Title: Oblivion Part 1/2
Author: Emily
Rating: PG 13, maybe a mild R.
Category: Spike/Dawn
Summary: Dawn wants
Spoilers/Timeline: Set two years after season six. Spoilers not many,
events from 'The Gift' and 'Bargaining' are the only ones specifically
mentioned.
Distribution: Lil' Nibblin of course, ffnet, Hot Pink if you want it
Disclaimer: I wish I could say they were mine, I do, but sadly Dawn and
Spike belong to the twisted imagination of Joss Whedon, who never allows
for happy endings and frequently makes me cry.
Feedback: Would be lovely, pipergal33@yahoo.co.uk.
~**Oblivion**~
Dawn had thought it would hurt more than this. She had braced herself for a whole new kind of pain and had been surprised when it didn't come. Strangely, it was almost pleasurable, this gentle suckling at her neck. Not a pleasure she'd ever felt before because after all she had only been here four years. There were many things she hadn't felt.
She knew how she had got here, after all she had wanted this. Dawn was still a little blurry on the why though. *Why*, oh what a complicated word. There were a thousand reasons why, each one as painful as the one before but most of all Dawn didn't belong here. She knew at least that. Dawn closed her eyes and waited for the oblivion that she craved.
She remembered the first time she had longed for it. She had been out walking. Recently she had taken to doing that a lot. Dawn would walk and walk and there'd still be nothingness. That night it was different. A vampire - not pale and beautiful like Spike, but one with leering eyes who smelt of death - had found her in some alley. Dawn had screamed, she'd done at least that. But nobody had come and before she'd known what was happening sharp penetrating teeth were snapping into her neck. The blood flowed quicker than she had imagined. Dawn had struggled a little and then given up; closed her eyes and let herself begin to fall into this new and tempting oblivion. Nothing was harsh there. It was black and soft and all encompassing.
But then suddenly the blackness was whipped away from her and *everything* was harsh. Dawn had opened her eyes to see Spike throw the vampire against a wall and then dust. Dust falling into perfect oblivion. She had ached a little then.
Spike had yelled at her and shaken her hard and then gathered her in his arms and cleaned up her wound with utter gentleness. Dawn was surprised that someone had come, someone had heard her calling out. It made her sigh.
Then though Dawn had cried and Spike had held her still in his arms with the same gentleness and let her tumble out words at him . She had tried to tell him that damn it she wanted to fall into oblivion, she wanted it to end, all she had needed was a few more minutes, oh why. Spike had shaken his head and still held her against him and stroked her hair. She had cried some more and then he had taken her home, still carrying her.
Home was the crypt now. Everyone from before was...gone. Tara those years ago by Warren. Willow and Anya in a fight, more monsters seemed to have come to the Hellmouth of recent. They came and people fought and people fell. That was all really. Dawn remembered Xander holding Anya and crying because he had loved her still. She had looked at them and felt separate, then she had looked away. Down, up, anywhere. Dawn didn't want to see this. None of it.
Buffy had died too. Again. Dawn didn't know quite how she'd gotten through Buffy dying again. It was kinda blurry, those days. A haze of blood. Giles had left for England. Again. It seemed to her that everything happened again and again and over and over till it didn't matter. Giles wasn't gone in the whole meaning of the word but he was gone enough to Dawn.
Spike was the only one left. A couple weeks after Buffy - she'd been the last to fall, a couple weeks after Dawn had stayed another night curled asleep on the sofa with hands tightly clenching the blanket, he had fetched her things over. And it had been like that for what seemed forever. 1630 Revello Drive still stood there though, but now it was empty and dusty. Dawn hadn't gone back. Didn't want to. There were too many memories there.
She tried to forget but oh how she remembered. That was another why. Why she wanted the oblivion, that sweet dark peace. Finally Spike had agreed to give it to her. It had taken a long time to persuade him. She had cried and yelled and threatened to find another way. To do it herself. Of course really she should have died those three long years ago in that portal. That would have been the best way. Back then though Dawn had wanted to be here. She'd thought there was a place for her but then somehow it had all fallen away. Maybe it had never been there. Just some deeply embroidered tapestry that would fall to pieces if you probed too deep. Just illusions. Words and sounds and pictures. Nothing. This way, it wasn't the best way but it was a way.
