e said it would be good."
Just then, Spain appeared with a large, overstuffed hiking backpack.
"Hey guys!" shout-whispered Spain. "Look what I got!" He crept behind England's hedge and unzipped the backpack.
"You didn't," whispered France.
"I did!" shout-whispered Spain happily.
"Where did you-?"
"Just from a friend of mine who lives out here. Hurry up and put them on!"
They heard a sound from behind Spain.
"Ah! How did you-?"
"Farmers are very easy to convince."
England had nearly finished his tea. He was rather dissatisfied with its strength. Perhaps he had let it steep too long. England swirled the remaining tea in the unicorn teacup it sat in. Suddenly, he noticed a change in the amount of light. It had become darker all of a sudden. A cloud passing over the sun, perhaps? England looked up from his teacup. The sight that met his eyes filled his heart with terror. He dropped his unicorn teacup on the floor, shattering it to pieces. "No!" he shouted as the sombrero-wearing, serape-donning Bad Friends trio crashed through his window into his living room.
The three stood triumphantly upon a mountain of glass shards, partly silhouetted by the light from the sunrise behind them. A light breeze passed through what once was a window, making an almost theatrical effect. England was petrified.
"Hit it, France!" shouted Spain.
France pulled out a boom box and pressed its play button. Bouncy Latin music began to play, and the BFT began to sing.
"We're three caballeros
Three gay caballeros-"
England coughed.
"They say we are birds of a feather~"
Prussia played a recording of chirping birds on his newly-bought cell phone.
"We're happy amigos
No matter where he goes
The one, two, and three goes
We're always together"
"Oh, give me a break!" cried England. "You destroyed my favourite window and terrorized me just for this? I'll call the police! I'll-"
Silence fell as Spain put his finger over England's mouth. "¿Porque no te callas?"
England shut up.
"We're three happy chappies
With snappy serapes
You'll find us beneath our sombreros"
The three Europeans waved their serapes and threw their sombreros into the air, catching them on their heads.
"We're brave and we'll stay so
We're bright as a peso"
"Who says so?" England cut in.
"We say so!
The three caballeros~"
"Ahhhh!"
Prussia climbed out the window.
"We have the stars to guide us
Guitars here beside us"
Prussia threw a guitar in through the window. Spain picked it up and strummed it.
"To play as we go"
Spain threw the guitar out the window. It landed on top of England's favorite magnolia bush.
"We sing and we samba
We shout 'aye caramba!"
"What means aye caramba?" asked England. He had always wondered, after all.
Spain scratched his chin
"Oh yes, I don't know,"
"Through fair or stormy weather"
Somehow, clouds had gathered and a thunderstorm poured in through the remnants of the bay window.
"We stand close together
Like books on the shelf"
The clouds disappeared and it became as sunny as it had been before the British torture song had begun.
"And pals though we may be
When some Latin baby
Says yes, no, or maybe
Each man is for himself!"
Spain cleared his throat and began his solo.
"Ay! Jalisco no te rajes
Me sale del alma
Gritar con color
Abrir todo el pecho
Pa echar este grito
Que linddo es Jalisco
Palabra-"
There was a slight pause for effect, and then the rest of the group joined in for the final verse.
"De honor~!"
Spain and Prussia bowed to England, while France blew a teasing kiss. With that, the Bad Touch Trio leapt out the window and onto three horses. As they rode into the sunrise, they could hear faint words carried by the wind.
"Fuck you!"