I never meant the things I said
To make you cry can I say I'm sorry
It's hard to forget and yes I regret
All these mistakes
I don't know why you're leaving me
But I know you must have your reasons
There's tears in your eyes I watch as you cry
But it's getting late
"Ginny don't do this, please" I was begging as I looked into her eyes; they were filled with tears but her face was set in a determined expression. "I'm sorry Neville but I have to." She was leaving me. My first girlfriend, it had been a year and now it was over, I was used to rejections but break ups weren't something I had experience with; it was killing me. I had to do something, anything to make her stay. "Ginny please, I know I've been stupid but I never really doubted you, I just couldn't believe that you were still with me so I thought of a reason. I didn't mean it; I know you're not using me to get to Harry. Please Ginny, I love you."
"Neville, don't make this any harder on me than it already is it's late and Hermione will be asleep before I get there."
She stood with all her bags in the hallway; crying and I just watched helplessly. All the arguments I had caused were flashing through my mind, Ginny calling me clingy, Ginny trying to get me out of the house so she could spend time alone. The only thing I had ever wanted to do was spend time with her. All those things about me she didn't like; I could have tried to change but I foolishly believed she would accept me as I was.
Was I invading in on your secrets?
Was I to close for comfort?
You're pushing me out
When I'm wanting in
What was I just about to discover
When I got to close for comfort
I'm driving you home
Guess I'll never know
One of the things I thought about a girlfriend would be someone who you told everything and anything and they would never tell, someone you could trust. I was keen to have that with Ginny as I had never been really close to anyone at school, I was the idiot who everyone laughed at to the girls I was sweet but not boyfriend material. I had told her everything when we got close enough to live together but Ginny seemed reluctant to share, I was hurt because I thought she didn't trust me. I tried to prove to her that she could tell me anything I wouldn't laugh or breathe a word to anyone. I got paranoid I mean who would go out with me, I began to think she had something to hide, once I even jokily commented that she was hiding another man, at least I was joking on the outside. What had I done? Had I got too close? Was I just the lousy boyfriend every other girl thought I would be? I just didn't know.
Remember when we scratched our names into the sand
And told me you loved me
But know that I find
That you've changed your mind
I'm lost for words
And everything I feel for you
I wrote down on one piece of paper
The one in your hand
You won't understand
How much it hurts to let you go
"What did I do wrong Gin? Tell me and I'll change I promise?"
"No Neville it's too late for that now."
"Well you could at least tell me where I went wrong."
"That's the whole point Neville, you didn't go wrong I did and I'm sorry I just don't love you anymore."
Bitterly I remembered the first time she ever told me she did; I had been so happy because I had said it so many times but she had just smile, but that day it all changed. Now those three sweet words had a fourth cruel addition, I don't love you rang through my brain like a fire alarm pounding on and on until the smoke cleared. I didn't know what to say. The only thing I had been good at besides herbology was music; I had poured all I felt for her into one single song, I could see it written in the piece of paper she clutched onto in her hand even now as she left me.
"Ginny if it's hurting you so much why are you leaving? We can work this out I promise, please Gin!"
"No Neville you're not the only one who's hurting." We were practically shouting now and I was near tears with the pain of it.
"If it's hurting you a fraction of what it's hurting me you wouldn't be leaving me right now."
Was I invading in on your secrets?
Was I to close for comfort?
You're pushing me out
When I'm wanting in
What was I just about to discover
When I got to close for comfort
I'm driving you home
Guess I'll never know
I flicked through my mind looking at all the things I had done wrong again. Was I suffocating her? She had sent me out so many times so she could have alone time. Then it clicked. Alone my arse. But who? Not Harry, he was too good to me besides I often went to him when she wanted to be 'alone'. How could she do this to me?
All this time you've been telling me lies
And when I asked you I knew I was right
But if you turn you're back on me know
When I need you most
But you chose to let me down
Wont you think about what you're about to do to me?
And back down…
"There's someone else isn't there?" I asked quietly and calmly.
"Of course there isn't!" she cried exasperated. "Would I do that to you?" I would have believed her if a car hadn't beeped from outside, she turned and said "Look Neville that's for me I have to go."
"I thought you were going to Hermione's" She faltered and I saw red, I blocked the door before she got to it. "Who is it?" I demanded, the beeping sounded again and Ginny began to beg. "Please Neville just let me go."
"Not until you tell me who it is, if you're leaving me for him you could at least have the decency to be honest with me for once and give me his name."
"Don't be ridiculous you're being paranoid, I just can't carry on with you like this."
"You know and I know damn well that that's a lie, you don't fool me anymore Ginny. I'll be damned if I let you without a reason or at least a name, I gave you everything you asked for and more. I tried so hard to please you but it was never enough for you, couldn't you at least show me some form of respect for that? I don't want you to go Gin, you know Gran just died can't you just think about what you're doing to me?"
"Stop it and let me leave." The beeping stopped then the doorbell rang. "Let him in Neville, please"
I turned to open the door, when I did Ginny rushed straight past me into the arms of a smiling Dean Thomas. He looked smugly at me over her shoulder, I am not a violent person; if anything I'm a coward but I am strong. I walked straight up to him and punched him in the face, Ginny screamed. His nose was broken but Ginny whipped out her wand and healed him quickly. "What took you so long? I was beginning to think you were having second thoughts."
"No. Neville went crazy and wouldn't let me out."
"How long?" I hissed through gritted teeth.
"Eight months, Ginny never wanted you, you were just a rebound from Harry, It didn't take long for her to realise you were a mistake, luckily I was there to… uh… be the real man she craved."
"You bastard! I thought you were my friend." I pulled out my wand ready to hex the both of them into oblivion.
"Expelliarmus!" Shouted Dean and I flew across the room, hit the wall and caused a mirror to fall and shatter over my head. "You thought wrong Neville." With that he picked up Ginny's bags and left.
Was I invading in on your secrets?
Was I to close for comfort?
You're pushing me out
When I'm wanting in
What was I just about to discover
I got to close for comfort
You're pushing me out
When I'm wanting in
The house was silent and suddenly everything reminded me of her, I just sat there stunned, wondering what I had done to deserve this. I had done everything for Ginny and she had left me. I stared at my distorted reflection in the cracked mirror as the tears finally began to fall and splash my reflection, like rain on an already broken man. I found nothing to tell me what I had done to drive her to Dean and finally away, I didn't suppose I ever would.
What was I just about to discover
When I got to close for comfort
I'm driving you home
Guess I'll never know