Dragging Spike into this wasn't fair. She knew that. But she was glad it was him there with his arm tight around her waist. She loved him. It wasn't something she ever thought or said or even knew but she did. He was the only one left. The only one. She loved him. It was something Dawn didn't question or dwell upon or act upon. It was simply there. Nestled inside along with the memories, the blood and that craving for oblivion. Sometimes she almost found it, nearly grasped it and the little wisp of warmth made her sigh. But then it was gone, it floated away and Dawn reached but didn't touch it.
It touched her then though. In the dark crypt with his arm tight around her waist, blond head buried deep in the hollow of her neck and her long dark hair falling onto his neck and back. With his body pressed against her there on his sofa it touched her. Once, briefly and Dawn trembled with the feel of it.
His teeth sunk deeper. She hadn't imagined it would be like this. Somehow unknowingly in the recesses of her mind Dawn had pictured this as something horrific and disturbing. It wasn't. If it was painful then it wasn't a bad kind of pain. Dawn felt little threads of panic rip through her suddenly. She'd never felt that before. *Maybe there was more*. The thought seared across her brain with the same thrill she got from his teeth searing across her neck. And his tongue, his tongue, the way it moved on her skin.
Dawn gasped a little as more blood fell from her neck. How quickly the blood flowed, how much blood there was. Things hadn't gone blurry like she'd expected, the blackness hadn't come yet. His mouth moved away from the soft flesh of her neck. It continued to bleed there but she felt cold. Her eyes started to flicker open but before they did Spike's lips brushed briefly across hers. Soft and warm - from the blood she supposed. And lingering. They lingered on hers and Dawn didn't know how to explain that. Spike pulled away from her, standing up.
Her eyes opened fully, the soft light from the candlelit crypt too bright. She struggled to sit up, her hand reaching for her neck and finding a warm wetness there. Dawn examined her hand, the candle flame gold shining on the red liquid. It was blood. Her blood. Just like she'd planned and wanted. But oh and suddenly, did she really want to bleed?
" No Dawn" Spike shook his head, turning to walk away. " I won't do it Bit" He said softly, his expression unreadable. His muscled form moved out of the crypt, leather duster brushing the floor and his face shadowed on the wall. The door swung open and Spike made to leave.
Maybe there was more.
Dawn stood up, shaky on her feet. " Spike?"
~**Oblivion**~
Dawn had thought it would hurt more than this. She had braced herself for a whole new kind of pain and had been surprised when it didn't come. Strangely, it was almost pleasurable, this gentle suckling at her neck. Not a pleasure she'd ever felt before because after all she had only been here four years. There were many things she hadn't felt.
She knew how she had got here, after all she had wanted this. Dawn was still a little blurry on the why though. *Why*, oh what a complicated word. There were a thousand reasons why, each one as painful as the one before but most of all Dawn didn't belong here. She knew at least that. Dawn closed her eyes and waited for the oblivion that she craved.
She remembered the first time she had longed for it. She had been out walking. Recently she had taken to doing that a lot. Dawn would walk and walk and there'd still be nothingness. That night it was different. A vampire - not pale and beautiful like Spike, but one with leering eyes who smelt of death - had found her in some alley. Dawn had screamed, she'd done at least that. But nobody had come and before she'd known what was happening sharp penetrating teeth were snapping into her neck. The blood flowed quicker than she had imagined. Dawn had struggled a little and then given up; closed her eyes and let herself begin to fall into this new and tempting oblivion. Nothing was harsh there. It was black and soft and all encompassing.
But then suddenly the blackness was whipped away from her and *everything* was harsh. Dawn had opened her eyes to see Spike throw the vampire against a wall and then dust. Dust falling into perfect oblivion. She had ached a little then.
Spike had yelled at her and shaken her hard and then gathered her in his arms and cleaned up her wound with utter gentleness. Dawn was surprised that someone had come, someone had heard her calling out. It made her sigh.
Then though Dawn had cried and Spike had held her still in his arms with the same gentleness and let her tumble out words at him . She had tried to tell him that damn it she wanted to fall into oblivion, she wanted it to end, all she had needed was a few more minutes, oh why. Spike had shaken his head and still held her against him and stroked her hair. She had cried some more and then he had taken her home, still carrying her.
