A/N: This was... yeah, I don't know where this came from. This takes place when Clare is in eleventh grade and Eli in twelfth - just to be clear. Eli and Clare aren't together in this fic. Thought they end up together...
I must say that I got inspired by hearing The Fray's song Never Say Never and reading a lot of summersetlights' - an amazing author, if you ask me - fics. Thanks to summersetlights for being a writing inspiration, you should really check her stories out :)
Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi.
Thunder.
It was a day like this one that Eli hated. It was a day like this one that she died. That he killed her. It was days like these that irked Eli to the core. That it made his stomach churn in disgust. Even if he tried, he knew he could never erase the guilt that hangs above his shoulders. Because, fuck, it was his fault.
And he knew it.
And she knew it.
The television was long forgotten for Eli as he wrapped himself around the blanket Cece left on top of their sofa. The rain drops hit the house windows mercilessly and it made the young teen hide in the covers. He wasn't scared. Those times were long forgotten. He was, in fact, nervous to his surprise. And he knew why.
Because she died in a day like this.
And he was nervous – though deep down he felt frightened – because he felt that something wrong happened. Maybe not wrong but bad.
He felt his hand twitch under the cover and he pushed the blanket off his body to stare at his hand. All of a sudden, he wanted to call Adam, talk to him. He hadn't gone to school and Eli speculated that he was sick – running a fever or something. God, he wanted to see if he could pass by, play video games with him, because besides him being bored he was, after all frightened.
In the end, she died in a day like this.
And as thunder roared in the sky the door bell rang. And he knew something happened.
Rain.
Eli Goldsworhty never really liked rain, and as he flung his front door open, he definitely loathed it.
Much to his surprise, his eyes clashed with blue orbs and he wasn't sure if she was crying – maybe it was rain? Her once full of light eyes were sullen and dark and he flinched when he noticed her aloof stare. He stepped aside, though much to his dismay, she didn't move at all. Narrowing his eyes, he scratched his neck and motioned her to enter.
He raised a thick eyebrow when she just stayed there. "Clare, come on, come in," he motioned again and gave her a quick smile.
Again, she stayed still.
He sighed.
"Clare, come –"
She kneeled down and placed either hand on her ears, muting everything around her, and she gave out an ear piercing cry. A sob emitted from the back of her throat between cries. As she cried, Eli shook his head in disbelief, trying to calm her down.
Fuck, her cries broke his heart and made him want to cry because it hurt to see her like that.
He pulled her up from her kneeling position and held her tightly, trying to calm her. Hesitantly, she closed her eyes and opened them soon after. Her pleas to let him go were futile. She tried to push him away and she wondered then when he had become so rough. Once more, she pushed him away from her and moved to the other side of the living room.
The light from the television gave her body and angelic glow. The tears that streamed down her face, though, Eli wanted to erase. He swore that if it was that dream boy Jake's fault he was going to slaughter him the next time he saw him.
Her knees buckled below her and she fell on the floor, her hands brushing away her tears. She thought, though, that her tear ducts couldn't possibly work but she was underestimated as tears came flooding her eyes. Clare didn't care if her clothes stuck uncomfortably to her skin, if her hair was disheveled, if her eyes were red – the only thing at the moment that mattered was her heart aching.
Along with Clare, Eli's heart hurt like hell.
Eli didn't know what happened, but seeing her act like that was enough for him to fall on the floor and croak out, "Clare, please, tell me what happened."
Clare only wanted the rain to wash away her pain.
Tears.
Her tears were dried up, she wore one of Eli's Dead Hand shirts while her clothes dried and an hour has passed since she got there.
An hour.
Silence engulfed them as Eli turned off the television, which emitted the only sound in the house at the moment, and walked to the kitchen table and sat down on one of the chairs. Clare sat in front of him and bit her inner cheek, trying to calm her sobs. The silence was exasperating, to say the least, and Eli sighed a bit.
"Can you – can you tell me what happened?" He asked again.
She tugged down the shirt and looked at her lap and just gave him a neglecting nod. She put her right hand over her eyes and cried silently as her whole body shook. She mumbled something and Eli's eyebrows rose.
"What?"
Clare took her hand away and looked at him. "I overheard D-drew… with his mom… and, oh God!" She cried out, placing her hand on the table, which Eli held tightly. "I should've gone with him after that party last week… I should've… I- I'm guilty… I-"
Eli's eyes widened when he realized where she was heading. He remembered hearing about the party the other day, though his parents didn't let him and with Morty dead, well…
"I'm sorry, it was my entire fault," She croaked out. "Everything… All of it…"
As Eli's impatience grew, so was Clare's sobs – loud wise. "Dammit Edwards, tell me, please."
Clare's hand clutched Eli's and she let out a shaky breath. "A-" she gulped "-Adam… He –"
No, she's kidding, right?
Eli stood up with a start, holding his head in his hands. His head was spinning and he couldn't believe it. He fucking couldn't. He clutched his shirt in front of his heart and punched the wall next to him, making Clare flinch in her seat. She rose from the seat and slowly made her way up to him, cradling his face in her hands.
His breathing picked up when she smiled up at him, more tears spilling from here sockets. Eli was never one to be crying. Men don't cry, real men, on the other hand, when they're hurt, they – they can cry. And Eli – God, did it hurt – he rested his face in her neck, holding her tightly in his arms and cried.
They shed tears for a friend who would never come back.
Never.
Happy.
It was back at Degrassi when Clare realized how messed upped people were. A fellow student had died and they didn't even notice. He was never going to graduate and to get married, and Clare felt the urge to scream at all of them for being so oblivious.
He was never going to be able to laugh again and to feel love again.
Sure, Clare had seen Fiona crying, and Katie, and Drew – poor, poor Drew – but she knew that when you asked about Adam Torres they would give you the cold shoulder or just shrug and say, "Adam Torres? Who's that?"
She knew that they would forget about him eventually.
And as Eli came up to her and grabbed her hand in his, she knew that somewhere, where ever he was, he was happy for them. And she knew that he was scoffing and feeling like a third wheel before shrugging it off.
The rain would wash away everyone's pain and they would be happy.
Because somewhere, Adam was muttering at his friends holding hands once again, "That's cute."
A/N: That was so hard to write by the way :( I hope you guys enjoyed it anyway.