Home was the crypt now. Everyone from before was...gone. Tara those years ago by Warren. Willow and Anya in a fight, more monsters seemed to have come to the Hellmouth of recent. They came and people fought and people fell. That was all really. Dawn remembered Xander holding Anya and crying because he had loved her still. She had looked at them and felt separate, then she had looked away. Down, up, anywhere. Dawn didn't want to see this. None of it.
Buffy had died too. Again. Dawn didn't know quite how she'd gotten through Buffy dying again. It was kinda blurry, those days. A haze of blood. Giles had left for England. Again. It seemed to her that everything happened again and again and over and over till it didn't matter. Giles wasn't gone in the whole meaning of the word but he was gone enough to Dawn.
Spike was the only one left. A couple weeks after Buffy - she'd been the last to fall, a couple weeks after Dawn had stayed another night curled asleep on the sofa with hands tightly clenching the blanket, he had fetched her things over. And it had been like that for what seemed forever. 1630 Revello Drive still stood there though, but now it was empty and dusty. Dawn hadn't gone back. Didn't want to. There were too many memories there.
She tried to forget but oh how she remembered. That was another why. Why she wanted the oblivion, that sweet dark peace. Finally Spike had agreed to give it to her. It had taken a long time to persuade him. She had cried and yelled and threatened to find another way. To do it herself. Of course really she should have died those three long years ago in that portal. That would have been the best way. Back then though Dawn had wanted to be here. She'd thought there was a place for her but then somehow it had all fallen away. Maybe it had never been there. Just some deeply embroidered tapestry that would fall to pieces if you probed too deep. Just illusions. Words and sounds and pictures. Nothing. This way, it wasn't the best way but it was a way.
Dragging Spike into this wasn't fair. She knew that. But she was glad it was him there with his arm tight around her waist. She loved him. It wasn't something she ever thought or said or even knew but she did. He was the only one left. The only one. She loved him. It was something Dawn didn't question or dwell upon or act upon. It was simply there. Nestled inside along with the memories, the blood and that craving for oblivion. Sometimes she almost found it, nearly grasped it and the little wisp of warmth made her sigh. But then it was gone, it floated away and Dawn reached but didn't touch it.
It touched her then though. In the dark crypt with his arm tight around her waist, blond head buried deep in the hollow of her neck and her long dark hair falling onto his neck and back. With his body pressed against her there on his sofa it touched her. Once, briefly and Dawn trembled with the feel of it.
His teeth sunk deeper. She hadn't imagined it would be like this. Somehow unknowingly in the recesses of her mind Dawn had pictured this as something horrific and disturbing. It wasn't. If it was painful then it wasn't a bad kind of pain. Dawn felt little threads of panic rip through her suddenly. She'd never felt that before. *Maybe there was more*. The thought seared across her brain with the same thrill she got from his teeth searing across her neck. And his tongue, his tongue, the way it moved on her skin.
Dawn gasped a little as more blood fell from her neck. How quickly the blood flowed, how much blood there was. Things hadn't gone blurry like she'd expected, the blackness hadn't come yet. His mouth moved away from the soft flesh of her neck. It continued to bleed there but she felt cold. Her eyes started to flicker open but before they did Spike's lips brushed briefly across hers. Soft and warm - from the blood she supposed. And lingering. They lingered on hers and Dawn didn't know how to explain that. Spike pulled away from her, standing up.
Her eyes opened fully, the soft light from the candlelit crypt too bright. She struggled to sit up, her hand reaching for her neck and finding a warm wetness there. Dawn examined her hand, the candle flame gold shining on the red liquid. It was blood. Her blood. Just like she'd planned and wanted. But oh and suddenly, did she really want to bleed?
" No Dawn" Spike shook his head, turning to walk away. " I won't do it Bit" He said softly, his expression unreadable. His muscled form moved out of the crypt, leather duster brushing the floor and his face shadowed on the wall. The door swung open and Spike made to leave.
Maybe there was more.
Dawn stood up, shaky on her feet. " Spike?"